Wednesday, April 13, 2016
The below post came from the Conquer Him website, a blog I quite enjoy. I would be very interested to get perspectives from others regarding this author’s view on dominance and submission within the context of a female led relationship. Do you agree that the submissive should not pressure, in anyway, his wife to live in ways that she is not currently or do things she is currently not doing? I will soon be having a discussion with Katie regarding concerns I have about our current relationship but this post made me reconsider whether or not I should voice those concerns or just let things ride as they are. I want to follow. I want to obey. I don't want to top from the bottom. I really do want her to lead. I don't want to make Katie into something she isn't. But I do see issues and I wonder if expressing them is a form of pressure as this author seems to imply. Would love to hear your thoughts.
Here is the link to the blog post as well as the post to which I am referring…
I understand why men have the desire for a strong willed woman. He knows that if she chooses him, she’s not choosing him to appease him; she’s choosing him because he is exactly what she wants.
Many men are chosen by strong and powerful women and they are excited because they know that she will be great at leading their Female Led Relationship. Then these men become impatient because although she is clearly expressing what she wants and doesn’t want, these men want her to do MORE. They want her to be more aggressive. They want her to be more demanding. They want her to actively remind him that she is the one in charge.
While this fantasy of having a super controlling and vocal woman is common, it does not describe the powerful women of Conquer Him. Powerful women never have to explicitly demand things from men. Powerful women do not have to forcefully punish men. Powerful women are given power by others because they trust that she knows what to do with it.
When a man desires a woman who will “act” more dominant they are really saying that they do not want a FLR. If he wanted a real and true FLR, her communication style would be enough for him because even if she whispers her desires and says ‘thank you’ when things are done correctly, she is still leading by making the decisions.
Men who want a woman to be more dominating are actually asking the woman to perform for them. It is hurtful to the woman because she begins to feel that who she is at her core is not good enough. She wants to love you and lead you-her way. Why would you question her ability to love you by complaining that she is not doing it right?
Do you really want a Female Led Relationship or do you want a woman who will perform for you?
You can’t pressure a woman to dominate you. If you do, and she does it, she is only acting because she doesn’t want to lose you. If you are okay with having a fake FLR then you can keep this up. If you truly want a FLR then listen to her, accept that she is who she is and show appreciation for her choosing you in the first place. No woman wants to hear that she is not demanding enough. If you are that dissatisfied you can try to find someone else who will perform to your expectations but then again- that is not a FLR.
When you are trying to lead her to have your fantasies fulfilled you are trying to dominate her. A powerful woman won’t appreciate that.
If having an aggressive woman is important to you, you can always talk to her about having a designated play night where you can discuss the things you like and what she likes and play them out on that night only. She may play along if she thinks she will enjoy it. If she refuses to play along it simply means she does not operate that way and her desire to be more calm and sweet should be respected.
When you pressure a woman to be more dominating you are telling her that her love is not enough for you. You are complaining. You are being a pest. You are not appreciating her for who she is.
This kind of behavior, if consistent, is detrimental to any relationship. No woman wants to be told that she’s not good enough. If you really feel that way, then you must leave her alone.
If you really do love and cherish her, then allow her the space to evolve on her own. A powerful woman does not like to be pushed. A powerful woman wants to feel FREE.
Society is already trying to force her to conform to its standards. When she is at home with you give her the freedom to be who she is.