Tuesday, April 21, 2015

It’s Still Hard to Obey

Scene 1:
I was going to see my kids for the weekend and Katie told me to unlock the day before. I asked the morning of my departure, “Will you be locking me for the weekend?”
“No.”

“Why not?” I asked surprised.

“Because I don’t want others possibly taking notice that you wear a steel cage.”

That conversation came on the heels of posts by Rhiannon and Cathy about consistency and the need to make decisions – even if they weren’t the best ones.  Katie and I had talked about those posts and when she told me I’d be free for the weekend, I mentioned those posts and our past brief conversation on the matter. Part – a good part – of me wanted to be locked. Being kept in chastity has become my norm. It is a safe and secure feeling. I know I am kept and love feeling her ever-present control down below. But I left for the weekend a free man and returned the same.  I didn’t get my way.

Scene 2:
I really wanted to make a big garden salad as I was craving all the good fresh vegetables I’d put in it and so I asked: “May I go out and pick up food for myself to make lunch?”

“No, just get something on your way. It will be easier.”

I nodded in understanding and said no more. It wasn’t what I wanted or would have done had the choice been mine.  But the choice wasn’t mine. I had no money in my wallet, my debit card has minimal cash in it and I don’t use it unless I ask first and she usually gives me a debit card to shop at this particular store since they don’t take credit.  I was completely at her mercy and her decision was final.

Scene 3:
Soon I would be traveling t visit family but Katie had committed to help her company with a special project that would span several days. Selfishly I wanted her to be free over the weekend so she could travel with me but her employer hadn’t sent out the work schedule. I had probed previously, asking Katie to see if she might request weekday work only but she simply responded with an “I can help you whenever” email.  As time neared and she still didn’t know her schedule I felt as if they were being irresponsible and inconsiderate and so I told her,

“It drives me nuts that they don’t tell you when you need to work. Why don’t you tell them you can’t work the weekend?”

She ended up not doing anything. She received her work-schedule a day or so later and she did have to work one day of the weekend which didn’t allow her to travel. I was upset but again kept it to myself. Nothing was going to change and Katie chose to do what she wanted – not what I wanted.

I don’t know about ya’ll but for me, obedience still comes at a cost – the cost being a reduction of my ego and selfish ‘why don’t you do it my way’ thoughts.  It’s tough being a submissive. It’s hard when you see things working out in one way and your Mistress makes a decision that blows the plan out of the water.  Yes, I want to obey. Yes, I see the value of obedience. Yes, I do trust her. But… but… but…. I sometimes what it my way!

In hindsight each of the above three incidences were insignificant. In the scope of life they didn’t matter. None of those altered my feelings for her and all are now in the past. What I learned from those is my vulnerability to her will. I learned that I really do need to obey. I tried to keep my feelings to myself and limiting my ‘disagreement’ to a few simple statements.  I’m learning to obey but it is hard.
If truth be told, what is most hard for me is using the toilet when I am free. I have been told to sit when using the bathroom and when the cage is on, well that is my only option. When out of the cage (and she’s permitted me out quite a bit lately) I stand lots. Sometimes I consider what she wants and usually blow it off in lieu of standing.  She’s said things once or twice – questioning me. I respond honestly but nothing is done other than a mild reprimand.  It’s hard for me to obey in this area. I don’t know why but to disobey seems ok. What’s the big deal? Why should she care? What does it matter in the scope of things?

I know the answers to those questions of course but when the door is shut and I’m alone, the greater implications of me standing rather than sitting seem trite and so I stand much too often. 

I’m Hers

28 comments:

  1. It's the job of the wife to make it easier for the husband to obey. We know that men are very attached to their egos and it's unrealistic to expect men to be obedient by sheer force of will. Holding tight the financial reigns is a strong barrier to mischief. But, ultimately, it is erotic power which makes happy and contented obedience possible.

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    1. Ms Misato
      I've never really given thought to your point that wives should make it easier (rather than harder) for their husbands to obey. Maybe your comment has to do to wives using their erotic power in a way that compels the husband to follow her orders/her way rather than another. I do agree that I would do anything for Katie and find myself putty in her hands following times she is especially open with me sexually. I love her body and love how she makes me feel when she uses her body to please me. Thanks for sharing!

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    2. Yes, that is exactly it. Print a copy of my book to give to your wife: http://rwddh.blogspot.com/p/the-book.html

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  2. Standing is your act of defiance. I understand that. But know it is also a sign you need her to guide you not in the way you want but in the way she feels is best for all of you . Submission just isnt for sissies.

    pete

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    1. pete,
      Thanks for stopping by to contribute to the discussion. Know you are always welcome here. My comment to yours is.... yes, it was an act of defiance - most of the time. Some of the time I really didn't think about sitting vs standing and it was only after I was through that I thought that I should have sat. But that was only some of the time. The other times, well I stood because I wanted to - because I felt as if she really didn't care. And yes, I do need to feel her control at those times but those times were hidden and I only revealed what I did later. I need her ever presence and that is the challenging part of dominance for Katie - being there all the time. She's pretty good at it but I don't know that it is a focus of her day.

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  3. "Being kept in chastity has become my norm. It is a safe and secure feeling. I know I am kept and love feeling her ever-present control down below."

    Hi I'm Hers,
    I can understand your wife wanting to keep your device private from family, but it does sound as if you want more in the way of continual or almost permanent confinement. Maybe your wife also has some health concerns for you, or has worries from past lockup periods? I am used to wearing my device and rarely have any issues, but I know my wife worries about potential health issues. Luckily I have had none.

    It is interesting your wife expects you to always sit. Everyone is different and my wife never made that request, but she has kidded me about my having to sit, or to deal with public restrooms like women have to.

    FL

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    1. FL,
      There was a time when Katie had health concerns when it came to me being locked but they were mostly when I was locked in a plastic tube. She was concerned with skin hygeine given that there was not breath-ability inside the plastic tube. But ever since we moved to a steel device with a cage design her health concerns were no more. She simply gave me time out of the cage because I was home with her. Her general rule is..... when you are away from me, you will be locked. Last night for example I spent the evening away on business - I was locked overnight. The night before I was home with her - I unlocked before I climbed into bed. If I am on vacation.... well I'm unlocked. Most recently her ever changing rule is... you are to lock every morning unless I tell you not to. And so that is the most recent protocol I follow. As for sitting to pee. Well she tells me to do it regardless of my chastity situation and so I follow her orders (mostly :)
      Thanks for taking the time to share FL.

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    2. I'm Hers,
      Thanks for the reply. It sounds like lockup times might be generally similar for us both, based on what you said. I guess I was asking more about prostate health, but was not trying to start debate. I understand what you said about hygiene, but I also found that a metal device was generally more comfortable for me to wear.
      FL

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    3. You might find this post interesting. http://im-hers.blogspot.com/2012/11/ejaculation-frequency-and-prostate.html?m=1&zx=5ca10fac2c99a187

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  4. I learn something new about you every time you post my friend. I didn't know that you were kept chaste with the use of a cage. I think that is a good thing in your marriage given that you are currently feeling the need for outward demonstrations of her dominance and control.

    I am not required to sit when I pee, but from my early days of being caged, I have learned to prefer to sit whenever I can, especially when I am at home and don't have to worry about creepy shit all over the toilet seat. Trivial such as it is, when I am sitting there peeing, Mistress isn't there too so she has no idea (nor probably cares) but I can't help but feel it is a personal, private demonstration of my submission to her. A small gesture that only I know about but nonetheless it feeds my submissive desires.

    I really would love to discuss with you the benefits of punishment spankings. I know that Katie doesn't spank you, but I'm not sure if she doesn't like it/want to or is merely something that the two of you haven't tried or considered. In my marriage, I can tell you that there is hardly anything we do that demonstrates her dominance, my submission and brings us closer together than when I am receiving a spanking from her. I won't go on here but of course you if you'd like to chat more about it offline, I'd love to here from you.

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    1. SHIP, you are a good man and a caring one. I hear you about the discipline aspect of your relationship and how it could help me/us. To me it is the one aspect that I believe we are missing that would put the signature stamp on our D/s relationship and mark Katie as the true dominant. But chatting with me isn't the solution. It's Katie that needs to embrace this. This needs to come from her, not me. I can't (and won't) force this issue. It's got to come from her and I wish she would take that next giant step.

      Feel free to write however as I'd love to hear your thoughts if you have something you want to share. Take care friend.

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    2. I get it too that chatting with you about it isn't the solution. I realize that it frankly isn't up to you, and I also realize that each of our relationships is certainly different. Anything that may work in my dynamic does not necessarily mean it will or wont work for anyone else. It has taken Mistress K. nearly four years to get the point she is now in terms the pleasure she gets, and intended results she gets gets from administering spankings on me. In the very beginning it was something that she frankly didn't see herself wanting to do ongoing, but she would give it a try. Those words (she would give it a try) gave me all the confidence in the world I needed because I knew that once she was able to get comfortable with the prospect of spanking me for punishment, and could genuinely see the kinds of results she sees now, that her logical mind would convince her that it was just what the doctor ordered for our new, exciting FLM.

      She's very much like what I perceive your Katie to be like. Sweet, loving, kind, smart, sophisticated but not a pushy, stuck up bitch. The kind of women everyone that comes into contact with her wants to be around. All of kids friend want her to be the other mom and I'm not naïve, i know there are plenty of my friends and other men that come into contact with her that would love to have sex with, even be married to her. She's that wonderful. That's how I picture your Katie to be and as such, I will remain hopeful that the things you need in your loving FLM will come naturally. That being, I'll continue to believe that punishment spankings might very well be just what the doctor ordered.

      Out here for you buddy!

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  5. Sweetie, I can only speak from my experiences. What I believe is that if you want a man to obey you in the 'big' things, he first needs to obey you in the 'small' things. Having to sit in a public restroom may seem like a 'small' thing. Never the less this is what mistress requires of you. As Katie's submissive it is your duty to do as told regardless of the reason why. Katie may not really care if you sit or stand, but she does care that you do as told. Having you sit instead of standing may simply be part of her training program. It may be a way of testing you. In our home we have a number or rules and protocols. In and of them selves none of which is important.. However, taken together they form a systematic framework by which a wife's authority is enforced in the home.
    As a simple illustration Teddy is not allowed to leave a dinner table without permission. In and of itself this may seem like a trivial matter. Yet, in our home it is an important rule for Teddy to follow.
    Why is it important? For no other reason then mistress requires it. This is all a man needs to understand. It is not up to the husband to ask the why or whatever, but simply do as told. It is about obedience training. In the end men are happier if they understand that mistress will enforce these rules. The problem in many homes is the wife allows a man to ignore her rules with impunity. After a time a man begins to wonder if the wife really cares about his submission. Not to tell Katie what to do, but in my opinion you could use a good dose of corner time.

    Love, Kathy

    Love, Kathy

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    1. Thank you for your response Kathy. I do enjoy hearing your viewpoint. So yes I need to obey. I never really thought that Katie might be 'training' me by having me do certain things like sitting down when I use the toilet. I also understand that if I can't do the little things, it may be harder to do the bigger things but I think I have done many bigger things in the past. Maybe this is just a stage of frustration that I've experienced and I'm showing a bit of rebellion. However, the latter part of your comment really doesn't apply to me but rather to Katie and I believe there in-lies the other part of the problem - the lack of enforcement. A healthy dose of corner time is probably in order but it will never come - sadly.

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  6. as her submissive husband you need to just do what she says she gives you a order drop to your knees and kiss her feet . and thank her for her order .then do it , stop with the whys. but. ands. just obey your mistress wife if you truly want her to be the boss then you need to jump when she talks your the slave she the queens that is sweet music to submissives mans ears . my advice to you is when you come back home go to Katie and tell your sorry for talking back that you will just do as she says and ask her if you can kiss her feet in thanks for her orders

    as submissive man my self w need to stop thinking of our self

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    1. Anonymous, thanks for writing. Even though you don't sign your name I think you probably have commented before stating similar things… That I need to just obey and stop fighting my wife's leadership. I do need to apologize. And I do need to recommit myself to obey even when I don't want to. Sometimes a good dose of frankness is what I need most. Thanks for giving that to me.

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    2. Hi IH, Mistress Kathy always seems to be able to say exactly what needs to be said. She pretty much was right on when she posted "The problem in many homes is the wife allows a man to ignore her rules with impunity. After a time a man begins to wonder if the wife really cares about his submission." My friend, I think that may be the crux of the issue to some degree in both my home and yours. Feeling much the same as you, I broached the issue of spanking as punishment with my spouse a while back and she was somewhat receptive. We tried a little of it during a recent playtime and, wow, we both liked it. She "really" enjoyed it. A day or so afterwards, I emailed to her requesting that we try a "maintenance spanking" once a week just to get us into it. I suggested she could also also make it correctional in nature if she felt it necessary. She said she would consider it as she did enjoy it, but we haven't talked about again. Maybe this is pushing the edge of her "kink" comfort zone, I don't know. Maybe you should broach the subject with Mrs Kate, as well. Stay well, my friend!

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    3. Wishful4, Maybe I will. I'm sure I'll probably get the same response from her that you got from your wife..... a no decision will probably be her answer. Isn't it interesting how the lack of such a little thing - a punishment, a corrective measure - can be such a big deal to us submissives? Do we really know what is best for us or do we just want 'a little bit more'? I really don't know because after awhile, even those things will become part of the norm..... and then what? Still more?

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  7. I think like any relationship FLR or not you always want to work to make it better and by posting today I think you are going to make it better. Learning to obey does take commitment .Like today I normally work out after I get home from work but she told me we are having company so she told me if I was going to that I would have to do it before I go to work which made me have to get up at five. I knew when I began our FLR that my free time would be managed by my wife yes it's a commitment you make but to me and I'm sure with you the rewards are well worth it.Also I don't wear a device but my wife still has me sit anytime I use the restroom.Always love stopping by take care.RR

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  8. Hello IH,

    Sounds like you're locked in to the action plan, buddy. Recommitting yourself to obedience and loving service to your Queen is the way to go. Doing so not in the spirit of getting something in return, but with the mindset that Katie deserves your very best, will bring joy to both of you!

    Also, if you do feel that there are times when you have not eagerly accepted her decisions or standing rules (no pun intended), you may want to apologize to Katie for that poor behavior.

    Enjoy the day, IH, for you are truly blessed to be married to a magnificent woman who loves you.

    Scott

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    1. Scott, thanks for the encouagement.... I never did respond to your last response on a previous post but this morning I was making the bed and a portion of what you said came to mind and made me laugh, "may I kiss your hand?, No, but you can kiss the dog!" Oh I loved it. Donna does have a sense of humor. But back to this comment - yes I do need to recommit and yes I do need to apologize and yes I do need to renew my mind with a new energy to serve. Thanks friend.

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  9. Baby,

    I enjoy reading the blog as well as the comments. What I discern from reading is that you as well as the readers are almost all very sweet, gentle men. In a simple type of way all of you have the desire to please the lady in your life. You want to be with her, in her presence, and at her service. In my estimation this makes each of you special. Like you, Becky's husband is submissive. He enjoys doing many of the same activities as you gentlemen. Like many of you, he doesn't understand the pressure that comes with being a mistress wife. He doesn't understand what it is like to be the one who is responsible for making the decisions. He doesn't understand that women have no desire to see their husbands down on their knees doing corner time. He doesn't truly understand the personal adjustment that comes with being a mistress wife. What most of you don't really 'get' is the idea that most women are somewhat embarrassed to have a husband who is submissive. Katie is more concerned with someone seeing the outline of your device than you are. Under ordinary circumstance you as the wearer of the device should be embarrassed to have it show under your trousers. Yet, it is Katie who is the most concerned. Why is that?

    Love, Kathy

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    1. I think the answer to your question as to why Katie is probably more embarrassed about others knowing I wear a cage than me has to do with her not being in control to hide or reveal it's presents to others..
      What I mean by that is, I know what I can do and can't do with my body went around others. I know how to give a hug and not make contact with the cage against their body. I know how to sit and keep it hidden I know how to move and keep it hidden, etc. Katie has to trust me and I think it is easier for her to just remove any possibility of it being found rather then putting all of the responsibility on me to keep it hidden-especially when around family. If it's off, she doesn't have to worry about it being found. I really think that's it in a nutshell.

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  10. A simple solution for a nagging problem. A girl friend from Tara days has her husband locked at various times. Like Katie she was concerned that the cage would show though her husband's clothing. The problem was mostly solved by having him wear pleated slacks.

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    1. I agree, pleated pants is one way to keep it hidden from others.

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  11. A few years ago I was reading a blog that commented upon the messy conditions of a bathroom used mainly by men. This was the result of standing and urinating in a toilet and the resultant splashes. I thought about some examples of this I have seen including my small business that has one unisex bathroom. The wall paper near the toilet is peeling off the wall!
    I resolved at that time that in the interests of cleanliness in conjunction with my desire to be submissive and feminized that I would always sit whenever using a toilet including at home and work. I only stand to pee when using a urinal in a men's restroom.
    I wish that my wife required this of me, but she doesn't. She did comment recently that the bathroom at home is cleaner since I have taken to sitting and she does appreciate that.
    I agree with Kathy that most women are somewhat embarrassed or uncomfortable to have a submissive husband, particularly prior to their learning what a benefit their husband's service can be to them.

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    1. Mr. Bill, well put! I have nothing to add because you said it perfectly. Thank you for stopping by and sharing.

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  12. Wow, that really is a huge topic by itself, isn't it? I guess I had not thought about the obvious possibility that I was an embarassment, but yes , I guess that is a factor. Nobody said this would be simple. JT

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