Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Reaching Steady State
For the past while I’ve not had lots of thoughts to write down. Nothing new is happening here at home. There have been no real changes instituted by Katie – in fact there’s been nothing new that she’s put into place in months. We live as a married couple with ‘an understanding’ albeit dominant/submissive one. As a result I can’t write posts like Serving Ellie can. His life is in a state of flux. Mine isn’t. But that’s OK I guess.
I mean, won’t every relationship reach this point where both dominant and submissive alike have come to a steady state in their relationship sooner or later? Won’t all relationships eventually come to an understanding as to what one can or can’t do - where they know what is expected of them, where their boundaries lie, etc.? It’s taken us some time to get to this point but we’ve definitely arrived. It’s been years though getting here. Katie has found her zone where she feels comfortable. As her submissive I’ve subsequently conformed to those parameters. Where we are isn’t where I thought it would be and I would dare say Katie would say the same. She probably believed she’d end up being a bitch wife – or at least that’s what she feared she might become, and I thought she’d be less lenient in her leadership and more demanding of my time.
Although there are times when I wish she were more akin to my fantasy there are just as many occasions when I’m thankful she isn’t. For example, Mr. Ellie noted how his wife admonished him for touching her in a provocative way, informing him he is no longer permitted to do whatever he did. When I read his remark, my heart sank. “What a bummer for him,” I thought. I love touching Katie and am so glad she hasn’t taken a similar approach with me – and you can bet you last dollar I didn’t read Mr. Ellie’s post to her. Best to let sleeping dogs lie :).
Katie is who she is and really when I think about the pre-femdom Katie, she is virtually no different. Oh there are the things around the house she doesn’t do anymore but that’s just stuff differences. It’s not a character change. Mostly she’s still the same person underneath all her beautiful outside. She has the same interests, the same passions, the same desires, the same goals. What has changed is her confidence and understanding that she’s in charge of me and of us. But that’s what I wanted and what she wanted. It’s why we decided to live this way in the first place. I needed a leader and one to serve and she wanted a life of freedom and one devoid of doing some of those drudging chores. I think she also wanted a man that whose thoughts and time revolved around her rather than off somewhere else.
So here we are. What we live is the life I assume she wants us to live. I don’t expect changes and doubt there will be any in the days ahead. If you are new to this lifestyle I’m sure you can identify with posts I’ve written some months ago. That’s when I was where you are. It’s where Mr. Ellie is, if you read his blog. But if you’ve been at a steady state for some while you can identify with the realization I’m coming to grips with. It’s one Ms. Cathy from femdom 101 has long ago reached. All of us are somewhere along that continuum yet we all live under this common roof. It’s one in which the power differential is evident to all who care to really take a look at our marriages. Hopefully its also a place where our marriages are characterized as healthy and loving.
I welcome your thoughts,