Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Katie and I were watching TV when we heard a marriage and family counselor (Dr. Phil) state that having a successful marriage is a 50/50 proposition. About half make it and about half don’t. He went on to say that the chance of a second marriage making it decreases to about 30% (that’s the ‘slot’ where Katie and I fit statistically) but he noted second marriages which came about due to infidelity – meaning the couple was cheating on their former spouse – only has a 5% success rate! Wow! Dr Phil made these comments during his TV show in the context of a woman about to leave her marriage but admitting she also had a lover on the side. He pleaded with her to drop the guy because he knew (statistically) her relationship with him would likely be over within a year or so – regardless how she felt about the guy now.
I hugged Katie when I heard his brief comments telling her I never wanted to be one of those statistics. She agreed. None of do no matter if this is a first-time marriage or a fourth go at it. There is so much pain and anguish when we leave the very person we at one point loved so much.
My initial thought when I listened to him rattle off those percentages was “I hope she keeps me locked.” It’s not like I have any plans on leaving Katie or cheating. I am very much in love with her but I know that no one going into a marriage ever assumes they will be divorcing within a year or five or 10 or 25. I know I am not above reproach. I know I am able to be tempted just as much as the next guy. I understand the power of the female body and lure. It is for this reason that I hope my Mistress keeps close tabs on me – that she keeps me locked when we are apart, that she makes an effort to keep me close when we are together, that she tells me – and shows me – with unquestioning convincingness that she loves me and wants me just for herself.
There is no better place to be emotionally than knowing you are surrounded completely in the love of the woman whom you are married. There is no better feeling. I told her last night, “I love feeling owned. Feeling owned goes deeper than feeling loved.” But words are cheap. Actions speak volumes. They convey a 1,000 times more potently than words. I love “feeling” Katie’s love so much more than I love hearing it. Does that make sense? I love it when she crawls on me and around me and on top of me when I get in bed. She pulls me into her and wraps her arms and legs around me, bucks her hips like she is doing ‘you know what’ and groans one of those groans that says “I love you and you are all mine”. I love it when we make love. I love her moving on me knowing I am the source of her pleasure. I love it when she lets me move within her knowing she loves me ‘this’ much to let me enjoy her body in this way. I love when she tells me, “we are going out to eat” and I know it’s to one of our favorite places – one filled with so many fond memories. I love when she tells me that “we are leaving the house by 11 AM” and I know that I need to get a move on to meet her deadline – that her words are inferring, “you better get a move on”. I love when she waits, standing outside in the chilly air, for me to open the door. I love when she tells me we will be going to the local sports bar to watch my favorite football team play, because we don’t have the NFL network.
It’s the little things she does that speak volumes. Grabbing my crotch, telling me it’s time for breakfast, letting me do chores she could easily do herself, dressing to seduce me or a thousand other things that she does that conveys “you are mine and I love you” feeling. I hope we never stop doing those little things that made us know how much the other loved. We’ve stopped doing some and I hope we replace the ones we’ve stopped doing with others. It’s the little things that convey love. Yes getting the $50,000 Lexus with the big red bow on the top for Christmas works but so does a pair of panties in my stockings! It doesn’t take $ to convey love. It takes effort and overt actions mostly.
I hope you think of all the little things you could be doing for your spouse – or your loved one – to keep your marriage fresh and alive. Don’t become a statistic.