Friday, August 28, 2015

“I love that you take care of me”

I have an email folder entitled ‘post ideas’. Whenever I can’t think of something to write I often go looking in that folder for topics to write. Today was one such day. I’ve not had many ideas to write about lately and needed some help – and so I delved into the folder and found the above quote.

My marriage with Katie is so normal. I mean it’s really normal. I work full-time; she works part-time and cares for a grandchild a few days of the week. I guess that makes her work nearly full-time although she isn’t monetarily compensated for that ‘other’ job. We live in a nice home, enjoy working in the yard, socializing with friends, watching TV in the evening and making time to go out for a dinner date at least once a week. Mostly we love being at home. Katie will tell you that she indeed is a homebody. She loves the security and familiarity of being here – at home and I wish for nothing more than to remain by her side – wherever she is.

What makes us different from others is the way we relate. We are happy, in love, and wish nothing more than to spend every day together. It pains Katie when she has to work a Saturday, knowing it’s one of my two days off. It pains me when I tell her I’ll be home late because of work responsibilities. I work with kids and often have to contact their parents. The first question I usually ask the child before I call is: “Should I call your mom, your dad or doesn’t it matter?”  It really is a very sad question since most of those whom I work with live in a single parent homes. Something happened between mom and dad that resulted in a relational failure. They emotionally separated and then physically moved apart. I hate hearing of a child lives with only one parent because I know the love that should be there between parents that isn’t. When it’s lost, everyone involved loses.

The other evening Katie met up with three friends. She alerted them she’d arrive in a few minutes and that must have gotten them talking about us because when she arrived she heard them asking, ‘where are all the Ken’s?” All three women are single. All three are looking. When Katie joined them they remarked how nice of a couple we make and how lucky she is to have me.  Of course I see that from the other side of the coin – that I’m lucky to have Katie, but the point here is we are very happy, very much in love and people can see what we have. So much of our world is hurting and lonely. I know when I was single and started looking for a mate – before Katie and I found one another – I saw just how lonely our world is.  It’s scary lonely out there.

When I came to Katie and formally asked for her to reconsider how we related, and her assuming the position as head of our home, my life became a bit busier. Cooking was the most difficult chore to accept. I remember thinking just how much time I spent working in that one room.  After assuming responsibility for maintaining the home and the only person responsible for Katie’s well being, my mindset on life moved from one of self-centric to Katie-centric. What Katie immediately felt was my love as the personal attention I paid to her grew. Serving meals, cleaning floors, opening doors, giving up control of the remote, relinquishing financial and decisions making and generally catering life around her had a profound impact on our love life. That’s when the comment, “I love you taking care of me,” was first verbalized.

Of course, my kinky, submissive side wanted her to tell me how thankful she was to have a slave, or make me kneel while she stared down into my little-boy doe-eyes telling me I’d be her submissive husband forever. Instead she responded with words of love. “Thanks for caring for me.”

One of the adjustments I had to make after submitting was coming to terms with the reality of what I had asked. I knew I had stumbled onto a relational dynamic that filled a previously unknown inner need I had and when chastity, denial and service was added to that which she required that need took on a ‘kinky’ embodiment.  However, Katie wasn’t into kink. She didn’t consider chastity or denial or lovemaking her way kink. It was merely what she preferred. Rather. she wanted me to remain who I was – but pour my energy into loving and serving only her. In the bedroom that meant responding when she had interest although she enjoyed my continued pursuits. She expected me to dote daily and to show her love continuously. She also required me to do my chores so she wouldn’t have to.  There really isn’t kink in our life. Even I don’t consider chastity or denial kink anymore. Rather it’s the two of us living as everyone around us does with the one exception of she leads and decides and I follow that lead and obey those decisions.

In doing so, I express my love and devotion by my actions. Or as the Good Book puts it so elegantly in James, “Show me your faith without any actions, and I will show you my faith by my actions.” In other words – talk is cheap; let’s see who you are by what you do.  Submission is not an easy lifestyle. It requires work but it also results in the redeeming quality of gaining another’s affection, appreciation, approval and love. It also teaches the submissive how to love, how to give, how to live selflessly and how to serve. What more would a man want at the end of his day when he slips between the sheets next to the woman he married and know she thinks he is the most loving, caring and devoted man in the whole world? To have her snuggle close and welcome my embrace around her tender body and then fall asleep cuddled so tight is worth every weed picked, every dish washed and every item of clothing folded and hung.

I’m Hers

Monday, August 24, 2015

Emasculated? Part 2

After writing the previous post I began thinking of the comment that formed the basis of the post from the perspective of it being written by a woman - for indeed it was written by a female. The question asked was, “When the wife is in charge, can’t that make the man feel emasculated?

My answer is "maybe". Maybe it can, maybe it won’t. It all depends on HER approach as she addresses him and assumes leadership as his mistress wife. If she wants to come across as high and mighty and with the intention of making him feel low and unworthy, then, yes, I believe he will feel emasculated.

Here is an from my life: Our home is several stories tall with a fairly steeply pitched roof. Rain gutters run along the perimeter of the roof and when autumn comes and the leaves begin dropping, they eventually find the roof and then the gutters. We don’t own a ladder long enough to reach the top roof but I can climb on the porch roof, pull the ladder up and then make my way to the main roof of the house BUT I am not permitted to do so. 

Katie has made it clear I will not be climbing on the roof. Why, because she doesn’t want me falling. It has nothing to do with my inability to get on the roof and do the job. I’ve mentioned more than once how easy it would be to climb up and clean the gutters to save us some money but she has not budged. My safety is her concern. She knows my physical limitations are not the issue.

Now she could have told me, “I’m going to hire Pete to clean our gutters because you aren’t man enough to get up there and I know if you did you’d fall anyway you clumsy sub!”  If she had said something to that effect then, yes, I’d feel emasculated. I’d feel inadequate; and I wouldn’t like it in the least.

What the poser of the question needs to ask herself is “What is her intention when she steps into the leadership role?” What are her goals? How does she want to lead? How does she want her husband to feel as her submissive? How can she get him to embrace his side of the power-dynamic? and so forth. If she is taking control of a relationship that the husband is not sure he wants, then she needs to tread carefully. If she wants him to do the chores and he rebels at the thought of doing so then a gentle discussion needs to take place that doesn't focus on chores per se but rather love, commitment, honor, respect, etc. Doing chores, opening doors, standing when she enters the room, trusting her to handle the family income is about trusting and respecting her. Performing those tasks provides a means for him to express tangible love to her and for her to thank him for his efforts.

My position for the femdom life we lead is to fall more deeply in love with my wife. It's not primarily about wearing a chastity device or being denied. We happen to incorporate those items into our marriage because it helps us in various ways to keep that goal in mind. I want to live my life, loving Katie and have her love me. I want to enjoy my days spent with her. We believe our femdom marriage helps us achieve that goal. Yes, sometimes she teases me that I am her sub and will do what she orders but I know she’s stating what I want anyway so I never take those comments to mean she has lost respect for me. Her desire is akin to mine and so we both have our love-relationship at center stage as we live as Mistress and sub.

I’m Hers

Thursday, August 20, 2015


“WOW! I am so glad I found your blog, but you are really raising my expectations! When the wife is in charge though, can't that make the man feel emasculated? Please answer! Thanks!”

I received the above comment a couple posts previous. When I read what he wrote I thought a post was the worthy way of responding. So, to the poster, know I purposely didn’t ignore you and my good friend SHIP filled in the gap by responding for me – although my take will be a bit different.

When I hear the word ‘emasculated’ I think negative thoughts. It’s a word not typically used to compliment someone.  However, when I hear the word submissive or slave I think positive thoughts and I also think of myself – and think of many of you. Although the average guy ‘out there’ probably views these words with a derogatory connotation, I don’t. Yielding ones’ authority to their spouse isn’t a bad thing and it isn’t a sign of weakness. It takes strength to do so, more fortitude than most men can muster.

As a submissive to my wife there many certain limitations placed on me including sexual, financial, decision-making and an expectation to obey in all matters at all times. I have willingly accepted these restrictions and although I do not always want to abide by them, I do obey. I strive to live as her servant. I live to please. I live with the mindset that Katie comes first in all things and at all times. If she tells me to do something, I do it whether I want to or not. If she tells me something as innocent as rolling over in bed, I obey. If I’m instructed to cook her ‘this’, I do. If she tells me we need to do this or that today or sometime next week, that’s what I do even when I have other thoughts in mind or plans I put hers at the forefront.

When I obey I feel a sense of closeness. Obeying strengthens our bond – especially my bond to her. I also find Katie’s freedom to lead and command highly erotic. I love knowing she is comfortable telling me what I need to do. Her overt leadership is highly erotic – at least that’s how I perceive it to be. I also find her expectant attitude for many of our established routines equally arousing. In no way do I find my lifestyle or her command of me as being emasculating. My thesaurus likens the word emasculate with weak, feeble, impotent, powerless, and ineffective. Yes, I am powerless, but I am none of the other and I know she does not view me in any of those ways. Rather words like secure and thankful and grateful and one-in-a-million are words she often uses to describe her husband.

I guess an outsider that knew of our lifestyle might interpret my relationship with Katie as being ‘hen-pecked’ or that I’m ‘living with a bitch’ but that doesn’t mean I feel that way. If you go way back to the very first posts of this blog you will learn that I came to live this life willingly. It was me that came to her asking if she would accept my submission. Katie never demanded it or even asked. However, (and this is one big ‘however’) once I did, she informed me we’d never go back, that she’d never accept us living as equals. Why? Because she loved being served, catered, adored and having the independence to do as she wished.

I really didn’t know all the ramifications of my asking her to assume the leadership role but soon more or less realized the beauty of my submission as an after-the-fact understanding. My submission and her slowly becoming comfortable leading has deepened our love. Our femdom relationship has moved away from simply being a novice and fun thing to one in which we fully acknowledge our differences – she knows she’s married to submissive man and I to a mistress wife. Yes, sex occupies a large part of ‘me’ and probably very little with her simply because that is how we are both wired. Denial (see previous post) has much to do with that on my end but I wouldn’t even call that kinky – just not a societal norm – and by no means, unhealthy.

So, do I feel emasculated? Not in the least and the reason has everything to do with the mutual love and respect we share for one another. Katie does not view me as unimportant. She does understand I have limited power and absolutely have no power over her. That doesn’t make me unimportant in her eyes but rather dependent. It’s how I feel as well.

Here’s an example. Today we went to a local fair. We took our granddaughter. Katie decided to let her ride a pony. The cost was $5. I paid. I had exactly $5 in my wallet. I was glad I did. I didn’t know if she had brought cash (she had). I also knew today was the 15th of the month – the day I get my allowance of discretionary funds ($20). When we got back home Katie dug out $25 from her purse and handed it to me. “Here’s your allowance,” she said smiling.

Now, did I feel emasculated because I only get that little bit of money to spend as I wish every two weeks? Not in the least. She gives me a credit card to use for fuel. She often encourages me to use the card when I’ve worked late and missed lunch. She looks out for me. She just limits what I can spend money on other than fuel. She also expects (and trusts) me to ask whenever I want to use the card. I am not emasculated by being financially limited but I’m sure forced to rely on her and that is what she wants – me to need her. Likewise, when we go food shopping and she tells the cashier she wants $50 or $80 cash back I don’t question why. That is her prerogative to use what we have as she wishes – which I trust she will do wisely. I don’t question any purchase she makes. Never.

I guess what I’m driving at here is emasculation has everything to do with how one approaches the limiting of another’s freedom and how that limitation is perceived. Katie doesn’t intentionally try to humiliate or demean, and I never interpret anything she does as anything other than something she wants me to do for good reason, simply ‘because’ she’s said so.

I’m Hers.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Six Months and Counting

A month or so ago I commented on me and my chased husband blog written by a woman named Katie. I made light of the fact that she had kept her husband pretty much locked and chaste for some 160 some days at the time of her writing that particular post.  What I didn’t’ reveal was my own time as a chaste submissive. As of the 14th of August it will have been six months since Katie last told me I was permitted an orgasm. Valentine’s Day seems like ages ago when she last gave me the OK.

My life in chastity is not continuous.  Katie’s current rule (they often change) is to lock me each morning and have me unlock just before bed unless I'm told otherwise. To be certain I am doing what she wants I ask when I rise unless she has left the house when I know without a doubt what her wishes would be and then repeat my request each night just before slipping under the sheet beside her.  

Unlike Katie Christian’s husband, Katie prefers sexual satisfaction with me inside rather than going down between her legs. As a result there have been several times where I’ve had ruined orgasms. By ruined I mean I’ve done my best to stop the inevitable and pulled out or lasted long enough for her to be satisfied only to lose it several seconds later while remaining motionless either inside or outside her. To me ruined also means that there is no associated ‘wow!’ feelings when all that happens. I use the words, “I leaked,” since that’s how it feels. There is a release but no feeling like some erotic detonation exploding somewhere deep in my loins like there was back on the 14th of February. A ruined orgasm more or less feels like a pretty placid and wimpy 'oops'.

I correspond sporadically with another gentleman whose wife doesn’t want him to go nearly that long. He often asks me, “how do you do that?” meaning, go so long between ejaculations.  My response is usually something to the effect of: what choice do I have? The answer of course is "I don't have any say at all". I don’t control my sexual outcome. I do what she wants and what Katie wants is for me remaining denied.

So I’ve made it some 182 days, or there about. I don’t know if she will want me to go another 182 or another two. I really don’t know and to be honest, really don’t care anymore. What I want more than anything is to know that I satisfy her, that she enjoys me and that she is pleased with me both as a husband and one who will obey always. 

I’ve only been down this road of prolonged denial this far one other time and it ended somewhere in the low 200’s. If you are reading this and wondering why in the world a man would do this, let alone tell others, let me put it to you this way: do you know how good it feels just before "it" happens? Well imagine how good it would feel to be left feeling ‘that’ way well you've had the privilege of letting her enjoy you until she’s been completely satisfied and you almost completely satisfied. All I can say is that it’s a really, Really, really good feeling.  And if you’ve never done it you really have no leg to criticize.  It’s like asking someone if they like anchovies on pizza. Most everyone will say NO, but when you ask if they’ve ever tried anchovies most will say they haven't. They base what they think on the reputation of the anchovy rather than the actual experience.  Well, how do you know you don’t like anchovies on pizza unless you've given them a try? Denial is kind of the same, it might sound like something you would never want to experience but once you've tried it, you may get a whole different perspective on life when your wife denies you the thing you probably want more than anything else.

I’m Hers       

Friday, August 7, 2015

Wedding Observations

Sometime ago Katie received a wedding invitation from a friend who's daughter was to be married. We attended that wedding last weekend and it was a beautiful ceremony indeed. As I sat listening to the music prior to the service I wondered what the pastor was going to say on the topic of headship to these young adults. It didn't take long before I learned and heard the words ‘leadership’ and ‘submission’ mentioned at least five or six times. The leadership that he espoused was always directed to the groom while anything having to do with submission was spoken specifically to the bride.

After the service I was approached by the husband of one of Katie's friends. Now this man is a former fighter pilot, engineer and now owns quite a large company. He is quite wealthy and also married to a really fun woman. He approached me and asked what was the religious background of the pastor. I told him I was pretty sure the man was a Methodist pastor and his comment to me was "that wasn't a Methodist speaking".

His comment made me inwardly smile. Of course he was a Methodist! Don’t all conservative pastors preach pretty much the same?  Anyway he went on to tell me how much it bothered him to hear him instructing the bride to submit to her new husband. Just as he was speaking I turned and looked to his wife who was only a few feet away and engaged in her own conversation with a few of her girlfriends.  I happened to hear her say, “I would never ever commit to saying anything like that". 

I wish I could have heard more of what she had to say and I wish I could have talked with her husband further to learn of his thoughts. However that never happened since we were interrupted by and the conversation shifted in a different direction. I really wish we could have talked more. I wonder if he and his wife's’ value system have changed over time or if they have adopted their own philosophy that differs from the traditional Christian mandate? My guess is she doesn't lead a femdom household but I am sure she never agreed to say she'd obey her husband. Likewise I'm pretty sure he knows how far he can safely step when it comes to voicing his opinions knowing his wife is not one to lay down and just do what she's told.

What was humorous to watch was a little game the bride and groom played during the reception. The couple sat back to back holding one of their shoes in one hand and one of their spouses in the other. They were then asked a series of questions such as who is more likely to start an argument or who is the first to say they are sorry or who is the one who makes most of the decisions, or who is the better cook. They answered by holding up the shoe of the person they felt best fit the answer and guess what their answers revealed. They surely didn’t reflect the model that they pledged only hours earlier. He was the one more likely to cook, more likely to say he was sorry, and less likely to start an argument. Katie and I both smiled as we discussed that little scene while we drove home.

Now my point is not to dissuade all women from letting their husbands lead but as we well know, most men, when permitted to do as they wish don’t do very well. They don’t love the way they promised when standing before the alter. Many don’t live out their pledge to remain true only to her 'til death do us part'. Rather, they often live pretty selfish lives that are far removed from what real love is characterized. Once they have gotten what they want (the girl of their dreams) too many turn their focus, time and energy elsewhere. 

For these reasons I believe men are better served by relinquishing headship and following. When the wife doesn't let them have all they want (money, time, decisions, sex, etc) it turns their motivation inward rather than away to other interests. By not letting him have decision making or financial control she redirects his independence to that of dependent which draws him close and lessens his chance of drifting away emotionally or physically. When a woman is exalted to a position of charge, of headship, she determines the direction of the marriage, how time and money will be spent and how the home will function. As the leader of their marriage and family her values become his. Should she have the courage to demand he treat her as his most treasured 'possession', so many other aspects of their marriage simply fall into their proper place. After all, it is the woman that is the better nurturer and the one more likely to keep the family unit together as a cohesive unit.  Men are more independent and although that trait has its positive aspects it doesn’t promote mutual bonding, communication and interaction – qualities all necessary for a healthy loving marriage.

I’m Hers.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Spreading the Word

One of my children recently got a job! Thank goodness he no longer has think about working for $10/hour or whatever menial wage he was getting.  This child is my frugal one. When he was younger he didn't get his license until most 21 when he got a girlfriend.  That girl prompted his decision to get the licence and pay for car insurance (I told my children from the get go that they were responsible for their own insurance. My logic was the longer I could keep them from getting behind the wheel of a car the more likely I could keep them alive.  Seeing a 16 year old behind the wheel in the city is a scary sight if you ask me. But I digress.)  When my son found new employment he also decided to upgrade his four year old flip phone and purchased a smart one.  I decided to send him a picture of my cell phone screen and indicated that these are the apps I use most often.  Included in that screen was Google maps, Genius Scan, my web and email apps, ESPN (of course!), my calendar, Google drive, Documents to go and a few others. 

He thanked me and then asked in a text, "What's Chorma?"  I smiled and sent him a reply.

"Its an app that Katie uses to help me keep track of the chores she wants me to do around the house."

"Haha, that is so funny."

We chatted back and forth a bit and I told him how helpful that app was for me because I really am a list person and having a list that keeps reminding me until it's completed is quite helpful.  As an aside, I'm exploring the Wunderlist app with Katie as we think we can better sync our phones and lives using that app rather than the Chorma app. If you happen to use Wunderlist and have comments to share, i'd love to hear them.

But back to my son.  A few days later he texted telling me his wife was out kayaking all day and felt so sore, What should I do?, He asked.

And so I responded, "Go get yourself some nice coconut oil or similar and give her a nice long massage like the good husband I know you are."

He bucked at that but I told him it really would help with muscle soreness and the clearing of wastes from all the exercise his wife had just endured. A few minutes later he agreed and said he was going to do it.

I texted him the following day asking if she enjoyed the massage. "I have gave her a long one. She liked it a lot."  

I replied, "I did the same thing for Katie for over an hour."

He sent me a smiley face.

Spreading the word about femdom doesn't need to be a kinky thing.  All one needs is a little honesty and a foundation that is based around the premise that she (your wife/partner) really is worth loving in ways that please her most.  Sharing an app that has to do with Katie keeping on top of me with my chores or commenting that I too give my wife massages are gentle ways of illustrating to my children that I do things to take care of my wife.  

I've shared in the past about talks I've had with my daughter and since that time she's asked me during phone conversations such things as, "Did Katie approve of you doing that?" or "was that OK with Katie?"  

Never have I openly told them I am her submissive husband or she my dominant wife.  Rather I limit my word choices to such things as "I'll need to check with Katie first," or, "if that's OK with Katie than I'll do that," or "I really don't have money to spend unless Katie lets me," and so on.  The bottom line of what I want my children to understand is that decisions flow through my wife and then out to me and not vice versa. So far I've had none of my children question our lifestyle or question me about living with an overbearing wife.  They don't because the see how very happy I am and how loved their dad is by his wife.

I hope you take time this week to share your femdom, FLR, WLM, D/s, Mistress/slave or whatever other term you use to describe what the two of you share, with others.  Spread the word.

I'm Hers.