Sunday, February 14, 2016

What if we went further?

I can no longer remember the feelings associated when first asking Katie is I could submit to her. I do remember handing her a long list of items I’d like to do and her marking the ones she did and didn’t want me taking on. I can remember the many times we made love and she left me right at the brink but told me I couldn’t go further. I can remember the overwhelming sense of ‘what have I gotten myself into’ one day while making a meal and thinking I promised to do this all the time – every day - for every meal – forever! I can remember lots of things that deviated from the norm. I remember thinking if other friends or family knew about what I proposed they’d think I was crazy.

Think about it. I don’t make decisions without her approval. All my income goes into her account. She doesn’t ever have to set foot into the kitchen if she doesn’t want and has me cook every meal. She tells me when she wants to eat. She allows or restricts me from altering a recipe based on her tastes and I do it without ever arguing. I address her mostly as ‘Mistress’. I manscape because that is her preference. I wear a chunk of steel anchored to my groin. I make love but don’t orgasm. I wear women’s underwear. When we go out, she drives. She never takes orders. We don’t live as equals. We don’t do a whole lot of things our parents would call normal.

And yet, living as we do has brought us more love, more affection, more desire, more passion and we have more fun as a couple than I could have ever imagined. And all of Katie’s friends are jealous for what it is we have.

But look at the choices we made. We intentionally decided to do things differently. When it all began, it felt weird. I mean she made me do things that were hard to adjust to and she opted to live as the queen of her castle knowing it was going to make her feel odd too. And it did. She had a hard time telling me what she wanted rather than asking. She had a hard time leaving things to me. But in time, what was odd became normal. I don’t think of it being unusual to shave when I shower, or address her as mistress and I know she doesn’t think twice when telling me she’s hungry knowing I’ll stop what I’m doing and fix her something. When she specifies this pile of clothes needs to be washed on gentle, it’s under the assumption that I’m the one who will be doing it and I best remember. When a friend asks us if we want to do something, I don’t even hesitate to turn and look at Katie and Katie rarely looks my way before answering. This is who we’ve become.

But I wonder, could there be something even better in store for us? Could there be more? What if we went further? What if we added to the choices we previously made? What if we did things that again felt different or odd and in the process accentuated the power differential even further? If we did, I’m sure it would initially feel strange. I think we’d both tread lightly. I think we’d wonder if we’d second guess the decisions we just made. But I also wonder if it would ignite the fire we have even further. What if it did?

Would it be worth considering adding discipline to our list of rituals? What would it do to her and me if she ever went there? What if I was told to sit at her feet and massage them nightly instead of sitting next to her on the sofa? What if she told me I had to rub her back nightly until she fell asleep, regardless of my next-day-schedule? What if she grabbed by goods like WWDDHW advocate when giving a direct command she feels is important? What if I was required to stand every time she entered or left the room? What if I was told to hold my tongue when she socialized with other women unless spoken to? What if she called one of her single girlfriends and offered to loan me out to do something physical for an afternoon or day? What if……?

I could go on and on and much of what I came up with are things some of you do that we don’t? If we added more, would we become closer? My hunch is we would. I say that because we would become more vulnerable and vulnerability is known to produce intimacy.
On the other hand, could we go too far? Would changing things spoil what we have? Some years ago we took a ride down this slippery slope. We landed, so to speak, on a flat spot. I’m simply wondering if the plateau we are not on is the ideal one for us.

The adventuresome side of my personality is open to trying because I know firsthand the changes that took place when we made our leap into a female-led-relationship. Might there be an even better version of ‘us’ still to be had or have we already found it?

I’m Her's

11 comments:

  1. IH,
    Another enjoyable thought provoking post.
    I think we all deal with these issues and my analogy is similar. I see us as climbing a mountain and mountains in our area have benches (flat spots) in their slopes as you go up. When climbing, we reach a bench and take a rest and reflect on where we have been and what is ahead. There is always the next move upward along with the next rest and reflection. Sometimes the rest is longer, sometimes shorter but, the move is always ahead with new things to see and discover. Life and our WLM is much this way. No need to stay on one bench (or plateau)too long. Life is a journey, not a destination. Some things we did in the past we still do, some we modified, and some we have let go of to be replaced by new discoveries. With her leading the journey is awesome.

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  2. Happy Valentine's my friend. Much love to Katie and you from Mistress K. and me. I believe this topic is at the core of every person that is lucky enough to live in a loving D/s relationship, and in particular a FLR/FLM. The nature of the beast, so to speak is to continue with our journey because, as you said, it's the journey that has brought us to our respective levels of joy and happiness in our lives. Where does it go from here? Is the journey a straight line into the unknown, or does it sometimes take is back through some of our previous destinations?

    You were going down the road of what-ifs when considering where that journey might take you both. I believe that the journey itself takes into areas that allows, no requires that we view certain things, some of which we may have never considered possible. Using an analogy of riding in a car in a place that you may have never thought to drive that car, you see things out the window that you knew existed but didn't really see much of or thought you'd be in the vicinity of. Your journey took you there, and what you see is right outside the windows. As you drive past, slowly, you get a good look, even stare and as the car rolls, your head turns to view it as long as you can before it is no longer in view. At least on that trip. Perhaps your memory of what you saw intrigued you enough to want to drive past it again. This time you drive even slower and who knows, you might even stop and get out of the car.

    In that it is a journey, and journey's takes us to places that are new to us, we see things that perhaps we never thought we'd like, but somehow now, we are very intrigued. It's the journey that makes our lives exciting and worthwhile, and being to able travel down that road with your beloved Katie (and my beloved Mistress K.), is both a little scary and very exciting.

    To your question about what effect discipline and other things you don't currently do would have on your relationship ... of course you'll never know (and always wonder) unless you try. If Katie were to wake up one day and decide that she needed to start spanking you for disciplinary reasons, I suspect the two of you would begin to incorporate that into your relationship a hell of a lot quicker that if it were something you went to her and asked for. That being said, the journey has taken the two of you to a place where asking/revealing is a hell of a lot less intimidating than it was to begin with. That, in and of itself is something I know I am grateful for in my marriage. I'm sure you feel similarly.

    Some things I learned about you my friend. You get your cock and balls shaved and that after you are allowed an orgasm, you wear panties. Awesome! Why panties after you orgasm though?

    Thanks for a great post bud! "Talk" soon.

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  3. Good post. I wonder if there is a point of diminishing return? Or even negative? Each thing probably has its own curve for each relationship. Some are obvious and predictable, and some others, you just don’t know until you try it. For us, the majorities of things turned out to be exactly as predicted, whether good or bad. I don’t agree that you don’t know what it’s like until you try it. But the small chance of some things unpredicted, turned out exceptionally well, they worth the time and effort of trying.

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  4. Hello I'm hers. I enjoyed reading this post, coming at it from two directions. First, I'm in a somewhat fledgling FLM and can imaging but can't quite relate to the leveling off, or the "flat spot" you refered to. Queen J and I are developing our specific protocols and rituals but by no means have we settled into a 99% consistent state of affairs.

    I can certainly understand where you're coming from by thinking about what's next so to speak. I'm a firm believer of if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward theory. There simply must be growth to keep things from becoming stale. In all aspects of life. Having said that, the growth we might experience can come in who knows how many ways and from any direction.

    Lets say you guys do end up trying DD as you mentioned in your post. First there's no "one" way to incorporate DD into the lifestyle. You'd have to find your specific niche and that would take time and maybe several different attempts with varying intervals between. It may end up being something that works well for the both of you or it just may not be in the cards. But the exercise itself results in growth of your relationship.

    The FLM/FLR/WLM is very unique in it's own way but life continues on. For every man, woman or child that wakes up on a given day. We in this life style have the unique challenge of tailoring the progression that all successful loving relationships have, FLM or not, to conform to certain criteria. It's a wonderful thing really.

    I've gotten too wordy as it is so I'll leave off at that. Obviously another thought provoking post, way to go and thanks! One thing I'm pretty sure of is that however your and Katie's WLM and marriage progresses it will be filled with love, consideration and happiness.

    All the best,
    sublove

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  5. I wonder sometimes if I really like FLM that much or is it just that it is new and exciting? Will it be like a drug that I need a bigger dose to get high? Am I already addicted and sliding down an endless slippery slope of no return?

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  6. I want to relate a conversation I had with my wife after discussing your post. I am one of those guys who " sit at her feet " (in the floor while she is in her recliner)and rub them while she watches tv. She desires this every night at 9:30 until bed time. The only exception is when our daughter and son-in-law come to visit and stay a night or two.
    After talking about your post, my wife said that my sitting in the floor and rubbing her feet while she sat in her chair and watched tv was just "right" and now normal. I replied that it was not so normal as to have me do it when our daughter and s-i-l were here. She said, "I believe it's time for it to be that normal".
    So, it looks like your post has caused us to begin that next climb.
    My thanks, my friend.

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  7. Be honest now - would you even be broaching this subject if you weren't a bit dissatisfied with the level you're at? It seems inevitable that a male at the point that you find yourself begins to wonder if things might not be a bit more exciting if a little discipline were thrown into the mix. You know, let's just give it a try, so to speak. Equally inevitable, and sadly in my opinion, is the reluctance of the female to go further down this road. I find it hard to empathize with this female thought process. I feel it's one sided on her part, rather lazy (as you know, I believe that the female is 90% responsible for the continuance and success of a D/s relationship) and ultimately damaging in that her male is left to wonder "what if" forever. Unfortunately, male submissives will at some point realize that even mild discipline is just not in the cards and will accept the lack of discipline as the line that is drawn in the sand - a line that will never be crossed. After all, to a male desperate for a submissive role, "something" is better than nothing, and often a lot more than they ever dreamed of in the first place. Why rock the boat?

    So why are you even musing about rocking the boat? Are you actually going to bring the matter up? Are you not even a little frustrated? Are you willing to accept where you are, knowing that nothing will happen if you don't initiate a dialogue? Are you willing to accept a big "NO" from her, and be content with that, as you are currently content with doing absolutely everything she demands? Some large questions to answer, and you'd best be able to answer them before you get into it with her. Good luck, as always.

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    1. Wow, just wow ....... I think we all (sub husbands) wrestle with this but are afraid to face it.

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  8. I very much agree with Lady Grey that the wife is primarily responsible for the success of a femdom marriage. From time to time men need to be challenged. Men need to feel the authority of their wives in a real way on an everyday basis. This does not mean turning the home into a dominatrix studio, but the wife needs to accept responsibility for growth in the femdom arena. It can be as simple as incorporating protocols or light spanking into the relationship. It can be as simple as referring to a husband as 'boy' or 'slave' or giving him a cute little pet name and on occasion using it in front of a girlfriend or waitress . The simple truth is that we have no idea how much these simple little things mean to the man in our life.

    In my own family I have watched my daughter grow into something of a mistress wife. It was never something she wanted, but it is a role she managed to grow into and now feels comfortable with. It is also a responsibility that I encouraged her to accept. The key word is responsibility. Being a mistress to a man is not a silly little game.
    Being a mistress is a responsibility to have fun with, but also to be taken seriously. One of the things I told my daughter was that it was her duty, her responsibility, to grow her guy into a better, more loving husband and father. Few things are worse than a husband who feels his needs have been rejected. And yes, femdom is not something where you reach a certain plateau and growth stops. Teddy and I have been in a femdom relationship for fifteen years, and I am still looking for new buttons to push. I am still challenging him to be a better, more obedient, and loving husband. If the wife abdicates her responsibility for taking the lead, a man will find ways to top from the bottom. If a wife ever senses this is happening she has a responsibly to discipline him at once. There are times when a wife needs to be firm with her husband. And, one of the great secrets of the world is that many men want to be with a woman who is willing to discipline them. They want real female authority in their lives, not a pretend version of it.

    My thoughts,

    Love and kisses to all of you.

    Kathy

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    1. Kathy is totally on point here. Her final 3 sentences: "There are times when a wife needs to be firm with her husband. And, one of the great secrets of the world is that many men want to be with a woman who is willing to discipline them. They want real female authority in their lives, not a pretend version of it." should be put up in lights in all existing and potential Femdom homes. I'd be very surprised if any male sub would disagree.

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  9. Thanks for the great feedback. I love it and appreciate the points and examples all of you have provided. Thanks again.

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