Friday, August 28, 2015
“I love that you take care of me”
I have an email folder entitled ‘post ideas’. Whenever I can’t think of something to write I often go looking in that folder for topics to write. Today was one such day. I’ve not had many ideas to write about lately and needed some help – and so I delved into the folder and found the above quote.
My marriage with Katie is so normal. I mean it’s really normal. I work full-time; she works part-time and cares for a grandchild a few days of the week. I guess that makes her work nearly full-time although she isn’t monetarily compensated for that ‘other’ job. We live in a nice home, enjoy working in the yard, socializing with friends, watching TV in the evening and making time to go out for a dinner date at least once a week. Mostly we love being at home. Katie will tell you that she indeed is a homebody. She loves the security and familiarity of being here – at home and I wish for nothing more than to remain by her side – wherever she is.
What makes us different from others is the way we relate. We are happy, in love, and wish nothing more than to spend every day together. It pains Katie when she has to work a Saturday, knowing it’s one of my two days off. It pains me when I tell her I’ll be home late because of work responsibilities. I work with kids and often have to contact their parents. The first question I usually ask the child before I call is: “Should I call your mom, your dad or doesn’t it matter?” It really is a very sad question since most of those whom I work with live in a single parent homes. Something happened between mom and dad that resulted in a relational failure. They emotionally separated and then physically moved apart. I hate hearing of a child lives with only one parent because I know the love that should be there between parents that isn’t. When it’s lost, everyone involved loses.
The other evening Katie met up with three friends. She alerted them she’d arrive in a few minutes and that must have gotten them talking about us because when she arrived she heard them asking, ‘where are all the Ken’s?” All three women are single. All three are looking. When Katie joined them they remarked how nice of a couple we make and how lucky she is to have me. Of course I see that from the other side of the coin – that I’m lucky to have Katie, but the point here is we are very happy, very much in love and people can see what we have. So much of our world is hurting and lonely. I know when I was single and started looking for a mate – before Katie and I found one another – I saw just how lonely our world is. It’s scary lonely out there.
When I came to Katie and formally asked for her to reconsider how we related, and her assuming the position as head of our home, my life became a bit busier. Cooking was the most difficult chore to accept. I remember thinking just how much time I spent working in that one room. After assuming responsibility for maintaining the home and the only person responsible for Katie’s well being, my mindset on life moved from one of self-centric to Katie-centric. What Katie immediately felt was my love as the personal attention I paid to her grew. Serving meals, cleaning floors, opening doors, giving up control of the remote, relinquishing financial and decisions making and generally catering life around her had a profound impact on our love life. That’s when the comment, “I love you taking care of me,” was first verbalized.
Of course, my kinky, submissive side wanted her to tell me how thankful she was to have a slave, or make me kneel while she stared down into my little-boy doe-eyes telling me I’d be her submissive husband forever. Instead she responded with words of love. “Thanks for caring for me.”
One of the adjustments I had to make after submitting was coming to terms with the reality of what I had asked. I knew I had stumbled onto a relational dynamic that filled a previously unknown inner need I had and when chastity, denial and service was added to that which she required that need took on a ‘kinky’ embodiment. However, Katie wasn’t into kink. She didn’t consider chastity or denial or lovemaking her way kink. It was merely what she preferred. Rather. she wanted me to remain who I was – but pour my energy into loving and serving only her. In the bedroom that meant responding when she had interest although she enjoyed my continued pursuits. She expected me to dote daily and to show her love continuously. She also required me to do my chores so she wouldn’t have to. There really isn’t kink in our life. Even I don’t consider chastity or denial kink anymore. Rather it’s the two of us living as everyone around us does with the one exception of she leads and decides and I follow that lead and obey those decisions.
In doing so, I express my love and devotion by my actions. Or as the Good Book puts it so elegantly in James, “Show me your faith without any actions, and I will show you my faith by my actions.” In other words – talk is cheap; let’s see who you are by what you do. Submission is not an easy lifestyle. It requires work but it also results in the redeeming quality of gaining another’s affection, appreciation, approval and love. It also teaches the submissive how to love, how to give, how to live selflessly and how to serve. What more would a man want at the end of his day when he slips between the sheets next to the woman he married and know she thinks he is the most loving, caring and devoted man in the whole world? To have her snuggle close and welcome my embrace around her tender body and then fall asleep cuddled so tight is worth every weed picked, every dish washed and every item of clothing folded and hung.