Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Leading by doing nothing?

Is it possible to lead by doing nothing? I think it is. Here is one example. The other day we invited several people join us for dinner. The day before, Katie told me what we would be serving and had me create a list of what needed to be gathered.  When that was done she sent me to see which of the items we already had and what needed to be purchased.  Later that day we went shopping but of course, I needed to go out the following day to get one food item I thought we had but as it turned out, needed more.

That evening Katie asked how long it would take me to get everything ready. Informing me she wanted to eat at 6 I decided 5PM would be a good starting point to begin making final preparations. So on the following day at 5 I headed to the kitchen and as planned had it ready by 6. Guests started arriving a little before 5 with the last showing up right before the meal was set out.  During my hour of craziness Katie pretty much remained out of sight, letting me do the cooking while she spent time with our guests. We all enjoyed the time hanging out and eating and after eating I began gathering the dirty plates and utensils. While I cleaned the group mostly hung out in the kitchen area talking. I listened but remained busy restoring the room to its pre ‘non-messy state’.

I know I was being watched while I cooked and set out the food. I knew others noticed that I was the one doing all of the cleanup. No one sad a thing and Katie pretty much let me take care of most everything. There was the recognition that I was alone at getting everything ready and cleaning it all after. When everyone was through, I was paid the best of compliments.  They thanked ME for dinner – not Katie. And I loved it.

So did Katie lead while together with friends? It was pretty clear to me she did. Other than tell me in front of a few guests “OK you can start getting things ready,” no other remark was made to indicate she was in charge. She didn’t come to check on me to see how I was coming with the meal prep; she didn’t tell me to clean up; she didn’t tell me to put things away. It all just happened. I simply followed the same routine I usually do after dinner – clean.  Yet by spending, what?, a few minutes telling me what we would be serving and going over things with me for a short time, and later making sure we had everything needed and making certain she understood how long it would take me to put it all together, she effectively led. In doing so she asserted herself as the dominant partner and allowed her submissive to make her life a little easier and a whole lot less stressful. (She hates hosting.) Like I commented in the previous post, leaders think and plan, followers execute.  She did that to a T this time and I did likewise, following her directives.

I wanted to write about this little event in our life to illustrate that leadership sometimes doesn’t require lots of time and effort on the part of the wife. However it needs to be intentional. Katie needed to make the decision that I’d be doing the work. She needed to place her trust in me to make it all happen. However she felt it necessary to go over things with me to insure I wouldn’t mess up or forget things. She wanted the time with friends to go off as if she had done the work – meaning, she wanted it done her way. Once she set things in motion, she pretty much stepped back and let me run with it as her submissive.

Leading takes practice. Leading needs to be a part of who the woman in charge is. I understand it’s not something that comes easily for most women. I wish it did. But with practice, that which was at one time foreign becomes familiar and given time and repetition eventually becomes natural.  Katie has become a natural leader in many aspects of our marriage – not all, but increasingly more.  And as she does, my love for her grows ever deeper. I admire her more. I see in her a confident woman. I see someone who has the strength to make things happen by telling me what to do. I see a woman that understands my need for leadership and is willing to give that gift of direction to me. For that I am thankful.


I’m Hers

17 comments:

  1. It sounds like the two of you have a great dynamic and had a great evening. This was definitely a great read.

    In some ways, my own wife has set the boundaries of our still-new FLR but almost let me "train" myself. Maybe that was to see what I really had mind or gauge how motivated I really was. We're still figuring ours out, and probably will be for a long time to come. :)

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    1. Declan Heyse, I love first timers' when they post! Welcome! We did have fun and we do love one another deeply. She is soooo hot!!!! :)

      I'm curious, you mentioned your wife has set the boundaries but let you train yourself. What do you mean by that?

      As to figuring it out and it taking time, I'm sure it will. And it will keep changing as time goes on. It's how life is, you get most of it figured out but new things keep popping up that add a new dynamic every now and again.
      Stop by again.

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    2. Maybe it was more a case of "seeing what I would do." I was extremely motivated to make this pseudo-FLR of ours work, having hoped for it for so long. There was kind of a "This is what I should do, and this is what I need to do to get myself to do it" mindset on my part.

      She's starting to set the direction for us much more now, though, and not just the boundaries. And the direction isn't always what I had in mind or was training/motivating myself to do so far. Truth be told, I like that, too.

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    3. Thanks for the response. I hope that the change on your part didnt go unnoticed. I hope the change also resulted in the two of you becoming even more in love/intimate. That's the goal, after all, isn't it?

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  2. I think Mrs Katie has made significant progress. My wife would never let me completely handle the responsibilities of cooking and serving for our guests. There are several reasons. I am not a great cook, but am getting better and she probably wouldn't trust me to not screw up something. The main reason would be that she hasn't completely shaken the societal view that the woman of the house should be doing these duties and she would be worried what people would think of her if she left it to me completely. I would be interested to know how Mrs Katie handled any comments about your cooking, serving, and cleaning without any assistance from her.

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    1. Wishful4, Trust me..... cooking isn't my forte' either. But I can handle the grill - which was about all the cooking I had to do just before the event began. The rest was making up a few "cold" salad types of items and making up a dip. Not the hardest thing in the world to do. Should it be more involved, Katie might be less confident in me doing it all but she does try to stay out of the kitchen whenever possible - she really does hate cooking .... like she'd rather eat Cheerios than cook herself a dinner! :)

      As to the questions asked: there were none. At least none that I heard and none that she told me. We've had this group over before and I think they just know this is how we do things. It really was a pretty natural thing for the two of us to do - I kept busy in the kitchen and he hosted our guests (and I joined them as soon as I was through with my responsibilities).

      Stay cool friend!

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  3. I really like this post (and blog) since I can relate to it and this is the kind of dominance, FLR that I like and search for.

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    1. Thank you Ms Blaze! I didnt' want to come across that she actually 'did nothing' but that she sat with me and explained what she wanted done and when. It didn't take long but it was intentional. And I loved it!

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  4. I love the fact that Miss Katie is quite comfortable having you prepare dinner while she spends time with the guests. It takes a very elegant and secure woman to pull that off, and I think you are very blessed to be married to such a Lady. You must be quite proud of Katie’s confidence in herself, and of her complete trust in you to get the job done!

    Mind if I run a few questions by you, IH? Did you get any feedback from Katie on how you did? Did you thank her for her leadership in planning the dinner? Did you thank her for the opportunity to prepare dinner for everyone? (Donna and I have fun with that type of exchange. “Thank you for allowing me to serve you breakfast in bed, my Beautiful Mistress”. “Oh, don’t mention it!”

    Could you kindly ask Miss Katie if she has received any comments from your guests on your respective roles? Did they say anything, or is everyone pretty much taking things in stride now?

    Hope you have a great, evening, my friend!

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    1. HSS, thanks for commenting and I appreciate the questions. You know, when we were all done I believe I asked her what she thought. Other than saying it went pretty well. I wasnt expecting lots of compliments and her contentment was all the indication I needed to know she was pleased.

      As to the question of whether or not others said things to her, I don't think so. It just feels so normal. IT's not like she 'tries' to avoid the kitchen. Sometimes she came in for a minute to pick up something or do something but 98% of the time it was simply me, cooking, clearing tables, wiping counters and getting out the next food item - and of course washing lots of dishes. I had fun and I didn't feel as if I wasn't a part of the gathering. Mostly the group hung out nearby so it was fun.

      Thanks my friend. Enjoy your day.

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  5. One can argue that Katie did do something to lead. She gave directions.

    I think the point you want to make is, while leading can be difficult, it can be exceedingly simple at times. Please correct me if I’m wrong.

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    1. HS, Exactly! The point I wanted to make was although I did most everything it only happened because she took 5 minutes and sat down and told me she wanted this and this and this. We discussed her ideas and once I was clear what she wanted she let go and let me do my thing.

      To those women reading this. It's important that you do that with your man. Sit down, look him in the eye and speak your mind. It's not mean, harsh or in anyway demeaning. Just tell him, dear, tonight I want you to do ...... and tell him.

      Thanks Her Subject for pointing out the crux of what I hoped to convey.

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  6. What you forget is the amount of time and energy it takes to condition a man to be as totally obedient as you are.

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    1. I think a lot of that 'time and energy' is dependent on the personality of the man. My hunch is some require more while most - who want to be owned already - require much less. But your point is well taken.

      I am a believer that the 'work' the woman does is much different than the 'work' that's required of the man. One is mental, the other more physical. Thank you Mistress Kathy!

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  7. You took the time to answer all my inane questions, IH, and I appreciate that!

    It's very cool that you and Katie, and your friends, have arrived at a place where it's the norm for you to be joyfully prepping and cleaning up while Katie is freed up to be a loving leader and host.

    Regardless of who's in what role, I bet the love and endearment you and Katie hold for each other make your house a great place to hang out. Having beer and wine on hand can help too :-), but the comfort and appreciation you and Miss Katie have for each other surely keep the place happy!

    Hope you guys are having a great summer!

    Scott

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  8. I think it's a great thing to see that you are comfortable in that role in public. This will become more and more the norm as Alpha females pair with Beta males. We've had guests over, and my husband clears and washes dishes while I sit and chat. It's a subtle thing, but huge at the same time. I might push it a little sometimes by calling for him to bring me a glass of water while it's obvious he's busy washing dishes, and I'm just sitting chatting. He brings me the glass, and returns to wash dishes and clear the dining room. It's a subtle but huge public statement. ... thanks for the link.

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    1. Yoga Girl, thanks for stopping by. I have appreciated your recent posts and enjoyed what you've had to say. As for the 'leading by doing nothing', it's my wife's style and how she prefers to do things - quietly and avoiding the obvious - while still enjoying me doing the work behind the scene. Stop by again

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