Friday, January 30, 2015

Rejection Acceptance

In the previous post I commented on something written by a man whose marriage is devoid of sex. I also mentioned my identification with him. I pleaded to women who approach their marriage similarly to reconsider their position.  What I failed to identify in that post was the reason why a marriage without sex is akin to eating a burger and fries without the salt, fat, mustard, ketchup, pickles, onions and whatever else you put on a burger.  It will sustain you but it isn't very tasty and as the saying goes, "you can live on it but it tastes like crap," and what fun is there in eating crap.

At the heart of withholding physical intimacy from marriage is rejection. Men love sex. Women love sex. I dare say that women love to cuddle and snuggle more than they love sex. They love to be wooed and cherished.  For a man to remain married but never walk hand-in-hand, never spend an evening with his spouse conversing while giving her his undivided attention, if he never got her a card or left a note indicating his love for her, if he never hugged, kissed or expressed affection, if he did nothing to romance her, I am certain she would feel rejected. Likewise, to live and never enjoy one anothers' bodies physically is no less a rejection - especially when the hints and pitiful pleas by the hurt partner go unheeded.

I don't believe a couple needs to adhere to a femdom lifestyle or a domestic discipline one anymore than the type of relationship they formed when they fell in love to remain close and in love.  I do believe that the former relational dynamics promote conscious attention of one partner toward the other and for that reason I believe it promotes active acceptance rather than assumed acceptance or purposeful rejection. 

For example, I do the laundry and every Saturday morning I know that I'm doing so because Katie will appreciate my work. That evening when I fold, hang or place her garments back where they belong I think of her. Every day I bring her a cooked meal and she thanks me and gives me that smile that says "I love you for taking care of me".  I could go on and on as to how our WLM promotes intimacy - even when the subject matter is chores (or from her perspective making sure that I do those chores). The intentional affection, words of affirmation, hugs, kisses, conversation, and time spent together is additional 'stuff' that deepens our closeness even further. 

In a way a WLM/femdom relationship is about having fun together. In the acceptance of power as well as in the relinquishing of it there is a 'play' dynamic at work. It's not play that produces laughter but it is play that produces happy feelings and happy thoughts. It is a play that allows one partner to have positive and loving feelings toward their spouse (whether they are the dominant or the submissive). The play can be serious. The play can even be uncomfortable, in the case of discipline or being told to compress even more work into an already tight schedule.

If something isn't fun. If something isn't enjoyable. If there is no reward for doing something for another then eventually that act will most likely wane.  Maybe for some sex is no longer fun, no longer pleasurable, no longer important to give to another and maybe that is why it becomes less of a priority and eventually ceases to even be a part like it once was.

I love feeling loved. I love being accepted. I love being cherished. I love knowing she loves not only who I am and what I do but also loves me enough to express that love physically. I love that she lets me cuddle and snuggle and touch . I love that she permits me to be physically intimate on a regular basis. Why do I love all of this? Isn't it obvious? Don't we all love to get warm fuzzies? Don't we all enjoy attention from those we value? Don't we all crave love and acceptance?  

There really is no one who is a Rock and an Island as the old Simon and Garfunkle song stated.  Well there are probably thousands of lonely men and women that are islands and I dare say too many of those are married. Even more are single. Very few in that situation are rocks - solid, stable, secure, content individuals living when loneliness, hurt, emptiness and void are a part of their daily life because another will not express love in a way that meets their love language and fills that emotional tank.

A common theme of femdom blogs is married couples that are well into middle age rediscovering love for their spouse. At the heart of that rediscovery is accepting, appreciating and loving them overtly and often.  May we all strive to live that way and in so doing, make our very best friend - our life partner's life - overflow with joy because they feel such abundant love from us.

I'm Hers

14 comments:

  1. If I were religious I would say Amen to that my brother. It Just resonates so strongly with me.

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    1. Thanks! Sounds like you need to get some of that good ole time religion! :)

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  2. EXCELLENT!! AND since I AM religious, I heartily say, "AMEN" to this!!!!

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  3. Rejection or being ignored is the very worst thing!

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  4. Hello sub brother. Nice to see you back "on the air".

    This topic .... the dark side of life. I believe that many, many, many people and couples end up in a relationship of negative emotions (rejection chief among them) as a result of bad communication gone awfully bad, and then worse. This very concept was the catalyst for my wanting to have a FLM with Mistress K. I thought that an FLM was the perfect way to minimize the effect of poor communication and thereby would allow our mutual desire to want to always be close and get closer as we age.

    So far so good. Life is not perfect and certainly neither of us are too, but I can tell that a relationship that is constantly marinating in joyous love (such as exists in most FLM's) is one that doesn't allow little things to turn big, or big things to turns fatal.

    I always enjoy it when I am notified that there is a new post on your blog. I know I'll that when I read it, I'll be smiling and nodding.

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    1. I never knew why it was that you started this in the first place. Thanks for the information I'm glad it's working out. Thanks for the compliment as well. Enjoy your Super Bowl

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  5. Wow. Great post! You share so much truth, and so clearly. I am a new fan of yours!

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    1. Glad to have you contributing. Please stop by again! You're always welcome to share any time.

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  6. it's is very true that we all need to feel loved and those subs in a FLR feel loved when they are pleasing their Mistress and getting Her approval for obeying and making her happy.

    FD

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    1. I could not agree with you more. This way of living is really a two-way street. Yes, it's the sub that does most all of the work but it also takes his dominant wife to appreciate his efforts and complement or reward him periodically as a way of saying "thank you" and "I love you".

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  7. I strongly believe the old adage that the opposite of love is indifference. A relationship without love or respect is a sad one indeed, having lived one for more than a decade. Finding joy and love in submission or dominance is truly a gift.

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    1. Indeed it is. I, like you and thousands of others have learned to appreciate the value of not taking our partner for granted the hard way. I don't know about you but Katie and I have chosen to live this way to remain as in love as possible and not ever let our affection for one another diminish.

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