At the heart of withholding physical intimacy from marriage is rejection. Men love sex. Women love sex. I dare say that women love to cuddle and snuggle more than they love sex. They love to be wooed and cherished. For a man to remain married but never walk hand-in-hand, never spend an evening with his spouse conversing while giving her his undivided attention, if he never got her a card or left a note indicating his love for her, if he never hugged, kissed or expressed affection, if he did nothing to romance her, I am certain she would feel rejected. Likewise, to live and never enjoy one anothers' bodies physically is no less a rejection - especially when the hints and pitiful pleas by the hurt partner go unheeded.
I don't believe a couple needs to adhere to a femdom lifestyle or a domestic discipline one anymore than the type of relationship they formed when they fell in love to remain close and in love. I do believe that the former relational dynamics promote conscious attention of one partner toward the other and for that reason I believe it promotes active acceptance rather than assumed acceptance or purposeful rejection.
For example, I do the laundry and every Saturday morning I know that I'm doing so because Katie will appreciate my work. That evening when I fold, hang or place her garments back where they belong I think of her. Every day I bring her a cooked meal and she thanks me and gives me that smile that says "I love you for taking care of me". I could go on and on as to how our WLM promotes intimacy - even when the subject matter is chores (or from her perspective making sure that I do those chores). The intentional affection, words of affirmation, hugs, kisses, conversation, and time spent together is additional 'stuff' that deepens our closeness even further.
In a way a WLM/femdom relationship is about having fun together. In the acceptance of power as well as in the relinquishing of it there is a 'play' dynamic at work. It's not play that produces laughter but it is play that produces happy feelings and happy thoughts. It is a play that allows one partner to have positive and loving feelings toward their spouse (whether they are the dominant or the submissive). The play can be serious. The play can even be uncomfortable, in the case of discipline or being told to compress even more work into an already tight schedule.
If something isn't fun. If something isn't enjoyable. If there is no reward for doing something for another then eventually that act will most likely wane. Maybe for some sex is no longer fun, no longer pleasurable, no longer important to give to another and maybe that is why it becomes less of a priority and eventually ceases to even be a part like it once was.
I love feeling loved. I love being accepted. I love being cherished. I love knowing she loves not only who I am and what I do but also loves me enough to express that love physically. I love that she lets me cuddle and snuggle and touch . I love that she permits me to be physically intimate on a regular basis. Why do I love all of this? Isn't it obvious? Don't we all love to get warm fuzzies? Don't we all enjoy attention from those we value? Don't we all crave love and acceptance?
There really is no one who is a Rock and an Island as the old Simon and Garfunkle song stated. Well there are probably thousands of lonely men and women that are islands and I dare say too many of those are married. Even more are single. Very few in that situation are rocks - solid, stable, secure, content individuals living when loneliness, hurt, emptiness and void are a part of their daily life because another will not express love in a way that meets their love language and fills that emotional tank.
A common theme of femdom blogs is married couples that are well into middle age rediscovering love for their spouse. At the heart of that rediscovery is accepting, appreciating and loving them overtly and often. May we all strive to live that way and in so doing, make our very best friend - our life partner's life - overflow with joy because they feel such abundant love from us.