Saturday, February 28, 2015

Active Participants

On Becoming a Surrendered Husband wrote a post recently in which he referred to a study stating most all men have fantasized about being dominated by a woman physically. He transitioned his discussion of this topic into one possible alternative to living under the cruel hand of a dominant woman by stating the following:
"Other than in our dreams where we live as 24/7 doormats and whipping boys, life would not be so great to be an actual slave and be beaten into submission all the time. Nor would your Woman’s life be all that great if she had to micro manage everything to did and punish you without ceasing in order to get you to do it.
A far happier model that I have found is to live in anticipation of her every want and need."
I enjoyed the post and agree with him. He made the comparison of a submissive tending to his dominant in much the same way a servant would a queen - that he would be proactive and perform expected duties without having her supervising his every move.  And that only makes sense.  Any employee works with the same mindset. Students do as well. Responsible children act similarly with respect to their chores.  In each situation each person does what is expected of them without their "superior" standing over them to make sure they are doing every specific task expected.

When Katie and I first contemplated a FLR relationship we read the short book Uniquely Rika. She made a similar point - that the submissive should be proactive by thinking one or two steps ahead of his wife and avoid her having to instruct him.

May I suggest a counterpoint? As much as I strive to be the person that takes care of Katie without her having to stand over me I have to admit that I do enjoy her expressing her dominance. For example, I just paused writing this post because Katie called me from the other room and told me to bring in the plants on the deck as the temps will fall below freezing tonight. I answered, "yes ma'am", immediately got up and completed the chore. It only took a minute and it's done. Now I'm back writing but I welcome those kinds of statements. They are good for both of us - good for me to 'jump' when told to do something and good for her to know she can make such commands and expect results ASAP.

I'm sure there is a fine line to tread that both the dominant and submissive need to tread as we both need to be 'active' participants in this lifestyle. Maybe in time I will feel differently. Maybe in time I will simply become her slave and do my job without needing (or wanting) to be told or reminded of things needing completed.  But I'm not there yet. However I've moved along that continuum quite a bit since we first began and Katie has as well. What use to be questions are now statements. What use to be 'can you do.....' has progressed to just 'do....."  And I love it!

I'm Hers

11 comments:

  1. I like this topic, my friend. I think a good recipe calls for more than one ingredient. I'm hoping that my marriage has plenty of Commands and a full measure of Proactive Hard Work. For me, it's a great day when I get plenty of commands from my sweetheart. My heart just soars when Donna orders me around, or even just makes a simple statement, and I get to hop up and serve her. Taking orders under her firm command is awesome, however, my commitment to making her life as sweet as possible requires me to think ahead, and plan, anticipating her needs and delivering the goods. Donna expects that from me, and she certainly deserves to be treated like a Queen.

    God gave me certain abilities, along with the spirit of courage and a heart to serve, so I may as well put them to use. I have a whole lot of faults, but why not to do everything I can to make the love of my life happy as can be?

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    1. Scott, I believe God made you just so you could serve Donna and take care of her - providing for her in all the ways you do - so that your marriage can be healthy and rewarding. You are a good man indeed and I'm sure she appreciates you each and every day you serve.

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  2. I don't know of any FLM where the man is whipped into submission those that say they are I feel are dreaming a fantasy. Do I get punishment spankings? Yes I do but it's usually because I lose my temper or promise to take care of a chore and then forget to do it. And a few times when we have been with friends I've been very rude. Those are just a few reasons I get punishment. And when the punishment is over the slate is clean no more thinking about it.
    archedone

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    1. archedone, I've never been spanked so I can't speak to what you describe but I'm sure it is freeing for both you and your wife that you can be disciplined and then move on, and do so without holding on to the past. In many ways that is how a child deals with issues. They do a wrong, they face the consequences, they are hugged after punishment is delivered and they move on with life. It sounds beautiful indeed. So glad you and Yours can live as you do!

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  3. This thread of thought is the anchor-point of my initial desire to live in a loving FLM, and the basis for which I felt comfortable approaching my beloved Mistress K. with the notion of the concept in the first place. The desire to serve my wife in any way that give her comfort and pleasure.

    Like in the comments of On Being's original post by Enthralled Woman, I try very hard to anticipate the needs of Mistress K. without being asked, or even being asked to recognize such a situation exists at any given moment. Like you, I am getting better at we move along in our journey. Also like you, I thoroughly enjoy the expression of her Dominance in whatever form it manifests itself. Be it a simple command from another room to cease what I am doing and attend to her, or the execution of a known, even scheduled task. Mistress K. is naturally becoming more and more comfortable with not "asking" and instead just telling. I love it too!

    Thanks for the heads up about On Becoming a Surrendered Husband's post.

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    1. Sub, Hub, you are a great sub. I mean that. So many of your posts express that very thread - your deep love for Mistress K. I am sure she appreciates your proactive behavior, much like Mistress Donna does with Scott (see above). Both of you describe wonderfully intimate marriages and much as to do with the effort of the men in those relationships put into it to make it as it is.

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    2. That's high praise coming from you my friend. Thank you. I'm sure you know this without me having to tell you, but you are also an incredibly great submissive husband to your wonderful wife Katie. Don't get a big head, but I' sure I'm not the only one that uses your words and descriptions of your life with Katie as the yardstick by which we measure ourselves. Be well.

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  4. The study that talks about "all"men fantasizing about being dominated does not say what your source claimed. The study asked me about their dreams, etc. The response of 88% was that they did think about being tied up and dominated. There was no inference of a submissive lifestyle. These guys wanted to bottom. What surprised me was that a smaller percentage of women dreamed about being bottoms.

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    1. caged lion, I bet there are a ton of women that love being submissives just as men desire that same position within a relationship. Further I am of the belief that both relational styles work equally well BECAUSE in both there is a deliberate attitude of purpose to please that is a part of both. Thanks so much for your comment. Stop by again!

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  5. IH,

    Thank you for both reading and linking to my blog posting.

    While it would truly be an ideal situation for me to live as the perfectly fitting glove on Her Royal Highness's hand, and be able to anticipate her every conceivable want before even she knows them, that is simply not how life is.

    Perfection in anticipation is a state I have not achieved, so a 'counter point' is probably not necessary.

    Trust me. I get my share of 'motivational talks'. And we actually do 'spark' from time to time. Just read (I believe) the very next posting about crossing the Rubicon.

    So while I strive to be the perfect servant, I am not. And well she does make a number or 'suggestions' that once uttered are shall we say 'unlikely to go unheeded'.

    So we are not so different you and I.

    Sincerely,
    SH

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    1. I thought I should also add that surrender is more than a one time decision.
      It is a process.

      I fail from time to time. I can be lazy and surly.

      She ignores it for a while them "Wham!"

      I am brought to heel through any number of 'motivational tactics', and I issue my apologies and am back on the road to becoming her more perfect tool.

      She enjoys taking me down a notch and I enjoy the renewed love that we both feel as her place is once again established.
      SH

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