Saturday, August 5, 2017

A Woman's View of Submission

Some weeks ago I was reading another blog. In the comment section I found a short statement on what this particular wife expected of her husband.  Now I specifically did not use the words mistress or submissive but it is my belief there is clearly a dominant and submissive/secondary partner in this marital bond. Here is what she wrote (with me doing some minor edits)

"I have no desire to subjugate or humiliate my husband. I do however expect his world to revolve around mine. I am his purpose, nothing less. My happiness is his goal, my satisfaction is his aim. We have gotten to the place that we understand that women were created with the ability to have multiple orgasms. He no longer has orgasms during our times of intimacy. For health reasons, I still allow my husband to discharge, but only in a practical, functional way. He derives his pleasure from giving, and I provide him that opportunity. "

Upon reading that paragraph, one word and one emotion kept resonating in me: 'wow!'

So many blogs discuss dominance and submission from a 'you do this for me and I'll do that for you' mindset.  I'm sure the majority of submissive men enter into D/s relationships with the expectation they will be getting something from their dominate partner. Its my opinion that very few men agree to submit unilaterally.  My guess is it has much to do with their woman being new to the idea of being dominant. It's difficult to break the stereotypical mold of how grandmom and even Mother viewed and cared for their husbands.

But regardless of how we felt back then (or if you are considering popping the 'I want to submit to you' question to the woman you love), consider the above statement. What can we glean from it?

First, she makes it clear she wants to respect her husband. She has no interest in turning him into anything less of the man whom she fell in love with. Second, and now we get to the nitty-gritty, she makes the direct statement that her marriage is a one way road. She expects him to do what is needed to satisfy her. "I expect his world to revolve around me. I am his purpose, nothing less. My happiness is his goal; my satisfaction is his aim."

Pretty powerful words. Very powerful words.  What she never stated was the two-way aspect of their relationship. Now that doesn't mean it isn't there. It doesn't mean she doesn't satisfy his need to feel loved and accepted and appreciated but it sure appears her reciprocation comes secondary to his efforts to satisfy her. 

Isn't this an ideal definition of what it means to truly submit? I have been thinking about her comment for weeks now. I found her thought so succinct and well stated. There's no fluff. She goes straight to the heart of what it is she expects from her husband - service. She addresses their sexual relationship but there was really no need. Having a man who is dedicated to put her priorities first at all times includes what goes on in the bedroom, what happens during their Saturday and Sundays together, how they interact when with friends, vacations, menu, house chores, social outings, etc., etc.  

Rather than go on and on I'd rather hear your thoughts. How would you feel if your wife made the above statement to you? How would you feel if the one rule your wife gave you on no uncertain terms was "I expect you to put me first and make me your number one priority in everything you do." What if you countered with something to the effect of 'sure I will but....." and she cut you off right there? What if she told you that as her submissive it's not about what I do for you but rather you finding unprecedented joy by serving me?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I'm Hers


  1. It may be put bluntly, but what she expects is simply love, the kind that thinks of her before it thinks of 'me.' My needs are secondary to her needs. A marriage where one of the partners masters that kind of love is special, and when both treasure the other this way, that's true wedded bliss.

    1. ST, your last sentence is a beautiful one......"A marriage where one of the partners masters that kind of love is special, and when both treasure the other this way, that's true wedded bliss"

      I hope readers read that sentence several times and consider the implications of your words. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Hi again, IH.
    "I expect you to put me first and make me your number one priority in everything you do."
    This is so very similar to my wife's thoughts on life and sex. And, it is what I aspire to do for her to the fullest of my ability.
    This view of yours and mine is so often seen by outsiders as very one sided and selfish on her part.
    But, like so many things viewed by those outsiders, this is really far, far from being totally one sided. My wife does believe in words such as your quote and I do believe in them too, but again, it is not really one sided at all.
    I freely place her on that pedestal, I freely empower her to be her real self as a show of my love and devotion to her. I am mesmerized by her and I strive to make her feel it.
    She, in turn, pulls me up on her pedestal to sit at her feet far above all others. She grants me my wishes and desires, meeting them not because I might ask but, because she wants to give to me of herself.
    As one sided as it seems to others "not in the know and not understanding" it is very much a mutual giving of ourselves.
    To many husbands want so much to be first and they almost demand it, never realizing that their path actually keeps them from being first in the heart of their wife.
    Care for her, love her, empower her, make her desires come first before self and you will be first where it matters. In Her Heart.

    1. DLsKnight, Yes you and I and so many like us love living within the framework of the above statement. Submission really is the ideal way to gaining the closeness with our wife. It is by giving that we get. It's by letting go that we are given the love we both need and cherish. I always love to hear your thoughts. Thank you!

  3. Hi IH. That last line about giving her man the opportunity to express his desire to please her is important and shows a very good understanding of her position as the Dominant. To the outsider that would appear self serving but we know better it's an act of love. Also the careful control of orgasm shows an understanding of the strande effect that denial has on many men. The build up of testosterone should make us more aggressive but I've found it makes me so much more submissive and attentive. I don't know why. After 5 yrs I would have thought that would change but my owner bows it is a powerful bond maker. Does it change with the years?
    Thanks for sharing this.

    1. Coasstriders, Thanks for stopping by again. You have good insights. I believe the writer does have a loving and mature approach with respect to the love she expects and how she manages their times of intimacy. If I remember correctly she is not new at this way of leading. She and her husband have moved to the point they now share over time and I think that NavSteward (below) will see the wisdom of her words as he lives this life in the years to come.

      As to the change with denial, I think it does make us more submissive. If nothing else it demonstrates that we really are at the mercy of the one we follow. And isn't that what submission is all about?

      Stop by again.

  4. It doesnt sound like she loves her husband, it sounds like her husband could be any man, I wounder if she said she was going to take other lovers, would he as the other 50% of the couple in the relationship get any say so? Does his needs and wants have any weight besides what the wife gives them? Would it mean more if those were his words and he gave them like a real submissive does they give there submission and not have someone demand there submission, I think if he the husband truly feels happy that way and at any for any reason felt he wanted to change and his wife would change for him without holding anything over him then it's a perfect match made In heaven but they way she puts her words it seems like she demands him to submit and he has no say in the matter and she would never let him change if he wanted to or give anything to him in a loving relationship, cause I as a husband if I asked my wife for an orgasm and she said I was never getting one with her ever agian cause there is no real health problem with not having orgasms but if I wanted to have an orgasm with my wife and didn't want to submit I think I have that right and because she would want to give me one since she says she does cause she loves me and wants me to be happy and that's why I submit when I can for her since I know she loves me.

    1. NavSteward, I don't know why you would think this person does not love her husband. As a submissive to your wife don't you desire her to be satisfied in all you do? I know the answer is yes because you've written in the past how you do so much for her that she even wishes you would do less.

      But I do believe she expects his submission. I do not know the history of how this couple entered into the style of love they express to one another but it's quite easy to see that she is the one who has assumed the dominant figure when it comes to getting what she wants from her husband. But remember how she began her comment: "I have no desire to humiliate or subjugate my husband.... what I want is his undivided love". She's in charge and my suspicion is that's what he wants. He serves and my guess is, he loves serving his wife. It just so happens that she has no desire to have her husband ejaculate while they are intimate. She see's no purpose in it. I can tell you that it is a rare occasion when I am permitted that same thing. Katie might permit me once every fifty times we are close. I wish this person would respond and provide you with the depth of insight I cannot.

      Thanks for sharing!

  5. My Dear Ken, you have such a deep penetrating mind. What a dear man you are. I am curious if you would welcome any input from the one who left that comment, or would that be intrusive?

    1. Are you flirting with me? :) Of course I would love to hear any comment you wish to share.... the floor is yours. And as an aside... I miss your blogging. You filled such a big niche for so many women. (and I do wish you'd contact me via email I do have something to ask privately).

    2. My Dear Ken, I too miss blogging. Unfortunately, it can be a harsh environment for a lady who simply wants to share her experience and enlighten others to possibilities. Your simple quote of my comment elicited some to surmise that I don't love my husband. Who wants to pour themselves out to be met with that kind of response?

      That aside, I adore my husband. I love nearly everything about him. He is my soulmate, and brings such joy to my life. I cannot imagine life without him.

      My husband did not initiate this in our relationship. We arrived here mutually, with my guidance.

      Normal intercourse just wasn't my thing. It was of course necessary since we wanted children, but since those days are gone it became just another chore I had to do. Don't get me wrong, I love the attention from my husband, I love feeling desirable, I love his pursuing me with his touches and kisses but then I was left with this "mess" that served no purpose at all. On top of that, his apparent desire for me was gone for the next few days or a week. That just didn't seem like how it was supposed to be. I got to the place, as likely many of your readers wives are though they haven't spoke up, that I despised his orgasms. It meant that I had a mess to clean up, I was no longer desirable, and he seemed to be in a down, even depressed mood afterward. Somehow, this didn't seem like the way it should end. In the midst of one of our moments of intimacy he sensed something was wrong and so he asked. I held nothing back, I had no desire to hurt him, I just wanted what was best for both of us. So I blurted it all out. Why are we doing this? We don't want anymore children so why are you dumping seed in me? I have been created with the ability to have multiple orgasms, why do I get, maybe one? Why do I then have to wait up to a week for another? I could have 3 today and 2 more tomorrow if you found me desirable everyday. He tried to tell me I was desirable to him. I responded that if he orgasms he would not pursue me again for days or more. He would touch me less, his kisses would lose their "heat", he wouldn't look at me that way that makes me get all warm inside. He said that the problem wasn't me but that after a man orgasms he loses the drive for sex for a few days. And as I have gotten older the number of days have become more. I let his words hang in the air for impact before I looked him in the eyes and gently asked a question I already had the answer to. If we spend time together in intimacy and you didn't orgasm we could play longer and maybe even again tomorrow? I swear to you, he looked like a 5 year old boy who was just caught with his hand in the cookie jar!
      I continued, then why are you having an orgasm? His answer was because it felt good. I reminded him about how he often felt afterwards, like it was some kind of let down. Wouldn't it feel better, more exciting to have participated in me having a number of orgasms, let me help you "step back from the cliff" so to speak, and we could play again tomorrow? And so it began . . .

      When I have more time, I would be glad to share more if it is fine with Ken. This is his blog.

      Ken, I would be open to sending you an email if I had an address to send to and with the understanding that your Kate knows about and permits you and I to exchange emails with me.

    3. And Katie is aware

    4. Just so you know - many of us really do miss you blogging Katie Christian! You in large part helped us experience the freedom to develop a life that brought heightened oneness & genuine intimacy back to our 43+ year marriage & helped me once again to demonstrate real selfless love for my wire honoring her as the priceless treasure she is! Thank you for the gift you gave us when you did blog & know we might never have gotten here without you open & honest sharing of yourself! K & S

  6. Okay I do understand and the comment does seem to be written in such a way for its readers to enjoy, and since the one who wrote it can't answer but just assuming that like most not all but most female led relationships are brought up by the male it's safe to assume that he asked his wife to become that role for him and that he would enjoy her more if she were in that role and since I do not know the couple I have to assume she is doing it because her husband enjoys it, but agian I can also assume since she does not state If she did or did not enjoy her husband ejaculating before they entered their female led relationship, like I said he may perfectly enjoy the attention and feeling of denial like most of us do, and she may just have written the comment with a little zaz to it, all I wounder is did he enjoy being sexual with her before or did she decide he no longer gets to enjoy being sexual with her and is it only through worshipping her did she decide as the dominant that is what satisfies him or did she agree to his request to not let him no longer ejaculate with her during times of intimacy(that at first can be a weird request for any woman to hear and can cause lots of doubts and questions in pretty much all woman's minds why there husband would not want to ejaculte) so I am wrong to say she may not love her husband, but there is a point to ejaculate with you wife and partner during intamacy because if you never got to ejaculate agian with your spouse wouldn't you feel just some part of the relationship missing, you can wash all the dishes you want and give all your money away but if you lost the intimacy you had before even entering a female led relationship I just wouldn't know why I was doing any more wouldn't my wife want me to ejaculte inside of her eventually?