Monday, September 26, 2016

So What happened?

Two weeks ago Katie let me experience an orgasm. Initially the plan was for me to go a year before the next one but a few factors influenced her modifying that time frame.  I think most that change in plan had to do with me feeling left out. Honestly I started to feel as if our lovemaking had become completely about her and not at all about me.  But as some of you reminded me, I got what I asked for.  I submitted. I gave up certain freedoms. I wanted this and there is no mistaking our marriage revolves primarily (but not solely) around her. She’s in charge and I’m there to support and be there for her.

But for whatever reason – and I really don’t know why – I began to feel depressed as the days mounted from 100 to 150 and beyond. I just wanted to be an active part of our lovemaking – and I didn’t want to wait an entire year for that to happen.

The other issue at play was my own prostate health. I started feeling these pangs, kind of an achy feeling down in that area and became concerned. We talked about that. It was that which started our sporadic discussion during the month prior to ‘the happening’.  I know I’ve written a post or two on the topic of long-term denial and prostate health. From all I’ve read I found nothing to indicate that more releases vs. fewer has any influence on how the prostate functions.  All I knew was I was feeling something that I hadn’t before experienced and I started to worry.

I have an app on my phone that keeps track of the number of days in denial. I title my little journey on that app “# of days since the last time”.  Sending her a screen shot at Day 176 I asked, “Are you really going to deny me a full year?”

I knew the answer. It’s always the same, “Maybe”.  But this time caught me by surprise. Her response came a few minutes later. “Probably.” Ouch. That one hurt. 

I told her about the aches down there and a week later sent her another screen shot. With the comment, “soooo long.”
This time she texted, “three more weeks.” 

Talk about giving a guy some hope! OMG!!! I couldn’t believe it. I entered that date into my calendar and I can tell you one thing, I looked at that date more than just a few times in the days that followed. I couldn’t wait.

Two weeks later I texted while at work: “I’m at 200 days!”

She texted, “one more day.”

It was another unexpected response. I knew I had another week until reaching the three-week date (but I somehow forgot to remind her of that fact). :)

That next day came and that next day went without anything happening. Oh, did I feel like crap. I was so hopeful but no, there was no hanky-panky to be had. I couldn’t believe she didn’t want to make love that morning. Later in the day I asked her why and learned she had a headache. The next morning came and things finally happened.  And that was really all there was to it. It wasn’t mind blowing. It wasn’t earth shattering. Rather it was nice. I felt loved. I felt cared for. I felt as if she listened to what I had to say.

Upon reflection I understood the thought behind the “three more weeks” text.  It was an indication that she wasn’t about to change her mind just because. It was her saying “I hear you but I’m not going to just do something ASAP just because you tell me”. Yet at the same time it was her saying I really do care. I really am listening. I really am concerned and I want you to know I am thinking about you.

The happening took place two weeks ago.  What I don’t know is when the next time will be? She has given me no indication what her plan is. I don’t know if she will permit me releases monthly, bi monthly, have me wait another 200 days or keep me chaste for another year.

And to me that is my primary concern. I’ve asked her a couple of times to think through what it is she wants to do and why she is doing what she is. I hope she has a plan. I hope she does things for a reason rather than having no rationale for when she’ll next let me release. And until that next time, life will go on.

I’ve been locked every day since one since. It’s been 15 days and I love her for being the mistress she is and has been to me. 

I’m Hers

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Does it get any Better?

This has been a good week! Let me recap the basics in a short and sweet post.  Here's the highlights:

A three day weekend last week due to the Labor Day holiday

A short week of work this week

Thursday night Football

The first of a LOT of Football with the start of the long awated NFL season (and the college games too!)

Snuggling with my honey

Knowing the heat of summer is finally showing signs of breaking

What more could a guy ask for?

Oh, and through in there the long awaited words, "You can cum today."

Nuff Said!!

Have a wonderful week!

I'm Hers

Friday, September 2, 2016

Buying In and Staying Bought In - Part 2

I wrote this post prior to putting up the previous one. I wanted to get my thoughts written down before having them influenced by the comments of the previous post. Last week I wrote something that triggered a thought in which I needed to give more thought. The previous post was generally about how exciting and wonderful and sexy and incredible and enticing and jealous and envious I was after reading about how another couple handles denial and release. The wife permits her husband to do so every few weeks and is put on "a schedule” of sorts. I loved the idea; probably because my 'schedule' is getting moldy. It's been that long between 'wowee' times for me.

As you know, Katie reads and approves all of what I post and that post was no exception. She read it but had little to say. When she finished proofing it she asked if I was lonely and I told her I did feel lonely. She didn't probe further. Two evenings later while we were in bed I pulled up the Bobby Vinton song "Mr. Lonely" on my phone and played it through my iHome speaker. The lights were out. I was laying on my side and she was wrapped around behind spooning. I felt her shudders as she began to silently giggle. When she grabbed my 'little soldier' and started wiggling it I knew she got my point. Ah, success makes for such sweet satisfaction! When the song was over I asked if she knew who sang that tune. When she guessed wrong I told her it was "Bobby Vinton and the Confined Sperms".  More silent giggles erupted. Another point driven adequately home for her to ponder further :) I slept well that night.

But, nothing, or rarely nothing in life is black and white. That was the case when I wrote that post.  I felt justified writing what I had until I wrote these two sentences: "Whatever choices a couple makes, in order for that relationship to remain healthy and thrive, both need to buy in on how they will live, interact and relate. It's not enough for one to say, this is how it will be and I don't give a sh#* what you think." After I did I wasn't so sure.

And then a day later I was looking at several post ideas I had in a file. I came across a line I had copied and pasted a post written a few months back from the "A Dominant Wife" blog. In that post she refers to a conversation she had with a younger woman who lives in her home. She states: "....The point about being in charge of your marriage is it is entirely your decision. As I have told you, there is only one sexuality in our marriage: mine. I do what I want, elliot does what he is told."

So there you have it. And all this makes things so "Uggghhh!" So confusing. So frustrating. 

I wrote last week about thoughts I had regarding me wondering if Katie is pushing me too far into denial. I wondered if only reaching an orgasm once a year was undoing some of the 'doing' she wants my denial to do for her (and for me).  I hoped it would have elicited a discussion but it didn't and because I'm her submissive, I let it be. We texted some days later and I learned she denies me for such long periods of time because it was me who told her how denial affects me mentally. And it has been me that has told her how being told 'no' actually makes me closer to her. And it does. But so does reaching a climax as long as she responds to it as a mistress should after that climax happens. It's not the climax per se that I love but how she handles it once it's over. (I'll leave it at that.)

Again, things come back to being more open, something we've a hard time doing when the topic pertains to her dominance and my submission and our WLM. Don't ask me why, it just is what it is.

Anyway, I felt guilty when I wrote, "it’s not enough for one to say this is how it will be and I don't give a hoot what you think." In the back of my mind I kept thinking, "Isn't that what dominance is all about? Isn't it about doing what she wants because she feels this is what is best for us?" In some ways I violated one of the key premises of my wife leading us. She needs to sometimes make hard decisions, regardless of how I feel. Sometimes she needs to tell me, "I want you to do this," or "I don't want you to ever do that again and don't question me. This is what I want and this is what you will do." There needs to be times when she stands on that island even when she knows her husband may not agree with what she has decided.

That's what A Dominant Wife referenced during her conversation with the young woman still learning about what it means to be dominant. She referenced it in regards to her sex life with her submissive husband. Basically she said, she does what she wants and he has no say in the matter. And that is so true. He shouldn't have a say. Not ultimately anyway.

Now I would hope that a loving mistress would talk and read and explore and learn so she can make wise decisions. It's her job to do that. She has the responsibility to lead and lead with the hope she is making the best decisions for both her and for him. I'm not saying that is always an easy thing to do but I do believe it's her responsibility regardless of how hard it might be. But she needn't do this alone. She can ask others. She can have her sub research and do the leg-work for her. She can read and learn. She can do lots of things but in the end, the decision remains hers to make. In effect she needs to sometimes tell her submissive that "this is how it will be and I DO give a sh$* what you think. (And even though you think it’s not the best choice, I believe it is best for me and for you and that's why I'm deciding as I am.)  It's why there can only be "one sexuality in the marriage". It is why she can do what she wants and why her submissive is required to do what he is told. But underlying the sometimes harsh outward expression of those decisions is the hope? The expectation? That she has chosen wisely for the benefit of the marriage, for the maintaining of her dominance, and for the cultivation of his submission.

And so I don't know what to think about the whole appeal of the ejaculation-schedule thingy-mi-bob. I like it but I love Katie even more. I looked at her the other day after she read that post and said mostly nothing. I looked at her and thought "I'm going to love this woman with all my heart even if she never lets me cum. I just am." I thought that because I know deep down she has me placed on such a high pedestal in her mind. I know she loves me. I know I am the apple of her eye. I know she wants nothing more than for me to love and cherish and adore her. And because I know all these things I know that even if nothing changes my love for her will remain where it is - focused only on her.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

I'm Hers