Friday, May 12, 2017

Why doing what I am told to do is important

In the previous post I discussed my views on dominance and submission. My primary tenet was that submission really is about following orders and following the path the dominant partner takes in the relationship. Submission is about pleasing her even if it means sometimes – or maybe often – the submissive doesn’t derive pleasure from the choices she makes. I didn’t say I don’t find her leadership pleasurable but the fact that do or don’t is irrelevant to the definition of who a submissive is. The dominant partner is the one who decides. She is the one who dictates the responsibilities the submissive will and/or won’t have in the relationship. She’s the one that directs the relationship, makes decisions, determines what she wants from him and determines what she believes is best for him as her acquired property. Underlying this power-dynamic is love. A relationship cannot exist (indefinitely) if love is not present. I say this because in my relationship, I have never doubted Katie’s love for me, or my love for her even though I may not have agreed with every choice she has made as my dominant.

So, why is it important for me to keep doing what she says besides the obvious answer of ‘this is what submissives do’? For me, it has to do with my level of submission. I believe that Lady Grey, the woman who encouraged me to adhere to the mantra of doing what I am told, would agree that I am not the most compliant of submissives. I’m not bad. I don’t intentionally try to rock the boat but I have done my best to sway Katie into becoming the kind of dominant I want to serve.  Despite my efforts, my pressures haven’t worked all that well (although I still have hope she will feel free enough to try new and different things). If nothing else, seeing her experiment is a reflection of the level of confidence she has a dominant within our marriage. It speaks to the freedom she has to try this or that, knowing I will not stand in her way because of my professed desire to yield.

But whether she does or doesn’t is a topic for a different post. My ongoing issue has been, and continues to be, my will. My will is strong. Katie has never really broken it and (in my opinion) it needs to be broken. I know that it does. I know that I will be a better husband if she helps me get to that point. What I doubt is Katie's understanding of how breaking my will will enable me to be a better, more loving, and more serving husband and submissive.

When we married I stated in my vow that 'I would embrace her decisions'. I have failed in that attempt too many times to count. I like things done my way. When she makes decision that align with my thinking, things go well. It’s when she has a different view that I naturally want to confront and ask why. That attitude is not one of embracing. Rather, it’s the polar opposite. It’s me telling her in so many words: I don’t like that idea. Now it’s not like she is opposed to me voicing my opinion and believe me, I am not one to keep my mouth shut. But after talking about ‘said topic’, I’m not always the best at ‘embracing’ something I wish for her to do differently. And therein lies the problem.

I’m not submitting when I rebel. Oh I am technically submitting. I end up caving and outwardly doing what she wants. I’m not so stupid to disobey and violate house rule #1 (always obey Mistress), but my heart hasn’t submitted. Many times I will do things begrudgingly. I’m not truly submitting when I do something unwillingly. And I’m surely not embracing her leadership. In fact, I am violating my marriage covenant by not embracing her decisions and loving her with all my heart, soul, mind and body.

The trouble with my attitude over the years is: I wonder if I have indeed hindered Katie’s development as a mistress? I so desperately need to feel her leadership and wonder if my attitude has been counter-productive to her growth as a mistress. More than anything I want to know she is in control of not just us BUT OF ME. I need to consciously know I don’t have a free reign to do what I want. For me, she can show no greater love than by reminding me through word and deed that I am hers – owned, bound and here to serve. To have her demonstrate this through word or deed is akin to her screaming ‘I love you!!!!’.  It really is. I need to be told this is how it will be or this is what I want you to do, regardless of whether or not it appears convenient, easy or sensitive. Having me serve reinforces my submission and remember, that is what I wanted in the first place – to submit, to serve, to obey, to be the one there to take care of her and her needs.

Doing what I am told is important because my will needs breaking. That doesn’t mean she needs me to be some spineless husband who no longer expresses his own thoughts. Rather, I know I need to be broken because of the longterm benefit of our relationship. Remember, the purpose of me submitting was to deepen our bond. It was to allow me to become a better husband and mate. It was to keep me away from vices I know I am sometimes tempted and need another power (Katie’s authority – and a healthy fear of her) to avoid those temptations. You might say part of my submission is because I know I am weak in certain aspects of my life and need to feel that dominant leash reminding me, ‘don’t even think about it’.

So for now, my hope is Katie will provide me innumerable opportunities to obey and I will follow her orders and do so with the proper attitude. Even after all of these years of serving as her submissive sometimes feel as if I am in my ‘submissive infancy’. I still need to learn. I still need to come to a better understanding of what it really means to submit. I need to embrace when situations arise and my instincts tell me to rebel. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there but I at least know this is an issue that I and Katie need to continually address.

I’m Hers


  1. I knew I needed a wife who would take charge. The woman I married is a few years older, and understands what I need. Her spankings are given soundly, my bare bottom is stinging and red when she is done. She was not thinking of spankings when we married, it was maybe a couple of months of being married the subject was brought up, she brought it up. I said nothing just looked at her. Later that evening, thinking of what she said, I walked into the front room naked, told her she was right, and that I do need to be spanked at times. She said nothing, just stood up, took my arm to the kitchen, pulled a chair out and over her lap I went. She soundly spanked me, I was a mess. That night I slept on my stomach not knowing that in the morning what she had in mind. She was having coffee when I came into the kitchen, dropped the pajamas bottoms young man she said and I did, turn around, very nice red bottom you have, you spanked hard I said, get use to it she said, things are changing, thanks to you. Oh by the way, its the weekend and you have chores to do, no golfing, you have been a naughty little boy and welcome to the rules of the house young man. I started to protest, she wasted no time putting me over her lap and insuring my bottom took longer to recover. I faced the wall, then got dressed and did the chores, that evening she laid out the rules of the house. The worse is when I must go to the bedroom, undress and wait for her, not always, but those spankings really hurt the most. Yes I have been spanked away from home on a couple of occasions, and only once and will never happen again will I be spanked in front of another person. I said something wrong to her best friend, I danced around after that spanking and her friend enjoyed the show. Joe

    1. Joe, thanks for sharing your experience when life really changed for you. I'm curious, about how old are you and your wife? I'm assuming older but am curious. It does seem that your wife really has taken charge of you and turned you into her slave while maintaining strict control over you and your actions. I wish you both the best as you live in obedience to her. Thanks again for sharing. I'm envious :)

    2. I'm 32, my wife is 61. I'm not a slave, I just need direction at times. Also deep down I knew I needed to be spanked, just a need I cannot explain. My wife was not as I said into spankings at first. Today she really understands it is not the spanking, but prior to. It is also insuring I learn my lesson.

    3. I need to insure you understand, I was looking for such a person, maybe not this age. She enjoys younger men, but understand also that direction is needed and she can give it. As or the spankings, they are necessary, and I know it. As for when that is her decisions and have learned never to talk back, plead, the spanking will only be worse. Being spanked in front of her friend I never thought would happen, but really the worse part was not pulling down my pants and underpants was standing there and being scolded like a child, the spanking really hurt and her friend mentioned how I acted just like a naughty boy when being spanked. My wife told her this is how I act, and if a naughty word is said, soap is applied. I stood facing the wall, when the friend left, my wife said, wish to put on another show, I said no. I love my wife and she loves me, but at times she said men act like naughty little boys and a woman's lap is there to address the problem.

    4. Joe, I never even thought to judge your marriage with your wife. So many men love being spanked and I for one which my wife would levy her hand on my buttocks - but she has no interest in doing so as of yet. Personally I fiend your relationship refreshing. You found an older woman whom you love and she found a younger guy to love and dominate. I hope you will stop by again to share your thoughts on future posts. Thanks for sharing and for explaining the need your wife and you both see in being spanked. I can't imagine the humiliation you felt when being spanked and scolded in front of another woman. You are a strong man indeed.

    5. Strong man has nothing to with the it. I was hoping that my wife would take it easy on me since her friend was there. I was wrong and my wife insured I would not do it again. One thing I have learned and my wife has told me, women could care less seeing a man's penis, erect or not, seeing a male nude does not do what happens to a man seeing a naked woman. So I can be erect all I want, once the erection is gone the spanking is going to hurt worse and it does. Having me stand naked facing the wall naked is not for her enjoyment but to remind me only naughty little boys face the wall.

  2. You say that your heart hasn't submitted to Katie's decisions. You say that you often obey these decisions begrudgingly, and that you make her aware of this through various attitudinal affectations. You worry that you've hindered her development as a mistress by such shenanigans. You recognize that you're not one to keep your mouth shut. You "need to come to a better understanding of what it means to submit".

    Then you say you want to be broken by Katie. You need to be broken by Katie. You want her to take charge totally and make you into the submissive you want to be.

    Can you see the dichotomy? Can you see the obvious disparity of the thought processes involved in the contrasting of these basic ideas? You're fighting against yourself. You must either view yourself as a man with the perfect right to question Katie's decisions or just be quiet and obey. If you don't - or can't - accept her decisions and leadership without doing the "attitude" thing, you're going to be forever frustrated.

    I think it's much more important that you willingly submit with all your heart than that she should "break you". I could break you, probably enslave you, but I'm a natural dominant and an admitted sadist who would enjoy doing that. Katie isn't that sort, and expecting her to be so is an ongoing desire of yours that has little chance of happening. You need to break yourself, to SURRENDER to her authority. Not begrudgingly, not with constant discussions concerning what was said or done. At the risk of repeating myself, just do as she says. Break yourself. Surrender. Eventually, she'll notice the change, and then who knows what could happen? You just might get what you need.

  3. Debbie, I've been spanked by several men, but it does not fill my need. They all seem to hold back and I wish they would not. In college my roommate and I would visit her mother, a widow, very strict. The first visit set the tone, we both had gone out, came back late, drunk. We knew we were in trouble but her Mother did nothing, until a day later. She reminded us of driving and drinking and now that our heads were better she was going to have a discussion with us. Both of were still in our jammies and when she said to remove them, my friend said, quickly. My friend was soon over her mother's lap and when she finished was a total mess and promising to be good. I was next and oh it felt so good, not holding back and I was a mess when she stopped, but I loved it. Graduated from college, lost track of my roommate, until by chance saw her shopping one day. We talked of the old times, spanking came up, her mother has since past away. Invited over to her place, she was not married and same with me. The afternoon turned into the evening and the next morning I walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where she was having coffee. She smiled and said do you remember that first spanking, happen right here, I smiled and said yes. She stood up, took off her jammies and I did the same. We both gave one another a spanking and she was very good. We have since gotten together more often and she knows I like to be spanked and it enhances our sexual desires.

  4. Dean, this male had to learn the hard way, my girlfriend, now my wife while we were dating, knew my faults, loved me and on a few occasions told me act like a little boy, treated as such. I was in and out of trouble, even my friends could not understand her sticking with me. A trip to the coast, a nice beach house. Third morning there I decided to walk on the beach naked, when she saw me, she asked what I was doing, no one around I said, good she said. I came back to the house and she said, you just broke the camel back. I found myself over her lap, people will see I said, no one around she said, and I found out that a spanking at any age hurts. Before letting me up, she told me to face the wall and best not rub or move, but I said, only to earn several more spanks. I did as told, thankful no one was around. Later that day she laid down the law, and at dinner in a nice restaurant I squirmed. There was no sex that night or the next several nights, she was insuring I knew who was boss. We got married a couple of months later, stayed at a nice hotel in NYC. Broadway shows, just going to enjoy the town. That first night I learned I best understand she was taken charge. No sooner had we walked into our room, I was told to undress and a spanking was going to happen. Sure enough she spanked me soundly, I danced around the room and knew I best do as told. We enjoyed NYC, I was on my best behavior and now even those who know me, amazed how I have changed. Thankful they do not know about the spankings, but my wife has told me, don't bet on it, most women will know when you have been spanked, she smiles when she tells me that.

  5. You've written about this theme a number of times. What I read is that Katie doesn't dominate you the way you want. That isn't fair if she is in charge. She gets to decide how and how much she will dominate you. I know, it's not what you want, but isn't what she wants what counts?

    Mrs. Lion and I don't necessarily agree on her authority. We have frequent how-are-we-doing talks. We both discuss how we feel about our power exchange. I frequently suggest things that I think will improve my submission. She hears me. She doesn't necessarily do those things.

    The fact is that it's my job to learn to accept her flavor of domination. From what you've written, it sounds like that is something for you to learn as well.

    Will Katie spank you or punish you in other ways? If so, when you feel "needy" for what you don't get, perhaps you can confess this to her and ask for punishment. I've done that and it works.Mrs. Lion is a very painful spanker.

  6. Hi Joe, I totally empathize with your thoughts. I too am strong willed and have gone through the same thought processes as you in wanting to be broken by Mistress (my loving partner of over 10 years).
    Even though it was me who instigated the DD side of our relationship, we’ve gone through all ten years of me fighting Mistress’ authority – trying to get her to dominate me as I used to fantasise. It was only when she decided to give up on her role that I realised I should have just surrendered to her will.
    Mistress is quite a dominant personality by nature, but had no experience of applying that dominance to a DD perspective so me questioning her knocked her confidence. And there was no question of her going to the lengths to break me, as it were.
    The issue was that the problems of the DD side of our relations, naturally began to affect our overall relationship so we both agreed to a time out on DD.
    Our DD is not over, merely on hold, because after some frank discussions Mistress decided I needed mentoring by a third party, someone with much more experience and understanding of DD than either of us and who Mistress can work with to ‘retrain’ me and make me more malleable to her authority. In other words, someone who is prepared to break me, and someone I cannot argue with!
    The Lady we are hoping who can help us is an incredibly strict disciplinarian who is not to be toyed with, but is also a trained counselor so we’re both hopeful of getting me back on track so Mistress can once again take up the dominant role she actually quite enjoys.

    Regards, gk

  7. Ken my friend, are you ok? Long time no posting has me worried.

    1. KC, write me via the email at the upper right.