Saturday, December 9, 2017
Balancing the Equation
Let’s talk football. The Cleveland Browns stink. They’ve been bad for a long time and although they get great support from their fans, I’m sure most who come to the game come to enjoy football for football and not because they expect their team to win. Winning is icing on the cake – and rarely happens. This isn’t so with the Golden State Warriors basketball team. They’re quite good and I would think their fans would be quite bummed if they paid good money to watch their team lose.
EXPECTATION – OBSERVATION = FRUSTRATION
Consider it. Think about it. What does it mean to you? What’s it trying to say? Doesn’t it speak to you? How does this equation fit with your particular FLR? Do you expect more from him/her than you see? If so, then frustration will the natural outcome if given enough time.
So how can the equation be balanced?
Doesn’t it make sense, especially in the case of the submissive husband to put his wants on the back burner? I mean, doesn’t the very title of who a man is – submissive – imply being second? Doesn’t it mean your wants and your responsibilities and your desires become secondary to hers? (No, I’m not saying that the two of you shouldn’t talk and share) but in the end, you wanted her to take charge of you, your marriage, and your life and regardless of what you want from her, you can’t make her change. You really can’t. If change is going to happen then it’s only going to take place if she makes the choice to change.
Because of this, the only option here is for you (as a submissive man) to reduce your expectations. Go with the flow. Follow her lead. Let her do with you, and with your marriage as she best sees. Remember that she loves you like none other, but remember too that she’s the one who will lead you in the way that best fits who she is.
When I first read that equation, I thought back to the months when I lived the life of a frustrated man. I kept waiting and hoping and wanting for her to be that ‘different Katie’ but she never changed into the dominant wife I wanted. Eventually I changed. In a way, you might say I gave up hoping. And in fact I did. I came to accept that my current way of loving and caring for her (and in turn, her style of loving, caring and leading me) was how it was going to be. The Katie with whom I am bound and love will always have ‘this’ style of dominance. The way she leads has pretty much remained unchanged from the get-go. Yes, it’s quite evident to see she is in charge. It’s also evident she has no intention of becoming more like this female blog writer or the wife of that blog writer. She just won’t.
When I was able to come to that conclusion, my life slowly returned to a harmonious state. I became a happier man. I think Katie also became a more content domme when my sulking and sullen attitude ceased. When I made the decision to reduce my expectations to what was my reality – with what I observed every day – my frustrations dissipated. I didn’t know it at the time but what I did was balance the equation. My EXPECTATION = My OBSERVATION and as a result My FRUSTRATION level dropped to near zero
I’d encourage you to consider the expectations you currently impose on your wife? Consider first, if imposing an expectation is even a right you have as her submissive. It’s one thing to hope and still another to express your desires but it’s another thing completely to demand. My suggestion is for you, as HER submissive, to discard whatever expectation you have in the moment and deal with the reality at hand.
Are you tired of being frustrated? Then set aside your unmet expectations and face reality head on. Then, after the fact, have a conversation with her about what you expect and why but be ready to accept a decision that may not be what you want. And if that decision is rendered, make the decision to accept your new reality and move on.
Remember, the goal for living this way in the first place is to cultivate a deeper, more intimate relationship with the woman you can’t dream of living without. I can say, it took stepping away from my desire for Katie to be more dominant and instead, making a mental list of all the ways she already expressed her authority to see all the ‘good’ I already have. She is extremely controlling in so many areas of my life. She just controls me, us, and our life in a non-kinky authoritarian manner. When looking at life from the perspective of all I had an not from the few things I don’t, and then making the conscious choice to actually submit – to do what she wants rather than hope for something she doesn’t want to do – I became a more content and loving husband.