Saturday, February 18, 2017

It’s the little things

I’m writing this post just a few days after having had the long discussion with Katie. In this post I want to examine the subtle changes that took place during the time of my passive-aggressive rebellion when I felt like Katie wasn’t doing enough. Whether she was or wasn’t isn’t the point at the moment. The focus of this post has to do with what I did and didn’t do during those few months when my approach to my submission was less than wholehearted.

A few days after we talked the weather here warmed into the 60’s and we took a nice walk along a well-used path that circled a nearby lake. It wasn’t until Katie stopped to look at a sign and I kept walking for another 4-5 steps that I realized what I had done.  I eventually stopped and waited for her to finish reading. As we continued around the lake she stopped again to look at something. This time I paused immediately. She walked a short distance more before pausing when she spotted a group of minnows in the shallow water. Again I immediately stopped and waited patiently for her to finish looking at the fish.

What dawned on me after that first pause – the one where I kept walking while she stopped to read – was my lack of attentiveness. It had always been my practice to stop when she stopped; to wait as long as I needed; to take an interest in whatever it was she was interested.  I realized when she stopped that first time that my actions were an indication of my lack of care. I didn’t care enough. I didn’t put her interest before my own. It took a couple of seconds before I realized what I had done and was then able to correct my error and remain more attentive to her interests.

It’s a little thing, I know. It almost is a nothing-thing in the scope of life but in some ways it’s a gigantic thing. It’s an action that reveals an inner attitude that isn't healthy. It needs to be corrected. Let me give you more examples. Example #1: At home I don’t touch the remote. However, I did so often during the months previous. I deliberately did so and I was breaking protocol. That was wrong.  Example #2: It’s my policy when I’m in another room and Katie speaks that I stop what I’m doing and come to where she is if I didn't hear what she had to say. The inconsiderate way to address this is to shout, “What was that?” or “What did you say?” I chose that option more than a few times during the months previous.  Example #3: The proper response to my morning routine is to make the bed tidy the bathroom and generally make the bedroom/bath area presentable. The improper way is to either not make that or do a shoddy job. There were days when I did both and I'm not proud I did.

Yes, you might say, but it’s just the bed or it's just the bathroom towels and you’re right. It is just the bed and towel but the attitude behind the motivation to not do what I should is pretty crappy. And yes, shouting back is a more convenient way to respond to a question and yes grabbing the remote is easier than not but none of those responses are proper. Not when I know better. I could go on and on…. It’s akin to not asking permission before purchasing my lunch (since that decision is not a part of my allowance), or purchasing food not on my shopping list without asking, or not helping her putting on her sweater, etc., etc. In each case there is a proper way to do things and an improper response. What I realized during our walk around the lake was just how misguided my actions had been and the changes I needed to make.

The principle being violated here of course, was my level of devotion. Intimately tied to that was the degree of commitment to serving my mistress, regardless of my feelings at the time. It’s the loss of the little things that served as indicators of a much larger underlying problem. It’s my responsibility to see that I don’t continue repeating the wrongs when I know better. It is also my mistress’ responsibility to remain alert to changes like I described and address them immediately. In some respects she played a part in letting the wrongs continue but that is not the issue I want to focus on now. But she has a role to play as well. That’s what a mistress does. She helps me toe the line.  She keeps watch over me and does so because it’s for my own good (and for her benefit).

I was telling some 20ish year college students. They attended a school in which their grading scale required a C grade or better to pass. The lowest ‘C’ was a 75% score. I said, “So what you are telling me is that you can do about 3/4ths of everything correct and still fail a course. What does that tell you?” They didn’t know how to respond so I finished the thought for them. “It tells you that doing most things right isn't good enough. It's telling you that your school isn't satisfied with just doing average work." It is the attention to detail that separates the students that pass from those that fail. And the difference between a high-C and a low-A is not that much.

I once heard a coach say, “average teams don’t do the little things right.” How true he was. The same goes for my attitude to ward my mistress. Doing things half way, not paying attention to the details of life, not making the extra effort are all signs of not making the grade. I need to do better.  And I would suspect the same can be said about you and what your wife expects. She wants your very best.

The same parallel can be drawn to the mistresses reading this. It is your attention to detail that can turn an average wife-led-marriage into a great one. You can have a submissive husband who is somewhat trained or one that can’t wait to tend to every need, wish and want you have. You can have one that blends in with all the other husbands in the crowd or one that stands out because of the level of devotion he demonstrates all the time. The choice as to what kind of husband you own is up to you and for the life of me I can't understand why wives don't experiment to see if trying this, or making him do that won't make a great marriage even better. If you choose to monitor him with only some concern and you will reap an average to below-average sub. Approach him with vigor and really remain attune to his actions - while maintaining an eye for detail as he serves - you will transform him into the man you have always wanted to live with. Your dominance can never be too overbearing. Think of it as a way of showing him you love him.

I’m Hers


  1. Good post. Yes, the little things are important and it sounds like you are focused again.


  2. Yes great post IH. Glad to hear you are back on track. Can you share some of the little things Katie has done to keep you on track? Just wondering how things have changed for both of you since you talked.
    thank you for sharing.

  3. "Your dominance can never be too overbearing. Think of it as a way of showing him you love him."
    What a great comment upon a female led relationship. I can see this being printed up and posted in FLR homes as a constant reminder.

  4. Thank you sweetie for another excellent post.

    This post, as simple as it seems brings to light so many issues. I have been blessed with a wonderful man who thinks of me as his mistress. Yet, as sweet and devoted as he is, John needs my attention. He needs to know that I am watching him. He needs to know that I expect his best behavior in all circumstances. In a way this means that just as he is attentive to me, I must be attentive to him.

    Since we are talking about simple things I will give you a simple example. In the studio John was taught to curtsy when entering a room occupied by a woman, or when leaving a woman's presence. This may seem pretentious to many people, but I have learned to expect this simple honorarium from him. And, as a submissive man John appreciates the opportunity of bending a knee to any woman who demands it or thinks her self worthy. Yet, it helps for him to know that mistress is observing his behavior, his actions, and expects him to perform as directed.

    Submissive men want to put women up on a pedestal. This is fine, but by our actions we need to show them that we belong up there. And, I might add there is no thing as a man being fully trained. Training is a constant. It is up to the lady to enforce proper behavior and protocols by watching and correcting. If a man fails to open a door or walks ahead of his lady it is up to her to give him 'the look' or call the error to his attention. He needs to know that she is observing his behavior at all times.

    Love you for sharing,


  5. Thank you for sharing this. You've given me some really good things to ponder. ~cd sara