Wednesday, April 26, 2017
"Just do what you're told"
"Just do what you're told." Lady Grey made that statement in a post-comment a few months back and since that time I have literally repeated that phrase to myself a hundred different times. Each time I silently told myself, "just do what she tells you," I thought about our relationship and who it is that I am and who it is that Katie is at our most fundamental level. I am her submissive and she is my dominant wife.
Seven years ago I asked Katie if she would allow me to submit to her as the head of our home. Seven years ago I asked if she would assume leadership and take control of me and our relationship. After much discussion she hesitantly agreed to my proposals. So what was it that I asked her to do? In a nutshell I asked if she would permit me to give up control (one of the banes of my personality and one that I believe contributed to the failure of my marriage - and a trait I sincerely wanted to rid myself of). In doing so I agreed to follow. I agreed to obey. I agreed to allow her to lead us in the way she felt was best. I agreed to a wife-led-marriage.
During the months that followed my hesitant leader slowly found her stride. Living in a relationship in which she had the freedom to tell me what she wanted was just as much of a struggle for her to feel free in asserting her will as it was for me to let go. I propped her up so many times and still do but to a much lesser extent. With the leadership she accepted (and one I asked her take), came the task of delegating responsibilities to me. Mostly she wanted my help around the home and so came the chores of vacuuming and keeping the bedroom and bathroom in order as well as doing the weekly wash. She has never enjoyed cooking even though she did it for years and so with my submission came that responsibility as well. The kitchen became my new home. She told me she expected me to be a gentleman and as a result I began doing those little things that considerate men do. I opened doors. I carried her shopping bags, I waited for her to decide when we should leave to go home, I started keeping her appointment book and reminding her of commitments, I intentionally sat beside her, I touched, stroked, rubbed and caressed her body often because she loves being touched. I snuggle her tight every night. I do myriad other similar acts of kindness that demonstrate my gratitude.
Katie wanted to take control of our finances and so shortly after making that decision I went to the payroll department at work and changed the account into which my earnings were deposited. Sex was another change that took place and one that I wrote a bit about in the last post. In general, sex became something we did when and how she wanted. She enjoys the denial part of my sexuality and so our times spent intimately entwined is pretty much about her satisfaction although I have come to enjoy those times as equally special. I asked to be locked and she agreed to keep me locked whenever we are apart and sometimes when we aren't - e.g., weekends.
What I’m driving at here is: I got what I asked for. I asked for a leader and I got one. I asked if she would take our marriage in the direction she wanted and she has. I offered to give up whatever power I had in the relationship and she agreed to take it. As a result of our power exchange I was told I would be taking on additional chores and I have long since assumed those responsibilities. I was told I needed to change certain attitudes, to expect things to be handled differently and to maintain an attitude of deference toward her - and I have. What I didn’t get was a wife who was inclined to be kinky. She isn’t and I don’t think she ever will be. I didn’t get a wife who enjoys teasing me sexually or one that wants to spank me or one who even likes to talk about my submission or her dominance. I didn’t get any of that but I did get a wife that has no intention of ever giving me free reign of the checkbook, or one that will choose to have sex on my terms, or one who will let me take control of the TV remote, or one who will ever be the cook or laundry girl, or one that will ever allow me 'out' of my marriage vow of forever living in submission to her. I got myself a leader; a loving leader; and one who has accepted my submission - but did so on her terms.
So what am I to do? I think the answer is quite simple and straightforward. I need to hold to my end of the bargain and in essence I need to ‘do what I am told to do’. Isn't that what I asked of her way back when? Didn't I ask to give up control? Didn't I ask for her to lead and do things her way? Isn't that what submission is... giving up, letting go, obeying, yielding, obeying orders? Katie has never been one to write down rules but I know one rule she intuitively expects of me is to ‘obey my wife’.
What I have come to see since Lady Grey made that thought-provoking comment was just how much grief I was giving my mistress by not keeping my mouth shut and doing what she wanted. A few days ago we took a lengthy trip. In my mind I had hoped we'd get to our destination but some hours into our trip a strong storm rolled in. “We need to stop soon; don’t you think?” she said more than asked. I didn’t respond and kept driving (because I wanted to get to our destination). A few minutes later lightning struck and the rain intensified. “We need to get off at the next exit. Get off up there so we can find a place to stay for the night.” Now I didn’t want to stop but I did what I was told. I relented without pressuring her to do what I wanted.
A few days later we were involved in a big project at home. We had torn so much stuff out of boxes and everything was a mess but we were slowly getting things back in order. Several hours into the project she suddenly stated, “I want all of this moved downstairs.” I couldn’t believe it! Internally I groaned and rolled my eyes. All I wanted was to be done. I couldn't believe she wanted to do something that would require so much more work. That’s when that comment came to mind: “Just do what you are told”. I gave in. "Yes Mistress. I'll do whatever you want," I answered. We moved everything from ‘here’ to ‘there’ and although it indeed was a lot of work, we got it done and it looks great!
“So where do you want to eat? I’m starving,” she asked. Now normally I’d defer and tell her 'where ever you want' but again, that phrase haunted me. So instead of telling her I didn’t care, I answered her question. I mentioned a restaurant and love frequenting and she agreed my choice was a good idea.
Just this morning we were discussing the itinerary for an upcoming multi-day trip. I had an idea but she shot it down because she didn’t think it would work. And so my idea isn’t what we will do. Again, I thought, “just do what you are told. You voiced your opinion and she didn’t want to do it so just shut up and do what she says.” I didn't push my idea further. I'm her sub and she's in charge.
I’m doing what I’m told. I’m living my life according to her vision of how she views our femdom marriage. It no longer is in my power to shape our marriage the way I envision it, but then again, I didn’t ask for her to do things my way. I asked her to take charge and lead as she saw fit. I asked if I could follow. And so I’m following although that path isn’t necessarily the one I expected we’d take. But that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong path. It’s just a different one and one I am happy to tote along behind.