Sunday, February 14, 2016
What if we went further?
I can no longer remember the feelings associated when first asking Katie is I could submit to her. I do remember handing her a long list of items I’d like to do and her marking the ones she did and didn’t want me taking on. I can remember the many times we made love and she left me right at the brink but told me I couldn’t go further. I can remember the overwhelming sense of ‘what have I gotten myself into’ one day while making a meal and thinking I promised to do this all the time – every day - for every meal – forever! I can remember lots of things that deviated from the norm. I remember thinking if other friends or family knew about what I proposed they’d think I was crazy.
Think about it. I don’t make decisions without her approval. All my income goes into her account. She doesn’t ever have to set foot into the kitchen if she doesn’t want and has me cook every meal. She tells me when she wants to eat. She allows or restricts me from altering a recipe based on her tastes and I do it without ever arguing. I address her mostly as ‘Mistress’. I manscape because that is her preference. I wear a chunk of steel anchored to my groin. I make love but don’t orgasm. I wear women’s underwear. When we go out, she drives. She never takes orders. We don’t live as equals. We don’t do a whole lot of things our parents would call normal.
And yet, living as we do has brought us more love, more affection, more desire, more passion and we have more fun as a couple than I could have ever imagined. And all of Katie’s friends are jealous for what it is we have.
But look at the choices we made. We intentionally decided to do things differently. When it all began, it felt weird. I mean she made me do things that were hard to adjust to and she opted to live as the queen of her castle knowing it was going to make her feel odd too. And it did. She had a hard time telling me what she wanted rather than asking. She had a hard time leaving things to me. But in time, what was odd became normal. I don’t think of it being unusual to shave when I shower, or address her as mistress and I know she doesn’t think twice when telling me she’s hungry knowing I’ll stop what I’m doing and fix her something. When she specifies this pile of clothes needs to be washed on gentle, it’s under the assumption that I’m the one who will be doing it and I best remember. When a friend asks us if we want to do something, I don’t even hesitate to turn and look at Katie and Katie rarely looks my way before answering. This is who we’ve become.
But I wonder, could there be something even better in store for us? Could there be more? What if we went further? What if we added to the choices we previously made? What if we did things that again felt different or odd and in the process accentuated the power differential even further? If we did, I’m sure it would initially feel strange. I think we’d both tread lightly. I think we’d wonder if we’d second guess the decisions we just made. But I also wonder if it would ignite the fire we have even further. What if it did?
Would it be worth considering adding discipline to our list of rituals? What would it do to her and me if she ever went there? What if I was told to sit at her feet and massage them nightly instead of sitting next to her on the sofa? What if she told me I had to rub her back nightly until she fell asleep, regardless of my next-day-schedule? What if she grabbed by goods like WWDDHW advocate when giving a direct command she feels is important? What if I was required to stand every time she entered or left the room? What if I was told to hold my tongue when she socialized with other women unless spoken to? What if she called one of her single girlfriends and offered to loan me out to do something physical for an afternoon or day? What if……?
I could go on and on and much of what I came up with are things some of you do that we don’t? If we added more, would we become closer? My hunch is we would. I say that because we would become more vulnerable and vulnerability is known to produce intimacy.
On the other hand, could we go too far? Would changing things spoil what we have? Some years ago we took a ride down this slippery slope. We landed, so to speak, on a flat spot. I’m simply wondering if the plateau we are not on is the ideal one for us.
The adventuresome side of my personality is open to trying because I know firsthand the changes that took place when we made our leap into a female-led-relationship. Might there be an even better version of ‘us’ still to be had or have we already found it?