Thursday, December 15, 2016

What's the Difference?

I am alive and well. My wife and I got to talking about the difference between a 'hen-pecked' husband and a submissive one.  By hen-pecked I mean a husband  who generally lives as an equal with his wife but also does what his wife tells him to do and probably does at least a little more  around the house than most men in his circle of friends. I have my opinion on the difference but I would like to reserve expressing it for now in lieu of having others respond and give their thoughts. In both cases the outward 'what he does' might appear to be identical to the outsider so is there a difference and if so what is it? 


As a sequel to the above question, how does the actions and attitudes and perceptions of a dominant wife differ from those of a traditional relationship? What should the role be if she is in charge versus living traditionally? Does she become the "henpecker"? If not, Alta she expect her husband to keep doing all of this work for him if she doesn't continually nag him to do so?

And to all, have a Merry Christmas

I'm Hers

22 comments:

  1. For one thing, a "hen-pecked" husband has no desire to "submit" but instead capitulates to the annoyance/misery of the wife's conduct. A submissive derives pleasure from surrendering his free will and subjugating his needs and desires to another. If you're not truly submissive, doing that will probably make you miserable and resentful.

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  2. My impression of the difference is who instigates the relationship. In a hen-pecked relationship, the wife/girlfriend is the aggressive one who introduced/imposed the FLR upon her husband/boyfriend. In a male submissive relationship, the husband/boyfriend is the one who encourages/invites his wife/girlfriend to assume a more dominant role.

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    1. I couldn't agree more with this reply!

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  3. Dear IH. Great question. I think the notion of being hen-pecked depends a good deal on the nature of the man. If you aren't a submissive guy it's easy to feel hen-pecked by your wife, whereas a submissive guy is less likely to feel that way.

    However, I think another big difference is in the love that envelopes a FLR relationship. In both hen-pecked and FLR relationships the woman feels a sense of empowerment (which is great) and the guy feels disempowered. But in a traditional hen-pecked relationship it is more practical and less based on the love that allows the D-s dynamic to flourish. In an FLR there is that constant sense of love that defines the relationship - that the man wishes to serve and obey his wife out of his love for her. But she also dominates/orders him through a sense of love - meeting some of his inner-most needs. She adds this love dimension by combining an order or expectation with a kiss a touch, a tease, a reminder of who is in charge, or perhaps even a promise of being allowed to have orgasm in the near future. I have not been permitted to have an orgasm in over two months even though my wife has had several. I can tell you that I have been doing my housework with extra zeal in the past few weeks. She has noticed and has told me that she is considering allowing me to have an orgasm before Christmas. I don't fine cleaning the house in and of itself particularly enjoyable. However, knowing that she has given me this chore out of her love for me and meeting my need to serve her makes all the difference.

    Thank you once again for your terrific blog. I have always found your entries thoughtful and reflective of what many of us FLR couples go through or have gone through. Happy Holidays,
    vic

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  4. Some men are naturally submissive without even knowing it and they can leave themselves open to being hen pecked. They tend to do more around the house and cater to their woman's beck and call and are what some call pussy whipped. To me that is just a woman who enjoys being catered to and a man who wants to please her so he goes along with whatever makes her happy. To me that is not a couple consciously deciding to live in the BDSM lifestyle. That is not an FLR or WLM either. To me a dominant wife who wants to have a submissive husband needs to ensure that she is actively dominating in order for the submissive to be actively submitting and not just be there going through the motions. Its very easy to have a sub obeying rules or following through with tasks and chores and have it be just going thru the motions because the woman isn't actively dominanting. There needs to be something from the woman that fuels that spark and takes the dynamic from just going through motions of obedience to something that stays fresh and exciting for both. The more a woman dominates and leads the more submissive the male will feel too. The more he will feel content and want to please her and in turn she will feel even more worshipped, loved and adored. To me when you make a commitment to live this lifestyle then it takes active work on both sides to keep the spark alive that makes one choose to be a true submissive and dominant and not just a hen pecked husband and papmpered wife. That isn't to say life allows this every day but it should be a priority.
    MM

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  5. I have read the comments, and to an extent their is some truth in all of them. What is all comes down to in the end is the willingness of the wife to punish, and for the husband to be willing to accept whatever punishment his wife chooses.

    What women to not 'get' is that punishment or atonement followed by forgiveness brings a couple together. This is part of the intimacy that becomes a part of most femdom relationships.

    The willingness to punish when necessary is a big part of what makes a woman something more than simply a wife. The willingness to punish is what makes her a mistress. Understanding that a wife is willing to punish causes some trepidation in the husband. The trepidation results in a greater degree of respect which leads to consistent and complete obedience.

    I love my husband, and want him there by my side. However, he needs to understand that his respect, his obedience to me are almost as important as his love.

    Some of you may remember the story of my uncle who lived in the country.
    When he passed on we went through the old barn. In the barn there was an old horse whip. While I never used it on my baby, it does hang on a hook in our bed room. Friends and visitors who see it think it is just a reminder of my uncle. John understands the real meaning. He understands that the old whip is a symbol of my authority over him and of my willingness to punish when necessary. And, we both know that he need punishment of some kind from to time. Punishment for a male is part of the cure all that glues our marriage together.

    What I want is for each of you to take a moment to thing about this comment. Share your feelings with I'm Hers.

    Love, Kathy

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    1. I can't fear my wife and love her at the same time. If I know you are willing to intentionally hurt me, you may get my respect and obedience, but not my love. The two are mutually exclusive.

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  6. last summer I was working on a project in the house my wife was telling me just how she wanted it done and my son just happened to be in the room so after she left he said Mom sure can be controlling. I just smiled and went on with my work.I guess from the outside to someone they would think I'm hen pecked but as a submissive husband it's just seems natural and a wonderful way to live.Hope you have a great Christmas...RR

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  7. I don't understand why this can't go both ways when does the wife who is leading ever do anything for the husband who is submitting? When can she do something for him that he likes? What is she likes doing all the cooking and cleaning and doesn't think of it as a chore? What if they are both perfectly nice people and are completely respectful of each other? What happens when there is no reason given by either for a punishment what happens then? When no rules are broken? Some say a submissive husband feels good doing whatever it is to please his wife, but does the wife need to have that constant reminder of his love and submission to her? Does she need to constantly show her dominance and why should she dominate her husbands submission? Besides chores and what movie to watch and what to eat for dinner can a single person in a relationship make real life changing decisions and pretend to have final say over all financial decisions like buying a house and a car what if the wife told the husband to quit his job would a submissive husband just say yes and quit? I just don't understand why a loving FLR has to always come from the view point that the man is much happier when he submits to his wife for everything, does he get upset if she wants to please him by doing something submissive to him does he get upset if she makes him lead makes him head of the household it's just hard to see this from one side all the time everyone is different yes but I never get a real list of rules and attitude changes like it ever really works, like forcing your husband to do laundry makes him submissive and there for he is happy submitting and you are happier as a couple and your love for each other is reassured cause he follows your commands and does the laundry? Other stuff like diets and exercise drinking to much bad habits biting nails I get doing more small things around the house without being told what to do is a nice step up but something's should just be normal living vanilla relationship stuff and not looking for reassuring that your partner is constantly showing you they love you.

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    1. ^Or what if he has a demanding and lucrative job and doesn't have time to do that and be a housekeeper? I've never seen that mentioned.

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    2. Anonymous, you posed many many questions. But the point of my post was to get you opinion. What do you believe is the difference between a submissive husband and one who is not but whose wife constantly tells him to do 'this' and 'that'? Love to hear your thoughts. Merry Christmas!

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    3. The very first response was mine and was directly responsive to the question. I also responded to Kathy's statement with a statement, not a question. I only posted one question, and that was the one that immediately preceded your post to which I am now responding. The other "Anonymi" are not me.

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  8. This is very thought provoking question. Thank you for bringing good discussion topics. In my opinion, the perspective of the hen pecked husband is that he is following orders because that is the role he fell into in the relationship. He is obeying simply to follow orders and maybe keep peace in the house. He may or may not be happy with this. I think many men are perfectly content in this situation. There are probably also men who do not like being hen pecked and feel nagged and are unhappy. I would imagine the wife in the hen pecked relationship feels a bit frustrated as she has to constantly tell her husband what to do. The consequences of the husband obeying is that he keeps peace and avoids more nagging, at least until the next thing comes up. If he does not listen to the wife, then there is probably even more nagging which may lead to arguing and yelling.

    In a FLR, the submissive husband takes pleasure and enjoyment in serving the wife. He wants to please her and wants to treat her like a queen. An order from his wife is not seen as nagging. In fact the submissive husband enjoys being given orders. The submissive husband obeys to please his wife and not simply to keep peace. The wife in the FLR also takes a different approach. The 'nagging' wife is more reactive to things whereas the FLR wife is thinking ahead and setting ground rules and expectations for the husband so that she does not have to nag him about things. If the submissive husband does not follow her orders, he is punished or disciplined. In most cases, the husband knows he is wrong and feels bad about not obeying. There are also positive rewards for the submissive husband for obeying the wife. When she is pleased, he is happy and she may also decide to treat him to some fun teasing or an orgasm for good behavior.

    A change in perspective can make a world of difference in a relationship. It's not easy to make that change but if you can do it, it can be a life changer. One of the great things about FLR is that it creates fun and excitement out of everyday chores and tasks.

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  9. Personally I think Mz Kaylee has the right answer on this. But I also think there are a number of hen-pecked men out there who want it that way. Men who are submissive but for one reason or another have not told their wives how they feel. And they believe that living as hen-pecked husbands, though not as fulfilling. Is better than nothing at all.

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  10. The hen pecked husband is likely a submissive man who has not yet found the courage to come out to his wife. The submissive man is one who is now freely enjoying the benefits of having found that courage.

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    1. My husband and I miss your blog.
      It has really helped us on our journey.
      I encourage you restart it.

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    2. I have. Thanks for the encouragement and affirming words. Personally I'd love you to write me and tell me how it has helped. Those kinds of emails are so helpful in so many ways. It takes me an hour or two - or more - to write a post so hearing how these thoughts benefit are always good. Thanks again.

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  11. Katie. What happened to your blog? I enjoyed it very much and miss reading it.
    vic

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    1. I am so very sorry to have disappointed you. I was unable to deal with the aggressive negative trolls and threats.

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  12. Katie. Hope you might consider blogging again. Despite the jerks you had a loyal, appreciative, and respectful following.

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  13. For Katie, often times the best way to handle a man is simply to ignore him as if he is of no importance. And for I'm hers please email to let me know what is happening in your life. Love, Kathy

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  14. Most of my life, I have been with assertive women. It took me a lot of time to admit to myself I have a submissive nature in an intimate relationship. So, my early relationships I felt attracted to bossy women and at the same time, I was uncomfortable with it. Those women did not openly affirmed they were bossy but they were. So, we were a match, but an unconscious one. And if I may add, an unhappy one.

    It took me time to admit to myself my submissiveness and actually enjoy it in a positive view. I felt inadequate, lacking something. Being submissive did not fit the idea I had of myself and being a man. It did not fit either my social and professional life.

    When I reflect on those relationships, I guess the women I was with had a similar dilemma. It's one thing to actually feel a certain way and it's another ball game to accept it, explore it and value it.

    So, when we see a couple where the woman is assertive and the man following, it's hard to figure out what is going on exactly. Are they both happy with it or not? Are they resisting their very nature? Is it just another ill-formed unhappy couple? To what extent this dynamic is going on? It's hard to say.

    I see a lot of rather assertive women around me but I remind myself to never assume they admit this and consciously pick up submissive men and openly discuss the subject with them.

    Our relationships are never just 'accident'.




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