Monday, September 26, 2016
So What happened?
Two weeks ago Katie let me experience an orgasm. Initially the plan was for me to go a year before the next one but a few factors influenced her modifying that time frame. I think most that change in plan had to do with me feeling left out. Honestly I started to feel as if our lovemaking had become completely about her and not at all about me. But as some of you reminded me, I got what I asked for. I submitted. I gave up certain freedoms. I wanted this and there is no mistaking our marriage revolves primarily (but not solely) around her. She’s in charge and I’m there to support and be there for her.
But for whatever reason – and I really don’t know why – I began to feel depressed as the days mounted from 100 to 150 and beyond. I just wanted to be an active part of our lovemaking – and I didn’t want to wait an entire year for that to happen.
The other issue at play was my own prostate health. I started feeling these pangs, kind of an achy feeling down in that area and became concerned. We talked about that. It was that which started our sporadic discussion during the month prior to ‘the happening’. I know I’ve written a post or two on the topic of long-term denial and prostate health. From all I’ve read I found nothing to indicate that more releases vs. fewer has any influence on how the prostate functions. All I knew was I was feeling something that I hadn’t before experienced and I started to worry.
I have an app on my phone that keeps track of the number of days in denial. I title my little journey on that app “# of days since the last time”. Sending her a screen shot at Day 176 I asked, “Are you really going to deny me a full year?”
I knew the answer. It’s always the same, “Maybe”. But this time caught me by surprise. Her response came a few minutes later. “Probably.” Ouch. That one hurt.
I told her about the aches down there and a week later sent her another screen shot. With the comment, “soooo long.”
This time she texted, “three more weeks.”
Talk about giving a guy some hope! OMG!!! I couldn’t believe it. I entered that date into my calendar and I can tell you one thing, I looked at that date more than just a few times in the days that followed. I couldn’t wait.
Two weeks later I texted while at work: “I’m at 200 days!”
She texted, “one more day.”
It was another unexpected response. I knew I had another week until reaching the three-week date (but I somehow forgot to remind her of that fact). :)
That next day came and that next day went without anything happening. Oh, did I feel like crap. I was so hopeful but no, there was no hanky-panky to be had. I couldn’t believe she didn’t want to make love that morning. Later in the day I asked her why and learned she had a headache. The next morning came and things finally happened. And that was really all there was to it. It wasn’t mind blowing. It wasn’t earth shattering. Rather it was nice. I felt loved. I felt cared for. I felt as if she listened to what I had to say.
Upon reflection I understood the thought behind the “three more weeks” text. It was an indication that she wasn’t about to change her mind just because. It was her saying “I hear you but I’m not going to just do something ASAP just because you tell me”. Yet at the same time it was her saying I really do care. I really am listening. I really am concerned and I want you to know I am thinking about you.
The happening took place two weeks ago. What I don’t know is when the next time will be? She has given me no indication what her plan is. I don’t know if she will permit me releases monthly, bi monthly, have me wait another 200 days or keep me chaste for another year.
And to me that is my primary concern. I’ve asked her a couple of times to think through what it is she wants to do and why she is doing what she is. I hope she has a plan. I hope she does things for a reason rather than having no rationale for when she’ll next let me release. And until that next time, life will go on.
I’ve been locked every day since one since. It’s been 15 days and I love her for being the mistress she is and has been to me.