Thursday, March 12, 2015
I had a wonderful chat with my daughter some time ago. She is out of school and although quite attractive has never thrown herself at boys. Rather her attention has been focused on her studies and playing intercollegiate sports. I have admired all three traits from afar. She has dated but most were with guys whom she went out with once, twice, maybe three times before passing on their next offer. But as with most things in life things have changed. There is a new ‘boy’ and she likes this ‘boy’. He’s older by a few years, is gainfully employed, has a faith that meshes with hers and treats her well. He texts her every day. He calls her every night. He lives some distance away and drives to see her most every weekend. I like him. I like the effort he makes to please and I like that my girl is happy.
Jokingly I asked if she’s kissed him yet and she responded quite shocked that I asked telling me she hadn’t.
“Why?” I asked and she told me she didn’t want to kiss a guy if he was just going to be a guy she had no real feelings for.
”I want to kiss someone I really like and not regret kissing him just because he expected a kiss.” I smiled inside once more.
Having that door open, I asked if he opens doors when they go out. “Well he does but it seems really odd when he does.”
Well he opens a door and then stands there and I look at him and he tells me that I need to walk through the door he’s holding.”
“That should make you happy,” I commented.
“It feels weird dad.”
“Because I can open the door myself and when he does it for me all the time it makes me feel like I’m weak and can’t take care of myself.”
It’s good for him to do this,” I suggested. “You need to let him open every door you pass through.”
“Because it gives him a chance to put you first.”
I steered the conversation to share how I serve Katie and mentioned a time when I forgot to open a car door a few years ago.
“She really yelled at you?” my daughter said aghast.
“She didn’t scold me but she did raise her voice and let me know that I needed to get to the other side of the car ASAP to open her door – and I’ll never forget again,” I said with a snicker.
My daughter already knows I do the cooking for us and I reiterated that the reason I do is twofold: first because working in the kitchen is not something Katie enjoys and second because it gives me a chance to express love – much in the same fashion her beau can express affection when he holds a door and lets her walk in before him.
I talked and she listened. I didn’t make it at all about me submitting and her dominating. Rather I kept the tone vanilla and relaxed and mentioned in various ways that the work I do for Katie keeps my heart and actions attuned to her. My daughter understood. What she does with the information is up to her but I do hope a few seeds take root.
I know another young lady. This one is a spitfire, even though she is all of 14 and weighs not a drop over 100#’s. She asked me one day, “What is your wife going to cook you for dinner?”
I shocked her when I answered, “She doesn’t cook me dinner ever. I cook for her?”
“Because that’s what my wife wants. She wants me to cook for her.”
“Why doesn’t she do the cooking?”
I smiled broadly, “Because I do.”
She left shaking her head but a week later she asked the same question and I gave her the same answer. This time I asked why her dad didn’t cook for her mom. She didn’t have an answer other than ‘because mom does the cooking’.
“That’s no excuse,” I said. “Your dad could do it just as easily as your mom.”
The subject changed but the seed was planted. I love planting seeds. I love making young minds re-evaluate life, situations, and predicaments. Sometimes we do things because that’s the way mom and dad did it. How many of us vote as we do because that’s how mom and dad voted? Too many. In the end, we never think. We never use our brains and really assess. I’ve stated this before: One of the best things a person can do is to try to prove themselves wrong rather than justify their current position. Why you ask? Because it forces you to think outside the box and in the process maybe look at things a wee bit differently.