Saturday, November 11, 2017
“I’m Yours,” I said to my wife one morning not so long ago.
“I know,” she responded.
“Yes, but do you understand that me being yours is an even greater commitment than only loving you? I mean, I love you but being yours is more.”
We spent some time talking about what it meant for someone (me) to give themselves to another within the context of a submissive giving himself to his dominant partner.
My intention here isn’t to condemn traditional marriage unions. I’m not. But I do believe that it means one thing when you tell your spouse you love them and another when you tell them from the vantage point of a submissive that you belong to her. Here’s why.
Steve can be married to Sandra and live in a ‘vanilla’ marriage. Sandra wants Steve to go Christmas shopping with her and so she asks. She asks with the understanding that he might say yes but then again, he might not want to go. In a FLR if Katie tells me she wants me to go shopping with her I go. I stop what I’m doing and I go.
Steve has a choice. He has the choice to put his wife’s wants ahead of his or choose to put his wants ahead of hers. I don’t have that choice. I have agreed to always put my wife’s wants ahead of mine. The difference is significant.
Sandra got upset at Steve because he left their two teenage children alone in the house for two hours. Rather than stay at home as they agreed, he went to the bar to watch the last half of a football game and have a drink with his friend. Sandra and Steve had agreed that he would stay at home while she was out. Steve promised to stay while their kids and the neighbor kids played video games in the basement. But because Steve’s buddy from work called, he changed his mind. As a result, Sandra and Steve got into an argument and things got heated. Hurtful things were said by Sandra and Steve and it took until the following day for Steve to admit he was wrong and apologize.
If I was in Steve’s position, I wouldn’t have even considered leaving the house. If my buddy called and encouraged me to join him, I’d have told him, “I need to check with my wife,” and if I ever went that far Katie would have answered by saying, “why are you even calling? I told you you are to stay home and watch the kids.” But I’d already know her answer and so I wouldn’t have called. In fact, I’d have told my buddy I wasn’t available. As a result, Katie and I wouldn’t have gotten into an argument and hurtful works wouldn’t have been spoken in anger.
Again, I’m not condemning the way Steve and Sandra live. They might be two people who deeply care for one another. Many married couples do. They love their spouse and they want nothing more than to make him/her happy. They love sharing their lives together.
However, arguments happen. Self-interests sometimes are put ahead of spouses. In my marriage, that doesn’t ever happen. Katie is always put first. As a result, we don’t argue. We really don’t. I’ve never gotten into a verbal war of words with her – ever. Instead, I do what she tells me. If I disagree I voice my thoughts but
I understand her word is final. Period. As a result, we don’t bicker.
I have willingly given decision-making power to my wife because I trust her (and she in turn has often given it back to me by saying, “I want you to make the decision on this.”). I live by the principle of doing what she wants but I know without question, she has me do the chores I have because she knows that by me serving, it allows me to express how much I love her.
Yes, there have been times when I’ve gotten sad and done things with less than my best effort. Those times (see blog posts off and on during 2017 for examples) came as a result from Katie NOT being overly dominant and NOT because she was less than dominant. For me, I thrive living under her dominant spirit. I love being married to a confident secure woman. I love knowing she can trust me. I love thinking she trusts me. I love knowing she isn’t afraid of me snapping at her the way Steve might have done with Sandra. I love knowing Katie has the freedom to be who she is and express herself without reservation of me responding negatively.
It is a beautiful thing to see a woman live this way. She isn’t hen-pecked. She has never been ridiculed by her husband. She doesn’t live with a history of being put down or told she isn’t good enough or isn’t pretty enough or doesn’t do things well enough. She doesn’t live knowing her husband doesn’t approve of her the way he did when they were first married.
My sacrifice, and the sacrifice of others like me who have willingly submitted to their spouse, demonstrate love for their dominant partner in a manner that is deeper than the Steve’s of the world. It’s not that Steve doesn’t express love but his love is more limited. Steve doesn’t live selflessly. He sometimes does but at other times he only considers himself. Submissive husbands don’t have that choice – nor do they want that choice. They live within a context of considering what needs, wants and desires their partner has ahead of their own. They find joy in giving themselves to her. They find it highly appealing – even arousing – to serve their wife in a way that makes her feel truly special.
It is for this reason that I don’t control our finances, handle the TV remote, tell her to cook me a meal, wash my clothes or massage my back. Instead I trust her to handle our money responsibly and she shares with me what decisions she’s made in that regard. She doesn’t keep our finances a secret. I let her decide what to watch on TV and I’ve come to enjoy watching what she finds interesting. However Katie knows I love football and she will sometimes plan a Sunday afternoon so I can watch a particular game. However, if we have an event she wants to attend, then the ballgame becomes secondary. I attend the event with her in lieu of staying home and glued to the tube for three hours. I do without. Because she doesn’t like to cook or do wash, I do it. I know that every meal I make is a gift I can give to her. And I know she loves me waiting on her. She loves to be touched and when she tells me to rub her back or give her a massage I do so willingly. I find pleasure in giving and I find her body highly arousing.
Are there times when I’m tired and don’t want to perform a task? Of course there are, and if I were Steve I might tell Sandra, I’m not cooking dinner, you cook it, or I’ll do this job tomorrow. But I don’t go there. Instead I push through those lulls of life and do what I’ve agreed to do and what she asks of me. And for us, it works.
To Wayne: This is but one golden nugget that can be found within a loving dominant/submissive lifestyle that I hope you can someday come to understand. For you, let me put it this way: if you were ever in love, think back to that time when you gave her that engagement ring. Think back to when you were planning on marrying this woman of your dreams. At that time in your life that woman lived life to her fullest. You saw her very best. She loved you in a way that was different than she did five years later because you hadn’t hurt her spirit. You hadn’t let her down. You hadn’t left her out of the loop on things; you hadn’t done things she didn’t approve. At that time in your life she trusted you. Because she saw only your very best she’d do anything for you and you’d do anything for her. You welcomed each day and couldn’t wait to spend it with her. You didn’t argue; you didn’t fight; you often let her decide where she wanted to eat or where she wanted to spend an evening with you - just because you knew it made her smile. Well this is how a submissive man lives when married to a dominant wife and because he puts his wife’s needs ahead of his own, and because he hasn’t caused her unnecessary pain via words or deeds, his wife lives with a fullness that is akin to that time when she was engaged. It is a beautiful thing, but it takes a strong, secure man to go there. It takes a man who is willing to let go of some things in order to get a whole lot more in return.
Saturday, November 4, 2017
If you live in the USA and haven’t been living under a rock for the past month you’ve heard of a number of men who’ve been accused – some by as many as 300 women – of sexual harassment. What in the world is going on? In some way it’s not new news at all but because these men are in the public eye it’s gotten the media’s attention – and I’m glad it has. It needs to stop. While listening to the news on this subject I mentioned to Katie that these guys need to be locked– meaning their genitals.
Some months ago I toyed with the idea of writing a femdom story. The setting was that of a university. The triggering incident had to do with a female student being sexually assaulted. She happened to be the latest of a list of females who fell victim to the hormones of their male counterparts. It just so happened that several women who believed in FLR/female supremacy worked at that school and the president of the university was married to a man addicted to porn. The net result of these differing factors resulted in a mandate put forward to the Board of Trustees to consider requiring all males to remain locked in chastity if they chose to attend this prestigious institution. Of course, their keyholder would be a female student. Although I started the story, I never did finish it as I had no idea how where I wanted to go with it but I had fun playing with the idea.
There is a picture I once saw on the internet. It is that of a boy and girl, both being no more than 4 or 5 years and both dressed only in underwear. The picture shows the little girl facing the boy. She has her panties pulled away from her body and she’s looking down. The caption of the picture reads “I’m going to rule you one day with this.”
I had a psych teacher who often said, “There is a little bit of truth in everything that is said.” He was probably right. And there is a good deal of truth in the caption of that picture. If you read FLR blogs you know there is a common theme that addresses the harnessing of a male’s preoccupation with his genitals and the female body. In many FLRs, sex is used as a point of leverage for women to get what they want. That may be more attention, devotion or effort from her man. By teasing, flirting, dressing provocatively or just being attractive in his eyes she uses her sexuality to maintain control.
Isn’t the female body an amazing piece of work? I sure think it is and you know any guy post puberty does too. Guys look. They look again. They lick their chops. They think, ‘God she’s good looking.” And their admiration of this gorgeous creature has nothing at all to do with her occupation or wisdom or personality. The only reason she was gawked at had to do with the shape of her body – or simply because she was a woman.
I suggest all of us are closet Harvey Weinstein’s and James’ Toback’s and Bill Cosby’s to one degree or another. No we haven’t committed the act. We haven’t groped or forced a woman to do things they don’t want to do but then again, haven’t we gone there in our minds at least once? In the Good Book, Jesus takes the writings of the 10 Commandments a step further. He takes the commandment of not committing adultery a step further and tells the pompous religious leaders, if you’ve lusted in your heart, you already committed adultery. Pretty heavy words for those thinking they were above reproach. He speaks of where the mind went and in a FLR isn’t it all about keeping the male mind in a specific place?
I know I’ve succumbed to viewing women as objects. I admire the female form. I especially love looking at my wife’s’ body. She’s drop-dead gorgeous. Last week I stood watching her and said, “it’s not fair.” “What’s not,” she asked. “You being so gorgeous.” And it’s not. She’s so easy on the eyes. Every part of her is inviting; her shape, her figure, her assets –oh how I love her assets!
Now there are a million ways to take what’s written above. I’ll go off in one direction only.
My wife could have anything in the world simply by using her assets to her advantage. When we go out to eat and she’s showing a little while sitting across from me, my blood pressure rises – especially in certain places. I love looking at her ample cleavage. Who in the world knows why I do, but in my eyes, her breasts are akin to one of the wonders of the world. They’re beautiful. She’s beautiful. When I see her dressed in a simple T and it’s not tucked in but hanging away from her hips because her breasts have lifted it out, I drool. I find that look so sexy. When I walk behind and observe the subtle sway of her hips I smile and am beyond thankful thinking she’s mine.
I don’t feel sorry for those who have let their sexual urges get the best of them but I do understand to some degree. I don’t agree with their actions but I understand why. As a man, I know how important it is to keep my eyes (and especially my mind) under control. It’s one thing to admire. It’s another to lust. I save the longings for only one person and she knows it. And to tell you the truth, she loves it. She loves it because she knows my desirous eyes reflect both my admiration as well as the control she welds over me. No day passes when I don’t tell her how much I love her and how pretty I think she is. She loves the compliments. She also loves knowing she controls whether or not she allows me to pursue my urges. She lives knowing her husband views her delicious body with admiration - all the time.
We never knew one another as pre-schoolers but if we had, I’m sure she would have looked down inside her panties and told me how she would someday use that part of her body and other parts not yet developed to control my world.
I hope you feel the same way about the woman who you love.