Sunday, February 12, 2017

Hope and Happiness

I am a happy camper. Katie and I talked. We discussed ‘what we are’. We talked about my needs and wishes. I was able to express how I really felt and as I spoke I could tell she was interested. She listened. She asked questions. I felt loved and I hope that by me talking openly and honestly that she too felt loved. We both knew, after talking things out, that ultimately she would be the one who would pick and choose from the many things we discussed and decide if changes will be made. I knew that while I talked and as she listened she did so from a position of dominance and control. I did my best to bare my soul and did so from a position of dependency, I understood that although I could express concerns I had no power to change anything. Only she could do that.

Because things went well I have hope. And because I have hope I am happy. I feel a renewed sense of vitality when thinking about the possibilities our D/s relationship holds.  I don’t know if my sudden change in mood is a good thing or not. Part of me remains tempered in my exuberance because I’m not sure what my future holds. I can do nothing but wait for change to take place.

I was talking to my boss today. We got on the topic of relationships. At one point he asked, “How old are you?” I answered. His response was “You don’t act that old.” I chuckled. I don’t feel as old as the number next to my age either. Chronologically I am getting older but I still feel young at heart. My boss made the comment that his dad has become a grumpy old man.  I kind of got a picture of what his dad must be like from that simple statement and it made me think to a relative of mine who is also a grumpy person. Negative, negative, negative.  Ugh!! Why do they choose to be this way?

But there is a reason why people move along the continuum from happy to sad. I can’t speak to my boss’ dad but I can easily see that my relative is grumpy because they are lonely, alone, widowed. They don’t have much hope in their future and they have made choices that have taken them from being loving and fun to being harder to be around.  That is not a good place to be.

I am not where my relative is although for several weeks I had eeked a few notches in that direction. That happened because I was feeling unhappy. Katie had never stopped loving me nor had she stopped being in charge but she had taken some of the fun out of our relationship and that made me sad.

She never stopped being my mistress. She still told me what she wanted every day. “It’s time for you to fix us breakfast.” “Look at this.” “Wash your hands.” “It’s time for bed.”

The commands still came but they came without any mention of the word sub, dominant, mistress, I own you, you are mine, etc. and they came without us ever ‘playing’ dome and sub. They came with her not feeling confident enough to correct my errors. It was the matter-of-factness of life that I wasn't enjoying and I began to wonder if submitting just to submit was worth the effort. As a result I too became a somewhat grumpy sub.

So my hope is that we will not remain where we are currently but rather, move to another level - a deeper, more intimate, more open dominant/submissive level - in our relationship. I believe it was DLsKnight who once mentioned that his relationship with his wife moves like that – they one level of submission to one requiring more dominance and more vulnerability.  Now that is a happy thought. I love what I have. I know I have what so many men desire. And I have all of this with an absolutely beautiful woman – both inside and out. My hope for my sweet, wonderful and dominant Katie is that she will take us to that next level. Now that is a happy thought indeed!

I’m Hers

7 comments:

  1. Really pleased to hear about your chat and that things sound in a much happier state for you both. It's a cliche but it is true, talking and listening and being listened too are vital in any relationship.

    p
    x

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  2. That's great news IH. Honest communication is essential. My wife has moved from allowing to requiring me to either kneel in front of her or sit on the floor when we have our regular talks. Life is good.
    vic

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  3. Congratulations my friend. It makes me happy when you (and Katie) are happy. Enjoy the journey.

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  4. Ken, I am so glad to hear of the communication between you and Katie. I have been concerned for some time about your darkening mood. Hopefully, the communication included what Katie would like to get out of the relationship as well.

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  5. Good to see you back in the sunshine, my friend.
    Remember, the climb up the mountain is always requiring of effort. Sometimes of both and sometimes of one or the other. As things get in the way and slow us down, we tire and we have to communicate that to the other. We have to say when we see an easier path up ahead. That is not topping from the bottom or usurping leadership, it is the providing of necessary information.
    May you and your Katie have a pleasant climb to the next bench.

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  6. Thanks to all for your comments, encouragements and thoughts. To Katie Christian, I asked Katie your question and believe she is quite content with how things are from her end of things. Thanks again to all who took the time to comment.

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  7. In your previous post, you quoted your wife as asking "what do you want from me?". Good god, seriously?

    You've poured your heart out on this blog for literally years, with her supposedly reading every word. If that's even 5% true, then she knows exactly what you need and is sadly, very reluctant to give it to you.

    If you want to broaden your D/s lifestyle, you need to find ways whereby BOTH of you derive mutual benefit. You'd probably be up for just about anything, but from what I've read here, she'd pretty much at her limit.

    Hopefully I'm wrong.

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