Thursday, August 20, 2015

Emasculated?

“WOW! I am so glad I found your blog, but you are really raising my expectations! When the wife is in charge though, can't that make the man feel emasculated? Please answer! Thanks!”

I received the above comment a couple posts previous. When I read what he wrote I thought a post was the worthy way of responding. So, to the poster, know I purposely didn’t ignore you and my good friend SHIP filled in the gap by responding for me – although my take will be a bit different.

When I hear the word ‘emasculated’ I think negative thoughts. It’s a word not typically used to compliment someone.  However, when I hear the word submissive or slave I think positive thoughts and I also think of myself – and think of many of you. Although the average guy ‘out there’ probably views these words with a derogatory connotation, I don’t. Yielding ones’ authority to their spouse isn’t a bad thing and it isn’t a sign of weakness. It takes strength to do so, more fortitude than most men can muster.

As a submissive to my wife there many certain limitations placed on me including sexual, financial, decision-making and an expectation to obey in all matters at all times. I have willingly accepted these restrictions and although I do not always want to abide by them, I do obey. I strive to live as her servant. I live to please. I live with the mindset that Katie comes first in all things and at all times. If she tells me to do something, I do it whether I want to or not. If she tells me something as innocent as rolling over in bed, I obey. If I’m instructed to cook her ‘this’, I do. If she tells me we need to do this or that today or sometime next week, that’s what I do even when I have other thoughts in mind or plans I put hers at the forefront.

When I obey I feel a sense of closeness. Obeying strengthens our bond – especially my bond to her. I also find Katie’s freedom to lead and command highly erotic. I love knowing she is comfortable telling me what I need to do. Her overt leadership is highly erotic – at least that’s how I perceive it to be. I also find her expectant attitude for many of our established routines equally arousing. In no way do I find my lifestyle or her command of me as being emasculating. My thesaurus likens the word emasculate with weak, feeble, impotent, powerless, and ineffective. Yes, I am powerless, but I am none of the other and I know she does not view me in any of those ways. Rather words like secure and thankful and grateful and one-in-a-million are words she often uses to describe her husband.

I guess an outsider that knew of our lifestyle might interpret my relationship with Katie as being ‘hen-pecked’ or that I’m ‘living with a bitch’ but that doesn’t mean I feel that way. If you go way back to the very first posts of this blog you will learn that I came to live this life willingly. It was me that came to her asking if she would accept my submission. Katie never demanded it or even asked. However, (and this is one big ‘however’) once I did, she informed me we’d never go back, that she’d never accept us living as equals. Why? Because she loved being served, catered, adored and having the independence to do as she wished.

I really didn’t know all the ramifications of my asking her to assume the leadership role but soon more or less realized the beauty of my submission as an after-the-fact understanding. My submission and her slowly becoming comfortable leading has deepened our love. Our femdom relationship has moved away from simply being a novice and fun thing to one in which we fully acknowledge our differences – she knows she’s married to submissive man and I to a mistress wife. Yes, sex occupies a large part of ‘me’ and probably very little with her simply because that is how we are both wired. Denial (see previous post) has much to do with that on my end but I wouldn’t even call that kinky – just not a societal norm – and by no means, unhealthy.

So, do I feel emasculated? Not in the least and the reason has everything to do with the mutual love and respect we share for one another. Katie does not view me as unimportant. She does understand I have limited power and absolutely have no power over her. That doesn’t make me unimportant in her eyes but rather dependent. It’s how I feel as well.

Here’s an example. Today we went to a local fair. We took our granddaughter. Katie decided to let her ride a pony. The cost was $5. I paid. I had exactly $5 in my wallet. I was glad I did. I didn’t know if she had brought cash (she had). I also knew today was the 15th of the month – the day I get my allowance of discretionary funds ($20). When we got back home Katie dug out $25 from her purse and handed it to me. “Here’s your allowance,” she said smiling.

Now, did I feel emasculated because I only get that little bit of money to spend as I wish every two weeks? Not in the least. She gives me a credit card to use for fuel. She often encourages me to use the card when I’ve worked late and missed lunch. She looks out for me. She just limits what I can spend money on other than fuel. She also expects (and trusts) me to ask whenever I want to use the card. I am not emasculated by being financially limited but I’m sure forced to rely on her and that is what she wants – me to need her. Likewise, when we go food shopping and she tells the cashier she wants $50 or $80 cash back I don’t question why. That is her prerogative to use what we have as she wishes – which I trust she will do wisely. I don’t question any purchase she makes. Never.

I guess what I’m driving at here is emasculation has everything to do with how one approaches the limiting of another’s freedom and how that limitation is perceived. Katie doesn’t intentionally try to humiliate or demean, and I never interpret anything she does as anything other than something she wants me to do for good reason, simply ‘because’ she’s said so.

I’m Hers.

18 comments:

  1. Poster was a she, BTW. Thank you for that explanation!! J

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great description of how serving and obeying has brought you closer. sara e

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sara e, thank you for the brief comment. You are right you know, my submission to Katie really has brought us closer than I ever could imagine we'd ever be. I hope you can say the same about your spouse is well. As several of my favorite blogs have often described and recorded, submission of a husband to his wife is an honor and the results that follow result in so many positive changes within the marriage.

      Thanks again for sharing and hope you will do so again soon.

      Delete
  3. Thanks for the shout out my friend. Perhaps the need to identify and define things with a word or a phrase, in a nice little package is perhaps something all are afflicted with. My friend IH, you have once again captured the essence of the joy to be realized by a submissive man in loving FLM. I share your sentiments and totally understand how and why joy is realized in scenarios such as you described.

    Does that mean I am emasculated? Perhaps it does, but solely within the context of my individual relationship with my Mistress, with whom I have pledged a lifetime of devotion, servitude and submissiveness by virtue of an official exchanging of vows before an ordained officiant. Does it mean I am weak? No! Am I henpecked? No! Mistress K.'s dominance has nothing to do with anything other than her expression of her wants, needs and desires. My submission is my expression of my desire to fulfill those things.

    Anonymous commenter, if you were to meet my on the street, I can guarantee you that weak or emasculated is not a word that would come to mind when trying to define me in your mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then sub hub, if what you do for Mistress is what she wishes, - and there is love at the heart of what she asks, I don't see that as being emasculated. To be emasculated - to me - means you are forced to do something that you don't wish and in doing so you feel less of a man. There is nothing you've ever written here on on your blog that leads me to believe that is her intention.

      Good point!

      Delete
    2. You are correct my wise friend. The widely-held definition of the word emasculated is of little importance when I am performing a task that has been given to me by Mistress K. Even if that task may be something that others may deem emasculating or arguably fits the standard definition.

      Delete
  4. As an adjunct to m recent comment ... a few minutes ago. One thing I have noticed that may be a root cause of people feeling the need to define things is the frequency with which people in any realm of kink seeking the "how to" advice from others. As if others have the capacity to help you find a switch and turn it on.

    I'd say that we all know where our switches are and the searching we do for others to advise or steer us in the right direction is simply a way of gathering enough confidence to know we aren't weird, or alone when we throw that switch!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Emasculated? Are you less of a man, or is she more of a woman? I think the choices as you appear to the world are your own.
    This last weekend we were at a crowded Irish music festival, sharing a table, by necessity, with a couple we had never met before. This couple, who were just a few years our senior, turned out to have lived in our neighbors house years before we moved there. A few stouts and a lot of fascinating stories later he leaned over to me and whispered within her earshot that "I'll bet that she really knows how to spend your money, but I'll bet she's worth it". She was being a strong woman, but did I feel emasculed? No, not at all. JT

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JT, I concur with you. Maybe submission is more about 'her becoming more' but becoming such while we become less. I think the two have to go hand in hand. The comment your acquaintance made speaks to him noticing (and being attracted) to what he saw in your wife. It makes me wonder if there is a bit of a submissive/obedient side in him as well - that maybe he wishes his spouse expressed with him.

      Hope you were a positive ambassador to that couple, letting them know that following her, is anything but weak. It's a privilege!

      Delete
  6. Great topic.. I have a pretty good driving record but my wife drives everywhere we go church, family events,store etc. She just likes being in control.Some men might feel emasculated by this but it's just how we live and I never even think about it.Last week we were at my sons house visiting and my wife mentioned to our daughter in law that our anniversary was coming in a few days. Now my daughter in law knows that we were married in April and what my wife was talking about was the anniversary of our WLR 4 years August 18 I had no idea that she had told her and was some what surprised and proud at the same time that she had shared this with her but did not feel emasculated at all.I knew going in to our WLR that family would know but to what extent I wasn't sure.But what I do know is my wife and I have a stronger bond between us now than we ever did before. RR

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RR,
      That is a beautiful statement your wife made to your daughter in law. It brought a bright smile to my face when I read you comment. Happy anniversary - 4 months and 4 days late :)

      I know you feel very loved by your Mistress and she loves you. To let her do things her way is nothing to be ashamed of. Rather I love it when Katie takes the bull by the horns and does it her way. Like Yours, she feels free to express to others, or to us submissive spouses what it is they are thinking and desire. Thanks for sharing.

      Delete
  7. I totally agree!! (I get $50 every two weeks.)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I H,
    Good that you addressed this question so well. It is one that seems to be a potential problem for new couples entering a WLM and is sure one not understood by those outside.
    Many wives, it seems, worry about their husband becoming less a man, emasculated, if they take charge. It is easy to see why with society teaching us the old "norm" and with the internet depicting submissive men as weak and spineless. Thankfully you addressed it so well and I can only agree.
    To me the word emasculate means to be unmanly, not a man, or less a man. In my submission to my wife I feel none of these things. In fact I feel stronger, more of a man. It takes a real man to willingly give up his power to the woman he loves, to submit to her authority and live under her control.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DLsK, LIke so many above have stated so well, deferring doesn't equate with emasculate. As you stated, letting go of the reigns is the more difficult thing to do. Kind of like letting a child make his/her own path in life. Sometimes the harder choice is not speaking up and intervening but letting them choose for themselves. For you and I, that is the choice we have made with our wives. Kudos to us!

      Delete
  9. Thank you baby for another great post. What I believe is that there are certain things that are difficult to truly understand from the outside. From the outside it is difficult for women to understand why anyone would truly want a FLM. Once, however, they are in a femdom relationship it is much easier to see the beauty, the intimacy, and the caring that comes with it. If more women were willing to take the first, or the second step toward a WLM they would never go back to the traditional role.

    Love, Kathy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kathy,
      What I don't understand is why a woman would hesitate. To have a husband be suddenly more at home, more engaged, more attentive and more a part of the family would fill every wife I know with joy. Why not give it a try. At the very least they can always go back to their old way of doing things - and with 1/2 of all marriages failing, what have they got to lose?

      Delete
  10. A part of the issue, I believe, is that women do not see them selves as being naturally dominant.
    Most of the time women don't even want to be around other women who are dominant. I suspect even Katie is like this. It was about a year or two ago when I reached out to you and Katie to meet a small group of us for who were considering a short retreat at a resort. As I recall it did not fit in with your work schedule, but the other issue was that Katie had reservations about being with 'these types of women". I am not trying to be critical, but the truth is women do not want to see themselves as mistresses to men, nor do they even want to be with women like this. For men femdom is associated with a certain type of sexual energy that we can't understand or appreciate.


    Love, Kathy

    ReplyDelete