Wednesday, April 26, 2017

"Just do what you're told"

"Just do what you're told." Lady Grey made that statement in a post-comment a few months back and since that time I have literally repeated that phrase to myself a hundred different times. Each time I silently told myself, "just do what she tells you," I thought about our relationship and who it is that I am and who it is that Katie is at our most fundamental level. I am her submissive and she is my dominant wife.
Seven years ago I asked Katie if she would allow me to submit to her as the head of our home. Seven years ago I asked if she would assume leadership and take control of me and our relationship. After much discussion she hesitantly agreed to my proposals. So what was it that I asked her to do? In a nutshell I asked if she would permit me to give up control (one of the banes of my personality and one that I believe contributed to the failure of my marriage - and a trait I sincerely wanted to rid myself of).  In doing so I agreed to follow. I agreed to obey. I agreed to allow her to lead us in the way she felt was best. I agreed to a wife-led-marriage.
During the months that followed my hesitant leader slowly found her stride. Living in a relationship in which she had the freedom to tell me what she wanted was just as much of a struggle for her to feel free in asserting her will as it was for me to let go. I propped her up so many times and still do but to a much lesser extent. With the leadership she accepted (and one I asked her take), came the task of delegating responsibilities to me. Mostly she wanted my help around the home and so came the chores of vacuuming and keeping the bedroom and bathroom in order as well as doing the weekly wash. She has never enjoyed cooking even though she did it for years and so with my submission came that responsibility as well. The kitchen became my new home. She told me she expected me to be a gentleman and as a result I began doing those little things that considerate men do. I opened doors. I carried her shopping bags, I waited for her to decide when we should leave to go home, I started keeping her appointment book and reminding her of commitments, I intentionally sat beside her, I touched, stroked, rubbed and caressed her body often because she loves being touched. I snuggle her tight every night. I do myriad other similar acts of kindness that demonstrate my gratitude. 

Katie wanted to take control of our finances and so shortly after making that decision I went to the payroll department at work and changed the account into which my earnings were deposited.  Sex was another change that took place and one that I wrote a bit about in the last post. In general, sex became something we did when and how she wanted. She enjoys the denial part of my sexuality and so our times spent intimately entwined is pretty much about her satisfaction although I have come to enjoy those times as equally special. I asked to be locked and she agreed to keep me locked whenever we are apart and sometimes when we aren't - e.g., weekends.
What I’m driving at here is: I got what I asked for. I asked for a leader and I got one. I asked if she would take our marriage in the direction she wanted and she has. I offered to give up whatever power I had in the relationship and she agreed to take it. As a result of our power exchange I was told I would be taking on additional chores and I have long since assumed those responsibilities. I was told I needed to change certain attitudes, to expect things to be handled differently and to maintain an attitude of deference toward her - and I have. What I didn’t get was a wife who was inclined to be kinky. She isn’t and I don’t think she ever will be. I didn’t get a wife who enjoys teasing me sexually or one that wants to spank me or one who even likes to talk about my submission or her dominance. I didn’t get any of that but I did get a wife that has no intention of ever giving me free reign of the checkbook, or one that will choose to have sex on my terms, or one who will let me take control of the TV remote, or one who will ever be the cook or laundry girl, or one that will ever allow me 'out' of my marriage vow of forever living in submission to her. I got myself a leader; a loving leader; and one who has accepted my submission - but did so on her terms. 
So what am I to do? I think the answer is quite simple and straightforward. I need to hold to my end of the bargain and in essence I need to ‘do what I am told to do’.  Isn't that what I asked of her way back when? Didn't I ask to give up control? Didn't I ask for her to lead and do things her way? Isn't that what submission is... giving up, letting go, obeying, yielding, obeying orders? Katie has never been one to write down rules but I know one rule she intuitively expects of me is to ‘obey my wife’. 
What I have come to see since Lady Grey made that thought-provoking comment was just how much grief I was giving my mistress by not keeping my mouth shut and doing what she wanted. A few days ago we took a lengthy trip. In my mind I had hoped we'd get to our destination but some hours into our trip a strong storm rolled in. “We need to stop soon; don’t you think?” she said more than asked. I didn’t respond and kept driving (because I wanted to get to our destination). A few minutes later lightning struck and the rain intensified. “We need to get off at the next exit. Get off up there so we can find a place to stay for the night.” Now I didn’t want to stop but I did what I was told. I relented without pressuring her to do what I wanted.  

A few days later we were involved in a big project at home. We had torn so much stuff out of boxes and everything was a mess but we were slowly getting things back in order. Several hours into the project she suddenly stated, “I want all of this moved downstairs.”  I couldn’t believe it! Internally I groaned and rolled my eyes. All I wanted was to be done. I couldn't believe she wanted to do something that would require so much more work. That’s when that comment came to mind: “Just do what you are told”. I gave in. "Yes Mistress. I'll do whatever you want," I answered.  We moved everything from ‘here’ to ‘there’ and although it indeed was a lot of work, we got it done and it looks great!


“So where do you want to eat? I’m starving,” she asked. Now normally I’d defer and tell her 'where ever you want' but again, that phrase haunted me. So instead of telling her I didn’t care, I answered her question. I mentioned a restaurant and love frequenting and she agreed my choice was a good idea. 

Just this morning we were discussing the itinerary for an upcoming multi-day trip. I had an idea but she shot it down because she didn’t think it would work. And so my idea isn’t what we will do. Again, I thought, “just do what you are told. You voiced your opinion and she didn’t want to do it so just shut up and do what she says.” I didn't  push my idea further. I'm her sub and she's in charge. 
I’m doing what I’m told. I’m living my life according to her vision of how she views our femdom marriage. It no longer is in my power to shape our marriage the way I envision it, but then again, I didn’t ask for her to do things my way. I asked her to take charge and lead as she saw fit. I asked if I could follow. And so I’m following although that path isn’t necessarily the one I expected we’d take. But that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong path. It’s just a different one and one I am happy to tote along behind.
I’m Hers

12 comments:

  1. Based upon what you're saying in this post, it seems the "just do as you're told" concept has been successful. At least, it feels as though you've reached a level of acceptance that is different in that you're not torturing yourself - or Katie - with the verbal examination of every little nuance of her "orders" - which often sounded like recriminations to her ears. I know that your basic mindset is one that questions things and likes to examine them in detail in re their ultimate meaning. That's a very A-Personality trait, and for such a personality to accept a "just do as you're told" mindset is certainly not easy. You are to be congratulated for making the effort, but the big - and ultimate - question is "ARE YOU HAPPY" with just doing what you're told? Is it enough, especially with your admitted frustration with the lack of "kink".

    This post implies that you are more than okay with the current level of your FLR even though the path is not the one you expected. I'm glad to hear that you're happy to "tote along behind". However, I'm left wondering whether that desire for kink will eventually raise it's head (note I'm not saying it's an "ugly" head at all. I'm a fan of the kink, as you know) and cause you to start questioning things again at least internally. Time will tell, but you've both already made great strides and I'm very happy that , at least for now, you seem more content with your relationship.

    If I were allowed one wish for you and Katie it would involve something like having her put you over her knee for some sort of infraction, spanking you forcefully and telling you to spend the next hour in the corner with your head lowered in contrition and your hands clasped behind your back. It would probably be best for you to be cock caged as well, for I imagine the ensuing erection would otherwise put a hole through the wall as you were standing in that corner. Or am I mistaken?:)

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    1. Lady Grey, Lady Grey, Lady Grey...... oh you do know how to make me smile. I read that last paragraph to Katie and asked if I could try to put a hole in the way - in fact I asked several times but she told me she didn't want me doing anymore drywall repair :). But if she should, I'm sure I would but let's not dwell on what probably won't be.

      I think you are accurate in your observations that I have accepted where I am. I believe I have in that acceptance has come a large degree of contentment. Whether or not I regress I don't know. The desire for kink will always be there as will be the hope. I'm just not focusing on it. For me, that's best because I have much to be thankful for - even though......

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    2. Here's to hoping that the things Lady Grey has suggested, and you seem to aspire to, come true for you my friend!

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  2. Hello old friend .... It's great to see that Katie seems to be settling in to her role as leader of you and your marriage. Certainly it is not my place to suggest a problem where one doesn't otherwise exist, so please don't misunderstand my question .........

    Because you are able to sufficiently define your role in your marriage as submissive, is that all that you need from you relationship? If it is, then you are a very wise and incredibly lucky man to be in the exact kind of relationship you are in. Outsiders to a marriage (myself included) clearly cannot define what true contentment and happiness in someone else's marriage. All each of us has is our own marriages to compare things to.

    There is nobody in the realm of FLM/FLR that I respect and admire more than you. I have literally learned so much from the occasional sharing of each other's thoughts, opinions and even suggestions. As such I truly only want for your contentment and happiness in your life as you provide those things for your beloved Katie.

    I wish I could dot he same. As the comedian Ron White said .... "I'm a good dog, but if you don't pet once in a while, it's hard to keep me under the porch"

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    1. Petting the dog is a necessity. I'm hoping I get enough 'petting' to keep me under her thumb (as opposed to under the porch). I do appreciate your thoughts. You're blog and the little bit of life you share about you and your Mistress have been a continual encouragement to me. I thank you for that. You're a good man Macgyver!

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  3. Hello I'm Her's, thanks for sharing this thoughtful post. You've shared so much over the years and our little FLR community is so much better for it. I'm glad that you seem to have found your place and are happy with what you and Katie (one of my all time favorite female names by the way!) share.

    But, here goes... Katie doesn't want to constantly discuss your FLR and seems to want to live life as it's structured and you seem to have the need to revisit things on a fairly regular basis. Have you found a happy medium? Will she or has she agreed to have any specific times when you get together and discuss your FLR?
    The bulk of my own personal happiness in my marriage comes from attending to, providing for and seeing the positive results from that upon my loving wife and Queen. There is however, a substantial part of me that needs to feel validation and legitimacy of my submissive role. A bit of kink, direct reminders and the like. I don't know how well I could perform and keep a level of happiness and sanity without it.

    SHIP's point is head on, a dog needs to be petted every so often. I feel that part of your contentment right now in "doing what you're told" comes from the fact that you've recently received what you person needed, some in-depth discussions and a coming together again so to speak. Is there a validation factor somewhere in the FLR equation that needs to be factored in for you to keep your desired level of contentment, and and have you guys considered that?

    Curious if you'd like to share your thoughts.

    All the best,
    sublove

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    1. sublove, I have been thinking about what you wrote above and want to give a post to responding. Hold this thought and I'll get back to you. But to give you a quick answer, things are good with me. They really are.

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  4. "Just do as you're told"....isn't it amazing how five words can add so much peace, and tranquility to a marriage? Yes Lady Grey is very intelligent, and 100% correct. My Mistress long ago actually cut it down to one word "quiet". When she places her fingers on my mouth, and says "quiet" I know I have had my speaking privilege removed, until she says my ban is lifted. This has lasted up to 48 hours one time. She enjoys tranquility, while I stay silent and "do as I am told"! At times I am permitted to hand write notes to her, and she may acknowledge them, or simply tear them up in front of me, and tell me to throw them in the garbage. Our home is so much more peaceful when I am silent, and can more easily listen for her instructions to be carried out.

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    1. Edward, your comment about life in the submissive Edward household made me smile. Does your Mistress place her fingers against your mouth often? What is the typical time you are made to be silent? I love it when others share stories of the little things that often go unnoticed by others. They provide insight into different ways D/s relationships are maintained and kept healthy. Thanks for sharing!

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  5. Yes baby, what you didn't get is a wife who is inclined to be kinky, yet there are times when she requires/allows you to 'lock up'. In my estimation locking up male genitals is very much on the kinky side.

    Love you, Kathy

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    1. Miss Kathy, you are destroying my attempt to make my wife kinky..... I think I will have to devote a post to this very subject. Stay tuned.

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  6. You know sweetie we all need a little kink in our lives.

    Way back when my daughter asked me for advice on what to do when a boy you like becomes overly 'aggressive'. I told her where to put her hand, and how to gently squeeze until her fingers could feel the moisture.

    She responded with that is 'kinky'. Maybe so I responded but it works.

    Love you, Kathy

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