Today, for who knows what reason I was told to lock. It had been what, 3-4 months? What the heck was with her? Obediently (and happily - more like gratefully) I locked up.
Some bit later I asked if I could read a blog post to her, one that I found interesting. After reading it we talked for a little bit but not at much as what I hoped.
"Go make me breakfast. I'm hungry," she said out of the blue.
I guess whatever discussion we might of had was over. I stood and walked off steaming. "Damn, why can't we talk about these kinds of things," I stewed.
That's when I put it all together. I was as hard as a rock. I had jumped to my feet when she told me to go fetch breakfast. I was locked in a cage. I was everything I wanted and yet I was pissed. Or was I? It took me a bit to get over the, 'I'm done talking about this' frustration. While I cooked her eggs my mind went to that part of my promise when I married Katie that part about embracing her words. What I said when we married was ..... "I will embrace your decisions regardless of my personal views"..... "and I promise to be the man who embraces your dominance, who submits to you obediently and who acknowledges you as the head of our home."
Mulling over that while frying a few eggs had quite the sobering effect. She told me what to do and now it was my turn to do it. She decided she was through talking about something for now and now it was now my turn to let it be - and to be thankful she made the decisions she had.
Ten minutes later I served her a healthy and hearty breakfast. "Here you go Mistress," I said handing a plate of food to her. God she looked so beautiful sitting there. I melted and kissed her. I kissed her again and again and again - more times than she wanted but I didn't want to stop. My mood passed and I was once more thankful for having a wife who is securely dominant.
It wasn't until a few hours later when I fessed up and told her about my emotional turmoil. She listened and then replied, "You got exactly what you wanted." That was it. Short. Sweet. To the point. And 100% true. She was right. This is what I want. She is who I want to obey. Having her be in charge is what pulls me to her. I want to serve and I want to obey my mistress.
Just before sitting down to write this post I was told, "Make me coffee. I'm cold."
"I don't know if I like you talking like that or not."I answered
"Why is that?"
"Because now you are telling me what you want instead of implying." I went on, "Usually you say something like I'm cold. I wonder if I might need a coffee. Then I'm supposed to interpret that as 'make me coffee'".
Again she reminded me, "That's what you wanted." (meaning being told.)
It is. I want her to lead. I want her to be confident. I want her to speak her mind - and I want to obey.
Oh, and that post I read this morning had to do with asserting one's dominance. Before I started reading I asked what degree of dominance she felt she had in our marriage and what degree of freedom she still allowed me. 80/20 was what she perceived us to be. That may be right although I'm having a hard time coming up with examples of where I get to decide w.hat I want 20% of the time.
She's my mistress. I'm hers. I keep reminding her I am and maybe once a day she'll remind me I'm her sub. Yet there are those times when I don't get my way and she acts like a controlling mistress. When those times happen I still struggle with not getting my way. Submission is not the easiest thing in the world to live out but it is what I asked for and don't ever want to live without. It's who we are. I am her sub and she is my mistress!