Sunday, July 30, 2017

Unseen Submission

Since that (wonderfully) fateful day when I approached my wife after having had many discussions about a FLR and the eventual evening when I asked if she would take me as her sub I’ve learned quite a bit about myself as well as what it means to be the submissive partner.  I know that I, like many, entered into the world of FLR/WLM with the expectation that there would be a thrill-aspect to it. And I will admit, there has been to some degree. But after those first years came and went and the novelty of it all became life’s norm, I realized there was another side to submission. There was a mundane side to it all. I soon realized that I'd be in the kitchen every day and doing the same chores, every day or week. What then gave me a psychological high morphed into me just doing hat she wanted - all the time.

Maybe it’s kin to being married. There is the expectation of being a couple, the actual ceremony, the honeymoon and honeymoon period that follows….. but then life goes on. It’s not that it becomes a negative part of life but it doesn’t feel the same as when first married.  With respect to my submission, I have entered the point where the beginning happened so long ago and the end will never be (nor do I want it to end) that I’m in that middle zone, simply living as a submissive man to my wonderful wife.

Submission is both a concrete – you do this for me – thing as well as a psychological state of being – I only want to make you happy. 

I was making breakfast for Katie some time ago when I first thought something quite significant. I was about to select an egg to fry. I had a choice. Do I give her the largest two eggs or cook her the smaller ones and keep the larger ones for me? A few minutes later I sliced two pieces of bread to toast. Again I thought: do I give her the larger slice or the smaller? When the toast was ready I needed to butter it. Again I thought: do I butter it on her plate and leave bread crumbs or butter it on mine and place the toast (all pretty and ready) on her plate? 

As I made my choices – all good ones, mind you, I realized that Katie knew nothing about what I was thinking, nor what I did.  Those simple choices were unseen reinforcers of who I was and who she was. There was no thrill in what I did. I was just making her breakfast; something I do every day of the week, every week of the month, and every month of the year.  I didn’t do anything more than prepare her a plate of food.  But there was a ton more going on internally and those choices happen all the time.

For example, when entering a restaurant, I let her decide on which side of the table she wants to sit. When leaving to go somewhere I let her decide if she wants to drive or not. When we shop, I walk slightly behind so that she has the choice go where she wants in the store without feeling like she is following me. When I set out towels and washcloths I select the nice ones that I know she loves rather than just choosing an older one. When she’s watching a show, I won't distract her with questions or conversation until a commercial break if I know she's really focused on the program. When taking tops/shirts out of the wash that shouldn't be dried I hang hers first and mine after. It ensures the wrinkles stay out of her tops this way.  

Katie knows nothing about the choices I make with any of the above examples. Yet with each opportunity I have the privilege of making a choice to reinforce my submissive status. Although she is not a part of the mental decisions that precede my actions, I have the ability to willingly submit. I don't need to wait for her to remind me I'm hers. I can do that myself. 

You and I both know we're submissives to the one we serve and don't need to bug her to remind us of such. By making the choice to give her the better portion, to let her decide what she wants, to give her the best we have the offer, we can reinforce our submission through self directed means rather than by waiting for her to remind us we are.

I know my examples seem trivial, and in many ways they are. But most of what we do from the time we wake until we sleep is trivial. The degree of submission we show our dominant is a choice. We can show that during those 'wow' moments - and we should - but we must demonstrate our submissive status during the 100's of little choices that make up our day.

So I leave you with this thought: as you live out your day, what have you done to demonstrate your submission to your wife? Which of those are actions will she notice (bowing, kissing her feet, calling her mistress or goddess, etc)? and which are ones will she never see (choosing to serve her the nicest of the steaks you just cooked, etc)?  I hope as you think back on the week that was and as you enter the coming one, make your day filled with all kinds of examples that fit into both categories.

I'm Hers


  1. I had similar thoughts this weekend about things I was doing specifically for my wife that she was unaware of. I think that if I asked, she would have a list of things that she has done for me. I think that these types of acts can be a measure of love and not just submission.

    1. WLH, I liked your last comment - that these are acts of love as much as - if not more - than acts of submission. The efforts we exert on behalf of our wife should move from those of duty (submission) to love. What a nice thought. Thanks

  2. I truly understand just how you feel. My wife will notice that all of her clothes are washed and folded and all the floors are swept clean but probably not notice I dusted everything downstairs picked up after all the mess the grandkids just left .After 6 years this August and looking back I never would imagined what a awesome relationship it has become.We now can openly talk with each other as she knows she is the dominate and I am the submissive in are marriage. We both feel so comfortable and can be who we truly are.She feels confident now as the leader knowing I always support. Great subject for your post.R R

    1. RR, How nice to hear from you. The heat of the summer out where you are must have driven you in to catch up on the latest blogs. Like the comment above I liked the theme of yours as well. How nice it is that by 'us' being submissive, our wives are free to be themselves, knowing we won't ruffle the sheets - so to speak. That safety (if that's the right word) allows them to open up and be free to be who they want. Like you commented, there is a closeness that is cultivated when one partner truly submits. Had I not experienced it, I don't think I would have understood it if I had read it. Thanks for sharing. You know you are always appreciated.

  3. Very well said, I'm Hers. As one who is on the receiving end of the very actions you describe, I can only add that it is appreciated, and even if a "thank you" is unsaid every time even a small favor is brought forth, that doesn't mean that is hasn't been noticed. I let my husband/sub know that I recognize his efforts in many subtle ways, and the symbiosis makes for a wonderful marriage. Isn't it nice to be so comfortable in one's relationship with the person you love:)

    1. Lady Grey, I never expected you to write so soon. My best guess is that short paragraph took you about 75 minutes to write with at least 34 spelling errors - you know - having had to write left-handed the entire time :). I shore (pun intended) hope you heal quickly.

      As to your comment, yes it is wonderful. My hunch is that the reason you insist on Karl's submission is because it maintains relational intimacy and isn't that what we want and need most? It is for me.

      Thanks so much for commenting. You are always welcome here.

  4. i have been doing that for years and She doesn't know it. i have shown Her articles on FLR and She says real men don't act that way. i continue to treat Her a s a Queen
    love your blog

  5. Missy Louise.
    Yes real men act that way.
    AND NOW I am having a cow about the word 'act'. Not an act, it's a choice. If I can show my lady, my Queen, my love for her by doing things for her, where is the problem. She supported me, did things with and for me all this time, I see nothing wrong with making her life easier.
    Looking at your blog it saddens me for you that she has decided to go her own way. Hopefully she will come to appreciate you in the future.