Saturday, March 26, 2016

A Hard Lesson to Learn - take 2

I don't think I explained things well in my previous post. At least I don't think I did because some comments suggested Katie's responsibility for my struggles when my intent was to make this about me adjusting to her wishes.  Hopefully I can be a little clearer this time.  What I was trying to say in a nutshell was: it can be hard not getting my way sometimes.  I gave the example of her declining to come with me on a work/travel day where I had to travel a lot and work a little.  Here's another example: I'd love to take her to New England, backpack a day into the mountains where bear canisters are required to store food. A bear canister is a plastic container that bears can't open.  My dream is to take her in to places that are so beautiful but require one to sleep in a tent, on the ground, on a sleeping pad and when she has to use the bathroom she’ll have to step off the trail (or hold it). It requires eating over a cook stove and eating a meal that is a “one pot” meal. But in the process she’ll get to commune with nature, see waterfalls, climb a mountain (or two) and see some of the most beautiful scenery God has to offer in that area. 

So, to my mistresses out there..... is it wrong for me to feel a little sad that she doesn’t' want to do that with me? Is it up to me to deal with the fact that she'll probably never ever say yes? See what I mean? Yes I’m not taking her to a holiday inn and driving up some well-traveled road along with 500 others and get of the car and say “wow, that’s pretty,” and then head down to go eat some sumptuous meal in the valley an hour later. My wish it to something 99% of the world doesn’t do. I want her to rough it with me, and in the process create a memory that will last forever. But it doesn’t look like this is going to happen and that saddens me. Am I wrong to grieve?

Tying this to my last post, can we agree that it's up to the submissive to comply with his mistress' wishes? When I ask questions like this, I wish I could force readers into stating either 'yes' or 'no'. If they did, I'd suspect the answer would be a resounding yes.

Can we agree that sometimes being told no, or having your ideas ignored or bypassed can sometimes be hurtful? Like several of you stated, men shouldn't expect to get all they want. It's not good for them. I'd go so far as to say it's not good for any of us to get all we want. To do so increases the probability of not appreciating what we do have and enjoying the things we have.

Yes I agree that for a wife-led-marriage to work it takes management on Katie's part and I'm not saying she doesn't manage. She is selfish with the time I spend away from her and that in itself is management. Just this week I asked if I could leave her for a few days to do something. After hearing me out I was told no. Now if we hadn't had company arriving the evening I’d return from this outing she might have given me the ok but instead she wanted me home. Things need to be done prior to family coming and so my time of fun was not to be.  I call that good management. Her verdict wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to get away but I also understood I’d have to obey whatever decision she arrived at. I also wanted to obey. I love when she leads overtly and this time she did.

From Katie's perspective, our relationship isn't at all about fun and games. Yes there are the times when she will tease me. Last week I was complaining about being locked all the time. Next thing I knew the bathroom door cracked open and I saw her hand pop through the small opening. She was holding her phone as the song "Mr. Lonely" by Bobby Vinton blared from the small speaker. I understood her point – which was for me to deal with being locked. We both giggled but the cage remained on.

To Katie, my submission is what it is. It’s a matter-of-fact realization of who I am to her. It’s not something she treats lightly or plays with. Her son and daughter stopped by the other morning. He commented how hungry he was and Katie offered almost immediately, "He (meaning me) is about to make breakfast. Do you want to stay and join us?" There was nothing kinky about her offer but the offer was clear regarding what I would do without question. I was not consulted and didn’t expect to be. I’m the cook; she isn’t. The family knows this to be true and Katie wasn't the least hesitant in offering my services. As it turned out, they were in a hurry and so declined.

My life is about service and loving and being practical. Katie is pragmatic if there ever was a pragmatic woman. The details of life and the home come first. Playing around by flaunting her dominance isn't something she seems to want to do or feels as if she must.  We have an understanding. She loves me and she expects me to obey her. She also expects me to love and care for her and I think what she loves most about our femdom relationship is knowing I’m here to care for her. That is the phrase she shares most. "I love that you take care of me."

And isn't that want the submissive desires most; to care for the woman who has been placed before him to serve?


I'm Hers

14 comments:

  1. I understand 100%. You want to share the beauty around us and maybe someday she will let you. I have seen that beauty in the boundry waters canoe area and other places. There is nothing wrong with a submissive wanting to share with his Mistress.
    archedone

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    1. Thanks Archdone, I used that particular example because I thought it wouldn't to most Mistresses (although I really wish she'd relent and try). I could have used others - and there others but wouldn't you agree it's up to us to adapt rather than them? (Not that they don't love and care for us) but if we aren't ever denied our wishes, how can we say we're subs/slaves?

      And as an aside, I've heard wonderful things about the boundary waters although I've never been to Northern Minn. area.

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  2. As a person who equates camping to the outer circle of the 5th level of hell, I have to say: If she's not into it, she's not into it. She's not required to be just because *you* are. You are each entitled to your own ideas of "enjoyable activities." It's not a personal assault on your character, ideals, hobbies, or sense of adventure that she doesn't do backflips at the idea of no indoor plumbing and being a doppleganger for bear food. So she said no; so what? *shrug* I can't speak for your spouse, but odds are: It's about the activity. It's not about you, personally. The more you take it personally, and react as though you're taking it personally... In all likelihood, *she's* going to take THAT personally. I know I would, in her shoes.

    You said she's pragmatic. Given the surrounding circumstances of needing to prepare for company, her decision makes sense. If, perhaps, she *is* into the idea - just not the timing - you can discuss it on another occasion, or ASK her what her ideal outdoorsy situation would be. You're more likely to reach a compromise that way, and she's more likely to enjoy herself. (Which is the whole point, yes?)

    My two cents.

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    1. You reiterated the very point I was trying to make. If you read the previous post you will see I was trying to say that it is up to me to conform to her rather than the other way around. I gave this is one example because I thought most outdooraphobes could identify. I agree with what you've stating so clearly. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. I just read from your Feb 14th post up to this post, which all seem to be related. I commend you for your openness and honesty. You articulated very well your inner struggle between your internal submissive desires and your need to serve Katie. I believe that most submissive men have this same struggle regardless of how new or experienced they are to a Female Led Relationship. Sadly, I think many women do not recognize this. Ultimately it is up to the Female to decide on which desires to entertain or not entertain but I think it is in the best interest of the Female to understand the man's desires and pay attention to them every now and then. Accepting status-quo is o.k. but going beyond that can lead to exciting times and a more rewarding relationship as you both explore new boundaries.

    Your posts resonated with me because what you describe is one of the reasons I started my own blog. There is so much advice about how to start a FLR but there is very little information on how to keep it going and make it stronger. I try to share ideas for doing that. Just like a traditional relationship, a FLR can become stale. Often times, we as the dominants forget the deep inner desire of the male to be controlled and that their minds are often overrun with sexual fantasies. Those desire are important and need an outlet every now and then.

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    1. Mz Kaylee, I appreciate you stopping by and sharing. I think you understand my situation and I am more than open for suggestions as to how to prompt things to move further in the right direction. I too, checked out your blog and read the first 3-5 posts. I'll continue to do so as I have time. Thanks for sharing and I hope you keep writing. The world needs people like you sharing your insights and wisdom. Glad to become acquainted with you.

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    2. You are in the right direction and it is important that you recognize that you don't get everything you want or desire. I am glad to see you wrote about that in your post. That is just life and also part of the compromise of being married. I think many marriages fail because one or both partners don't understand that concept.

      Some suggestions for you:
      > Suggest ideas to your wife of what you want and ask if you can try it just once. Perhaps it can be a reward for you if you are on your best behavior. Something like being more strict could be a weekly or monthly routine. For example, you could suggest that one day a month you are 100% focused on her and she can have you do whatever you want and ask to have high expectations for you. By doing this, it give her time to plan for it and makes it more fun. She is not pressured to deal with it everyday. If she likes it, you will find that she will naturally start to do it more often on her own.
      >Compromise - If she won't go camping, suggest a hiking day-trip or stay in a nearby five-star hotel with a planned outdoor adventure. Nowadays there are many opportunities to experience nature without sleeping on an uncomfortable ground. Start with small steps and it may eventually lead to something bigger.

      Sharing articles or stories about what you want can be helpful also. Sometimes if she reads it from someone else's perspective it might appeal to her.

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    3. Thanks so much for your ideas. I like what you have to say and I may approach Katie on at least one or two of them that I think she might be willing to consider/try.

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  4. You seem to be asking a lot of question, but I can’t help but to think deep down, you really already know all the answers. Just a bit disorganized needed to be sorted out. Or you are seeking confirmation? Or you are being helpful, giving your reader, such as me, something to contemplate?

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    1. Yes. Yes. And yes. :-) I believe I was writing a little bit to myself but also writing to stir up questions/thoughts in others. Sometimes when I write, it helps me to process my own thoughts.

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  5. It seems inevitable that you will feel hurt by decisions like that. Even though you submit to your wife, you still have wants, needs, and desires, and it hurts when they're not met. All we can control is how we handle the pain, which you did admirably. Hopefully, there is more happiness than sadness in the relationship overall.

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    1. Thanks for the comment. I think not getting everything I want goes with the territory but I can assure you there is way more good then there is not good. Thanks for taking the time to share.

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