Monday, February 6, 2017

We Talked

I want to thank the heartfelt and concerned comments in regard to the bump in the road Katie and I have had in our D/s relationship. Many of you wanted me to talk with her and for as much as I appreciated hearing those suggestions it wasn’t that I hadn’t given that a thought. Really I did but I thought it best if I didn’t. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to. I was aching for that conversation. I didn’t bring it up because I didn’t want to push my wants to the forefront of our marriage. I rationalized I was her sub. I needed to follow. I wasn’t supposed to lead. I wanted to trust Katie by waiting for her to initiate that conversation and ask me as to why I was feeling and acting as I was.  I had come to the conclusion that by waiting I was letting go and giving her the freedom to do with me, and us, as she wished.

All that changed a few days ago. Last week we traveled to an event. At one point we were waiting for some friends to show. We were sitting in the car. I spotted someone who and got out to talk with them.  I left Katie and crossed the parking lot. We talked. When I returned a few minutes later Katie said, “You are so handsome.” I thanked her. And then she added, “And you belong to me. All of you belongs to me.” God I needed to hear that second statement. It felt so good.

Later that afternoon I brought up that conversation. “I liked what you said earlier about me when we were waiting in the car.”

“You are handsome.”

“I liked what else you said even more.”

She smiled.

That intro opened the door to our talk. I took the advice of so many and asked if she had concerns about our D/s relationship. She did. I asked because I had to. I needed to get things out in the open and the opportunity seemed to present itself. Yes I went against my hunch to stay quiet but I’m so glad I did.

While alone in a hotel room and with the TV off we sipped coffee and conversed for the better part of an hour. It was a good talk. As expected, I talked more than Katie but that is pretty much par for the course.  She listened patiently and eventually asked the $64,000 question: “So what do you want from me?”

I answered by stating I hoped she would take the time to be more active in expressing her dominance and that she would add a bit of kink – a bit of sexual fun - to our relationship. I asked if she would be more clear when stating what she wants. I asked if she would lead us by having us talk about our D/s relationship intentionally and do it on a regular basis. I reminded her of a routine Cathy from Femdom 101 uses with her husband. That they talk openly and honestly with her husband kneeling before her while she sits in her chair. I asked if we might be able to follow a similar routine but personalize what we do to a time, place and frequency that makes her feel comfortable. I reminded her of my need to be broken; that I still do things my way often; that I can be lazy and self-centered and that isn’t good.

I explained that she can make our relationship however she wants but that there is so much more of me to give. I know it’s up to her to take advantage of that and hope she does. (And that doesn’t’ necessarily mean I just need to do more work. Rather it means I need to make her #1 more than I do.)

We also talked about repercussions – about consequences. I know I don’t do things to perfection all the time.  Recently I’ve slacked off quite a bit with some of my responsibilities. I mentioned how, by ignoring me when I don’t do things the way she wants, she is encouraging me to repeat the undesired behavior. No we didn’t open the door to physical punishment but we did talk about negative consequences. I encouraged her to deal with these times intentionally rather than simply letting things slide by unattended.

I confessed how powerful her open dominance emotionally pulls me close to her. I don’t know why it does but it does. Speaking directly, locking me, being dominantly-playful, not putting up with me doing things on my schedule but insisting I do them on hers and knowing there will be consequences to misdeeds are all ways she can express her love to me. In many ways her dominance is my love-language. For whatever reason I have a need to know I am owned. I confessed how her expressions of dominance drawls me closer and when we lose that part of ‘us’ it makes it harder to remain especially close. At one point I confessed how there have been times when I have become so overwhelmed with feelings of love for her because of her dominance I’ve wanted to drop to my knees and hug her legs as an expression of my submissive love. I never acted on those impulses because I didn’t think she would like me doing that.

“You can do that if you want,” she calmly said much to my surprise.

“I didn’t think that expression of adoration was appropriate.”

“I don’t mind. I’ll get to hug you twice then (meaning hugging me while I am on my knees and then again when she tells me to stand). I didn’t expect that answer but am so happy to hear she is open to me acting on my impulses. I am glad she opened that door since there have been periods when I’ve wanted to do that often.

All in all we had a good talk. My hope, after discussing all this is that she will have the confidence to express her dominant side more. My hope is she will have fun with it and add some kink to how she rules both me and our home. One can only hope. It’s up to her take time to process all we discussed and make the necessary changes. It’s up to me to wait patiently and be the submissive I know she wants and expects me to be and not intentionally try to push her buttons.  My hope is we will grow as a result of this small rift in our relationship. And maybe I need to be more verbally supportive in helping her grow in her dominance since this is not something that comes naturally. Time will tell but I’m so thankful that we were able to get things out in the open. I guess I should have initiated this conversation weeks ago. Hopefully I won’t repeat the same mistake again.

I’m Hers  


  1. Importantly, you were both ready for "The Talk". I feel that you and Katie are quite similar to Queen J and I. She, not the one to over communicate (to put it mildly) and me, who can't communicate enough. Katie was ready and it seems your patience has paid off. At least to the extent that you now have true hope, something that seemed to be slipping away. Sure hope the fun returns and you both feel the freedom to be who you are, Dom and sub, happily so.

  2. Hi IH, Kathy, of FemDom101, has discussed, in the past, how it can be very hard for a woman to mesh together being both a wife and a mistress. She says if can be a constant battle and I suspect most wives of submissive men struggle with this. There is no way we can reconcile and help with what they are going through except to keep the lines of communication open. Wish there was a magic pill, but I guess they have to figure it out on their own.

  3. Good for you, IH. And for your Katie.

  4. Glad you had the "talk". My Queen has been working on me to be more vocal and more communicative. I slowly am getting much better at it. Communication is the key to all relationships. Best of luck to the two of you moving forward!

  5. Thats awesome. You are power of example and i enjoy talking to you and really enjoy reading your blog. I all ways feel we are notas far as i want to be or she is not dominating me enough or she would enjoy this or that. I have got better at looking at what is going on and being more open and talking to her about it instead of only talking to myself. And let me tell you. Between your blog and femdom 101 she has hit the ground running and she has come to love the life and all the benifets. Good luck and hope to hear more soon