Thursday, August 20, 2015
“WOW! I am so glad I found your blog, but you are really raising my expectations! When the wife is in charge though, can't that make the man feel emasculated? Please answer! Thanks!”
I received the above comment a couple posts previous. When I read what he wrote I thought a post was the worthy way of responding. So, to the poster, know I purposely didn’t ignore you and my good friend SHIP filled in the gap by responding for me – although my take will be a bit different.
When I hear the word ‘emasculated’ I think negative thoughts. It’s a word not typically used to compliment someone. However, when I hear the word submissive or slave I think positive thoughts and I also think of myself – and think of many of you. Although the average guy ‘out there’ probably views these words with a derogatory connotation, I don’t. Yielding ones’ authority to their spouse isn’t a bad thing and it isn’t a sign of weakness. It takes strength to do so, more fortitude than most men can muster.
As a submissive to my wife there many certain limitations placed on me including sexual, financial, decision-making and an expectation to obey in all matters at all times. I have willingly accepted these restrictions and although I do not always want to abide by them, I do obey. I strive to live as her servant. I live to please. I live with the mindset that Katie comes first in all things and at all times. If she tells me to do something, I do it whether I want to or not. If she tells me something as innocent as rolling over in bed, I obey. If I’m instructed to cook her ‘this’, I do. If she tells me we need to do this or that today or sometime next week, that’s what I do even when I have other thoughts in mind or plans I put hers at the forefront.
When I obey I feel a sense of closeness. Obeying strengthens our bond – especially my bond to her. I also find Katie’s freedom to lead and command highly erotic. I love knowing she is comfortable telling me what I need to do. Her overt leadership is highly erotic – at least that’s how I perceive it to be. I also find her expectant attitude for many of our established routines equally arousing. In no way do I find my lifestyle or her command of me as being emasculating. My thesaurus likens the word emasculate with weak, feeble, impotent, powerless, and ineffective. Yes, I am powerless, but I am none of the other and I know she does not view me in any of those ways. Rather words like secure and thankful and grateful and one-in-a-million are words she often uses to describe her husband.
I guess an outsider that knew of our lifestyle might interpret my relationship with Katie as being ‘hen-pecked’ or that I’m ‘living with a bitch’ but that doesn’t mean I feel that way. If you go way back to the very first posts of this blog you will learn that I came to live this life willingly. It was me that came to her asking if she would accept my submission. Katie never demanded it or even asked. However, (and this is one big ‘however’) once I did, she informed me we’d never go back, that she’d never accept us living as equals. Why? Because she loved being served, catered, adored and having the independence to do as she wished.
I really didn’t know all the ramifications of my asking her to assume the leadership role but soon more or less realized the beauty of my submission as an after-the-fact understanding. My submission and her slowly becoming comfortable leading has deepened our love. Our femdom relationship has moved away from simply being a novice and fun thing to one in which we fully acknowledge our differences – she knows she’s married to submissive man and I to a mistress wife. Yes, sex occupies a large part of ‘me’ and probably very little with her simply because that is how we are both wired. Denial (see previous post) has much to do with that on my end but I wouldn’t even call that kinky – just not a societal norm – and by no means, unhealthy.
So, do I feel emasculated? Not in the least and the reason has everything to do with the mutual love and respect we share for one another. Katie does not view me as unimportant. She does understand I have limited power and absolutely have no power over her. That doesn’t make me unimportant in her eyes but rather dependent. It’s how I feel as well.
Here’s an example. Today we went to a local fair. We took our granddaughter. Katie decided to let her ride a pony. The cost was $5. I paid. I had exactly $5 in my wallet. I was glad I did. I didn’t know if she had brought cash (she had). I also knew today was the 15th of the month – the day I get my allowance of discretionary funds ($20). When we got back home Katie dug out $25 from her purse and handed it to me. “Here’s your allowance,” she said smiling.
Now, did I feel emasculated because I only get that little bit of money to spend as I wish every two weeks? Not in the least. She gives me a credit card to use for fuel. She often encourages me to use the card when I’ve worked late and missed lunch. She looks out for me. She just limits what I can spend money on other than fuel. She also expects (and trusts) me to ask whenever I want to use the card. I am not emasculated by being financially limited but I’m sure forced to rely on her and that is what she wants – me to need her. Likewise, when we go food shopping and she tells the cashier she wants $50 or $80 cash back I don’t question why. That is her prerogative to use what we have as she wishes – which I trust she will do wisely. I don’t question any purchase she makes. Never.
I guess what I’m driving at here is emasculation has everything to do with how one approaches the limiting of another’s freedom and how that limitation is perceived. Katie doesn’t intentionally try to humiliate or demean, and I never interpret anything she does as anything other than something she wants me to do for good reason, simply ‘because’ she’s said so.