Tuesday, January 6, 2015
It's still early in the game
I don’t know about other bloggers but when I get an idea I write it down or send myself a detailed text or email – something to remind me of the thought or event that came to pass. I have several such notes in a folder and since I have been pretty brain-dead recently with respect to femdom thoughts I delved into the folder.
It was night. Katie and I were in bed. The lights were out. It was late – probably a Friday or Saturday night. I had myself wrapped around her from behind like I often do - one arm lay under her neck, the other around her body. I had just given her a massage for the past hour. She was relaxed and feeling loved and attended to.
One of the fears she expressed when we first considered this alternative lifestyle with her assuming control was a fear of changing for the worse. She didn’t want to become that kind of a woman, that kind of a wife. She didn’t want me to think of her as a bitch. That was about three years ago. As I lay behind her I thought of that past conversation and of her now and said,
“See, you haven’t become a bitch after all; since becoming my Mistress,” I added. If fact you’ve become even more beautiful as a person.”
To my surprise she answered, “It’s early on in this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean we’ve only been doing this for a while and we have a long way to go.”
“Are you telling me you might become a bitch?”
Her comments surprised me. I hadn’t expected such candidness from a woman seemingly so passive in the way she leads. I would have never thought that she thought such things as 'we are just beginning', 'we have a long way to go' and 'I might become a bitch'. I still don’t know what she means by the statement that it is still early in the game but my guess is she sees me becoming more submissive than I am now. And I don’t even know what more submissive means to her. More trained? Doing more things? More chores? Becoming more deferential? I really don’t know and she isn’t one to wear her thoughts on her sleeve. She can be difficult to read.
When I reflect on those words it makes me drool with anticipation. They give me hope that there will be more, that she will become more affirmative, more confident, more overt as my Mistress and in the way she leads our home. She will always be my Katie-girl and best friend, but like I said in my last post: to feel owned is a feeling of being loved that is greater than just ‘being loved’. It’s a layer of love on top of the love she already has for me. Conversely, to know she is firmly planted as my forever-Mistress gives me reason to love her even more than before. I am a lucky man. Hopefully she feels she is equally lucky to have me too.