Thursday, June 11, 2015

I’ve got to stop assuming

Can you guys relate to me here? I have the best of intentions but find they are not Katie's intentions. For example, the other day she had me get a credit card out of her purse while we were driving. I saw that her wallet was a mess (that was my perception) and so I said, "Katie, I'm going to organize your wallet for you."
"No you're not. Not now."
"Oh," I said surprised.

The other day we were out shopping and Katie put her purse in the trunk so she didn't have to carry it. Our routine when we are out is for her to drive and when she finally parks the car, she gives me the keys to keep hold of. When we return to the car, I open her door, she gets in and when she's ready I hand her the car keys.  So..... when we walked back to our car after shopping (me, with keys in hand) I said, "I’m going to pop the trunk."
"So I can get your purse for you."
"No. Leave it there. I don't want it yet."

Although I can't remember the other examples this pattern has repeated itself several other times in the past week. I'd assume she wanted something and rather than waiting for her to tell me I make the assumption and end up making the wrong one.  I remember as a kid hearing that when you ASSUME you make an ASS out of U and ME.  How true the saying is.

I need to learn to keep my trap shut. I need to be more patient. I need to not force Katie to adopt my standards. As in the case of her wallet being disorganized I made the wrong assumption. She knows exactly where things are both in her wallet and in her purse. Me, when I go in there it’s like exploring an unknown cavern. What I need to do it to better learn her ways or not be so eager to please. Or…. Maybe I should ask rather than assume.

It's tough for me to not 'top' but, then again, I'm not trying to top. I'm trying to anticipate. I want to do what is best for her but my recent guesses aren't panning out so well.

I'm Hers


  1. Oh yes I can definitely relate. I do all the laundry and one time I was putting her clothes away in her dresser draws and to me they seamed a little unorganized so I asked if I could straighten up some. Well that was not a good question as she told me "it's just how I want" it so needless to say I don't ask those questions anymore.I'm like you I do try to anticipate what my wife wants but carful what questions to ask or how to word them properly.. R R

    1. Don't you just love it? Here you are trying to do what logically only makes sense and you get shot down LOL. Isn't life as a submissive just the best? :) Keep on truckin (now there's an old saying)

  2. Ken, Ken, Ken, my dear man are you newly married?
    There is a way that seems right to a man. That is also called the wrong way.
    The way your wife wants it done this time is not the way she wants it done next time.
    Any good woman knows she has to retain an air of mystery. By keeping you guys guessing we keep you listening.
    You're a sweetheart Ken, just forget what you think is the right way and you will be fine.

    1. Katie, Katie, Katie, I've been married to my wonderful wife for a few years but I've been married for many - if you get my drift. I hear you and I guess as a Mistress Wife what you say goes but ...... should I capitalize that? Add some girth to that word...... emphasize that with red print and bold type? But...... you are pulling a power play here :) How can one ever please if the Mistress can just say "well, today I don't want that."?

      You make me smile.

  3. Gosh, sometimes it's good be clearly told what to do.
    But it sounds like maybe She doesn't want you in Her purse for some reason... a possibility?

    1. Naw, she doesn't mind me getting in her purse. I'm in it all the time fetching things for her. She just didn't want me cleaning it out and possibly throwing away receipts or other pieces of paper without her checking (that's my guess.)

  4. I don't think this is specifically a Dom/Sub situation.

    But regardless, I think you made more of a declarative statement "I'm going to organize...."

    In a more submissive way, maybe it could have been phrased differently. Maybe "Would you like me to organize..." would have been received better.

    And ti's also possible that she might have interpreted that as a bit of a negative comment, like you were criticizing her for being disorganized.

    But I'm completely guessing here, maybe you should just ask her how she felt when you offered.

    1. jen and Anonymous (below) I think you got to the source of this.... I forgot to ask and rather than asking made the assumption "I just could". This is my problem, I assume too much and don't take the extra second to stop and think first. It's always been that way and it's hard to change. I've just noticed it more lately - which may be a good thing.... at least I'm recognizing there is an issue.

      Thanks for the two of you for sharing.

    2. I've struggled with the exact same thing. It does take time for us to re-train our behavior. Or maybe better said (at least in my case), it takes time to break bad habits ;-)

      And yes, do keep trucking on!

  5. Hi, what I noticed is that you say "I'm going to do this", rather than asking if she would like for you to do it for her.

  6. So, just how long did it take your beautiful wife to get over each of those little instances, IH? My guess would be ten seconds, if that long. I love how Katie immediately tells you whether or not you are doing the right thing. My Donna does that too, so you and I are very blessed, my friend.

    Don’t keep your trap shut, and don’t ever stop offering those little services to Katie. Isn’t it your role to anticipate, serve and joyfully provide the little things that make Katie feel special? I have a suspicion that Katie will yank your chain when you are going too far. : - )

    A couple days ago, Donna chastised me for opening the car door for her, “Just get in the car, Scott, we are running late.” Then later that day when I did not hold open her door, she reprimanded me, “I cannot believe you are not opening the door for me!” That woman keeps me on my toes, and I love her dearly for that.

    I’m with Jen and Anonymous in that you are simply wording things the wrong way. You could try saying, “May I organize your wallet?” or “Shall I get your purse from the trunk?” or “Is my Beautiful Mistress ready for a nice glass of wine?” I’m pretty confident that you can adopt those habits, IH! If you need help, spend some more time on the Worshipping Your Wife blog. Those guys have that protocol thing nailed over there!

    I hope you and Katie have a wonderful weekend!


    1. I'm trying my friend, but it's so hard :)
      Weekend? I think it's going to be a "Workend". Katie's got work planned for me all day - at least for Saturday. I'll be glad when my vacation gets over and I get to go back to work. It's so much easier working for money than for sex. Ooops, I mean for Katie :)

  7. "I assume too much and don't take the extra second to stop and think first. It's always been that way and it's hard to change. I've just noticed it more lately - which may be a good thing.... at least I'm recognizing there is an issue."
    I'm Hers,

    It may be that you are just feeling in a comfort zone in your relationship, perhaps because you are so familiar with your wife's habits, likes and dislikes. Assuming is probably a normal thing, but you also do not want to overstep your bounds and that is normal too. In my own marriage, going into my wife's purse is a no no, unless I am asked to fetch something or put something in it for her. I'm pretty sure there isn't anything in there she does not want me to see. It's she just has her own system of storing things. Seems like you politely asking for permission is the best course of action with respect to some things. Hope you are not too tired from weekend chores.