Monday, August 24, 2015
Emasculated? Part 2
After writing the previous post I began thinking of the comment that formed the basis of the post from the perspective of it being written by a woman - for indeed it was written by a female. The question asked was, “When the wife is in charge, can’t that make the man feel emasculated?
My answer is "maybe". Maybe it can, maybe it won’t. It all depends on HER approach as she addresses him and assumes leadership as his mistress wife. If she wants to come across as high and mighty and with the intention of making him feel low and unworthy, then, yes, I believe he will feel emasculated.
Here is an from my life: Our home is several stories tall with a fairly steeply pitched roof. Rain gutters run along the perimeter of the roof and when autumn comes and the leaves begin dropping, they eventually find the roof and then the gutters. We don’t own a ladder long enough to reach the top roof but I can climb on the porch roof, pull the ladder up and then make my way to the main roof of the house BUT I am not permitted to do so.
Katie has made it clear I will not be climbing on the roof. Why, because she doesn’t want me falling. It has nothing to do with my inability to get on the roof and do the job. I’ve mentioned more than once how easy it would be to climb up and clean the gutters to save us some money but she has not budged. My safety is her concern. She knows my physical limitations are not the issue.
Now she could have told me, “I’m going to hire Pete to clean our gutters because you aren’t man enough to get up there and I know if you did you’d fall anyway you clumsy sub!” If she had said something to that effect then, yes, I’d feel emasculated. I’d feel inadequate; and I wouldn’t like it in the least.
What the poser of the question needs to ask herself is “What is her intention when she steps into the leadership role?” What are her goals? How does she want to lead? How does she want her husband to feel as her submissive? How can she get him to embrace his side of the power-dynamic? and so forth. If she is taking control of a relationship that the husband is not sure he wants, then she needs to tread carefully. If she wants him to do the chores and he rebels at the thought of doing so then a gentle discussion needs to take place that doesn't focus on chores per se but rather love, commitment, honor, respect, etc. Doing chores, opening doors, standing when she enters the room, trusting her to handle the family income is about trusting and respecting her. Performing those tasks provides a means for him to express tangible love to her and for her to thank him for his efforts.
My position for the femdom life we lead is to fall more deeply in love with my wife. It's not primarily about wearing a chastity device or being denied. We happen to incorporate those items into our marriage because it helps us in various ways to keep that goal in mind. I want to live my life, loving Katie and have her love me. I want to enjoy my days spent with her. We believe our femdom marriage helps us achieve that goal. Yes, sometimes she teases me that I am her sub and will do what she orders but I know she’s stating what I want anyway so I never take those comments to mean she has lost respect for me. Her desire is akin to mine and so we both have our love-relationship at center stage as we live as Mistress and sub.