Tuesday, July 4, 2017
United We Stand Divided We Fall
I passed by those words printed on a church sign the other day. They are appropriate words. The Fourth of July holiday is approaching. Patriotism abounds. Flags and flag buntings abound everywhere. There will be parades, concerts, fireworks, and TV specials all celebrating our country’s independence – all because the British government wanted two cents more on teabags. I mean, I like my ice tea but to go to war for it? Now that’s passion but in hindsight, I’m glad they did. I love my country and glad we aren’t a satellite nation to another.
But the reason for now writing has more to do with the significance of the phrase to relationships. I realize all marriages aren’t constructed in the same way as ours. However, it’s my belief that relationships function best when there is a designated leader and only one leader. I believe it’s more difficult when everyone involved has an equal say. One can apply this to a marriage, to parenting (parent and children), to education (teacher and students), to employment (employer and employees), to athletics (coach and players), to government (leader(s) and citizens) and on and on the examples could go. People function best when there is someone in charge.
Our marriage thrives, in a large part, because we made the decision to not approach it from a 50/50 dynamic. I knew I needed to submit. It took me some years to figure 'me' out but I have learned I thrive best by serving rather than leading. I function best living within the constraints Katie places on me and I know Katie loves being independent. For as much as equal marriages might work for some, it isn’t what works best for us. Katie is my leader and I am her follower. She is the one who decides while I am the one who provides input when asked but yields when the time comes for decisions to be made.
All of our income is directly deposited into one account – hers – and it is not for me to dip into that account and spend her money. Although we may discuss larger purchases every now and again, I don’t make final decisions unless she feels more comfortable with me doing so. For example, the other day we purchased a small AC unit to cool a room we sometimes use. She asked me about the size we should look into and I suggested what I thought would be best. But once that was done she was the one who chose the store we would go to and she made the final decision. It happened that we both had gift cards that could be used. Actually I had three and she had one. I used mine but she opted to save hers. I didn’t bother asking why. She also chose the specific unit we purchased after looking over the two different models they had for sale in the size range we wanted.
Sexual activity, vacations, errands, meals, even the plants we put in our gardens are decisions she ultimately makes. What I find so profoundly interesting is that even though I am virtually powerless within the confines of our home I have never been more content. For me, there is something very freeing by letting go of that power and following. I love watching her take charge. I love watching her lead. I find the dynamic appealing – and even hot!
Just today we talked about her making sure she gets to enjoy those things about my service she loves most. It was my hope that she might insist on making sure I provide those ‘perks’ often and that they don’t get pushed aside due to the business of life. I want her to lead but I also want her to enjoy what I can provide for her.
There is something so beautiful and knowing she’s my mistress-wife. I want nothing more and I am often reminded how much she loves me there to support but follow. In our home there is but one leader and it is under that leadership that we best coexist and stand united. And as the good book says: a cord of three strands is difficult to break. I say all this because we have become a united couple. We are in no way divided. We do things her way. We function as a team. And we live as we do in the hope that our marriage will not just survive but thrive. I don't know about you but I loooovvve being in love and don't want to settle for things being just OK.
Happy fourth! I hope you too will remain united in your quest for sustained intimacy.