Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Guest Post: The Need for Adjustments

It's my pleasure to include a post from a dear friend. I contacted Katie Christian asking if she would consider writing periodic posts. She accepted and below are some thoughts she recently penned.  I encourage you to comment to share your impressions, opinions and thoughts. So without further adieu...... 


On Thursday evening I said to my husband that after working in the garden today a massage would feel wonderful.
That was more an expectation I was sharing, than a request. He immediately responded that he was too tired to give a massage tonight before he wandered off to finish his chores. This did not sit well with me and left me wondering what was going on. 

Friday offered much time of quiet contemplation and I realized that I had been significantly more demanding lately of things I expected him to get done in spite of his work load. Additionally, I had not kept up my end of making the effort or finding the time to do those little things that inspire his attentiveness. 

Like most wives we wish our husbands were more like the little oven sold on late night television, set it and forget it. But it really does not work that way in relationships.

The sexy little things I would occasionally wear had been replaced with loose jeans and a baggy t-shirt. I was no longer sliding up to him and "gripping" his manhood while telling him how much I appreciated all he did for me. I too had been too tired many an evening to be pleasured, choosing to settle for a light back rub to put me to sleep. 

He has arrived to the place that he NEEDS to pleasure me or he feels cheated. WE now call MY orgasms OUR orgasms and WE hadn't had any in quite some time. No wonder he was losing his edge.
I can't remember the last time I kissed him passionately for a few minutes, rubbing myself on him before sending him to work reminding him that I would be relaxing or doing anything I wanted because he was so good to care for me. I know I have told him that many times before which made it easy to forget how much he likes hearing it. I hadn't sent him any personal pictures, no steamy texts, no teasing notes left where he would find them. When you consider I do almost no housework, am free to spend as I choose, go where and when I want, because he pours himself out to take care of me and to provide me this kind of life, I really have no excuse for not taking the little time and effort it takes to keep him engaged.

But that does not justify him telling me he was too tired to give me a massage. It just does not work that way in our household.

On Saturday morning our routine is for me to sit in a chair in our bedroom as I present the key to remove the cage he has worn all week. I have a warm wash cloth I use to take a few minutes to wash his manhood and inspect it for any chafing or damage before sending him on his way allowing him swing free for the weekend. Since we will be together the entire time it is safe to do so. But this Saturday was different. Adjustments had to be made. My cleaning and inspection had their usual effect of causing him to become engorged. I instructed him to go get me some ice cubes that I wrapped in the wash cloth and applied to his genitals to rid him of the erection.  While doing so I told him I had plans for him this weekend. After re-locking him I released him to attend to his Saturday chores but told him to be ready to leave at 10:40 for a 11:00 am appointment. On Friday I had called  a local massage business and told them I wanted a massage by someone with strong hands. I was too shy to ask outright for a man to give me a massage as that just feels . . . forward. My strong hands hint did in fact have the result I wanted as I was schedule to be massaged by Derek. When I arrived for the massage with my husband in tow I was introduced to Derek. He was neither handsome, nor hard on the eyes. I am bad with guessing someone's age but I would guess he was 7 or 8 years younger than me.
I told Derek that my husband was there to learn how to do massages as he led me to the room. Derek said he would return in a few minutes and that I should get as undressed as I felt comfortable and to then lie down on the table face down and pull the sheet over me.

I am not sure who was more surprised that I got completely naked, my husband or me. I had never been naked with another man in the room my entire life except for my hubby. After I laid on the table and he covered me with the sheet he settled into the chair in the corner. He looked so cute sitting there holding my clothes. Derek soon entered, adjusted the lights, turned on some music, and proceeded to send me into a relaxing bliss. The 50 minutes went by way far too fast, lost in a blur of rubbing hands and adjusted sheets. It felt somewhat naughty to be touched by another man having only a strategically situated sheet covering so little of me. Part of me worried about what hubby was feeling, but I dismissed those thoughts by reminding myself that he had his chance and blew it. When time was up and Derek excused himself from the room so I could dress, I enjoyed laying there in that room and just relaxing. I so wanted to fall asleep. I had hubby hand me my clothes and dressed in front of him then asked him to take his debit card and go pay the bill and leave Derek a good tip. Because hubby gets just $25.00 per week put into that account I knew it must have hurt a little to spend almost 4 weeks of allowance for another man to massage your wife.

When we arrived home I had hubby make lunch and we ate it on the back deck. The combination of the massage, the meal, and the laziness of a quiet Saturday afternoon had me ready for a nap. I asked husband to please bring me a tea in an hour I was going to lay down. It seems I had just laid down when I found my hair being stroked as he tried to wake me. I sat up and with my tea in one hand and using the other hand to scroll through Pinterest and then Facebook I soon sipped the tea cup empty.

When hubby came in to see what the rest of our day looked like I asked him to sit in the chair and wait. I set my laptop aside and slid down under the sheets and closed my eyes. I almost fell back to sleep. I laid there and looked out the screen door to the back deck and just enjoyed the beauty of the day. Outside it was quiet except for the sounds of nature, we live in the country, and a warmer than usual fall breeze would occasionally blow in bringing with it the smell of apples from our trees. I began to trace my fingers over my body and was surprised how sensual it all felt. I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to wander. The touch became much more intentional as both my hands found their way to just below my belly button and I celebrated my femininity. In fact I celebrated 3 or 4 times and some how finished face down with my rump in the air. 

As the muscle spasms subsided and my breathing returned to normal I peeled away the sheet and approached him still sitting in the chair. Without making eye contact I walked up to him and gently rubbed my fingers under his nose before sliding them into his mouth. 

That evening he asked if we could talk to which I responded that there was nothing to talk about and went about my business. Saturday night we cuddled on the couch and watched a movie of my choosing.  I made sure to have him fetch and do for me.

Sunday night typically is the night that I have a soaking bath and this night was no different except I made sure to involve him in every way I could think. Wash this, brush that, trim there, paint these. 

Our routine for the end of Sunday night is for me to fondle him for a while, we call it "exercise time" before putting the cage back on for the coming week. As we laid in bed I sat up, leaned over him bracing myself on his caged manhood and passionately kissed him. After a few minutes, I whispered into his ear that I was too tired for exercise time tonight and laid back down. I woke up a few hours later with my hand still on his cage. I was surprised he had fallen asleep so I gently rubbed him through the cage until he started to stir and then I went back to sleep.

He will be home in a few hours today and I have a feeling he will be a bit more attentive. What do you think?

Monday, September 11, 2017

Overcoming feelings of guilt and the need to do things for him

Hello IH... I've been following your blog for a while now and I know you've had some emotional ups and downs. I'm wondering if Katie regularly practices tease and denial when you're locked up to keep you interested or if you've just learned with experience to accept her moods as law. As a busy woman/wife/mom, I find it difficult to find the energy to tease him some days, and at the same time I always carry so much guilt over not teasing as he seems to go into a depression. It’s confusing and I find the balance hard...

Rather than answering this comment on the post of which it was posted, I decided to use it as a blog topic. I find this comment to be a significant one and wanted to give it more attention than a short one paragraph answer.  

The short answer to this comment is Katie doesn’t usually tease me while I’m being denied. Like this woman noted, I too went through some ups and downs but those had nothing to do with whether or not I was teased.  I wanted her active involvement in our WLM.  I didn’t want to be her honey-do man and feel like I was living in a vanilla marriage. I didn’t want to be just a guy who did what I was told. I wanted to be reminded I was married to a mistress. I wanted to see her dominant side. I didn’t want her always asking me questions. I wanted her taking charge and reminding me of who I was to her and have her feel free to reveal who she knew she was to me. I wanted to be owned and reminded of such. 

But what does a woman to do when she feels guilty about doing or not doing something? How should she handle this kind of situation?  Ultimately the answer to this question, regardless of the relationship, comes back to communication.  The two of them need to talk and share honestly and openly with one another. But the two of them need to discuss issues with the understanding that ‘she’ is the one who will eventually decide, and ‘he’ will eventually agree to abide by her decision.

At the heart of a WLM, FLR, or an “I want to submit to you sweetheart” relationship, is the power dynamic shift. And at the heart of that power shift is the understanding that the woman will gain freedom while the man agrees to give up freedoms and take orders from her. He’s expected to be a compliant, obedient husband.  So in the comment above, the thought that went through my mind as I read was: why should he be expected to be teased at all?  I mean, think about it. Isn’t he HER submissive? And because he is, doesn’t that mean it is his role to please and serve her? Why is he expecting something from her? That’s what dominants do. They expect. Submissives don’t expect. They give. They follow. They do. Why is she feeling the pressure to do things for him? Why is she feeling guilt for not ‘doing’ something for him? Shouldn’t this be the other way around? Shouldn’t he be concerned about doing more for her?

I see this man as one who needs to better understand that stimulating his little boy will be her major focus. It might be. But then again, it may not. It all depends on what she decides and if she sees a need to do this – or wants to do this. I have read many blogs in which the WLM has an “I’ll do this for you” if “you do this for me” expectation. I don’t find that relationship to be a WLM at all. I view those relationships as ‘play’ FLR/WLMs and not real-life ones. In a real WLM the man knows his role in life is serving her. In a real WLM she expects service and knows that service should come without the expectation of returning it with a ‘treat’. 

But should the woman do things for her husband? I believe the answer to that varies individually. Just as I believe it’s my responsibility is to keep Katie happy and content, it is her responsibility to make sure I do to the best of my ability. If she sees me slacking off or becoming more moody, I would hope she’d want to consider why my behavior is changing. Why is he suddenly acting this way? I’d think the thought: ‘somethings going on with him’ should come to her mind and if it does she should address the issue. That’s what dominants do. They stay on top of their submissives. They maintain control.

Maybe all that’s needed is for her to sit me down and flesh out the issue. “I don’t care what you want to share, I want the truth and I want all of the truth. Now start talking.”  Maybe she needs to consider whether or not she has changed. Has she stopped giving him the attention he needs? Has life gotten so busy that his submission has taken a back seat to all that is going on in her world at the moment? Maybe all that is needed is for her to express her dominance more overtly. Maybe she needs to fill his sexual tank (by serving her, of course).  Whatever she decides, at the heart of it all is her doing enough to reinforce her dominance and his submission and remind him he is loved (both as her husband AND as her submissive).

I will say this about my own life: I don’t get all that I want – ever. Even though I wish she would do/permit/allow more, when those feelings of ‘loss’ come, I step back and realize what I do have. I have a woman that loves me. I have a woman that knows she is in charge. I have a woman that does things her way. I believe if this woman can see those traits in herself she will move to a deeper level of understanding regarding what it means to be in charge.  Bosses won’t please everyone. It just doesn’t happen in life.  My second suggestion is this: I guarantee that if she assumes greater control of his life (meaning she demands more, pushes harder, expects more, stops asking questions and makes her desires made known in clear direct statements) he will forget all about his want to have her stimulate him.  Stimulation is a mind-thing. Yet we men are sexually oriented but submission is a state of mind. Deal with his mind and he will be yours forever.

I wish I could have a conversation with this woman. (and my email is: should you wish to write).  I wish I had the chance to understand her situation more clearly. I wish I knew how long she’s been the dominant person in the relationship.  Too many unknowns.  If this is a newer relationship, his response makes more sense.  I say that because I believe it takes time for men to learn what it really means to be a submissive. Too many men ‘expect’ something in return for being submissive.  I disagree.  They shouldn’t expect anything. They should always know they are loved and appreciated but they shouldn't expect. Should she choose give him something that stimulates his submissive mind, he should view her gift as a treat and not as something he will get every time he repeats that task. That mentality promotes the desire for him to manipulate her for his benefit. Submissives don’t do that.  What he should expect is her uncompromising, unwavering love and understanding that as a dominant woman she will take her of him as she sees fit.

I don't believe this woman shouldn’t feel as if she needs to tease when she doesn’t have the time (or desire). That is her prerogative as the mistress. And it’s his duty to accept whatever she chooses. Of course if she wants to fill his submissive tank, she can tease in lots of ways. They may or may not involve touching. Speaking certain words, sending well worded texts, engaging him in a short conversation when the day starts to set the proper tone, etc. I’m sure she already knows what some of his ‘submissive triggers’ are and can use them to remind (and stimulate) him with little effort.

I recently read about a husband who was becoming moody. His wife had him put his collar on and that act brought about a behavioral change. How much effort did that take? Now I’m sure she said some things that flipped all the right switches in his submissive mind when she snapped that collar on, but my point is, she did something that was easy for her and brought about the change he needed.

What I believe may not be what you do. If you feel differently, chime in. Share your point of view. I encourage you to express your thoughts. How would you answer this woman’s question and help her overcome these feelings of guilt?

I’m Hers