Monday, June 29, 2015

Just Let It Go

I was thinking about a post by Serving Ellie last night and spoke with Katie regarding my thoughts. His post came on the heels of something that happened to me and got me thinking.  The other day I saw something that got me frustrated. It was a small thing and it soon passed but I remember thinking, “I’m Katie’s sub. This is not a big deal. This is not something she would appreciate me making a stink over. Just let it be. She’ll get to it when she’s good and ready.” And so I left it where it was. I pursued it no further. I only mentioned I felt this way last night because I talked with her about my thoughts about another benefit to living in a Wife Led Marriage (WLM).

There is a saying, “we only hurt most the ones we love”. That’s adage is true, partly because of the openness we often feel we have with our siblings, parents, spouses and children. Our degree of familiarity opens the door for a level of honesty that can be contorted and perverted into a level of meanness. I remember my teenage son telling me after he verbally bashed his sister, “I’m just being honest with her” and having overheard him just rip her to shreds over something he didn’t like. Yes he was being honest but somewhere along the honesty path he forgot about love and tact and family. Rather he was mean with his remarks and left her in tears.

Married couples do the same thing. They disagree, argue, fight and although we eventually heal, each of those skirmishes leaves a little mark, a little blemish, in the relationship that can never be undone. Serving Ellie had a great (although sad) Father’s Day post in which he spoke of a crappy relationship he had with his father who wasn’t a good father at all. Those little fights, disappointments and mishaps during his childhood added up to ruining his relationship with his dad. Those same things can destroy a marital bond. They CAN but they don’t have to.

Now I’m an older guy. I’m not 20 anymore and because I’m older I have a lot of past in my life – a lot more past than future, unfortunately. But because of my age, I’ve learned some things along the way. One of those nuggets I’ve learned since submitting to Katie is to keep my mouth shut more often than not.

For example, I saw something the other day I thought Katie needed to take care of. It wasn’t important but it was something I felt she should address. But I chose not to say anything. I kept silent because it was a little thing. It didn’t matter even though I felt at the time it should have been dealt with. I had mentioned this before and chose not to do so again. I made a conscious effort not to be a nag. Because I didn’t nag I didn’t imply Katie wasn’t living up to my standard. I didn’t cast Katie in a ‘negative’ light. I didn’t make her feel like she wasn’t good enough.  I didn’t make her feel inadequate. I didn’t imply, “If you were a better mistress and a better wife, you’d have taken care of this by now”.  How big or little the issue happened to be really isn't the issue at all. An "issue" arises whenever I find something I don't like, (didn’t you see this? I know you did.); pinning responsibility for addressing it on Katie (why isn’t this taken care of?); and since she didn't I then feel like I have the right to hammer away ever so damagingly at her confidence as a leader.

If I choose not to let it go but attack her I destroy the very person I love ever so slightly. In the situation I'm alluding to I made a choice to not go there and I've learned that I really should hardly ever go there.

The solution of course in avoiding all the negatives here is so simple. All I needed to do was to keep my trap shut! That’s all I had to do. And that’s all I did. I made the proper choice this time and I’ve been able to make the proper choice for most all of our relatively short marriage. As a result I have a woman that adores me. I mean she absolutely adores me. We have a relationship characterized by openness and honesty. She sees herself as one who leads effectively and enjoys doing so. She sees me as one she can love and own and be open to share any and all things on her mind. And a big reason for some of what we have has to do with the one-sided relationship we’ve committed to. 

She leads; I follow. She determines what we will do on any given day; I conform to her plans. She decides; I go along willingly. She tells, directs, commands and dictates; I never do.  It’s a simple way of living really. I agree to let her lead and follow that leadership. It’s not that I don’t give her input but I’ve learned that some areas where I know she won’t budge aren’t worth fighting over. The one I’ve alluded to here is one. Asking her to punish me when I do wrong was another. (Although I did voice my desire for her to go-there on that one she has chosen not to at this point and so I’ve dropped the issue. It’s just not worth it. We have way too many good things for me to dwell on than a single perceived negative and might make her do something she doesn’t feel right about.)

The take away point: guys, when you see something you think needs doing and you’ve mentioned it before and she has chosen not to ‘do it’ then let it go. Don’t force her to do what she’s not ready for. Don’t make a big deal out of something that isn’t important. Don’t make her feel inadequate by telling her she should have taken care of this last week, last month or last year. It’s simply not worth it. As the Good Book says, “take the log out of your eye before you tell your wife about the sliver in hers”. We all have logs in our life we need to work on. The wife we’ve submitted to and agreed to follow, support and love, needs our devotion a whole lot more than she needs our index finger jabbing into her side telling her what she needs to do next.

I’m Hers

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

She’s Almost Got it!

Our mornings start in one of two ways - either she gets up and starts her day or she stays in bed and wants sex. Today I got up first because the cat was bothering me. When Katie saw me dressing (on a Saturday morning) asked what I was doing. I told her I was getting up. "No, come to bed." she said and some minutes later we made love. How nice that was. I was so glad she spoke her mind and didn't leave the decision of rising or returning to bed to me. She wanted me in bed and told me so - in her ever sweet way!

Our day's have been ones in which we've had more time together the past few weeks than usual. Mostly Katie has been my Mistress - telling me what she wants and asking very few questions. As a result it's really easy - almost normal - for me to call her by that name when she acts as such - My Mistress.  But there are times when she is simply Katie, the normal, non dominant wife that I wish would go away forever :)

She was in the bathroom. We have a toilet that can be stubborn sometimes. She had just flushed it and was standing there. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"I need to wait to make sure the toilet shuts off."

I wish she had told me to wait so she didn't have to.

Early, early one morning she got up. It was like 5 AM and neither of us are early-birds. I asked, "Where are you going?"

"To feed the dog so it won't bother us."

I wished she had told me to do that so she could have stayed warm and snugly in bed.

Most nights she will say something to the effect of, "It’s time for bed," or "I'm going up," but won't insist I come up with her. I wish she would. I usually end up playing some computer game and don't do anything productive anyway.

However, things are different when it comes to making love, who cooks and cleans the dishes, who keeps the kitchen clean, who does laundry, who cleans the floors or who decides when it’s time to leave to head off somewhere. There is no freedom there. It's her way and her way only and I love feeling that sense of confident-loving control.

The other day we had just gotten into bed. Unbeknownst to me Katie was feeling horny (always a great deal for me :) She pulled me by the head twice pretty hard and brought my face to hers so she could kiss me and did so passionately. Then she left for the bathroom, returned a minute later, mounted me and enjoyed herself for a good long while. When she was satisfied she rolled off and headed back to the bathroom and then came back to bed ready to sleep. She left me hard and wanting and loving every minute of the past several we had just shared together. She always leaves me this way after we make love and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Another night she stroked me for quite a while, not so much as a tease but it definitely felt nice. She kept me hard for a long time and then for whatever reason stopped. Oh gosh why? But she was through enjoying whatever she was enjoying and then drifted off to sleep.

I mentioned this instance in a previous post but will repeat it once more. While traveling on a shopping trip I said "Katie, I’m going to organize your dollar bills in your purse,” I said looking at the jumbled bills. “No you aren’t,” she said nicely but with an edge that meant she was serious. I closed it promptly knowing she didn't want my organizational help.

One morning she said, "Here," while sitting at her vanity. Her back was to me and I happened to be walking by, “get me more. This is empty.” She handed me the empty tissue box.

It's those things. Not big things but things nevertheless. Things that come up in the course of the day. Times when she wants to be fed and knows I am her 'feeder'. "Get me a glass of water," "I'm thirsty." "Come here look at this." It's those times. The little times. She isn't mean she just tells me the way it is or what she is thinking and does so knowing she wants me to obey and follow orders.

Here's one more from yesterday. We were painting a bedroom together. She had stopped working and then told me a few minutes later, "and when you are done there I'll have something to eat." I internally beamed with joy at her words! It wasn't hard for her to say that. I don't even know if she said it intentionally. I hope she didn't. I hope those words came from deep inside knowing I am her cook - her sub.

Yet there are still those other times - the I need to feed the dog or I need to wait for the toilet to shut off or I'm going to bed but you can do whatever you want (instead of telling me to come up) times.  The concept that has been so difficult for her to internalize is how much I enjoy those dominant words and don't ever ever interpret them as negative nagging statements. If she only knew how much power those actions held (in a positive way) I think she’d be dumbfounded.

Have a wonderful Week!

I'm Hers

Friday, June 19, 2015

Why Blog? Why Read? Why Comment?

I was up putting laundry away tonight when the topic came to mind. Just prior, I was checking the sidebar of my blog to see if any new posts had gone up recently. It was probably the forth of fifth time I did so today. I enjoy reading what others have to say, regardless of whether or not I agree with them.  I also enjoy writing posts although I sometimes struggle with coming up with meaningful things to say.  I was thinking about ya’ll and why do you read? Probably for the same reason I read. Why do some of you comment? Probably for the same reason I write.

I believe we do this because we need the support of one another. I write because I want to convey to others that this way of living is truly wonderful. I wouldn’t trade my life as Katie’s submissive for anything. I texted her not more than an hour ago, “I love having you as my Mistress. I love being your sub,” and she responded, “I love my sub.” We are passionately in love and much of our connection has to do with me obeying and her leading.

There are far too many marriages falling apart because two individuals who were once very much in love are no longer. Their lives have slowly taken divergent paths. They don’t talk the way they once did. They don’t enjoy one another the way they did years before. They don’t see eye to eye; they argue more; make love less, and generally aren’t has happy just being together as they were during that first year after they married.

I’ve received many emails – mostly from men, but not all, who have partners/spouses who they want to submit to or dominate but don’t have a receptive partner. There is nothing wrong with a man submitting – obeying – listening to – loving – deferring to – his wife. Let me repeat – there is nothing wrong with that at all. So many women don’t want to hear that and yet I dare say there is not a woman that doesn’t want to be listened to, valued, and have her ‘honey-do’ list completed. Isn’t that a form of domination? In my mind it is. Why not take the plunge and embrace all you really want – control and a husband that wants to be close to you, wants to listen to you, wants to love you and wants to treat you like he did while you two were dating?

I’m getting off track, but leave it to say that I write to share my life with Katie BECAUSE I want to entice others on the fence to consider a similar relationship. I hope you read blogs in order to gain support, encouragement, comfort and hope that you can, or might someday, live a similar life. We all need the support of others. I hope this blog and others like it support you. I also find support by the comments you make. I love reading your comments – even when you lambaste me for dumb things I say or for things for which you disagree.  That’s OK.  I often tell Katie, “Can I read you a comment from Scott?” or “I think RR and I would get along well.” Or “ut-oh, Lady Grey wrote something!” or, “Hey Katie. Kathy commented on a post,  or, or, or. 

There are so many of you that I call ‘friends’ because of your repeated visits. There are a few others that have come and gone and I wish would come back. Know that you are not just writing to me but to all that read. On an average day 500-1000 people will visit this page. Think about that. Your comments can also influence others.

Thanks for giving me an audience. Thanks for sharing. To the hundreds of you that don’t – your thoughts have value – and I wish you would consider joining the discussions.

Have a wonderful weekend!

I’m Hers.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Dumbing Down in Mid June

It's summer so I can't get too heavy with deep thoughts. My brain has taken a hiatus. Problem is it might be permanent. I really don't know when it will be back. Luckily I have Katie cause when we exit from shopping it sometimes takes two of us and a key fob to locate our car anymore. It's a strange phenomenon but when we hit our mid 50's we started to forget more. If you aren't there, well you have something to look forward to and if you are, well you've probably already forgotten  what you just read.

Anyway, Katie was playing a song I hadn't heard on her laptop. It's by a guy named Rodney Carrington. Funny guy. He can be crude but he is quite funny.

Well he wrote a song called, "The Man Song" Enjoy

And because we are Title 9 friendly, here is the companion tune: "The Woman Song"

I'm Hers

Thursday, June 11, 2015

I’ve got to stop assuming

Can you guys relate to me here? I have the best of intentions but find they are not Katie's intentions. For example, the other day she had me get a credit card out of her purse while we were driving. I saw that her wallet was a mess (that was my perception) and so I said, "Katie, I'm going to organize your wallet for you."
"No you're not. Not now."
"Oh," I said surprised.

The other day we were out shopping and Katie put her purse in the trunk so she didn't have to carry it. Our routine when we are out is for her to drive and when she finally parks the car, she gives me the keys to keep hold of. When we return to the car, I open her door, she gets in and when she's ready I hand her the car keys.  So..... when we walked back to our car after shopping (me, with keys in hand) I said, "I’m going to pop the trunk."
"So I can get your purse for you."
"No. Leave it there. I don't want it yet."

Although I can't remember the other examples this pattern has repeated itself several other times in the past week. I'd assume she wanted something and rather than waiting for her to tell me I make the assumption and end up making the wrong one.  I remember as a kid hearing that when you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME.  How true the saying is.

I need to learn to keep my trap shut. I need to be more patient. I need to not force Katie to adopt my standards. As in the case of her wallet being disorganized I made the wrong assumption. She knows exactly where things are both in her wallet and in her purse. Me, when I go in there it’s like exploring an unknown cavern. What I need to do it to better learn her ways or not be so eager to please. Or…. Maybe I should ask rather than assume.

It's tough for me to not 'top' but, then again, I'm not trying to top. I'm trying to anticipate. I want to do what is best for her but my recent guesses aren't panning out so well.

I'm Hers

Monday, June 8, 2015

It's easier when we work together

Life with Katie has been going super good lately. Much of that may be due to the two of us spending more time together. I think both of us would agree that we feel very much in love and very close to emotionally, physically, and spiritually. For the past few weeks Katie has been quite comfortable telling me what she wants, speaking her mind and letting me know what she wants regardless of how it will make me feel, and supervising me and the goings on in our home according to her wishes.

Yesterday I went to use the bathroom. As I looked at the toilet I had a choice: stand or sit? I know what Katie wants me to do but when the door is shut, it's still a choice.  The choice today was so easy I gave it almost no thought. I gladly sat. I sat because I wanted to obey; I wanted her to be pleased with my choice - even if she would never now. As I sat I thought how easy it is to live as her submissive when she does her part by actively being my dominant. Maybe I've never thought of this before but the two roles really do go hand-in-hand. 

A few months ago I wrote a series of posts, one of which I believe I titled "I'm just not feeling it".  In that post I expressed the discontent I felt because Katie was not taking ownership of me the way I thought she should (and promised, when we exchanged our marriage vows). Just last week I remember reading a comment Cathy made. She said a femdom marriage takes upkeep; that it's not like a car that you can start and just let run on its own. Rhiannon made similar comments in her latest post where she emphasized the need to being consistent. For a WLM to work it needs active input from both parties. How true are the words from both of these women. I need to serve, to do the chores she has seemed mine. I need to wait on her and be there, anticipating her needs and desires constantly, but she needs to take charge, lead, and be the alpha female for this marriage to remain healthy.

My hope is that during the summer months I will continue to be actively submissive and she overtly dominant as we love one another. I know we have moved quite a way from the traditional 50/50 relationship we first envisioned when we first fell in love.  Way back then all we wanted was a normal healthy relationship - the kind our parents have. So much as happened since then. Now we still want to have a happy and healthy relationship but one in which Katie leads and I follow, where Katie controls and I obey and one where we communicate so intimately that we both never want to return to that 'old' way.  I do want to live as her knight and she as my Queen and like any medieval relationship, both the queen and knight have responsibilities.  I hope can remain similarly active and attentive to our respectful roles and duties.

I'm Hers

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Kathy and Scott Make me Think

Kathy gave us her personal theology perspective. In one of last weeks’ posts, she stated her beliefs as it related to a wife-led marriage and God. She made the following statements. (I separated them so you can consider each.)

“Every marriage is a type of covenant before God.”

“A Femdom marriage is a special covenant. It requires a special type of commitment. The husband pledges not only love, but also to serve and obey.”

“The wife pledges to lead, to train, and to hold her husband accountable for his actions.”

“In a sense the wife becomes the physical embodiment of the creator.”

“Her authority as head of house- her authority to rule both husband and children comes directly from God.”

“In a femdom marriage the husband acknowledges his wife's authority, but he is not the source of it.”

“The wife's authority in marriage comes from a higher source.”

Scott made a comment in a post I put up regarding a scriptural view of women. He referenced an article I enjoyed reading. The article focused on the Hebrew word “ezer” which is how God defines Eve (woman).”

Here are a few excerpts:

1) The ancient Hebrew letters were pictures that slowly evolved into the modern Hebrew letters used today. The ancient picture letters used for ezer were an eye, a man and a weapon. In other words, an ezer is a revealer of man’s enemy.

2) Summarizing what we know about ezer, and by inference, women, reveals that based on the Scriptures, God made Eve to be Adam’s protector in a similar fashion as God was Israel’s protector.  

3) When referring to a woman, ezer is a much more valuable asset to a man than implied by the word “helper” or the less flattering “help meet.” (Which if you read the article is how the word was translated into English way back in the 1600’s.)

4)  Ezer is a mighty helper and protector for her husband, one who is able to reveal his enemy in times of danger, thus helping to strengthen and protect the marriage.

My take: Kathy says her views are not main-stream and I agree. Most of our society does not follow a femdom/WLM philosophy. However that doesn’t make her views wrong. Many things that are ‘normal’ aren’t necessarily best. It’s interesting comparing her view of where a woman fits into the hierarchy of man/woman and God.  The author of Scotts’ post reiterates much of what other’s (able to separate themselves from the ‘male is superior and the female is inferior’ view) now believe when looking at God’s definition of a woman’s’ relation to her husband. She isn’t less; in fact she might be more. I ask you who question this belief to read all of the other uses of ezer and then be consistent in how you look at the two uses of it with respect to a woman.  One can’t say oil floats on water but then say, ‘well in this case oil can’t float on water.’  The same is true here. If ezer means protector/savior in every other use in scripture then Eve (woman) is also man’s protector/savior.

Personally I agree with Kathy’s statements. Every marriage is a covenant before God and in a femdom marriage (a wife led marriage) it necessitates that a man pledges to serve, love and obey and a wife to lead, train and hold her husband accountable. As the protector of the relationship, it’s her duty to watch over the marriage, to make sure it’s cared for properly; that the husband is protected from his own vices which may tear the marriage apart (affairs, porn, gambling, frivolous spending, selfish use of time, etc). The wife has been given the divine ability to see things that her husband simply cannot. Maybe that is where the concept of female intuition arises.

In order for a wife to adequately protect him, he must obey her. A parents role is to protect their children yet if a child refuses to listen and goes his own away against the advice of mom or dad they can't be protected. The same is true in a marital relationship. I believe the requirement of male obedience is a must. Contrary to many, living within the confines of what a wife allows is not a restriction, rather it is a gift; a gift she gives him. His gift to her is his service through his obedience.

Often when the lights have been turned out and Katie is snuggled up and lying on my chest or has told me to wrap myself around and spoon her from behind, she will tell me how safe she feels.   In one way, my bigger, stronger body serves as a physical and psychological comfort to her. It’s how I can protect her. Yet I feel very cared for as her husband. She takes care of me. She protects me. She watches out for me. She guides our marriage. She lets me have both freedoms as well as giving me boundaries that I must live within.  We mutually protect one another.  I protect her from physical harm; Katie protects me from every other.

I don’t claim to have the final answer to this question and part of the reason I am writing this post is to process thoughts and put them down on paper. It helps me to think things through and meditate on the views of others.

I’m Hers