Friday, July 24, 2015

A Curious dichotomy

Yesterday Katie was in the other room. I could hear her on the phone and her tone was one in which she was obviously expressing frustration to whomever it was on the other end. I later asked who she was talking to and she explained she had called customer service for Target, a large department chain in the States.  Katie had checked the receipt slip from a purchase she had made some days ago and noticed that on a second receipt that came with the purchase receipt was a statement in large bold red letters: "Important: Call to verify your RedCard mailing address today. It looks like we might have an outdated address for you... bla bla bla." And it ended with an 800 number to call Target. And so she called. Her frustration had to do with the comment on the receipt. We go to this store weekly and they send us monthly statements because we use their credit card to save a little money. They obviously have her address and contact info and Katie didn't appreciate them telling her they didn't.

"It's just a waste of paper and my time," she said irritated while holding up the two-foot long receipt.

That afternoon I was seated next to her on the sofa and she humphed in frustration, "Ahhhhh!"

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"This stupid computer is taking so long to do what I want it to do!"

Later that evening she was wrapping a gift for a party we would be attending. The package was large and heavy (yes we have grandchildren and they need 'big' packages from their grandparents). I was in the other room and heard her groaning with frustration. "I need your help," she called.  She was having trouble getting the ribbon around the packages without tearing the paper. I held them up for her until she got things the way she wanted.

"Do you know what puzzles me?" I asked later.


"That you are so quick to express frustration with other people like the the customer service lady or with things that give you trouble but almost never with me."

She smiled but said nothing.

And so that discussion ended right where it started. Yet I wondered why she treats me differently because I am by no means perfect. I tend not to always respond immediately when she calls me away from whatever I'm doing or tells me to do something for her. Yes I do obey but sometimes I put myself and my needs/chores/wants first (at least for a little bit) before attending to what she wants done - not always but sometimes - and I wonder why she lets me slide and doesn't express similar frustration at my slow responses on those occasions.

Katie seems content with how I react and yet I know she has an impatient/expectant attitude. She doesn't enjoy being put out. She doesn't enjoy wasting time. She is the ultimate pragmatist. She can be quite particular and yet I can count on one hand the number of times she's snapped at me. It's a rare occasion indeed.

And I wonder why I am the exception.

I mention this because of the dichotomy that I'm certain must appear to be so strange to 'outsiders' who I know must read my or similar blogs. Most men don't want to be controlled. They don't want to be commanded to do this or do that or be told, "let's go," when they are in the middle of something. I do. I crave it. I live for it. I need it. I feel grumpy and moody when I don't feel it or get it. If you are not a man who belongs to a woman - meaning she doesn't own you - then the aforementioned statement may not make much sense. If you are, then I believe you fully understand what I'm trying to say.

If you are a mistress I think you can identify with your need to maintain control. I made mention to Katie not so long ago that mistressing is all about attitude. What I was referring to was her need to not forget how important it is to maintain an air of control in order to keeping our marriage intimate and me close to her emotionally. And she has come so far. Just today I asked her if she had been intentionally acting different recently. She said she wasn't and asked me why. During a three day weekend with her at home I noticed how expectant she had been at ordering me around. Now her ordering is never harsh but it was persistent: Let's eat. Let's go. Get me some ice water. It's time for bed. Put my medicine out on the counter so I don't forget to take it. Come and look at this.... and on and on it went.  I need that control. I really do. I don't know that I could be happy without it. I think we'd fall on hard times if she ever decided to go back to our old way of living in a 50/50 arrangement.

All of this is a learning process and Katie and I are no exception. She's been my mistress for about four years and she is still adapting to that role. Likewise I am too. In my last post I mentioned how I struggled to remain submissive while having to obey her corrective words when I didn't want to hear them.  We are doing better but by no means have mastered our respective roles of leading and following. But the journey has surely been worth the effort.

I'm Hers


  1. As a fellow submissive I do know what you are saying and I also crave being led. I love the feeling I get when I complete a task she has assigned me. She is not bossy but I know I must follow her lead. She also has ways to correct any problems I might have and I know the correction is done with love and to remind me who is in charge and who must obey.

    1. archedone,
      Thanks for your comment. I believe the majority of women that have accepted leadership of their home to one degree or another does so with kindness and gentleness. Most don't have a desire to be overtly mean or humiliate their spouse and in my mind it makes no sense to do so. I'm glad to hear yours leads you lovingly and corrects you in a similar manner. After all the goal is for you to serve and do so according to her wishes isn't it?
      Thanks again!

    2. I know the feeling all too well. My wife of 20+years qualifies (as I see it) as a true control freak: She takes no shit from our kids or anyone else. While I make every effort to obey her, when I fall short, she has far more patience with me. I find it perplexing, and sometimes almost... disappointing. --Mort

    3. Mort, this is a first for you, Welcome! I do hope you will become a regular here. I love having new people stop by and share thoughts. From my perspective, the more varied the responses the better the cross section of thoughts and ideas are expressed. Don't let this be your last time voicing your opinion.

      But to the question... why is your wife and mine so tolerant of our behavior when it is less than perfection? I wish wish I knew the answer. And although I desire to feel her leadership and correction, I refuse to stoop to deliberately disobeying her to try and flip some switch of hers to make her angry. Any thoughts?

  2. I totally know where you are coming from. I too crave this type of attention and feedback from Ellie, and as with Katie, she is reluctant to give it. Ellie spent many years overlooking my faults, and that is not all a bad thing. But now I've asked her to do the opposite and I think its hard for her to be in that mode. Shes a kind and forgiving person who doesn't like conflict with others, so its no surprise to me that its not easy for her to be my mistress. That said, sometimes I do wonder why it is so difficult considering the many benefits that could be had if she would only avail herself of them more often. I have thought about this a lot. If you figure it out, I want to know your secret!!!

    1. Mr. Ellie,
      As I just wrote to Mort (above) I have no idea why there is this inconsistency. My hunch is they don't want to treat us as someone less than they - and yet they fail to view all the stuff we do for them - which really is that of a servant. They see that as OK but when we don't wash a delicate item properly or if we fail to wipe a counter top or keep the bathroom stocked with TP they say little or nothing. Go figure!
      You're a smart guy. let me know when you have the answer :P