Friday, August 7, 2015

Wedding Observations

Sometime ago Katie received a wedding invitation from a friend who's daughter was to be married. We attended that wedding last weekend and it was a beautiful ceremony indeed. As I sat listening to the music prior to the service I wondered what the pastor was going to say on the topic of headship to these young adults. It didn't take long before I learned and heard the words ‘leadership’ and ‘submission’ mentioned at least five or six times. The leadership that he espoused was always directed to the groom while anything having to do with submission was spoken specifically to the bride.

After the service I was approached by the husband of one of Katie's friends. Now this man is a former fighter pilot, engineer and now owns quite a large company. He is quite wealthy and also married to a really fun woman. He approached me and asked what was the religious background of the pastor. I told him I was pretty sure the man was a Methodist pastor and his comment to me was "that wasn't a Methodist speaking".

His comment made me inwardly smile. Of course he was a Methodist! Don’t all conservative pastors preach pretty much the same?  Anyway he went on to tell me how much it bothered him to hear him instructing the bride to submit to her new husband. Just as he was speaking I turned and looked to his wife who was only a few feet away and engaged in her own conversation with a few of her girlfriends.  I happened to hear her say, “I would never ever commit to saying anything like that". 

I wish I could have heard more of what she had to say and I wish I could have talked with her husband further to learn of his thoughts. However that never happened since we were interrupted by and the conversation shifted in a different direction. I really wish we could have talked more. I wonder if he and his wife's’ value system have changed over time or if they have adopted their own philosophy that differs from the traditional Christian mandate? My guess is she doesn't lead a femdom household but I am sure she never agreed to say she'd obey her husband. Likewise I'm pretty sure he knows how far he can safely step when it comes to voicing his opinions knowing his wife is not one to lay down and just do what she's told.

What was humorous to watch was a little game the bride and groom played during the reception. The couple sat back to back holding one of their shoes in one hand and one of their spouses in the other. They were then asked a series of questions such as who is more likely to start an argument or who is the first to say they are sorry or who is the one who makes most of the decisions, or who is the better cook. They answered by holding up the shoe of the person they felt best fit the answer and guess what their answers revealed. They surely didn’t reflect the model that they pledged only hours earlier. He was the one more likely to cook, more likely to say he was sorry, and less likely to start an argument. Katie and I both smiled as we discussed that little scene while we drove home.

Now my point is not to dissuade all women from letting their husbands lead but as we well know, most men, when permitted to do as they wish don’t do very well. They don’t love the way they promised when standing before the alter. Many don’t live out their pledge to remain true only to her 'til death do us part'. Rather, they often live pretty selfish lives that are far removed from what real love is characterized. Once they have gotten what they want (the girl of their dreams) too many turn their focus, time and energy elsewhere. 

For these reasons I believe men are better served by relinquishing headship and following. When the wife doesn't let them have all they want (money, time, decisions, sex, etc) it turns their motivation inward rather than away to other interests. By not letting him have decision making or financial control she redirects his independence to that of dependent which draws him close and lessens his chance of drifting away emotionally or physically. When a woman is exalted to a position of charge, of headship, she determines the direction of the marriage, how time and money will be spent and how the home will function. As the leader of their marriage and family her values become his. Should she have the courage to demand he treat her as his most treasured 'possession', so many other aspects of their marriage simply fall into their proper place. After all, it is the woman that is the better nurturer and the one more likely to keep the family unit together as a cohesive unit.  Men are more independent and although that trait has its positive aspects it doesn’t promote mutual bonding, communication and interaction – qualities all necessary for a healthy loving marriage.

I’m Hers.


  1. WOW! I am so glad I found your blog, but you are really raising my expectations! When the wife is in charge though, can't that make the man feel emasculated? Please answer! Thanks!

    1. Im Her's ... if I may offer my own answer to Anonymous here ... It sure can! That can happen in a multitude of different ways and can be intended or unintended, desired or not desired. I think emasculation in this context is like being offended. One must choose to be offended, yet people will run around in circles crying about being offended when it was them who chose to be that way.

      I am a submissive husband in a loving female led marriage. By all accounts, except one, I am your typical alpha male. I own my own business, tough guy, sports loving regular dude that is as much in charge of most situations as anyone in the room. When it comes to my wife Mistress K., all that changes. I won't bore you with how we got here, but she is the demure, beautiful lady-like, typical suburban hot soccer mom (with gorgeous red hair) ... who just happens to own her very own sexual servant, who also just happen to be her loving, doting husband. In our intimate time, I am absolutely and obviously the openly submissive one, but not necessarily emasculated. Even if she has me dressed in panties waiting to have them lowered to be spanked for something I did wrong, or preparing and in anticipation of accepting her rubber cock in my ass, I am not emasculated.

      I hope that helps. I can tell you that the reply from my good friend I'm Hers will be waaaay more elegant!

    2. Thank you so much sub hub, I truly appreciate it!