Sunday, January 24, 2016

Snow Bound!

When I shared with Katie I wouldn't have to work on Friday because of Jonas and the associated snow, the first words out of her mouth were,

"I'm so excited!!!!! (and I could hears that in her words) We get to snuggle all weekend!!"

She made me laugh and also made me feel more than special.  That evening when we finally went to bed she told me to 'maintain contact', meaning she wanted my body touching hers all night.  We snuggled tight all night and didn't get up until after 11AM and not before enjoying some nice time together.

Because the storm dropped a whopping 4-6" in our area we remained housebound for two days. With so much time on our hands, we had time for one another. And it was all good (and some of it was reallly good! :)

To those living where the heart of the storm hit, be safe. Take your time with the shoveling. Repetitive lifting of a heavy weight (eg. shoveling snow) is the greatest stressor one can put on  your heart. If you're out of shape.... be careful and take your time. (Or use a smaller shovel).

I'm Hers

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Walking the Tight-Rope

I read two blog posts last week. One was from Conquer Him in which she stated her 2016 goals and the other from Femdom 101 in which Kathy made a comment to the effect that being a mistress doesn't always result in a happy husband - that he can get frustrated with some of the decisions she makes.  I responded to the Conquer Him post and she replied.  It was a brief discussion and rather than having a private discussion with her I thought I'd write my thoughts here.

The Conquer Him blog is excellent - one of my favorite.  The emphasis of that blog is empowering women to assume leadership with their partner/husband and to use his talents, abilities, skills and energy to make her fantasy life become a reality.  My hunch is that by 'fantasy', she means he will become the man she always dreamed he’d be; that he will conform to her values, interests, in a supportive rather than leadership role.  The comment by Kathy to which I referred alludes to a similar principle. Kathy leads while her husband follows. Her blog is replete with examples of her doing so. Apparently there are times when she leads in ways her husband disagrees. Sometimes he gets frustrated and yet he always obeys, because he has pledged his service as her slave-husband.  I too have felt similar frustrations. Katie will make choices I don't like and it can be frustrating to not have her decision coincide with mine. As I write she is making plans for the evening, inviting friends she wants to join us and as yet to ask me if ‘it is OK’. In fact whether or not it’s OK is a non-issue. She’s taking charge and in doing so I am not a part of her consideration. It’s just how life is in our home.

In a femdom/WLM/FLR (to me they're all the same... she's in charge, he isn't), I believe the couple walks a relative tight rope in order to make the relationship work.  For example, I've stated before that I do several chores Katie will never do again. I live in a WLM relationship but the couple next door may not. But that doesn't mean the neighbor-wife doesn't get on her husbands’ case about doing wash and cooking too. She may indeed be that way but just because she nags him (and he may comply) doesn't mean they live within a WLM philosophy. There may be tension in their marriage. There is little to none in ours. So what's the difference?

The difference is several. First I know I must obey. I have no choice but to do so. It’s the ‘contract’ I abide by and always will. Second, I don't mind doing what she wants because of what I know to be true – that she’s the dominant one and I’m submissive. That doesn’t mean I love doing all I’m told because there are times I don’t. When those situations arise my response has been to just tag along and follow. Mostly I don't think about it, I just do it. I don't hold a grudge either.

Yet, there has to be some 'give' on Katie's part to make what we have work. I love the philosophy of the Real Women Don't Do Housework (RWDDHW) blog. The 'give' they describe is through the use of the wife employing her erotic power. They encourage women to use her sexual lure to keep her husband happy and willingly compliant. Personally I like that idea. I like it because it sounds fun. I love my wifes’ sexuality. I love it even more when she directs it my way. It’s a tremendously powerful tool she has and one the folk at RWDDHW believe women should use to their advantage.  Sign me up!

Although Kathy and her husband John don’t see eye to eye at all times they mostly enjoy one another. There are things she intentionally does to meet his submissive needs. She allows him to kneel before her nightly. She has instituted various protocols that serve as reminders that she is worthy of his utmost respect. He knows his desires come second to hers. They do things together that are fun reinforce who they are as mistress and slave. She’s led him around by a leash clasped to his collar, she’s sent him to the corner to punish. In doing so she feeds his desire to serve.

Katie is no different than Kathy in some ways. I don’t agree with all she does but I know she also does things to remind me of my submissive status. The card I posted recently is an example. The content of some of her texts are another. In a way both Kathy and Katie use their erotic power - their power to remind and control - to reinforce getting what they want out of their respective husbands. 

In order for a FLR/WLM to work there has to be reward, goodies, yummies, or whatever you want to call it for both people in order for it to continue.  My contention is these positive reinforcers for men need to contain a power or sex component. If I researched long enough I could find at least a 1000 examples of men who love, and I mean love, when their wife demonstrates power. "Go get my vibe," stated the wife of sub hub from Phoenix. "Don't you dare sit over there!" called Katie one evening several years back while we were at a party.  "Go get my leash and kneel," Kathy might say. Grabbing her husband’s crotch and looking directly at him and saying “make sure you scrub the kitchen floor before lunch,” might be an erotic use of power by the RWDDHW folk. In all cases what these ladies are doing is triggering the happy/content button of their submissive men.  At least it does for this man.

Using sex can serve as a powerful reinforcer.  I don't need to give examples; just use your imagination. Sex sells. Men love sex. All a woman needs to do to keep her man where she wants is to use her sexuality to her advantage. For me it works every time. Is it manipulative on her part? Yep; sure is. Is it fun for the two of them? Yep; you better believe it. And even better it is a use of sexual manipulation in a way that expresses love as well as the power she holds over him. I love it when Katie uses her body like that. Why wouldn’t I want to obey?

Conversely, the man needs to give as well and does so by giving his time, attention, focus, gratitude, effort, support, encouragement, assistance, integrity, trust, responsibility and sexuality to his wife to use as she wants. In my experience as having lived this way for several years, the physical effort is placed on the man while the thoughtfulness of encouraging continued effort becomes the woman's burden.  For example on a typical Saturday I'll work for a few hours getting things done around the house - things she expects me to do. By the time the day is over I'll have vacuumed, done several loads of wash, cooked at least one, if not two meals, and gone where ever she wants to go.  All that takes time and energy. Katie on the other hand may work but she has no obligation to do so. That's her choice and I understand that.

What I hope is for her to think how she can encourage me in my submission and slavery. That doesn’t take hours to do but it does take thought and intentionality. Grabbing my crotch while I'm at the sink; grabbing me and telling me she loves me or this part of me or stopping me midstride to wrap her arms around me and kiss me are powerful motivators. My favorite of course is when she says, “let’s go upstairs and snuggle! Bingo!!!! That’s like striking gold.

I don't believe a woman can take a compliant husband and make him become a supportive assistant without doing something to feed his efforts. There has to be something in it for both. If not, that relationship is doomed. What man wants to give is all if she shows no appreciation for that effort? Without her thoughtfulness in meeting his needs, whatever they might be, the result will be resentment on his part and disappointment on hers when he begins fizzling.

I am a strong believer of a comment made by the author of the Woman In Control blog. She stated the majority of the responsibility (she used the number: 90%) in maintaining a wife led marriage falls on the wife. I agree. It doesn’t take much to lead once things are set properly in motion but it takes continual monitoring and directing. He will always do must of the work. It's her responsibility to make sure he continues to do so happily. That's why we call these relationships female LED and wife LED and female DOMINANT. It takes a leader. Should Katie or stop leading or slackens in her duties I will too. It’s just what happens. If she displays her feminine strength I’ll follow her like the submissive man I am.

I'm Hers

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Can Chastity be Overdone?

A Dominant Woman posted recently on this very topic stating she plans to keep her hubby in a more continual lockdown during 2016 and asked if others thought she was on the right track. Some agreed; I didn’t.

It is my opinion –  and only that – that chastity should be used to reach a desired outcome without it negatively affecting the couple’s intimacy and trust.  I am not saying that what Hannah Jay is doing is wrong. That is not the intent of this post. Rather her thoughts got me thinking about how much is enough, and ... if some is good then will more be better?  Having not been in 24/7 lockdown for months at a time I can only speculate. I do know that some men have made comments indicating that is indeed what happens to them. There is a blog out there somewhere in which a British woman writes.... chastity blog... or something to that nature. She keeps her husband in total lockdown for a year and only then gives him time out of the cage for a few weeks before he's back in. She loves what it does to him. 

My concern has to do more with what is being implied by the continuous lockdown. Does that mean Mistress doesn’t want him inside anymore? Does that mean traditional intercourse is no longer her priority or desire? Does it mean 'that' part of their relationship has come and gone and will be no more? If Katie said ‘yes’ to any of the above it would deeply sadden me as it would mark an end to a very special part of who we are as a couple. I love making love with her. I love both how I feel and how I make her feel. It's a very special time for me to give of myself to her.

I know chastity works and does so in multiple ways. It serves as a concrete reminder of who the man is toward his mistress. It serves as the ultimate deterrent to self pleasuring. It acts to not only remove temptation but also channel a man's energy and refocus that energy on its desired purpose - his mistress. Now, as to how that all works seems pretty straightforward to me. Chastity is a means of forced denial and denial is known to raise certain hormone levels which have a nurturing, cultivating effect on the male mind.  However what I’ve seen in my own life is this: when it stays on too long and never comes off – or, for that matter if the appliance comes off and there’s still no desire on her part for some hanky-panky, there is a sense of loss - despite whatever hormonal changes are in effect. It’s as if I begin feeling ‘why am I doing this?’ 'doesn't she want me?' 'Why doesn't she want to make love?' ‘I thought you loved me?’ I associate Katie's desire for physical intimacy as one of the strongest indicators of her love for me. It's not the only but it's a part of what I believe is the complete package when it comes to expressing one's love.

On the flip side Katie is often overly lenient with me when it comes to keeping me in the cage. I’m now back in it now after having been out for the past two weeks. I’ve taken a vacation and because I’m home she’s not opted to have me wear the device. Is that good or bad? I don’t know that it much matters what I think. I just do what I’m told but, as I said earlier, being in the cage changes a man and I know I often wished she’d tell me to lock up at some point during that vacation period.  Why? Because that serves an vivid expression of her dominance. It would be akin to her making me stay locked at night - something she hasn't made me do in months. I lock in the morning and unlock at bedtime. But what if I asked her tonight if I could unlock and she said no? That's power. That's being a mistress. And its fun - until the 5 AM wake up call from inside the cage.

So the question for me is: what does the mistress want to get out of locking him up? If she wants to curb masturbation then he should be locked 24/7 or at least whenever he is out of her sight; even if just for a few minutes. The temptation can be that great with some men. Give him time alone and he can undo all she wants to change. 

If she wants to remind him he isn’t of equal status (even though he’s loved dearly) then use of the device can be a great tool although there are lots of ways to reinforce that concept. For example, had Katie told me one day last week to lock up just because she had the right to do so, that power speaks volumes and will continue to speak throughout the day while I thought back on that brief moment in time when she told me to lock just because. Feeling the cage on. Knowing you're probably the only one at work wearing one; having to sit to urinate; knowing you need to be careful how you hug or get close to another all reinforce that you aren't like most. You belong to another - to your mistress.

If the goal is to remove the constant desire for sex from his mind, well good luck with that.  Just because he can’t doesn’t mean the mind will necessarily follow. I believe for several weeks the opposite will take place and if there is still no chance of freedom and the mistress remains strong in keeping him lock then I do believe the desire to have sex will diminish. In this case the mistress has broken the 'sexual spirit' of her sub. She's outlasted his will by denying him or keeping the key out of sight. My concern should that bridge be crossed is, will there be repercussions to being told ‘no’ by the fact that the key isn’t going to show up any time soon? 

Maybe not assuming a continual lockdown is accompanied by being required to service her needs orally rather than by use of his little soldier. I can't answer that question. I’ve never been there but I welcome the thoughts of others.  I know some readers are never locked but live on an honor system. I commend you for your strength. I know I am not that strong. For you, the question may not be ‘can chastity be overdone’ but rather can one go without intercourse and still remain intimately bonded?

I remember seeing a video online where a man intentionally used liquid steel to 'cement' his cage on permanently. Why one would do that is beyond me but this guy did.  As I watched that I did so feeling much tension. I would never want that. I just couldn't be that man. Yet in some ways I am that man when viewed by someone who has never been caged. Time spent with the cage on is a state of permanence. One man may remain locked for a week; others for a month; others for a year. The reasoning might be play oriented; it might be a behavior deterrent; it might be a statement of her power and his loss of that same power. 

But for whatever the reason I wonder still - can it be overdone? Obviously if the mistress locks and throws the key away I think so but the gray in this issue is when does long become too long? Every man and woman might think differently and in that gray the mistress must choose wisely.

I’m Hers

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Sometimes it's just the little things

We recently celebrated an anniversary. Enjoying a meal at our favorite restaurant, spending the day together and of course expressing love for one another by exchanging cards.  The card I got was of course a nice one and it ended like this.

I find these kinds of reminders lovingly potent. I never tire of them and she never seems to stop reminding me of the special relationship we have.

I'm not going heavy with a soul searching post. Rather, I had a few minutes and wanted to share a moment from our day.

Happy New Years to all!

I'm Hers