Monday, January 12, 2015

The Word "Mistress"

I know that Kathy posted a brief comment on this but will do the same regardless. I was sent an email and the gist of it mentioned a woman’s awkwardness in being called a Mistress because of it being tied to an adulterous woman. I personally don’t use the word with that meaning in mind and forwarded Katie the email, asking for her thoughts. She commented later that she views it as meaning ‘the woman in charge’. That is my view as well. 

Depending on the dictionary you use you will find the below definitions listed in various orders. Note that there is the ‘sexual definition’ of mistress but note the many varied references of a woman in a position of power.
I refer to Katie with a variety of terms of endearment that range from Katie to Katie-girl, to Sweetheart, to Sugar-Pie, to Ma’am, to Boss, to Mistress, and so on and so on. I use the latter three terms when I am either responding to her after being told to do something like, “go take out the trash.” “Yes Ma’am” or “yes Mistress,” will be my typical response. If I walk in the door after work and greet her with a big hug I might say, “It’s great to see you Sweetheart” or something similar. If she’s told me yet another thing to do, I might respond with “yes Boss,” to indicate that I’m the sub and she’s the Mistress. 
Bottom line, I think you need to address your wife respectfully and do so with a name that both suits her and feels comfortable to you and her. Personally I don’t use the term ‘goddess’ as it feels awkward for me to equate her as synonymous with a god. Maybe it’s my faith but there is something not right about exalting a woman – even a Mistress Wife – to that level. Yet others do and I get their intention. It’s all about respect and endearment.
To the woman that wrote me I would say this: If the thought of being in charge appeals to you and you want to make sure that your submissive verbally addresses you in some form that acknowledges that but the word Mistress feels a bit awkward then do one of two things. Either have him refer to you as Mistress until it becomes comfortable or find another word that works. Usually if you do something long enough that which was unusual/uncomfortable/new at first will eventually become the norm.
Katie has one rule at this point – that I am not to refer to her as Mistress around others. I do use the word Ma’am quite frequently in social circles though as a form of respect and recognition that she is the one in charge.
I’m Hers
mis•tress
n.

1. A woman who has a continuing sexual relationship with a man who is married to someone else.

2. A woman in a position of authority, control, or ownership, as the head of a household: "Thirteen years had seen her mistress of Kellynch Hall" (Jane Austen).
3. 
     a. A woman who owns or keeps an animal: a cat sitting in its mistress's lap.
     b. A woman who owns a slave.

4. A woman with ultimate control over something: the mistress of her own mind.
5. 
     a. A nation or country that has supremacy over others: Great Britain, once the mistress of the seas.
     b. Something personified as female that directs or reigns: "my mistress ... the open road" (Robert Louis Stevenson).

6. A woman who has mastered a skill or branch of learning: a mistress of the culinary art.

7. Mistress. Used formerly as a courtesy title when speaking to or of a woman.

8. Chiefly British A woman schoolteacher.

16 comments:

  1. When we are in a vanilla social situation or around friends and family, I will address Mistress K. using any number of terms of endearment. I love those times when the situation is conducive to the use of the words "My Queen", yes Dear, Princess, etc. When I call her those in public, she knows exactly why I am doing while our friends are (likely) oblivious to the underlying reason. When we are alone, I mostly only ever use the Mistress word while speaking when we are in throes of passion, I am being punished, or some such other emotionally laced moment. Even when I am naked before her in an obvious state of submission, I will often call her babe or honey. Of course there are times when she will insist on being called Mistress or some other obvious name that denotes her authority over me.

    Although we haven't talked about it specifically, I know that Mistress K, would completely agree with Katie that the use of 'Mistress' around others is out of the question. I get the feeling that Katie and Mistress K. are very similar too.

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    1. Thanks for your thoughts SHIP. Love to hear about your life as well. The name thing is all about showing respect and reminding both of us (she and I) that she is in charge and the one in control.

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  2. Hi, thank you for this post and the info about the word "mistress". I have nothing against that word, it's just that from growing up and connotations with it, I wondered how it came to be used in the context of a husband wife relationship. I really don't care what my man calls me, as long as it's with love and adoration. (But I do like when he says Yes Ma'am) Thank you very much, J

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    1. You're welcome Jay. I hope the information you got from this blog, from comments that others wrote, and from what Kathy had to say was helpful.

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  3. How do people react when you refer to her as ma'am in social situations? Since most husbands don't call their wife "ma'am'' are they surprised to hear her call you that? Or not?

    FD

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    1. "Pay the bill."
      "Yes ma'am."
      "Carry this. It is time to go."
      "Yes ma'am."
      It's statements like these that she might make where I respond with a "yes ma'am". In the south yes ma'am and yes sir are spoken fairly commonly so I don't think most people think much about it. Personally I don't look to see what others responses are. My obligation is to Katie and not dependent upon their reaction or what I think their reaction might be. I've been doing this long enough that I really don't care what others think anymore. What we have and how we relate is such a beautiful thing and if others pick up on my respect for her, so be it. Maybe they might learn something that they can use in their own relationship to make it better.

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    2. I hope you don't mind me weighing in, Miss FD! I echo IH's thoughts here. I'm not concerned what the reaction of others might be, and I am absolutely proud to serve, love and obey such a wonderful woman, whether we are inside the home our out.

      Donna and I love in the North where stating 'Yes Ma'am' and 'No Ma'am' are not weaved into the culture. I'm not sure if people are surprised or not, but I know Donna is pleased to be treated with such heartfelt respect. It's an improvement over the protesting , arguing or ignoring that I formerly would respond with.

      Warm regards,

      Scott

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  4. Hello IH. Warm regards to you and the beautiful Katie!

    I love reading the definitions you posted. Did you notice some of the words in items 2 through 7? My goodness; my heart races when I see terms like Authority, Control, Ownership, Ultimate Control, Supremacy, Reigns, Mastered and of course, as courtesy title. The title of Mistress really does carry a lot of power and due respect.

    As exciting as they are when I think of those terms with my wife in mind, a little voice tells me that most of those definitions start out with the phrase, "A woman who ...". That's a good reminder for me to get it through my thick head that my wife is a woman first. When I recognize Donna as a woman first, I can then properly romance, serve, defend and love her.

    Once I get that down, then, of course, we move on to Mistress, Owner, My Beautiful Goddess Donna ... and those other terms for the one who loves me enough to provide the leadership and command I need. I'm on board with SHiP and J about showing respect, love and adoration with the terms that we use.

    My wife hasn't really latched onto being called Mistress yet, but we are slowly getting comfortable with it. Donna is very happy with yes Ma'am, My Queen, Gorgeous, Doll-face, Sweetheart, Beautiful and My Beautiful Goddess!

    While Donna and I both love our God in heaven, and acknowledge that Jesus is our Brother, Savior, Lord and Master, we both like knowing that Donna is my Goddess here on earth. It helps keep our relationship fun and in proper balance.

    Thanks for the fun topic, IH!

    Scott

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    1. When I made the comment about my uncomfortableness can using the term goddess I thought of you :-). And I knew that you would probably pick up on it and respond. I'm glad you did. What I didn't notice, that you made mention of, was all of those juicy verbs and phrases that were used in those various definitions of the word mistress. I liked that. I liked that a lot! Thanks for pointing it out.
      Hope you and Donna have a wonderful weekend. Take care.

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  5. Thanks IH! We'll be on vacation with another couple for a few days and are looking forward to thawing out.

    Scott

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    1. While you are on vacation, I hope you use the phrase "goddess" all the time in front of this other couple when you address your lovely wife Donna- especially since I know that you don't care what other people think when they hear you use such terms of endearment LOL.

      Enjoy your time away.

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  6. LOL. Way to hold me to it, IH! I am Accepting that challenge, so I called Donna "My Beautiful Godess" when the four of us began the journey and my wife gave me this look that said, "Hey cool it, Buddy."

    I think Donna feels a little sad for her friend, who is lugging her own heavy bag onto the airplane while I'm carrying my wife's gear, getting her tea, holding her hand. So, the challenge is to deliver that service my wife enjoys and to help ensure her best friend gets treated like a queen, and to do it all subtly. My buddy John is a good natured guy and will get on board with that, I think.

    Hope you have a wonderful day pleasing your wife!

    Scott

    Take care,

    Scott

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    1. Scott, Loved Donna's response. I read your comment to Katie and we both chuckled. "Knock it off Buddy" is a lock I have seen myself more than once. Have a wonderful week and hope your trip went well.

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  7. I have never liked being called Mistress either. Although, I don't know exactly what term should be used that I do feel comfortable with.
    Best wishes, Karen

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    1. Looks like you got yourself a conundrum to deal with! Ma'am? Safi? Miss? etc.... Got to pick something for him to call you.

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  8. My wife and I are not so inclined for me to adress her as "Mistress", yet anyway.

    I informally adress her with terms of endearment and affection:
    Honey, Sweetheart, Baby, Sweets, Darling, Sexy, Princess, Sweetness, Lover, Smoochie, My Love, Honey, Pretty Lady, etc.

    When responding to her direct requests or questions, I usually address my wife as "Ma'am". I do this as a show of respect for my wife and as a token of my wife's place of honour in my heart and in our marriage. Addressing my wife as Ma'am is also a constant reminder of my vows to Love, Honour, Cherish, Respect and Obey her.

    Addressing my wife respectfully is a natural result of my wife's place of ever increasing power and authority, and my place of increasing submission to her.

    At first adressing my wife as Ma'am was something I did only in private, but it quickly became so natural and felt so right to me that I now do so publicly and in social situations. Like others here have expressed, I do not care what others may think when they witness my expressions of respect for my wife and my humble attitude toward her. I am very happy and very proud that I am married to a women who can and does command my respect and submission to her. She deserves my respect and I freely show it. I do hope that by my actions and by my humble attitude that others do see that I respect my wife and and that I submit to her and obey her. And I am very happy to do so. My submission makes her happy and has made me a better man and husband. Since my wife began nurturing my submission to her our marriage has become happier and more fulfilling.

    In my opinion if more men would learn to love, honour, respect and obey their wives the world would be a better place for it.



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