Saturday, July 15, 2017
Navpress shared many thoughts on the “united we stand, divided we fall” post. I promised to address his concerns in a post rather than a comment since I believe he has unearthed some significant concerns that many men struggle with. I also believe I have struggled with some of the same things he has.
Let me begin by talking about my weekend. It takes a while to mow our yard. We have two push mowers – one older mower (that we thought was dead but one I was able to resurrect) and a new one. Katie had been mentioning how the yard needed mowing but it’s been oppressively hot here the last several days. I offered to do it all but she never agreed to me doing so. A day or so after that initial 'the yard needs mowing' conversation she told me it was time to get the yard done. I offered to do it but she explained she would be doing it as well since we could get it done faster. And we did. A half hour or so later it was done and the mowers were put away. Besides getting the yard done in half the time we had the chance to sit on the porch and cool off together and enjoy a cold beverage - something we wouldn't have done had I mowed alone (because there would have been zero chance in Katie coming outside and sitting beside a sweaty man on a hot day :)
The following day she told me the carpets and tile floors needed cleaning. She woke yesterday and explained this was the day to get that project done. So while I vacuumed the entire downstairs she got the carpet cleaner out and fired up. While I worked on vacuuming and sweeping other rooms, she tackled the main carpet. When I finished with my vacuuming I tackled the tile floor. It took us but an hour or so and we were through.
We have a painting project on our agenda that we’ll start sometime in the next week and I can assure you she will do as much as I.
I say these things because Navpressed expressed the frustration of doing so many house chores but having his wife tell him his efforts make her feel lazy. He put it like this, “I have been told by her that I make her feel lazy because I do all the house chores before she gets a chance and that I do too much yard work before she gets a chance to get out there”
When he read that comment I did so on the heels of our house cleaning and mowing adventures. I too would love to do more for Katie but I have come to realize that she doesn’t like to just sit around and do nothing while I spend hours alone working. She enjoys the exercise of getting out and pushing a mower. She likes the satisfaction of cleaning her home. She enjoys doing things with me, rather than watching me do it all. Now, there are times when she'll tell me to do it all but we do many things together. We do so because that is what she wants.
I have learned that submission is far more about obedience than it is about work. Submission is about catering to the needs and wants of one’s mistress. That may mean doing 90% of the daily chores or only doing 30% of them. It all depends on what mistress wishes. For example, Katie won’t ever set foot in the kitchen. She hates cooking. She hates cleaning dishes and so I’m the one relegated to that job. But Cathy from Femdom 101 cooks. She has mentioned in the past how she enjoys cooking. Because Katie and Cathy feel differently about cooking, their respective subs have different responsibilities. If Cathy’s husband insisted on cooking it would cause more harm than good in the same way it would if I told Katie I wasn't going to cook for her anymore. The point being: it’s not about what we do or don’t do; it’s about obeying the one we serve.
Another area Navpress expressed frustration had to do with his wife making poor decisions she later regretted. My thought to this is: we all make good decisions. We all make bad ones. None of us are perfect. My only suggestion here is to reiterate that it’s not about stressing over what decision is made as much as it is important for a couple to communicate with one another. As a mistress Katie knows my strengths and weaknesses. I'm quite bright in some areas and ignorant in others. I am more impulsive than her and yet more lay-back. I know she understands that about me and she is quite good at knowing when to lean on me rather than deciding something without asking for my input.
There have been times when Katie and I will disagree. When we do, I express my opinion. Sometimes I do so more than once but we both know that when Katie finally makes ‘that’ decision I will support her. Sometimes those decisions are the best. Sometimes they aren’t. But again, it’s not about the decision. It’s about her knowing I will let her know how I feel (beforehand) and her knowing I won’t give her a hard time after a decision is made. When she decides something that didn't work out as well as we thought, she's prone to apologize. That opens up an opportunity for me to support her. We are able to talk about the decision in hindsight and learn from it. It does neither of us any good to belittle the other after the fact. If we are able to return something we do. If we can't, we live with it and move on.
If I could make one point to Navpress it is to make your #1 priority to love your wife. Love her the way you loved her when you were first married. Love her unconditionally. Love her knowing she isn't perfect. Just love her. Focus on her positives. Do what she says. Don't ever disobey her. Don't ever open the door to mistrust. Share as much of your life with her as you can and listen, listen, listen when she shares with you. Stop what you are doing and give her your undivided attention. Don’t view yourself as being better, stronger, bigger, smarter, more creative, etc. Rather look at the two of you as a united team. Know that you each have unique qualities that you bring to your marriage and that those mutual qualities make the two of you are better together than either of you alone. But know there has to be someone in control and that someone is her. She’s the one to whom you have submitted. She’s the one you promised to obey. She’s the one you promised to follow and support.
Be that follower, doer, supporter, encourager, obeyer. Don't do more than what she expects. Allow her the freedom and independence to be involved in maintaining her home as much as she wishes. It’s one thing to do something with the intent to please. However if you do that something and she feels bad, know that the next time that opportunity presents you need to wait for her to come along side and join you in that project (kind of like Katie and I mowing together in the humid hot summer heat).
Finally, try not to compare what you have with what others have. My submissive life is different than Thomas who belongs to MsKaylee and both of our lives are different than that of John who belongs to Ms Cathy or to Lady Grey who owns Karl. It can be hard when reading other blogs. It's easy to wish your wife to be like 'her' or 'her' or 'her'. Choose not to go there. Your wife isn’t Katie or Kaylee or Lady Grey or …… Let her be who she is. I think if you can be content in where you are as your wife's submissive, you will be a happier, more obedient and fulfilled man.
Navpress, you’ve asked some profound questions. I don’t know if I’ve done them justice. I’d love to have others chime in here and share their thoughts and impressions on what I wrote and what he has expressed.