Saturday, December 26, 2015


Control. We all want it. We all love having it but it can cause so many issues. Today Katie and I drove through our neighborhood and past a home of a man that had dated one of her girlfriends for some time.

“Too bad that didn’t work out,” I said, “but everyone is entitled to find someone they think compliments them best.”

“I know,” Katie said.

“He had control issues though.”

“Yea, and so did the one before.”

Can you identify? I know I can. I surely had them, wanting to micromanage things to suit my way of thinking.  Katie’s girlfriend keeps running into guys she’s interested in that has them too.  In the end, it ends up being one of the deal-breaker qualities.

Think to where you were before you became a submissive, or where you are now, if you aren’t.  You want things done your way; she wants them done hers. Sometimes you are on the same page. Sometimes you aren’t. What happens when the latter situation arises? In a typical marriage the couple struggles, they discuss, they compromise and a year later, they probably don’t even remember the decision they made. Yet at times those differences serve as sores in our memory and if they happen too often those sores begin to fester, causing negative thoughts that begin the damaging process of causing fractures within the marriage.

I can be an opinionated guy. When I teach it’s my way or the highway. I’m willing to listen but unless the argument is a good one, I don’t budge. After all, they are here to learn from me, not vice versa. When I do my other job I’m the same way. People seek my help and I expect them to do things my way. Yet when I go home I become a different man. I share opinions and thoughts of course but when Katie makes a decision it’s a rare occasion indeed that I’ll question her.  I made a conscious decision that it’s just not worth questioning her.  If she asks I’ll share thoughts but even then, I’ll often defer and encourage her to do what she wants. 

The end result…. We don’t argue. Ever. I end up learning more about how she thinks and understand better what her interests, likes and dislikes are. I end up seeing my wife’s confidence flourish and she, in turn, comes to trust me as her ever present support. We bond and a year later, like you, we've probably both forgotten what decision she made but we haven't caused sores to form.  That’s the difference and it's a major difference.

You may have never embraced a wife led marriage and that’s fine. You don’t need to but I encourage you to try stepping back instead of sticking your foot in your mouth the next time a decision needs to be made. Let go for once and let her have things her way.  Just try it for a week or a month or a season and see what happens. My guess is if you do she will listen to you with way more interest and respect if your opinions differ. Remember, if you live in the city and hear cars outside your window every day, you end up not really hearing them anymore. It’s the silence that stands out. It’s when something different happens. The same is true with relationships. After a period of time where you’ve come to trust and lean on her without question, she will gain confidence. She’ll change. She’ll respect you more, and should you express a differing opinion she’ll listen.

Think about what you want. Is it more important to eat where you want or go where she does and spend an evening with a happy wife? Is the ball game on TV more important than taking a walk with the kids and her on a Sunday afternoon? I mean, it’s just a ball game.  Think big picture. Think about her. Think about what would make her smile, what would make her proud to be married to you.  Just let go and trust her. Give up the control thing and see if it results in your marriage taking a turn for the better. I think it will. In a marriage a couple cannot both lead. One needs to step aside. One needs to support. Take the lead and let go. Trust her. I mean, you sought her out and courted her way back when because you saw all those wonderful qualities in her. Well, now’s your chance to rekindle her love – not by doing it your way but by enjoying hers.

I’m Hers 

Friday, December 11, 2015

How can she be dominant if she doesn't do this and this and this?

I’ve been thinking about this for a long, long time.  I am married to a dominant woman who isn’t dominant – and to me that makes perfect sense. Hopefully when I’m through writing it will make sense to you - but first a bit of background.
Katie is a lady who others would describe as being quieter.  Although she interacts easily, she will often come home from a social gathering and say things such as, “Mary just talked and talked and talked.” Or, “I know when I go to lunch I’ll hardly get in a word edge-wise with Judy.” Yet she still meets with Judy and she adores Mary and always enjoys the social aspect of her life spent with other women-friends. It’s just she isn’t a ‘life of the party’ kind of a girl.
Katie grew up in a traditional two-parent family home where values modeled traditional male dominated ones. She grew up in a home where those values were displayed and reinforced for many years. And then she left home and went to college….  well I won’t go into all that happened during that period of her life. Let’s just leave it as saying it was best for all that mom and dad weren’t there with her :)
By the time I met Katie, she was who she would always be.  Haven’t you ever heard when you were younger not to marry someone because you think you can change them eventually? Well, that’s a pretty true statement. You can’t change people. You just can’t.  You might be able to change a person's behavior but that’s not the same  as changing who they really are. You can’t make a shy person suddenly become eccentric and vice versa. You can’t make someone who is a visual learner now learn primarily through their tactile senses.  Given that, you can’t make a woman with little or no dominant personality traits suddenly become a bossy bitch. It’s not who they are.
As to Katie, well, she isn’t bossy. She’s not eccentric. She’s not outspoken (usually). She’s not into micro-management. She is about hating to cook. She enjoys ironing. She enjoys one-on-one interaction. She loves being a grandmom. She beats me at bowling every time we go (and I hate to lose!). She almost never raises her voice. She’s not a writer but enjoys keeping in touch with close friends via email. She’s always on time. She can only take so many questions from me before she tells me ‘enough’. She likes to be at home. She loves animals. She thinks shrimp is akin to a grub and won’t eat them. She likes this and that, etc. You get the idea.  If I exhausted my descriptive list you’d end up getting a thorough picture of who my wife is and what she's like.
With respect to our lifestyle choices, she doesn’t hit me. She doesn’t punish me. She doesn’t like doing scenarios where I’m her slave and she’s my leather-clad mistress. She’s never made me work all day slaving away at some crappy job .I didn’t want to do just to prove the point she could. She doesn’t like hurting me by squeezing or pinching parts of me just to make me cringe.
Gosh, you might say, “then that doesn’t sound very dominant. Your description of her in this blog must be a farce.”  Hogwash I say, Shiver me timbers! (I’ve been reading Treasure Island). No, that’s not true.  Katie is completely dominant simply because she is in control and I’m not.  Let me say that again in case I typed it too quickly for you: Katie is dominant simply because she is in control and I’m not – Period. End of Story. End of Discussion. Shut the TV off and let’s go to bed. Ten-four. Over and out.  Got the picture?
I know it sounds anti-climactic if you are just discovering D/s, WLM, FLR or whatever term you wish to call your relationship but it’s the truth.  It’s about control, not acting some particular way. Now you might have an outgoing wife that speaks her mind freely and doesn't mind yelling at you. If so, I wouldn’t necessarily say because she’s that way, she’s dominant. Although she more closely fits the stereotypical dominatrix prototype more than Katie she might enjoy nagging but that doesn't make her at all dominant.  There’s a difference. I know several wives who complain but don't control.
Think about this. Katie gets all the money I earn and it goes into her bank account. I think I know the password to her checking account but I’m not certain. If I asked she’d probably tell me, but that’s not the point. The point is: we both know she handles our money and I don’t get to choose how it’s spent.  Katie decides when we will and won’t be sexually intimate.  It’s not like I can’t try but I’ve never yet turned a ‘no’ into a ‘yes’.  We are intimate only when she wants.  Katie expects me to do certain chores – maybe 5-10 and yet she almost never insists I do certain ones at certain times.  Yet if I forget, or neglect one, she’s not going to do it in my stead. She just won’t. She might say, ‘the rug is getting dirty but less likely to say, I want this rug cleaned right now’. She leaves it to me to read between the lines. Her pointing out the dirty rug is her way of being dominant. I get the point and know I need to get the vacuum out sometime soon.
Katie understands all decisions go through her. I can suggest and she often likes my ideas but we both know she’s the one who will decide.  Katie chooses (with my input) where we will vacation, where we will go to eat, if we will run errands on this day together, or some other day, maybe alone. We’ll go Christmas shopping together and she’ll often let me choose gifts – if she likes my choices. When we travel to ‘my’ side of the family, she’ll let me do the planning, but she’ll approve or modify my final plan.
You see, we have a marriage and we relate as a couple. We love being together and we love having a shared mutual respect. What's different from many marriages is we know she is the one who holds the power while I’m the one who has relinquished that right. Katie has accepted my gift of submission way more than she’s taken all we have and claimed it for her own.  Maybe that’s the better way of describing us. She’s accepted my offer to yield. She hasn’t stepped up on some pedestal and pushed me to my knees. She leads mostly by not acting dominant; by not yelling, demanding, or humiliating ---- even if I’d like her to be that way sometimes ---- if for nothing more than to have a little fun and spice things up.  But she won’t. She won’t do that because of my description of who she is and isn’t. It's not her. If she was ‘that’ kind of a person, then I’m sure she’d do ‘those’ kinds of things. But she isn’t. Yet, she still controls. She’s still in charge. She’s still dominant. She admits she owns me. And by virtue of that, I’m her submissive and always will be.

Ladies, you can be yourself. You can be your husbands' mistress and you don't have to be who you aren't. You can be yourself. In fact, you need to be yourself. It's who you are isn't it? There is no need to change the inner you. What you need to do is take control of your life and his. You need to hold him accountable to do those things you need him to do - what you want him to do - nothing more and nothing less.
I’m Hers

Sunday, November 22, 2015

The Flip Side

One asked, “What’s life like for a Mistress?”

“Ah,” the newly submissive guy answers, “she makes me strip naked and work, doing her bidding, like a slave, from dawn until long after she’s fallen asleep.”

“And what does she do while you slave away?”

“Nothing of course. She doesn't have to do anything now. I do it all. I think she watches TV.

"Don't you ever see her?"

Yes! But only for awhile, between my cleaning, dusting and errands. But each evening she allows me the privilege of massaging her feet and licking the lint from between her  sweaty toes."

“But she does nothing? All day long she just hangs out with nothing to do?”

“Of course! Why should she lift a finger? After all, she owns me and I’m here to tend to her every want and desire. I do it all so she needn’t do anything.”

“So, what kind of relationship do you two share while you live your separate lives, you know, with you working and she lying on an overstuffed chair watching TV all day?”

The sub sits thinking, struggling how to answer. “Relationship?" He finally asks rhetorically. "I work. She doesn't. Isn’t that enough?”

“And what value in her new life does she now have now that she has nothing to do?”

Again, the submissive ponders silently, this time not responding as he realizes for the first time the hidden emptiness they've created with their newly established relationship that has produced such a chasm between himself and the woman he now serves.


I wanted to write on this topic because I believe outsiders who examine the possibilities of living this lifestyle do so without really understanding the overarching goal that permeates every aspect of a healthy femdom marriage.

Too often the novice comes away, after spending hours on the web and only finding the predominant crap of fake-boobed-leather clad babes with whips that this is what it's about when that fantasy is completely opposite what characterizes enduring femdom marriages. Those sites may appeal to a man’s kink but in reality it portrays a lifestile that cannot and will not last and is completely foreign to what women desire.  Ms. Kathy stated that at the heart of what women desire is intimacy – that sometimes indefinable closeness that can only come from time spent together sharing life with that most special person.

The fallacy perpetrated on too many such websites is the misconception that a man desires working hours alone and apart from the woman he so wishes to serve while she sits complacently day after day never engaged with him - the man she loves.  Additionally it implies men want to be whipped, punished, tortured, and brought to tears by liposuctioned babes with 38K boobs and Barbie-like figures. Really? I mean, do guys really wanti their nuts stepped on 24/7? Who in their right mind would wish for that kind of life? Count me out!

I first thought of writing on this topic when Katie informed me she wanted to get the grass mowed while I was away at work. Yes, Katie mows the yard – by hand – with some of the ‘push’ being up a hill – both ways! A good hour later she’ll finish all sweaty and tired but feeling pleased with how the yard looks and how she feels knowing she got a good workout. Often she will insist to mow while I use the weed-whacker to trim. She’ll have the more physically demanding job but it’s what she wants and I know better than to argue. 

Just yesterday she asked me what foods we were running low on. She needed to shop for personal reasons and while out informed me she’d get those items. It only made sense to combine two trips into one, and so she did. While I was at work, she got online and on the phone paying various bills. She gets up before me a few days a week. Yes, she lets me sleep in on days when our granddaughter arrives at O-dark-thirty in the morning and she’ll care for her for some eleven hours when a parent arrives to take her home. I know there’s been occasions when she wished she could take a day off but I know she never will. Often I’ll come home and see the kitchen tidied with the mark of her meticulous hand rather than my ‘it’s good enough’ one.  Other times she’ll call to tell me she bathed the dog; not the easiest of tasks to do alone. And on and on I could go.

Yes, she organizes our outings, maintains her charge of me, enjoys time out with girlfriends and eats out far more often than I, but she does so knowing I’m away at work and can do things without deliberately leaving me to do so. But whenever I’m home she’ll fret endlessly about leaving me to do something that will cause us to be apart.

Why is that? I mean, isn’t she my mistress? Of course she is. Doesn’t that mean she can do whatever she wants? Yes it does, but the more complete answer is she desires to do things WITH me, not without. She’ll run errands while I’m away so we’re free to do things together. On those mornings when she’s not babysitting she loves sleeping in so we can  so we can cuddle and I’m fortunate enough to be able to modify my workday so as to accommodate her. On those mornings when the little one comes I’m told to sleep in because she wants me alert during my lengthy drive to and from work. She mows because she wants the exercise, not because she loves pushing a mower in the hot summer sun. She pays bills because she has the time, because she manages our finances, and because she’s good at it.

At no time does she go easy on me because she believes I’m her equal. We both know who’s in charge and doesn't need to humble me to heighten her status. She understands value and contentment come by being occupied, engaging in meaningful relationships and enjoying life’s simple pleasures like playing Peppa Pig with a two year old. Life needn’t be one continuous vacation trip. One needn’t be wealthy to live a full and satisfied life. That happens via being content, feeling loved and valued and living a purpose driven life - which can only happen when she spends time with others and her most loved friend - me!. We need to create together-time, not apart-time.

Saturday mornings are spent with me doing chores. I try to do them as quickly and efficiently as possible. This Saturday we’ll probably spend a good portion of the day working around the house but we will do it together. We’ll work; we’ll converse; we’ll sweat; we’ll laugh; all while we take care of the mundane responsibilities of keeping up with whatever needs doing around the house.

The end goal of whatever we do is spending time together. We entered into a D/s relationship because we wanted closeness and thought this way of relating might produce that. As it turned out, it did. Personally, I’m pretty lazy. Give me a laptop and a TV and I can waste an entire week playing computer games, watching sports and browsing endlessly both the web and TV channels.  I don’t do chores because I love work. I do chores because I love Katie. I'm not employed because I love money. I maintain my job because I must. As soon as I can retire you bet I will. Why? Because then I get to spend all of my time with the woman I love.

Yes, femdom is about intimacy. It’s about creating a healthy happy intimate marriage. It’s about spending time with Katie. It's about sharing life. It's about having fun in the bedroom and all that that entails but that has more to do with the overriding desire to be close than  anything else. One can’t have great sex if one isn’t completely in love with the one with whom they are sharing. My chores, her shopping, my obedience, her leadership, my helpfulness, her caring…. It all points to one specific source – love.  I love Katie. Katie loves me. We maintain our love by sharing our lives together. I hope, if you’re new to dominance and submission – from whatever way you are approaching this relational dynamic – that you can see the why behind the what. It’s about closeness. It’s always been about closeness.

I'm Hers

Friday, November 13, 2015

It's OK to Try

I had a friend who would often say "if all you have in your toolbox is a hammer, then everything is going to look like a nail". His point being we are limited by what we know and understand about the world around us. For example, if I feel a vibration coming from one of my front tires my limited mechanical mind only thinks a tire is out of balance when they're could multiple other issues going on in that part of the car. But because I don't know the makeup of the front axle, the hub, tires, struts, bearings and who knows what else is there, I can't begin to think like a mechanic. They understand the structure and function of that stuff. They have more 'tools in their box' and therefore look at things very different. I also don’t understand how computers work. If control, alt, delete doesn’t fix the problem, I’m pretty much lost. I have that one tool to deal with the complexities of my laptop. My computer-geek son has way more and often groans when I call to get advice.

When Katie and I decided to transition from our ‘normal’ relationship to a female led one things suddenly became quite awkward. We intentionally violated the principles upon which we had been taught. Men were expected to take charge. Women were to cook and maintained the kitchen. Men were the primary breadwinners. Women reared the children, etc.
We both grew up in traditional homes where those values were instilled from as far back as we knew. Now we found ourselves flipping our relationship upside down. Katie now wanted me to cook, and clean and do everything that had to do with food preparation! She wanted to drive our car whenever we went anywhere. She informed me I wasn’t to touch the remote. She suddenly decided when we would make love and then told me it was up to her if or when I'd climax. She told me I'd be doing the wash and whatever else she wanted. She told me that she would handle all of our finances and only give me a small allowance bi-month. It was a lot to swallow and took quite some time for both of us to get comfortable.
For some while we felt as if we were both holding hammers and nothing in life was really looking like a nail. It took time for us to view life as we were living it as being normal – but it did become normal eventually. Katie struggled with telling me her thoughts in a way that wasn't expressed as a question. "Could you get me a glass of wine" took months to morph to "Get me a glass of wine." Taking charge just didn't feel right. She was uncomfortable relaxing in the adjacent room while I spent an hour preparing dinner. She felt the urge to help but also loved knowing she didn’t have to be in there. She wondered if she was messing up my biology by keeping me locked for X number of days but loved the new me that came after days being denied.  But over time, our worldview changed. We came to realize we could enjoy living this way, that we in fact loved it, and it actually brought us even closer than we were previously. But it sure felt different and odd for quite a while.

Making that decision to live with Katie at the helm forced us to wrestle with a new reality. Like the widowed spouse who has to suddenly cope with life without a partner or the college student now living in a dorm free of mom and dad's influence or the newly married couple just returning from their honeymoon, life suddenly changed. In each of those situations (and in ours) life changed from what it had been. The environment was new, the expectations and responsibilities changed, ones role in life changed. That's what Katie and I wrestled with. We were forced to cope with a new reality - but it was only that - something to get use to and it wasn't a bad experience. I liked it and so did Katie. It's why she insists we will never go back - ever.

I receive lots of emails from individuals who are "new to this lifestyle". What they write about is their experience as they come to grips with this new way of relating. Sometimes they express excitement at the possibilities or reservations about those same possibilities. They write because they are not comfortable with where they are, where life is taking them, or where they wish life would take them. They write because they want reassurance or confirmation that what they are doing is OK, even good.
My sense is women are less adventurous when it comes to exploring new things. In the case of a femdom lifestyle, they are not sure if they want to try it or not. Leading and taking full control of him doesn’t feel right. It’s not how they were taught nor is it how their girlfriends relate to their spouses. It seems weird. Having a husband ask them to suddenly take charge when that hasn't been her role, or considering spanking him when the mere thought of it seems completely absurd, to taking complete control of their sexuality, their finances, deciding family outings, and other aspects of their marriage when either he did it all or they made decisions together can feel unsettlingly scary. 
But that doesn't mean it will feel that way forever. There's always a learning curve when we encounter something new and if we put our mind to mastering things, what at first felt uncomfortable eventually becomes normal. My challenge to couples whose marriage is less than ideal; or in which coming home to be together is not a priority anymore is to encourage you to add another tool to your toolbox. Consider adding a wife-led-marriage tool. Consider trying something different, something to make your relationship fresh and fun. After all, isn't the definition of neurosis the act of repeating the same thing over and over but expecting a different result? If you don't change anything, then how can an OK marriage ever become a WOW one? If what you have isn't the best then why are you staying there? Why not try a wife led marriage? If the new reality of being there for a few months doesn't ever feel right, you can always go back. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain and in the process you will at the very least learn how to communicate once more. I can guarantee that will happen.
I’m Hers

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Reaching Steady State

For the past while I’ve not had lots of thoughts to write down. Nothing new is happening here at home. There have been no real changes instituted by Katie – in fact there’s been nothing new that she’s put into place in months.  We live as a married couple with ‘an understanding’ albeit dominant/submissive one. As a result I can’t write posts like Serving Ellie can. His life is in a state of flux. Mine isn’t. But that’s OK I guess.

I mean, won’t every relationship reach this point where both dominant and submissive alike have come to a steady state in their relationship sooner or later? Won’t all relationships eventually come to an understanding as to what one can or can’t do - where they know what is expected of them, where their boundaries lie, etc.?  It’s taken us some time to get to this point but we’ve definitely arrived. It’s been years though getting here. Katie has found her zone where she feels comfortable. As her submissive I’ve subsequently conformed to those parameters. Where we are isn’t where I thought it would be and I would dare say Katie would say the same.  She probably believed she’d end up being a bitch wife – or at least that’s what she feared she might become, and I thought she’d be less lenient in her leadership and more demanding of my time.

Although there are times when I wish she were more akin to my fantasy there are just as many occasions when I’m thankful she isn’t. For example, Mr. Ellie noted how his wife admonished him for touching her in a provocative way, informing him he is no longer permitted to do whatever he did.  When I read his remark, my heart sank. “What a bummer for him,” I thought.  I love touching Katie and am so glad she hasn’t taken a similar approach with me – and you can bet you last dollar I didn’t read Mr. Ellie’s post to her. Best to let sleeping dogs lie :).

Katie is who she is and really when I think about the pre-femdom Katie, she is virtually no different. Oh there are the things around the house she doesn’t do anymore but that’s just stuff differences. It’s not a character change. Mostly she’s still the same person underneath all her beautiful outside. She has the same interests, the same passions, the same desires, the same goals. What has changed is her confidence and understanding that she’s in charge of me and of us.  But that’s what I wanted and what she wanted. It’s why we decided to live this way in the first place. I needed a leader and one to serve and she wanted a life of freedom and one devoid of doing some of those drudging chores.  I think she also wanted a man that whose thoughts and time revolved around her rather than off somewhere else.

So here we are. What we live is the life I assume she wants us to live. I don’t expect changes and doubt there will be any in the days ahead. If you are new to this lifestyle I’m sure you can identify with posts I’ve written some months ago. That’s when I was where you are. It’s where Mr. Ellie is, if you read his blog. But if you’ve been at a steady state for some while you can identify with the realization I’m coming to grips with. It’s one Ms. Cathy from femdom 101 has long ago reached. All of us are somewhere along that continuum yet we all live under this common roof. It’s one in which the power differential is evident to all who care to really take a look at our marriages.  Hopefully its also a place where our marriages are characterized as healthy and loving.

I welcome your thoughts,

I’m Hers

Saturday, October 17, 2015

Is Change to the Old Way Even Possible?

Have you ever wondered if you could revert back to the old, vanilla you? It's been a question I've thought of every now and again. I'm not young. Some would call me an old guy, and if truth be told, I guess I am, although I've said for years, old age is a state of mind more than anything. However, I've lived five decades in a traditional household, being raised and then being married. I observed my parents in how they managed their home. Mom was the counselor, mom took care of the finances, mom was the person I asked permission from when I wanted something - because I was somewhat afraid of what dad might say. But mom always told the kids, 'dad was in charge'. When I became the head of my household, I shared responsibilities with my wife, we made collective decisions, we raised children together, we worked though problems as a team - and then I met Katie and soon after became her submissive 'boyfriend' and later her submissive husband. I've been her sub now for over five years. 

I made mention in the last post how I've wondered if this blog had run its course. There aren't many new things happening in the Katie household. We live as we do with her in charge. Like in our previous lives we each have responsibilities; I cook and clean and provide the primary income; Katie manages our finances and spends hours 'grandmothering'. However we don't share many responsibilities and the jobs I have will always be mine, just as the duties Katie has will always be hers. The difference between the now and the past is this: the jobs/responsibilities we both have now are on her terms, rather than on our terms. Sex, finances, vacations, chores, meals, pretty much everything is according to her plan rather than our plan, although I would admit she isn't the strictest of mistresses and she does seek my opinion often. But even then, she is uncompromising with certain facets of our lives and we both know who 'wears the pants' in our home. 

But I wonder: could I ever go back to the old way, to love and care for Katie the way I first did - before she became my mistress? I recently finished a great book, "The Day of the Jackal". There was a line that caught my attention. It was in reference to the hired assassin in which he pondered whether he could ever not be an assassin after having been one for so many years. The author stated, "One was, what one was." After I read that I wondered, Am I what I will always be? Can I ever go back? Would I ever want to go back?

Ladies, have you ever wondered: are you what you will always be to your man - a mistress, the one in charge of the home? Men, what about you? Are you what you will always be - a submissive - a slave? Will you - could you- ever change? If your spouse told you, "I've had enough," could you ever go back to the old way? What if something happened to your him/her and they were no more, would you eventually seek out another like her? Would femdom (D/s) be a required criteria for you if you ever began the search for another?

For me, I think I could go back. But I know I wouldn't be as happy. I think there would be regrets. I think we would lose something in the process. Our love for one another might become more tempered and less passionate. I think my desire might wane just a hair simply because some of her allure would be gone. I don't know if I could ever make love the old way and if I had to, there would be an ache of that loss. I wonder too if she would feel similar pains. Would she resent me spending 'my' money once more rather than being confined to spending what little she allows me? Would she not see me in the same light because she had to spend an hour in the kitchen because I just didn't want to make dinner tonight? Would she feel a loss of closeness because she wanted to make love but I told her 'not tonight'? (Not that I'd ever say something so absurd!)

Besides this simply being a post of 'I wonder if' or 'I wonder whether' its a post with a warning. If you love where you are; if you never want to go back; if  you feel that living as a mistress or submissive is the lock and key that fits like nothing else can or will in your own marriage, then doesn't it behoove you both to protect what you have?  It doesn't take much for a mistress to remind her man he is owned, is possessed, and not her equal - even though he is loved like none other - but it does take something. It does take intentionality. It does take a planned, "I need to do this today for him" so he won't forget his place and that I'm in charge. So my question to the mistresses of the world is this: what do you do to remind and keep your man in 'that' state of mind? Anything? I sure hope so. Just because he does his duties with out complaint doesn't necessarily mean his mind is where a submissive's mind should be. There is a chasm of a difference between being "hen-pecked" and "submissive".

To the guys, (and to me), it's important that we understand our place in her home and that we address and admire her for the woman she is and for the status in our life she holds. It's important to not want to rebel, slack off in our duties, sulk or complain. It's important to not envy the freedom our male friends have. It's not healthy to wish "I miss being them'.   

It's harder being the submissive. It's easier being the mistress. But if it's worth preserving, then it's worth being intentional about keeping things moving forward and not regressing. Proactively maintaining what a femdom relationship is is so much easier than having tore-actively repair a deteriorating one. Because if it fails and nothing is left but the old 50/50 way - then what? 

I'm Hers

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Running to Chastity

I smiled last week when Mr Ellie from the Serving Ellie blog wrote about his wife agreeing to place him in chastity. What humored me was not so much that she agreed to do something she was initially hesitant to do but how this decision came about. If you read his first post Mr. Ellie basically said, “Mrs. Ellie, I'm having trouble controlling my masturbation and I think the best way to curb this is to put me into a cage.”  In the final paragraph of that post Mr. Ellie let’s his readers know he is leaning toward one particular device but wanted to hear others’ thoughts BUT within 48 hours he made had made his decision and I'm sure the cage was in the mail hours later and is now securely anchored to his body.

I smiled when I read what he had to say. Actually I read the “The decision is made” one before I viewed the “Ellie, we have a problem” one. For those of you who wear such a device, can you identify with his feelings and emotions? I can. Mr. Ellie asked for opinions on sizing during that initial post. He didn’t want to get it wrong. He wanted to size the ring properly. One commenter suggested he order sizing rings from another company. That was a great idea - a fail-safe way, in fact, to make sure he didn't waste his hard earned money. But if he chose to do that he'd have to wait another 7-10 days for those little rings to arrive. To Mr. Ellie, at that moment - that moment when she FINALLY said 'yes' - that option must have felt like an eternity and I bet Mr. Ellie considered that commenter's option for less than 3 seconds - even though he’s lived a life in penis-freedom for literally thousands of days. To wait another week? Are you kidding me? There was no way his 'chastity-laden mind' was going to delay a day longer than necessary. No way Jose! He probably said, ‘Heck (he's a Christian guy remember and doesn't curse) with the sizing. Heck with the $50. Just get me the device and lock me up, Mrs. Ellie!” 

Now, I know those exact words probably never came out of his mouth but I could sense his urgency. I could sense him wanting to seize the moment of his wife’s “weakness” – her f-i-n-a-l-l-y  saying ‘yes’ to chastity. After all this was his submissive-dream come true - to finally be locked up nice and tight!

I read some weeks/months ago on Katie Christian’s My Chaste Husband’s blog of her husband coming to her expressing the same concerns for the same reasons. Her reaction was much different. I believe she called him a pervert – or at least thought as much. I’m sure those words or her negative reception of his desire to be put into a device felt like a knife blow to the center of his heart.

In both instances I believe both men talked to their wives with a sense of desperation. I’ve heard psychologists refer to these overt suggestions as a ‘cry for help’.  I’m sure we all have those moments when we feel as if we simply cannot beat the villain in our life and finally come to someone near and dear and say in so many words, “please help me by doing this or that or help me to not do this or that.” 

For Mr. Katie Christian and for Mr. Ellie, I’m glad both of their wives saw the potential positives in that cry for help. For Mr. Katie Christian, he’s been locked long enough for Mrs. Katie Christian to see the benefit locking him for an extended period has. For Mrs. Ellie, I hope she finds the same to be true and isn't afraid to put the key away for a few months to really watch the change in her husband take place before her eyes.

But for Mr Katie Christian and Mr Ellie I’m almost certain their adrenaline levels remained in a continual state of hyper drive during the ‘waiting for the appliance to arrive’-interlude, as well as during those few days after the lock was clicked shut. I know I can remember waiting for the plain brown box to arrive in the mail. I can remember fitting it that first time and then clicking the lock. I can remember feeling awkward showing my 'little me' to Katie those first few times. I can remember her worrying about me remaining clean since I was now stuck inside a plastic tube. I can remember her worrying if the device was too tight and might cause permanent damage to my goods. I can remember the general excitement of everything surrounding this new beginning of my life/our lives together.

What I’ve noticed in my blog has been the slow transition of posts that resemble less and less those adrenaline assisted writings. I’ve been wondering if the posts have become more blasé, and maybe they have. If so, it’s because my submissive life can only have so many new things happen until there is no more new stuff to write about.  Chastity is just that now – I’m locked. Denial is no longer the “I’ve been denied for 9 days 15 hours and 11 minutes” rush.  Rather it’s more like, I’ve not floored the gas pedal in six or seven months and I wonder if I ever fully rev the engine again. I don’t feel titillated when Katie asks me to cook her dinner or vacuum the floor. I’ve got chores to do so I do them.

But for Mr. Ellie…. I’m happy for him. I hope he guessed the right size. I hope he feels ecstatic being locked. I hope it reinforces his submission to his wife. I hope he comes to love those 5 AM wake up calls when Rocky wants to stretch but no longer has room to do so and pulls his balls painfully tight. I hope he and his Mistress can laugh and joke about how long she wants to lock him just because she has the power to do so now. I hope he thinks about her brief squeeze in the morning when she checks her goods. I hope he thinks about how hot she was for grabbing him there 10 hours previous. I’m happy for him because I remember just how happy I was when all those things happened to me. Merry Christmas Mr. Ellie! And in the end, I do hope it curbs the very thing you’ve wanted to stop.

I’m Hers

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Kiss my nose

Katie asked me in the morning if I had been dreaming of snakes last night. I asked if I had been shaking or moving in my sleep and she informed me that I had.  Every so often I dream of being in water with big black thick water snakes. They never get me but they're definitely creepy. Thus the question.

"No," I answered, "it was probably me dreaming of the orgasm I never got when we make love earlier."

She laughed.

Indeed, we had made love last night, just before falling asleep and of course she experienced those tremors a few times while I served as the source of her pleasure.  We both enjoyed ourselves fully - just in different ways and I hope we do so again tonight, and tomorrow and the next night :)

On my drive to work - it's a significant drive - I sent her a text. To understand the double meaning of the text you need to understand that a few nights ago one of Katie's 'friends' on a social media site posted the following cartoon. It was one that kind of pushed the boundaries of what should be on such a social media site but this woman chose to do so.

When she showed me the cartoon it tickled my funny bone. It tickled it a lot. I couldn't stop laughing and later kept snickering everytime I thought of the stupid catch phrase meshed with the inverted man.

On my way to work, I thought of the inverted man and smiled again. A thought came to mind and I sent her a text:
"I liked the way you played with my "nose" last night. Feel free to do so again tonight if you'd like."

I got one of those smiley face emoticons blowing me a heart shaped kiss in reply.

At the next traffic light some minutes later I wrote again. "Given that it's allergy season I was surprised my nose didn't start running last night."

She responded, "LOL."

I responded again, "I think my nose is on some kind of prolonged decongestant. It hasn't run in a long time. I don't think allergy season, or even for that matter, the common cold, will get it to run."

Her response" "Sinus blockage."

Some minutes later I texted I'd be arriving at my destination in a few minutes.  She called, as I was pretty sure she would.  At some point during our conversation I asked, "Do you think that congestion is anything to worry about? I mean, it really has been going on for quite some time."

I think she could hear the smile in my voice. "Naw," she said. Suppressing a similar smile, "I think you'll be just fine."

And so our conversation ended.

Amidst the humor of our exchange there is a serious unspoken undertone that we share.  My 'nose' hasn't run since early February - a little over seven months - and apparently won't be running any time soon.  The app on my phone puts the time in the 220 day range.  That length is the longest I've gone and most likely it will be for a significant period longer before the 'allergies' overwhelm the effects of the decongestant if you know what I mean.

Katie prefers the 'chaste' me. She likes my attention. She likes sex being about her. She likes my mood, my attentiveness, my desire to please, want, crave, lust, etc..... all those yummy feelings I love feeling toward her as well. She likes me like this because she knows I like me like this. We make love. We have a healthy sex life. She enjoys my body and I hers. We share intimacy as a married couple should. Not only so but I am able (don't ask me how) to satisfy her for as long as she wants - most of the time. There are times when I send out a warning, "I'm getting close" but for the majority of our interludes that hasn't been a problem. But beyond the 'chaste me' and the 'horny her', there is a casual bonding to our sex life that keeps the dialog of this part of our marriage open both mentally and verbally. 

There is the daily, "do you want me to lock" question each morning as well as the, "is it ok to unlock, Mistress?" question each night at bedtime.  There is the visual, I see him locking each morning and I hear him ask to unlock, and watch him do so every night. There is the "ahhhh" sound of pleasure I utter most nights when the cage comes off. I don't know why but it feels good to get out of the cramped quarters and express that emotional release, if you will. There is the grab of my crotch if she hasn't watched me lock when I come down stairs to check on me. There is me embracing her from behind and kissing her neck and feeling her press her rump into the steel on my front. It's playful. It shows her acceptance of my chastity. It's fun. There's lots of that kind of stuff.

But there is the other part as well. There's the knowledge that we can laugh about having one's 'nose' kissed when we see a silly adult cartoon. There are the texts we can send that hint of what was, what is, and what might be. On the surface, all that is fun. It surely makes me smile and I hope my silly texts bring a grin to her as well - that's why I send them.  On a deeper level, that kind of interaction speaks to our openness of our sex life. We can share. We can talk about sex. We can talk about our bodies in a healthy way. "I love those girls" is a common phrase I often share - a compliment, if you will. The girls of course belong to her and indeed they are beautiful - stunningly beautiful - but I surely do love them and Katie lets me hug them most any time. I think she loves the attention and affection, even if I'm a little gropey at times. 

But deeper still is the understanding of our relationship. She's my Mistress and I her sub. All those silly, casual, romantic 'things' (I hate that word) we do continually reinforce our wife led marriage understanding. She is in charge. She controls the bedroom. She decides if I'll be free for the night, or for a weekend day or not; not me. She checks to see if I'm locked. I don't grope her. She determines how long my time in denial will last and I honor her authority by letting her know, "I'm getting close" or by refusing to self pleasure during those times I am free for the day. And through it all - all of those things, all of those feelings, all of those rituals, all of those spontaneous actions - reinforce the bigger picture - of her being in charge.

Because our femdom relationship has a definite sexual component, that component has permitted the two of us to share about our sexual feelings more openly (a lot more openly) than if there was no such component. Now as the male, who can't hardly get those kinds of thoughts out of my generally pure and upstanding mind, I tend to be the one that verbalizes such thoughts first, but I have a pretty good hunch she has similar ones. She's just too lady like to speak her mind. Rather, she'll give me the,"mmmmm" expressed in that husky way that oozes with "I want you" every now and then. It's unmistakable and I love it. That husky, guttural, "mmmmm" does two things. First it lets me know she wants me, even if it's during a phone conversation or while we are walking hand in hand in the mall. Second, it makes me think of her even more - for a long time. I think of how fun she is; how beautiful she is; how lucky I am; and a whole lot of other, not so PG-13 thoughts. 

So to all of you guys that have sex, ejaculate, roll over and fall asleep before she gets back from the bathroom, you have no idea just how much you are missing. Sure, firing your pistol is better than no sex at all but you can't imagine how much better life could be. It's almost like going buck hunting, seeing a 12 point, sighting it and then pulling it down because he vanished before you could site the bead on its chest. The story will last a lifetime even though you never fired.  And like an old doctor friend of mine once told me, "If all you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail."  Boys, you need to be willing to put some more tools into your toolbag and expand your world beyond the immediate - ready, aim, fire, fall asleep. 

And to the ladies, a premise I've always believed to be true: " 'No' always wins." That's another way to say, it takes two to tango and since he wants you, you can dictate how that plays out because you're the one, not him that is more willing than not to say, 'no, I'm too tired. Maybe another night." I dare say you could tell him just how you'd like it and in doing so discover an entirely different (and maybe better) side to the man you hold so dear. Or you could come back from the bathroom to a sound-asleep husband. The choice is yours. If you deny him, you won't have to get out of the warm bed to use the bathroom, and you will have a husband willing to cuddle and snuggle you and feel his pistol with the safety off all night long. What sounds better to you?

I'm Hers

Friday, September 18, 2015

Financial Decisions

Last week a strong storm moved through our neighborhood. Neither of us were home at the time. I was a 100 miles away; Katie about five. When she drove up the drive she was greeted by the sight of a 60' maple laying on our house. The tree had uprooted and fallen, eventually ending up on the porch roof. I got a frantic phone call as soon as Katie saw the tree.

"Did you get my text? Did you see the picture I sent?" She said almost hysterically.

I could tell she was frazzled. Asking what was wrong she clued me in. She was OK, none of the windows broken, the main house roof was intact although the tree lying where it was presented an obvious problem. It was a big tree.

And..... it happened at 4:45 on the Friday of Labor Day weekend. No one was working. Even our insurance guy was away.  As things turned out we were able to get someone to get the tree off the house and harmlessly onto the front lawn. You have to love what a Bobcat can do in a matter of minutes.

Now we are in the midst of fixing the problem which means lots of phone calls. Having roof damage when we already have 25 year old shingles led Katie to consider whether we should reshingle the entire roof. The choice to do so comes with an additional (and unplanned) expense. And then there were gutters to consider. Because several were damaged she thought of upgrading them as well to some form of  'gutter guard/helmet' since we rely on someone to clean them annually. We are getting older and I understand her plan is to make things easier for us as we age. And then I've been forbidden to go on the upper roof - which makes me cleaning gutters out of the question (probably a good idea). 

Hopefully this will be the last roof we ever purchase.  Lots of questions. Lots to consider. Lots to decide. And so it all began. The insurance adjuster came. A roofer came. Another is coming, and after him, probably two more. A gutter/fascia guy or three will be stopping by as well.  And then we will discuss and finally Katie will decide.

I  made it known the least expensive and least stressful route is to spend the insurance money and replace what was damaged and leave the bigger project of a new roof for a later time.  I'm pretty sure that option has been vetoed. I've suggested and let my opinion be known. I won't push that further unless she reconsiders.

She's had me call to schedule roofers and gutter-guys (is that what they're called?) to get estimates.  In the end the choice will be hers but it will be  hers after we both have exchanged thoughts, ideas and tossed around different possibilities.

I wanted to write about this particular incident because it falls into a different category than our other purchases. Usually we don't work together. Usually she buys items as she sees fit. But this is a big deal and one outside her comfort level. If the quality of the materials are topnotch and the color fits what she likes, that's good for her. Words like eves, rafters, fascia, etc are meaningless to her and for that reason she wants my input.  

What to do with the roof is different than the typical. For example, she received a call from her daughter yesterday. 

"Mom, I just found dehumidifiers on sale for 70% off!" 

We don't need a dehumidifier although we use one in our basement. Last night however we purchased one - for $50 rather than $180.  Her rationale was that we'd have a new one should the old one go and not have to pay full price. Smart girl!

That's the expected. She sees, she decides, she lets me know afterward. On the bigger things in life - like our roof - or when the transmission of her vehicle decided to die - we talk and then she decides - and sometimes she'll lean heavily on my thoughts. I don't ever feel like she's giving up control but rather we both know who is the boss. She uses my thoughts to help her make the best possible decision.

I don't know how you all work through your purchases. I'm sure all homes do it slightly different. I wanted to share, at least in a small way, how she handles ours.

I'm Hers 

Addendum: Katie has since vetoed the thought of replacing gutters with some type of gutter covering. Feedback from a few (of you) that I contacted factored into that decision along with the opinion of a roofer that counseled us to keep what we have and replace only the gutters the tree damaged.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Serving at the Pleasure of the Board

This morning, a Saturday, Katie and I slept in. We love to sleep in whenever we can. Sleeping in means really sleeping in; like getting up between 11 and noon. Today we finally got out of bed at exactly twelve-noon. Ah, it felt so good even if we did wake an hour earlier. We slept most of the night, and morning, and late morning with one of us spooning against the other. Our nights tend to be that way – with me wrapped around her or her around me. Anyway, when we finally woke Katie curled her body around me while I held her tight and lay on my back.

“I love being right here,” she said, her hand finding my uniquely male part which quickly shot to attention.

She played with me for the next several minutes, grabbing me, squeezing me, grabbing and shaking me and rubbing a little here and a little there before I finally asked, “What are you thinking about when you do that?”

“I don’t know, I just like doing it.”

During the minutes she played, I thought of the phrase I’ve heard at times, “He/she serves at the pleasure of the Board.” It’s an expression sometimes used to describe those like college presidents, CEO’s and similar that act as the figurehead of a company but really execute the orders of the Board that own the company.

In any event, I felt this Saturday morning that my body was serving the pleasure of the Board – the Board consisting of Katie. I laid still and let her play. I held her because I knew she loves having me do so. My thoughts went to how foreign my thoughts and feelings must be to her. I mean, she’s never been in my position. She’s never felt as if her body existed solely for my pleasure. And of course that’s true. That’s my role, not hers. She’s not lived the life of a submissive. She’s not been the one doing what she’s told. Only I have. She’s always been the one in charge and neither of us have a desire to switch.

Personally I love serving at Katie’s pleasure. I really do love being hers. I love seeing her feeling so free to express, play, have fun and be herself. If that alone was the sole benefit of a WLM that might be enough. Of course, there is much more that we’ve discovered along the way that is all positive and I’ve written at length about all the good of a femdom marriage. But on this morning, letting her be a goof was enough.

The good of Katie’s prolonged ‘play-time’ was how it progressed. We progressed from being close to being even closer. Fifteen minutes or so later after I heard several ‘yummy oohs, and ahhs’ we rose and began our day. No sooner did we dress then I heard more magic words, “do you want to go out to eat for lunch?”

“What do you have a hankering for?” I asked.

“I’m feeling fish.”

And so we did.

The waitress took her order, I"d like fried flounder; can I get dark side only?" she asked. 


Ten minutes later our meals arrived, two orders of fried flounder with hush-puppies, baked potato and ice tea - with lemon of course. And so we ate, with all the other seniors who arrived when we did just so they could get their meal before the dinner menu prices went in effect and prices went up. Gosh we're getting old!

OK, enough writing. Time to snuggle with my wife while we watch the 10 PM news. I'm so tired. Been a looong day. I've been up for 10 hours!

I’m out of here.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Stare if you Dare

In an effort to lighten the mood every now and again I opted to write about something not at all mainstream. I can't be serious all the time and although I do try to keep the tone of the blog mostly PG13, this one is probably more of a PG-16 or even R.

The other evening Katie was browsing through her social media site and happened to spot something posted by another social media 'friend'. The post referenced something from TMZ - one of those TV shows I often wonder why they continue to have ratings high enough to remain on the air but I guess that speaks to the IQ of our society at large - rapidly plummeting below the 100 level. Now to TMZ's credit they didn't air this on the networks but someone happened to find it and it came to Katie's attention. 

The story and associated video was about a man who is in possession of a 19 inch long penis.  Yes, you heard me right - that's 48.2 centimeters for you metric types. 

Don't believe me, Click here where a new window should pop-up and you can see it for yourself and read all about it. Have no fear, if you watch the video you won't really see it as it's kind of enclosed inside some type of large tube sock. But you'll see enough. It's big!

For those of you who aspire to the notion that bigger is better, I guess you're suddenly feeling a bit impotent. To those that have wasted your hard earned money on those male growth products that can be found almost nightly on both TV and radio, I guess you'll have to invest several hundred more in the futile hope of ever enlarging enough to even getting close to the gold standard set by this gentleman.

To those of you recently purchased the new-found book by Dr Seuss, you know, the author of such best sellers as Sox on Fox and One Fish Two Fish? Yes the same Dr. Seuss whose family discovered and published a recently found manuscript  Which Pet Should I Get to read to your child. I think he might have some competition now as this gentleman might soon be writing an adult version of 'his story'. I heard he might call it Cox in Sox.

Enjoy your week

I'm Hers