Sunday, August 7, 2016

Caring Enough to Confront

This post is directed to the heads of households – those leading wife led marriages/female led relationships.

I don’t know if you’re like me but I hate conflict. I’m such a wimp when it comes to confronting peers. I just hate doing it. I don’t mind handing issues with those I don’t have a vested interest but when it comes to Katie, my friends, children and extended family, I’d rather keep my frustrations to myself than voice them and potentially make trouble.

Do you feel this way? For many addressing conflicts can be tough. At one level ‘something’ took place between two parties that caused a rift. Someone was offended. Someone noticed something very wrong that disturbed them. Someone didn’t appreciate what was said or implied. Someone started acting more aloof and you have no idea why. That’s how the conflict came to be and in most all cases.

Conflict is often difficult to resolve with peers because of the feelings they have for one another. This person is your friend. You have a history with them. You might even love them.
When you recognize the wrong and if you decide to address it, there may be harsh words exchanged. There may be tears. The relationship m ay be irreversibly altered. There is a risk assumed when considering if and when to address the issue at hand.

It’s that fear of the unknown; that worry with regard to what if things don’t go well that often keeps conflicts from being addressed. But if they aren’t addressed; if they aren’t resolved; the relationship is altered simply because the problem remains. It needs to be dealt with.

All of the above leads me to how this plays out within a wife led relationship. When the wife witnesses something she doesn’t approve, the responsibility falls upon her as the head of the home to address the issue. If she chooses to ignore the problem, she implicitly has addressed it. She has given her blessing for the attitude or action to continue because she has chosen to ignore the problem. If she decides to intercede she is placed in the position of being the ‘bad person’ by bringing the problem up for discussion.

As the woman in charge of your marriage, this task falls to you. However how things play out “should” - and that’s the key word, “should” - be far different than if you were the wife in a vanilla relationship. In a WLM/FLR you hold all the power. Your husband has pledged his obedience. He has pledged to embrace your decisions. He has pledged to support you and abide by your wishes. He has pledged to obey.

The mistress must take it upon herself to discuss the problem. She really has no choice. Failure to discuss or address this is an omission of her responsibility. It’s why she is called Miss, Mistress, Queen or whatever term of endearment the husband uses to show respect. The beauty of this situation within a WLM is that when she does bring the topic up she should expect is zero resistance on the part of her mate. It’s his duty to listen, to be open and honest. It is his responsibility to disclose any secrets he may be hiding or the root cause of feelings he has. It’s his job to explain himself adequately, answer questions truthfully and accept whatever consequences incurred. It’s his job to change. All the Mistress needs to do is address it to her satisfaction.

If the submissive lives his role there should be little to know stress placed on his mistress when she pulls him aside to address her concern. Oh, I’m sure she’ll feel uncomfortable the first few times but as her confidence improves those feeling should become a thing of the past. She should expect no backtalk; there should be no buts; there should be nothing other than an honest open confession or explanation. There should be nothing more than an ‘I’m sorry and will do better”; there should be nothing more than accepting the consequences his mistress believes is necessary to prevent the occurrence from happening again.

If the submissive is truly submissive it should be easy for the wife to confront. There should be no stress as there often is when confronting friends, peers or others. It should be even easier than when confronting a teenage child.

For me, this is but another beauty to living under Katie’s rule. Her rule is law but that law only extends as far as the rules she is willing to insist I abide by. If she sees something awry, she needs to confront me. Failure to do so serves as an indication to me that my behavior is OK to repeat.  However when she does address a problem she should have the confidence to know I won’t question her authority and I will fess-up as needed.

I’m Hers

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for writing this. It has helped me a lot.

    I read it first when you published it, but came back to it today again. It is exactly what I needed to hear today.