Saturday, October 17, 2015

Is Change to the Old Way Even Possible?

Have you ever wondered if you could revert back to the old, vanilla you? It's been a question I've thought of every now and again. I'm not young. Some would call me an old guy, and if truth be told, I guess I am, although I've said for years, old age is a state of mind more than anything. However, I've lived five decades in a traditional household, being raised and then being married. I observed my parents in how they managed their home. Mom was the counselor, mom took care of the finances, mom was the person I asked permission from when I wanted something - because I was somewhat afraid of what dad might say. But mom always told the kids, 'dad was in charge'. When I became the head of my household, I shared responsibilities with my wife, we made collective decisions, we raised children together, we worked though problems as a team - and then I met Katie and soon after became her submissive 'boyfriend' and later her submissive husband. I've been her sub now for over five years. 

I made mention in the last post how I've wondered if this blog had run its course. There aren't many new things happening in the Katie household. We live as we do with her in charge. Like in our previous lives we each have responsibilities; I cook and clean and provide the primary income; Katie manages our finances and spends hours 'grandmothering'. However we don't share many responsibilities and the jobs I have will always be mine, just as the duties Katie has will always be hers. The difference between the now and the past is this: the jobs/responsibilities we both have now are on her terms, rather than on our terms. Sex, finances, vacations, chores, meals, pretty much everything is according to her plan rather than our plan, although I would admit she isn't the strictest of mistresses and she does seek my opinion often. But even then, she is uncompromising with certain facets of our lives and we both know who 'wears the pants' in our home. 

But I wonder: could I ever go back to the old way, to love and care for Katie the way I first did - before she became my mistress? I recently finished a great book, "The Day of the Jackal". There was a line that caught my attention. It was in reference to the hired assassin in which he pondered whether he could ever not be an assassin after having been one for so many years. The author stated, "One was, what one was." After I read that I wondered, Am I what I will always be? Can I ever go back? Would I ever want to go back?

Ladies, have you ever wondered: are you what you will always be to your man - a mistress, the one in charge of the home? Men, what about you? Are you what you will always be - a submissive - a slave? Will you - could you- ever change? If your spouse told you, "I've had enough," could you ever go back to the old way? What if something happened to your him/her and they were no more, would you eventually seek out another like her? Would femdom (D/s) be a required criteria for you if you ever began the search for another?

For me, I think I could go back. But I know I wouldn't be as happy. I think there would be regrets. I think we would lose something in the process. Our love for one another might become more tempered and less passionate. I think my desire might wane just a hair simply because some of her allure would be gone. I don't know if I could ever make love the old way and if I had to, there would be an ache of that loss. I wonder too if she would feel similar pains. Would she resent me spending 'my' money once more rather than being confined to spending what little she allows me? Would she not see me in the same light because she had to spend an hour in the kitchen because I just didn't want to make dinner tonight? Would she feel a loss of closeness because she wanted to make love but I told her 'not tonight'? (Not that I'd ever say something so absurd!)

Besides this simply being a post of 'I wonder if' or 'I wonder whether' its a post with a warning. If you love where you are; if you never want to go back; if  you feel that living as a mistress or submissive is the lock and key that fits like nothing else can or will in your own marriage, then doesn't it behoove you both to protect what you have?  It doesn't take much for a mistress to remind her man he is owned, is possessed, and not her equal - even though he is loved like none other - but it does take something. It does take intentionality. It does take a planned, "I need to do this today for him" so he won't forget his place and that I'm in charge. So my question to the mistresses of the world is this: what do you do to remind and keep your man in 'that' state of mind? Anything? I sure hope so. Just because he does his duties with out complaint doesn't necessarily mean his mind is where a submissive's mind should be. There is a chasm of a difference between being "hen-pecked" and "submissive".

To the guys, (and to me), it's important that we understand our place in her home and that we address and admire her for the woman she is and for the status in our life she holds. It's important to not want to rebel, slack off in our duties, sulk or complain. It's important to not envy the freedom our male friends have. It's not healthy to wish "I miss being them'.   

It's harder being the submissive. It's easier being the mistress. But if it's worth preserving, then it's worth being intentional about keeping things moving forward and not regressing. Proactively maintaining what a femdom relationship is is so much easier than having tore-actively repair a deteriorating one. Because if it fails and nothing is left but the old 50/50 way - then what? 

I'm Hers