Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Is it possible to lead by doing nothing? I think it is. Here is one example. The other day we invited several people join us for dinner. The day before, Katie told me what we would be serving and had me create a list of what needed to be gathered. When that was done she sent me to see which of the items we already had and what needed to be purchased. Later that day we went shopping but of course, I needed to go out the following day to get one food item I thought we had but as it turned out, needed more.
That evening Katie asked how long it would take me to get everything ready. Informing me she wanted to eat at 6 I decided 5PM would be a good starting point to begin making final preparations. So on the following day at 5 I headed to the kitchen and as planned had it ready by 6. Guests started arriving a little before 5 with the last showing up right before the meal was set out. During my hour of craziness Katie pretty much remained out of sight, letting me do the cooking while she spent time with our guests. We all enjoyed the time hanging out and eating and after eating I began gathering the dirty plates and utensils. While I cleaned the group mostly hung out in the kitchen area talking. I listened but remained busy restoring the room to its pre ‘non-messy state’.
I know I was being watched while I cooked and set out the food. I knew others noticed that I was the one doing all of the cleanup. No one sad a thing and Katie pretty much let me take care of most everything. There was the recognition that I was alone at getting everything ready and cleaning it all after. When everyone was through, I was paid the best of compliments. They thanked ME for dinner – not Katie. And I loved it.
So did Katie lead while together with friends? It was pretty clear to me she did. Other than tell me in front of a few guests “OK you can start getting things ready,” no other remark was made to indicate she was in charge. She didn’t come to check on me to see how I was coming with the meal prep; she didn’t tell me to clean up; she didn’t tell me to put things away. It all just happened. I simply followed the same routine I usually do after dinner – clean. Yet by spending, what?, a few minutes telling me what we would be serving and going over things with me for a short time, and later making sure we had everything needed and making certain she understood how long it would take me to put it all together, she effectively led. In doing so she asserted herself as the dominant partner and allowed her submissive to make her life a little easier and a whole lot less stressful. (She hates hosting.) Like I commented in the previous post, leaders think and plan, followers execute. She did that to a T this time and I did likewise, following her directives.
I wanted to write about this little event in our life to illustrate that leadership sometimes doesn’t require lots of time and effort on the part of the wife. However it needs to be intentional. Katie needed to make the decision that I’d be doing the work. She needed to place her trust in me to make it all happen. However she felt it necessary to go over things with me to insure I wouldn’t mess up or forget things. She wanted the time with friends to go off as if she had done the work – meaning, she wanted it done her way. Once she set things in motion, she pretty much stepped back and let me run with it as her submissive.
Leading takes practice. Leading needs to be a part of who the woman in charge is. I understand it’s not something that comes easily for most women. I wish it did. But with practice, that which was at one time foreign becomes familiar and given time and repetition eventually becomes natural. Katie has become a natural leader in many aspects of our marriage – not all, but increasingly more. And as she does, my love for her grows ever deeper. I admire her more. I see in her a confident woman. I see someone who has the strength to make things happen by telling me what to do. I see a woman that understands my need for leadership and is willing to give that gift of direction to me. For that I am thankful.
Friday, July 1, 2016
I have nothing profound to say here. During the past few days Katie and I have been able to spend time together. I’m on vacation and it feels so good to be with her every day and not have work interrupt ‘life’. We’ve worked outside in the yard together. We’ve baby sat together. We’ve spent time with friends at a concert. We’ve slept in! We’ve taken day trips to places we enjoy. We had fun and we bonded. Gosh it makes me ache for retirement. Katie keeps telling me, “If we could only win the lottery”. Yea, right! But I understand where she’s coming from. I wish we could afford to do so as well. Anyway, here are four snapshots from our life that had something to do with living a Wife Led Marriage. Enjoy.
Some days ago Katie was playing a game of spider solitaire on the computer. I watched her slowly get destroyed as one rotten hand after another presented itself on her screen. She was unsuccessful in her ability to unjumble the mess. Finally with one hand to go I said, “I’ll help you with this. If we end up winning, I promise to be your slave forever.” Now slave is not a term I hardly ever use and one she never uses. Every once in a while she will call me ‘sub’ or ‘my sub’ but ‘slave’? Never.
Anyway, without looking at me she answered, “You’re already my slave forever.”
I about wanted to shout hallelujah but curbed the response and simply smiled. Nevertheless, I loved hearing her response and have thought and re-thought about her words in the days since. It takes so little to feed my submission – just a little reminder in a profound way that I belong to hers is all I need. I’m glad she sees me as her ‘slave’. What a yummy thought!
Some nights ago we were lying in bed talking. The lights were out and Katie was on her side, snuggled in tight against me. One hand lightly touched my body and eventually it made its way south – down there. While she fondled me I asked, “What are you looking for down there?”
I laughed. “You’re looking in the wrong place. There’s no gold there.”
“I found gold nuggets,” she replied
“Ahh, well you got ripped off if that’s what you wanted from me. I’m sure you could have found someone with bigger nuggets than that.”
We laughed and then she grabbed a hold of me. “I found the gold bar.”
I was quite limp when she first took hold. “Well then you really got ripped off.”
As I started to grow she counted out, “one-thousand dollars, two thousand dollars, three thousand dollars,…..”.
“Dang, you did find a gold mine!” I exclaimed.
“Yep, and I might as well put it to good use while it’s worth a lot. Put on some lubricant.”
So ends that story. You don’t need to know the rest :) but I’ll let you imagine.
On another evening while in bed, Katie asked me where (geographically) something was. Because it was dark I drew a sketch on her belly. As I moved my hands up between her breasts she exclaimed, “Wo, you’re all the way up in the Adirondacks now!” (to those not from around here, they are a mountain range quite a way north – much further than the town I was describing that was nowhere near Upstate New York.)
A few days ago Katie opened the mail. She left one piece on the counter. Just before leaving the room she called, “There’s something for you there.”
As I read it I realized it was one of those solicitations from the local car dealer telling me just how much they ‘needed’ my car. The letter stressed just how important it was for me to come see them because there were others apparently “dying to buy my used car”. Basically this was a glorified ploy to get me to trade in my vehicle for another new car but they dressed the disguise up well enough for me to read it in its entirety. The letter stated they even had a check in the amount of $xxx waiting for me. All I needed to do was bring my vehicle to their dealership. It would be that easy. At the bottom of the typed letter was a hand written note in cursive. “We hope to see you soon. Please don’t delay.” Then, at the very bottom was another line in cursive in a slightly different colored ink that read “And your wife is HOT!”
I giggled knowing Katie had written that last line. I called to her. I knew she was in the other room waiting for my response. “That dealer sure has good taste in women! He says you are hot, Katie.”
I’ve since reminded her several times about the car-dealers’ comment regarding how hot she is. She smiles every time I do.
Earlier this week I climbed in bed and gave Katie a kiss. “You’re beautiful!” I said enthusiastically and hugged her.
“Do you really mean that?”
Her question was sincere. “Oh Katie. I do! You are so beautiful. I love you!”
She kissed me. It was one of those nice long kisses. The kind I really like.
You know, before we started our WLM relationship I’d often compliment her, telling her how pretty, how beautiful and how nice she looks. Often her response amounted so something in the line of “if you think so” or “if you say so.” I could never figure out why a woman as attractive and sexy as her would question her appearance for she is beautiful indeed.
I’ve been relentless in affirming her ever since we first met. I’ve repeatedly told her in various ways that she’s beautiful. Not a day goes by that I don’t tell her so several times. “Katie, you are beautiful.” “Katie, I love you.” “Katie, you look great.” “Katie, that top looks great on you.” “Katie, I love seeing your smile.” “You have such pretty hair; I love brushing it for you.”
I tell her in all kinds of ways. Sometimes I’ll call home and when she answers with a hello, I’ll ask, “Am I talking to the beautiful Mistress Katie?” or “Is this my beautiful wife?” or “Is there a mistress at the other end of this line with whom I can speak?” Now she will answer by affirming she is ‘the beautiful Miss Katie’, that ‘you are speaking to your beautiful wife’, and ‘you are talking to a mistress’.
I don’t hear the ‘if you say so’ comments anymore. I haven’t heard them for months and I hope I never hear them again.
The changes in perception from her responding to my “your beautiful” with an “if you say so” to one where she now answers the phone and tells me she is my beautiful mistress or now playfully writes on a piece of junk mail “your wife is hot” was a slow process but it is one that has been so fun to see evolve.
I like writing about our life. I hope examples like these encourage you as a submissive man to continue adoring, having fun and affirming your wife for the beautiful woman she is. If you are a woman, I hope examples like these can provide you a sense of assurance if you struggle with fully embracing your beauty and your status as head of your home. To you, I invite you to put your inhibitions aside. Be the mistress you are. Take control. Have fun with the mutual roles you and your man share. Be yourself. Know your submissive loves you and wants nothing more than to see you express your confidence readily.