Saturday, July 21, 2018

Ups and Downs …. and Ups

The other day a very good friend wrote asking how Katie was doing. She and Katie had been apparently writing every now and again and it was her belief that things were on the up and up with us and our WLM. I responded with a short note letting her know things had pretty much fallen apart in the last month and were back to where they were in the spring when we had our troubles. I told this friend I’d probably bring ‘us’ up with Katie but really didn’t want to. It had been my hope that Katie would lead our discussions when it came to talking about our dominant/submissive relationship. But I needed to get some feelings and thoughts out in the open and learn what she was thinking and feeling about us.

So, on a Sunday evening we sat out back and watched the birds and enjoyed the flowers. I broached the subject. We had one of those really good talks. Katie agreed she had let things slide and needed to get things back on track with me. Once again I asked if she’d step out in faith and simply take me and take us on a path she wanted us to pursue. And so she did. That evening she displayed a different demeanor. She became more in control. She gave orders. She told me what she wanted me to do and what she wanted to change. She didn’t tolerate me lolly-dolling around after telling me to do something. I loved the renewed her.

The following day we sat out back as the sun set and again talked. Again, it was another good one. And the following day we talked some more but this time she said something that set me off. It wasn’t anything big. Rather it was something said that I took personally and after I had hit a boiling point with regard to her assuming control rather than passing it off onto me. And of course, I reacted by feeling hurt and shutting down. I simply couldn’t shake the hurt and so I psychologically crawled into my shell for the evening. That night I couldn’t asleep and my guess is she couldn’t either for the same reason – marital stress. I ended up getting up at midnight and going into my shop and working for an hour on an ongoing house project. It was a first for me - working there in the nude :). Thank goodness there's no windows in that room.

When I returned to bed, I didn’t want snuggle her but I wanted to hold her more than anything all the same. Eventually I let my wall down and spooned behind. Come morning she curled up to me. Her cuddling led to her touching and fondling and focusing on that part of me that is sensitive to becoming excited. After getting me in the state she wanted she put it between her legs and her hip motions began. A minute or so later she mounted me and took me like she hadn’t in a long long time. Usually our lovemaking times are softer but this was different. This was all about her getting what she wanted and she definitely accomplished that purpose. All that was missing was her telling me, ‘you belong to me!’ That would have been the icing on the cake but the morning began in a way that was exactly what I needed. I needed to be dominated. What she did brought me back under her wing.

An hour or so later we lay on the ground huffing and puffing after doing some core exercises together. She rolled my way and pulled me in aggressively and started making out. I wasn’t feeling those soft 'I love you kisses'. This was much more. I felt her passion and once more, her actions touched me deep inside.

Around the dinner hour Katie received a text from one of her girlfriends asking if she wanted to go out. “I’m out with my hubby but he can drop me off at our usual place." And so I did, leaving her with her two friends while I headed home to work on that house project some more. Some while later I received a text. “Clean the dining room. Clean the living room. Make the house presentable. Janice and Jane are coming over.”

My project suddenly became an after thought while I vacuumed, dusted and did what she wanted. Her initial text was followed by a few more with more instructions.

After her friends left and we stood alone in the living room. I saw that look and heard her sigh‘that lustful sigh’. Katie pulled me close and started grinding on my cage. I could tell she was getting worked up. Another few sighs followed and I wondered if she was going to finish right then or there, tell me to go upstairs or maybe save that sexual energy for bedtime. She didn't finish and time will tell if more will be expected of me later. It’s not bedtime at the time of this writing.

So…… where am I going with this post? Who in the world knows. Last week I wrote about wanting to be taken completely. I went a few weeks feeling anything but belonging to her. So many of the changes she instituted she abandoned and I had no idea why. But everything changed after our weekend talk. The cage went back on. The pledge was restarted as a morning expectation – and as an aside, today while I was upstairs making the bed and straightening the bedroom she came to me and told me to kneel and recite it. She didn't wait for me to find her seated in her chair. Today was a 'kneel ant tell me your pledge' morning. It’s things like that which gives me hope she might really take me completely. All that’s missing is the consistency of taking me on a daily basis. - and of course - feeling entitled to discipline me - that's the final hurdle.

We spent time in a not-so-good place for almost a month but have moved to a better place. My hope is we can stay there. My hope is she will step up once and for all. My hope is she will learn to take and expect and use and express herself as the dominant women she is in so many ways. God, I love it when she expresses such confidence!

I’m Hers

Sunday, July 15, 2018


In recent months I’ve begun kneeling and saying a pledge to my wife. In that pledge, I say many things. I say them with sincerity and honesty. I do so because I thought through what I wanted to say when I wrote those words down last spring. For me, my pledge of submission has meaning - lots of meaning - lots of heartfelt meaning.

I sat outside in the summer heat after doing my daily routine of push-ups and thought about those words. I realized that of all the things I pledge, it's me who makes the choice as to whether or not those statements hold true or not - but there is one exception. There is one statement I make about which I have no control.

I pledge to submit, obey, serve and view her as the head of our home. I make the promise to support and validate her decisions. I tell her how much I love, honor, respect, adore and express my level of devotion. I pledge to live each day knowing my role is to serve and offer myself to her.  But the one thing I cannot do is belong. I can’t belong to her and yet I tell her, “I belong to you.”

It’s interesting to think about that statement. I can want to belong but I can’t make that happen. I may love the English World Cup soccer team (I don’t but it makes a good example) but that doesn’t make me belong.  I may read about them every day. I may blog about them to the world. I may even know some of the players but even then, it doesn’t mean I belong. In order to belong, I need to be wanted and put on their payroll and have the honor of wearing their uniform. Being on the team is the only way for me to 'belong'.

The same holds true with regard to me belonging to Katie. In order to belong, I need to be wanted. I need to be needed. She needs to want me and want my service and obedience. She needs to want me to work on her behalf in whatever way she wishes. Katie has to want to be the one in charge and make sure I serve her to the level she expects. But in the process of belonging, I need to be coached and trained and lead and instructed and disciplined and taught, in the same way, I would and I’ve been drafted to be on the English national soccer team until I understood what it is she expects. In a way, it takes that kind of effort on her part on her part for me to become someone who understands her inside and out and who will value me as an extension of her.

I’ve spoken at nauseum about my frustration of not getting all I need from Katie. That frustration led to me getting angry and throwing up my arms and telling her I’m done.  Out of that, we talked, and once more bonded. And that happened fairly quickly because we are a couple who remains deeply in love and forever committed. But beyond knowing her unquestioning love, I want to be hers. Submissively belonging is a different animal. It just is. I can’t explain it. I don’t fully understand it but I know deep inside I have a visceral need to know and feel that I’m hers. I need to feel her possessiveness and know she wants every part of me. And for whatever reason, it's more than knowing I am loved. It’s that desire to know that she WANTS me as her sub - it’s that hope she will want to dominate and push me to love and serve and go above and beyond.

But I can’t make her take me. That’s completely up to her. I may hope she does. I may hope to one day be dominated. I may want her to control every part of me and seek to understand my deepest thoughts but only she can make that happen. And at the heart of my frustration, this past spring was the powerless feeling because she wouldn’t..

A few weeks ago Lady Gray commented on a post. In that post she kind of dared Katie to not reward me for completing expected chores but rather change those expectations to me doing them all 'or else'. She suggested Katie render consequences - not physical ones - but rather ones in which she removed privileges.

I came to the conclusion that the reason I’m not disciplined or corrected or made to do something I did halfway, the right way, is because I don’t think I truly belong to her. I think Katie believes I do and in most aspects of our lives, I would agree. She controls our finances and what money I have access to. She determines when and how we have sex. She determines my releases and whether or not I’m locked. She decides how we will spend our day and where we will go and what we will do. She has no problem speaking her mind about most things. She tells me when she wants to eat and fully expects me to meet that need.

But belonging completely to another means nothing (within reason) is off limits. For example, Katie Christian told her husband in so many words that if he masturbated while unlocked he’d regret his actions (see part 2 of ‘The Cruise post).  When John from Femdom 101 needs to be quieted Kathy snaps her fingers and he immediately drops to his knees and remains there until he is released. Diane, has told her husband his former easy-chair no longer belongs to him and he is not to ever use it. I’m pretty certain there are consequences to be had should he disobey. Hannah from A Dominant Woman has no issues about rendering consequences or removing a privilege when her husband Elliot screws up. The interesting thing about each of these couples and each of these examples is that the men in these women’s lives love both knowing their wife has this kind of power and enjoy (with a bit of fear mixed in) that she might assert that power at any time.  

In each situation, these women were willing to take that extra step. I believe it’s in love that they do. They realize there is a bigger goal than the 'wrong' needing addressed. They know that their husband needs to be reminded of who is in charge. They know in some odd way the consequence rendered meets a submissive need about which she cannot fully comprehend - yet knows it does - even if the consequence won’t be pleasant. They know the act of punishing will pull them closer as a couple rather than further apart.

If I completely belonged to Katie she wouldn’t stand for some of my antics. She wouldn’t tolerate me not doing something when told. She wouldn’t stand for my absentmindedness or lack of attentiveness after telling me to remember, do, or consider something.  She wouldn’t allow me to get away with not doing things she’s previously told me to do. And if I really belonged she’d feel a sense of entitlement to correct. She’d feel that way because she’d consider me as hers. She’d want to teach me and expect me to act in ways that please her. She'd want this because she'd want to use me to free her from unwanted chores or responsibilities that she'd rather not do.  She wouldn't worry about hurting my feelings when demanding more. She’d feel free to add additional duties without guilt for the very reason that I’m completely hers. And if she saw me respond negatively to a demand or comment she'd feel free to openly talk and flush out my feelings to learn the truth rather than settle for an “I’m fine” answer that tells her nothing. She would reassure me that my submission requires my obedience and that obedience pleases her immensely. She would address situations as they arose to keep undesired actions and attitudes at bay and remind me my life is to first and foremost be one of devoted service to her.

She’d do that because she’d know deep inside that I belong to her and nothing less than my best is acceptable. And if I completely belonged she’d feel my love in ways yet unknown and I too would feel her love in ways I really can’t describe.

I miss not quite belonging to her in that most intimate way. Yet I can taste how close we are to taking that next step. I can only hope she decides she will and in so doing, take me completely.

I’m Hers

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Guest Post: Our Cruise Part 2

Below is part two of my friend Katie's cruise with her husband. Enjoy

After our unexpectedly arousing start things on our cruise settled into a more common routine for us. This was our first time on the Independence of the Seas and as I said earlier, it is now our favorite ship. It was big enough to offer a lot of choices on things to do but small enough to not feel overwhelmed.  We thoroughly enjoyed the adults only solarium where I was able to fully lose myself in relaxation. I had an attentive husband who would graciously fetch me something to drink or nibble on, apply lotion, or any number of needs that I had. Couple that with having no need to provide him a chore list, inspect his work or meet out discipline, I was in relaxation heaven.

Being as I had already decided he would not be getting any release during this vacation my mind was also free from any pressure to attend to that.

With hubby properly caged I am sure that provided him plenty of incentive to keep him from surveying all the eye candy surrounding us.  It is hard to relax when you know as soon as you close your eyes your husband’s eyes will begin to wander. He did fidget on several occasions trying to make adjustments “down there” but I saw that as understandable considering the environment we were in.
We enjoyed our stop at Cozumel, Mexico above the rest. If you go you must check out Chankanaab Park. It is postcard beautiful and the perfect place to snorkel. But, we encountered a problem with the mix of salt water, sand and a tightly fitted chastity cage. My poor hubby had a case of chafing by the time we made it back to the ship. because even though I had the key to his cage with me, there was no way I was going to let him go into the showers without his cage on. Back onboard the ship I was able to supervise his showering and decided to leave him uncaged for the rest of the night after applied lotion to his affected area. I like when his long-caged manhood responds so immediately and fiercely to my hands just getting near it.

I told him he could spend the night without the cage on but if I did not see the same response from his male member in the morning I will know what he had done in the quiet of the night. Since his 50t
th birthday is in his rearview mirror if he played at night he is too old to recoup in time for his morning inspection. I reminded him he DID NOT want to go there. I was so very very proud of him when I asked him to get out of bed and get me a good cup of coffee that his manhood started to harden almost immediately when I just touched it. We both laughed as I raced against time to get him caged before, you know, it became impossible. 😊

On the second to the last night of our cruise, we had a late dinner and then spent some time walking the different decks to enjoy the calm and beauty to being at sea. The sound of music from the Boleros lounge drew us into its Latin-themed confines. A six-piece band was playing, and we soon found ourselves joining the few other couples on the small dance floor. The music soon slowed, and we enjoyed slow dancing. I especially enjoyed it when I laid myself into my husband big beefy chest and felt his strong arms around me. I just love being in that safe, warm embrace.

What caught me off guard was as he pulled me in tight,  was I could feel his cage through my dress and it was pressing on me, you know, “down there”. We continued to sway, and grind and I felt like if we got everything just right, well you know.

It may have been my own insecurity because I am a rather private girl, and we were in such a public place, I just couldn’t quite get there. When the song stopped, and I lifted my face to look into my husband’s eyes he quickly saw “where” I was and asked if I wanted to go back to the room. I didn’t directly answer him, but he picked up on my rapid breathing and flushed face and took the lead.
Back in our room, I felt no need to remove our clothes. It just felt kind of raunchy to pick up where we left off and I danced with him in our room to music only I could hear. That was nice but still wouldn’t get me to my destination if you know what I mean so I had him lay on the bed still fully clothed and I crawled on top of him. In this position I could get things just right and the waves of pleasure that soon ensued left me more breathless than I remember being in a long time.  After the original tsunami, I laid collapsed across my hubby’s chest and felt spasms every 30 seconds or so for several minutes.
As we headed home I thanked my husband for the incredible sacrifices he makes to empower me with the opportunity to be one very happy wife. How many men are man enough to lay aside their desires for the betterment of their wife? To take on the responsibility of doing most of the domestic chores so she can lead a life of leisure. To allow their manhood to be locked to loosen his wife’s femininity. To unshackle their wife from the responsibility of seeing to him having an orgasm so she can lose herself in her own orgasm. I don’t have the answer to those questions, but I know one man who is. I couldn’t love and respect him more than I do.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

A post for 'Diane'

I normally wouldn't write this using a public, "everyone can read this format" but since I know of no other way of reaching Diane, I'm left with this less than ideal way of contacting her and the hope she might stumble onto this post.

To Diane:

There are very few 'good' blogs written by dominant women. You are one such woman although I think you and I would both agree you feel you are more in the beginning stages of your relationship. I've read your comments on various blogs during the past year or so and have found your thoughts to be a joy to read and consider.  You are practical, down to earth, committed to a life of dominance over your husband, yet I believe the basis about which you approach your relationship is one of love.

It is, for this reason, I think you - yes you - (smile) should strongly consider starting a blog. The world needs to hear your thoughts.  Consider: when I started blogging I had no idea what in the world I was getting into. In fact, I began shortly after asking my wife if I could submit. We struggled and grew and experimented and slowly figured things out in a way that (mostly) works for us. The blog I began was nothing more than a 'putting into words' what was happening in our lives - and in our minds as we embraced a FLR and later a WLM.

How refreshing it would be to read your story; to hear your thoughts; to consider how you handle various situations that arise in your family's life, etc.

I will say no more but I sincerely believe having you as one of those women leaders (even if you feel completely overwhelmed and unworthy) who might help so many other women who feel similar to you.  And I think you would love to have more women find the same kind of happiness and contentment you have via the relationship you've discovered.

Think about it.

I'm Hers

Sunday, June 24, 2018

A Comment to the Cashier

Katie and I spent a day doing some home shopping. We had just finished a major project and were looking for a new lamp for a room.  Our area has some great shopping for that kind of thing and so we went to a maga outlet in search of that special item.  After spending a few hours looking here and there we spotted what we wanted. I carried the lamp to the counter and there was no one else there except us and another elderly couple working with another sales clerk.

"Are you paying with cash?" the woman asked.

I looked to Katie and Katie kind of shrugged her shoulders and made one of those faces that told me, I'm not sure if I have enough cash on me. I sure didn't. I think my wallet held about $3 at the time.

"Why did you ask?" Katie finally said.

"I won't have to charge you sales tax and you'll save about $10."

Thinking for a few seconds she looked at me and said, "There's a bank across the street from where we parked. Why don't you take your debit card and get some money?  Do you have your card?"

"Yes, I do but I don't remember my PIN to access the account." I also wasn't sure there was much money in that account since it is hardly ever used - and yes, it had been that long - probably more than a year since I last used my PIN to withdraw money from it. I don't ever do banking. I don't ever hardly ever have more than $20 or $30 at hand. Money is not something I have access to anymore.

She pulled out her debit card and whispered her PIN. It's 7468 in case you wondered. (Just kidding :) )  I headed for the car, drove to the bank and withdrew a bit more than I needed just in case.  Ten minutes later I was back with cash in hand.  The woman told me the amount, which was 20 less than the asking price and I handed her the money.  While she got me change I handed Katie $50.

"Here, here's your $20," she said meaning it was my allowance for the next two weeks.

"Lunch money?" The woman asked seeing the exchange.

"No, it's his allowance," Katie said matter of factly.

The lady giggled awkwardly and finished the transaction. I could tell she didn't know how to respond. We left with me carrying the lamp.

Just as we walked out I spoke, "My allowance?"

She beamed and laughed while half-turning back to look at me. "It is your allowance," she then said.

Which was true.

Best part for me:  I couldn't believe it actually caused a stir down below and even better, her comment simply came without thought or hesitation.

I'm Hers

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Guest Post: Cruising With The Cage

Here is yet another post from my good friend Katie Christian. Enjoy:

My hubby and I returned recently from our first cruise of this year. I wanted to share with everyone what cruising could look like in an FLR. 

Our lifestyle, with me managing the finances and seeing to it that money is not being wasted on porn or silly expensive hobbies, allows us to usually take two cruises a year. The evening before leaving for the cruise I had him scurrying about getting last minute things ready. With my getting an early start with my tanning, planning our excursions, shopping for clothes and a pedicure appointment a lady just doesn't have time for that other stuff. 

As we settled into bed we cuddled for a few minutes and excitedly talked about our coming trip. As I began to fade off I informed him that I had decided he would remain caged the entire trip. Usually, when we travel and are spending time together I let him swing free so my decision likely came as a bit of shock to him.

As I laid on his chest and let the impact of that statement settle in I waited for him to ask why. When he did I propped myself up on my elbow so I could study his face as I told him we would be on a cruise ship for 7 days in the Caribbean. With all the sun, pools and beaches there would be many many women parading around in enticing little bathing suits. The thought of you getting a hardon because of what you will see is infuriating to me so the cage stays on. 

It is impossible to describe the look on his face but it was a mix of concern and the look of someone who had been caught with a hand in a cookie jar. He asked if this was negotiable to which I answered with an emphatic no. 

We set off the next day after he had gotten the last of the packing done and the car loaded. It was so nice to sleep in as travel can wear me out. Our trip to Fort Lauderdale was essentially uneventful except that I made sure to often rest my head on his caged member letting him know in my subtle way that I was fully aware of the sacrifice he was making to keep me happy. Making me happy is what it is all about isn't it?

This was our first cruise on the Royal Carribean Independence of the Seas. Almost immediately it became our new favorite ship. It is a very large ship, I think it was the world's largest in 2009. The ship was beautiful, well laid out and the staff pampered me. I was one contented lady. 

We had our usual balcony style room which affords us a certain amount of privacy. At least as much privacy as you can get on a boat with a few thousand other people. Our first morning I woke up early to try and catch the sunrise. I have always been a morning person which has frustrated my husband on more than one occasion. I made my way out onto the balcony as it was still dark. Wishing I had a cup of coffee I went inside to stir my husband and requested he go fetch me one from somewhere. He dragged himself out of bed and I settled back down into my chair on our balcony. I was only out there a few minutes before the young couple next to us came out giggling, presumably to catch the same sunrise.

As our ship made it's way to Cozumel we were treated to the most magnificent sunrise. Though there is a privacy barrier between the balconies, one can still see through the opaque glass and hear what is going on next door. It became apparent that the young man woke up with, shall we say, a certain need. She playfully tried to fend him off to another time but he was persistent and she seemed eager to please. She apparently offered the remedy of providing him oral satisfaction and with the scooting of deck furniture, she soon started. 

Oh how well I remember those days. And I do not miss them for a moment though I am sure hubby has a different viewpoint. 

Though the noise of a large ship, with the wind and waves, drowned out much of the sounds, it was quickly evident she was working her magic. I looked up in time to see my guy approaching our sliding door from inside the cabin with coffee in hand. I motioned to him to be quiet as he slid open the door and approached me. I took the coffee and placed it on the table and directed him to kneel at my feet. With a grin, I directed his attention to our neighbor's balcony and reminded him to keep quiet. It only took a few moments for him to realize what was taking place. The way the sun was shining it perfectly silhouetted them on the opaque glass separating our balconies. 

I have no doubt the action next door caused my man a flood memories.

I took my first sip of coffee as I moved my right foot gently between his legs and began to bounce his package with my toe. I swear, he actually looked at me with fear! As he was forced to listen and watch another man's pleasure I sipped my coffee and grinned. What a delicious paradox that I had no intention of wasting. 

This young man was proud and free and had his little woman tending to his need just like I used to do. Now my husband was caged with his relief not even being a consideration.

After a few minutes, when it seemed like the festivities next door were getting close to coming to an end (pun intended) I leaned forward so I could whisper into my husband's ear.  "Do you remember when?"

He slowly nodded.

I asked him how long has it been since the last time I did that for you? he guessed it had been about 12 years. That seemed about right.

"Do you miss it I queried?" He only groaned.
"You do agree that it is just not appropriate for me to do that for you any more right?" 

He nodded. (seriously, what else could he say lol). I then reminded him that for me relationships are all about commitment. As I continued to heft his package with my foot I told him that I am committed to never again providing him oral sex. He will never feel my mouth on his male member again. "Is that understood?"
He was silent for a few moments then I realized why. There was a small warm mess on my foot.  

When he has these little occasional accidents I usually treat him in the manner of a mother would treat her son who had just wet the bed. 
I told him to fetch a warm washcloth and clean up his mess with a look of disappointment on my face.

When he sheepishly finished I took him by the hand into our room and sat him on the little chair in front of the small desk which I had turned to face the bed. I laid down on the bed and closed my eyes and . . .

Our late breakfast was delicious and I was tickled with the manner in which this cruise had started.

To be continued . . .

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Give me 10

One of the changes Katie has instituted within the past few months has been the addition of "my list".  After "The Great Rebellion of the Spring of 2018" and my subsequent surrender a mere 10 days later, she walked me room by room through our home telling me what all I would be doing as her sub. The list ended up being quite a bit longer than my previous list that never made it onto a sheet of paper. 

"OK, so in this bathroom," she said walking me a bathroom we hardly ever use. "I want the toilet's cleaned anytime you see any sign of a ring around the toilet bowl and even if you don't I want it cleaned every other week. And from now on you will be sitting anytime you have to use any toilet," she added as an aside. Looking around she continued, "I want the counter cleaned with a multi-surface spray cleaner every two weeks and I want the floors swept and mopped with vinegar and water every other week.  And I want the towels kept fresh."

I followed her remarks by speaking into my cell with the microphone on: "clean toilets, counters and floors every other week. Mop and sweep. Sit to pee. Towels clean and presentable."

Room by room we went and in those rooms we spend most of our time, the list became quite extensive - clean, dust, mop, scrub, organize, etc.  By the time we were done my note taking was quite long. I then organized it all into a list of duties. That list has been since reorganized into chores and expectations. For example, I have my list separated into those chores I do daily and those I do periodically.  I have a separate list of attitudes about which I am to uphold. "Obey without question, serve her willingly, present a positive reflection on her when in public, etc.  The list all fits tightly onto a single page and at the end of each day I mark those items completed and give it to her for review.  She grades it before climbing into bed at night.  If I do well, I am rewarded. If not, I am not.

One such item on my daily list is "Exercise".  Now exercise hasn't been specified more specifically and I haven't intentionally maintained my fitness. Fortunately, keeping my weight under control has never been an issue and I have stayed relatively fit. I don't mind working hard. Actually it feels good to sweat and strain and grunt when completing a project that requires physical exertion. Maintaining my fitness has come more from genetics than anything but I have been doing push-ups daily.

Last evening after having received a complimentary grade Katie decided to enjoy what is rightly hers.  Her touches felt wonderful and weren't limited to anyone area.  After about 10 minutes of this and me readily feeling guilty because I wasn't the one massaging her, she said in the blackness of the bedroom. "Give me 10 push-ups." It was almost midnight!

Although she couldn't see me I squirreled up my face and looked at her thinking, "where in the world did that come from?"  

I was about to get out of bed and complete my task when she added. "I want 10 push ups on me."

"Now we're talking," I thought!

"I'm not allowed to be on top," I replied.

"This time you are."  

And so I did. And with every descent she counted: one, two, three....... up until the final entries, eight, nine, ten. The event lasted less than a minute and to be honest, it wasn't one filled with passion and desire. Here I was listening to my wife methodically counting to ten with each entry and I wasn't sure if this was a treat she was giving me or one in which she decided to haphazardly mess with my brain. When I was through she leaned a little to my side of the bed indicating to me I had obeyed and she had all she wanted. Katie then rolled away and then told me to snuggle behind and hold her - a position she loves to assume when she wants to fall asleep. 

Having me perform push-ups of this nature was a first for her to demand. Never before has she counted out 10 measly thrusts. I wanted about 400 more but that was not to be. And who knows about the 'why' behind her words but I'm not one to argue. Hey, 10 is at least 10 times better than 0 - at least for me it was.  I did tell her the following morning I was about to get out of bed and do 10 actual push-ups for her and as I left for work I let her know I hadn't done my push-ups for the day.

"Maybe I'll have you do them tonight," she said grinning beautifully.

"Oh yeah!" said I.

I'm Hers

Monday, June 4, 2018

The Value of ‘the Push’

I recently read the following few sentences:

"I will push you. I need to push you. I'll need to test you. I'll need to see how far you will go in your obedience. …… And you will thank me in the end. If I never test you then you will never know the extent of your commitment to me."

I guess the words that need to be defined, and I’m sure they will be defined by each woman who leads her home differently, is ‘push’ and ‘test’. Should a wife who is the head of her home ‘push and test’ her husband and if she chooses to do so, is this beneficial to both her, him and their marriage?

After reading the above I thought back to an experience Lady Grey shared on her blog a few years back. It was just after Christmas and the tree had been taken down. Apparently pine needles remained on the floor from where the tree had stood and all along its path to the outside. Ms Grey instructed her husband to count all the fallen needles and put them in piles of 10. Of course she also provided him with the opportunity to fail and told him if she found an unaccounted needle, he’d be liable for his oversight. And of course she did. And of course she administered something fun and delicious for them both. As an aside, I’ve always wondered if she planted the unaccounted needles.

The above story has always remained a fond memory in my mind. And to me, it fits into the criteria described by the above quote. Lady Grey pushed him and when she revealed her chore, he was given a choice. Should he complete this menial task or put up a stink? He obeyed and I’m certain that because he did he will always remember that hour or so in his life and the sight of a Christmas tree needle laying harmlessly on a carpeted floor will mean more to him than it might to others. Because he obeyed his wife’s dictate, she learned a bit about him. She learned of his commitment. She learned he would obey, not just by doing ‘necessary’ chores, but by also completing tasks, simply because she told him.

In a WLM/FLR I believe it’s important for a man to be pushed. I live under the premise that most men (myself especially) are goal seekers. We thrive on challenges and by rising to life’s challenges, we find both success and self fulfillment. We also learn when we fail what not to do next time and so even in failure success can be found.

I believe wives who have assumed the role as head of household can benefit by providing challenges, by pushing their husband, and by testing him to see just how much he will do simply because she wanted something completed. In the process of offering him a challenge, she provides him an opportunity to obey. And through his obedience, regardless of what the given task presented (and in my mind, the task is irrelevant to the bigger picture of what the task represents), his continued obedience both confirms and solidifies his status as her submissive and her status as the head of her home. Pushing to see if there is more there to give demonstrates one’s commitment to the other.

I love professional football and follow one team in particular. The head coach of this team often states how important it is to ‘stack one solid practice upon another’. By doing so, the player demonstrates consistency and an ability to be more than a player who sometimes flashes but cannot be counted on to perform at a high level consistently. By stacking great practices in succession he reveals he is a legitimate talent and worthy of playing time. Likewise, if he is unable to perform consistently the opposite is true – meaning the bench is more likely to where he will be found on a given Sunday afternoon.

Good leaders, leaders who develop talent create opportunities for those they lead to demonstrate their commitment to follow. As a mistress in a WLM, what better way than to give her man a tough chore to complete, to make him do something again and again, just because she can, or construct some type of senseless activity and turn it into an excuse for him to reveal his love and commitment to the woman to which he submits.

How might one feel if they read this: "I will never push you. I don’t ever want to do that. I’ll never stretch or see if you will obey me when you are moody, tired, or put out. I’ll never ask you to do something while you watch football. I won’t because I trust you and have no need to ever question your commitment to me."

I guess you might interpret this as coming from a woman who fully trusts her husband but given the rate of marriage failures, the high frequency of infidelity, the inherit tendency to look elsewhere, to hide secrets and portray an attitude of commitment when in fact that commitment is waning, I would submit that woman’s attitude borders or naivety.

A wife who finds ways to get more from her man rather than less opens the door for the following:
1. She gains a deeper level of respect and he gains a tangible sense of the dominant woman to whom he is married.
2. Both get to have a little fun, if the ‘push’ is constructed with a little fun in mind.
3. Both build memories and those memories can be positive reinforcers for both leader and follower.
4. Trust is built, especially on her part. By pushing him to do something he may wish not to do, and then see him follow through regardless of any extenuating circumstances both respect for and trust in him are demonstrated.
5. By pushing him to do little things, it builds self-confidence in her to have him do larger things at a later point.
6. By pushing him to do little things, it builds self confidence in him to know he is working on her behalf and serving her as the submisssive he professes to be.

I’m sure there are other benefits but the primary takeaway here is: there is value to asking more of him rather than less. So much can be gained and for her, all it takes is a little planning and forethought. The experience has value to both husband and wife. And the attitude conferred by both can strengthen the marital bond. And isn’t that really the goal of all WLM – a deeper, more tangible demonstration of love?

I'm Hers

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Weekly Meetings

For the past month Katie and I have taken time each weekend to meet about us from the perspective of our WLM.  To put it mildly, it's been a bit of a struggle.  It hasn't been difficult to find the time to meet. I have a reminder in my calendar and we've made the time to talk. However there has been difficulty in what we discuss, which hasn't been much. Often she doesn't have much to say or will say something to the effect of 'you have been doing well with your chores this past week'.  I'll thank her and ask if there is something more I can do and because we're pretty much set in life and routine the answer I know I'll get is 'no'.

And so that's about the gist of it and it's kind of a bummer to be honest.  I wish there was more to discuss and so I want to throw the following questions out to whomever happens to read this: 
If you have intentional meetings with your spouse is there a litany of questions she typically asks?

If you have intentional meetings, does she review specific topics on a regular/somewhat regular basis?

What kinds of things do you discuss?

How long does your meeting typically last?

I'd love to have feedback from anyone willing to share.


I'm Hers

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

A little bit of self-admiration

Our morning routine begins with Katie heading to the shower where she finds a towel and washcloth and fresh panties waiting. I typically look through my emails and/or begin my morning chores in and around the bedroom while waiting. When she's finished and dressed, it's my turn to shower, shave my face and 'goods' and towel off using the already dampened towel she used some minutes before.

On this particular morning I woke with a sudden surge of testosterone that caused my sergeant-at-arms to be at “Buckingham Palace attention” (if you know what I mean).  “Dang,” said me, “I'm looking pretty big down there.”  Finding a sheet of paper on the nightstand beside the bed I placed one end at my pubis and folded the paper in line with the Buckingham Palace guard’s head attire  Later I measured the paper.

After making my wife a wonderful breakfast I told her of my doings. "I was seven inches today. I figured I was just a 6-er guy".  We both laughed. "I wonder if that thing is going to be like my ears and nose," I added, "you know, some parts of us keep on growing with age." She giggled. "Just think if I live to be 90! Won't that be fun!" She giggled some more.  

I didn't pose the question as to what Methuselah might have had hiding beneath his robe should this growth theory of mine be true.  (And if you don't know who Methuselah is google it :)

That evening when I came home she asked if I had a good day. "I did," I said smiling. "After all, I'm a seven incher."

"I know. And I like it!"

She motioned to the counter in our kitchen where we have a small picture frame that reads: I love you because: 

Beside the frame is a washable marker where we can write down words or phrases that complete that sentence.  I read what she had written: "Because you are a #7".  I chuckled knowing she had thought about me enough to commit the morning memory to words.

And now, a day later, I'm still smiling thinking about her thinking fondly of me.

I'm Hers

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Twists and Turns

For the past two weeks our lives have been torn form the usual. I've had to work more. My hours have changed. My usual time with Katie has become more limited.  Additionally, we've been so busy trying to finish a major home project. Our home looks a mess from moving all of 'this' over 'there' and me having more power and hand tools laying around than ever. Paint cans, drywall mud, masonry board, drywall, painter's tape, plastic, movers blankets, chisels and hammers and a whole lot more are laying around and removed from their usual homes. And to add to it all we now have others working to complete things I can't. (or that she won’t let me :)

In another week, when it's all done, we will be able to look back on this spring fondly, knowing we finally put some legwork into a project we've long talked about taking on. But in the midst of it all, it's thrown us into more of a survival mode than anything else. 

From a domme/sub perspective, we've lost some of what we gained since my rebellion some months ago.  I texted Katie yesterday from work letting her know I miss what we had. More specifically I’ve missed the new routines and rituals she instituted that were beginning to take hold. I’ve missed the alone time we normally were able to share.  It’s that focused time with Katie I miss most and I can't wait for it to return.  Some of the blame falls on me for not keeping up with my chores. Some falls on Katie for not insisting. Some falls on circumstances out of our control that will soon pass.

I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir. We've all been 'here'. We've all had sudden medical issues arise, all have had family come over for a long holiday stay, all have had similar projects or disasters to deal with or other mishaps that have intruded on the normalcy of life. Sometimes other things demand priority and in our case this project has. Yet at no time have I ever felt like I've become less of her submissive or she has become less my dominant.  

Katie and I were talking with a contractor the other day when she revealed, we'd be having his guys return to do a smaller project.  I grinned upon hearing her comment and voiced my thought to this man I didn't know. "That's the first time I've heard we would be doing that."  He didn't say much in response but I felt the need to assert my pride in Katie's leadership in this area. (And we had talked about this additional project at length in the past. I simply wasn't aware before her comment to the contractor that she had come to a final decision.)

But I ache for a quiet morning when I can fix us both a nice breakfast; or an evening with no responsibilities when we and relax and sit in the swing and watch the birds and enjoy a glass of wine; or that time of day when she will give me that look that tells me, 'I'm ready for you to kneel and recite your pledge', and for the time when I can once more keep her home in a state of neatness I know she loves, knowing she's proud of my efforts.

As a friend of ours has told my wife recently, 'you deserve a life of leisure' at his expense. I couldn’t agree more but for now, that leisure life has been put on hold for at least another week.  May your life be less hectic than ours.

I'm Hers

Sunday, May 6, 2018

A few bumps but moving forward

My marriage with Katie has taken on some significant changes in the past five or six weeks. Having gone through the last year or two and me having some major mood swings that culminated with a final “I’m not doing this anymore“ rebellion, we’ve made some significant headway since talking through our issues.

As with most things in life, the path is typically filled with roots, potholes another obstacles. One of the biggest positives however, has been the openness with which we have been able to talk. We have discussed things in the past month that we’ve never addressed since my submission eight years ago. 

 One of my issues has been my inability to deal with rejection in a healthy manner. Having been married for over two decades to a woman who hardly ever wanted sex reinforced my behavior hundreds and hundreds of times with each pass I made that never was reciprocated. I have since recognized the defensive response when being told ‘no’ but that doesn’t mean those feelings don’t resurface. They do.

At the heart of my past frustration with Katie has been my perception that she was not interested in being actively involved in my submission. But for the past month she has been anything but neglectful. What I mean by that is she talks about us, about her leading and me following. We even talked in a restaurant the other day, something she would have shunned and told me to save the thought for later. Just this morning we sat outside and talked for probably a half hour about changes she wanted to modify to better fit her personality. The fact that we were able to do this and converse for such an extended period of time speaks volumes as to how far we have come.

I’ve been reading an online book that can be found in the real women don’t do housework blog and within that text is the comment that erotic power is 10% physical and 90% mental. How true that statement is.  For me, much of that 90% has to do with Katie‘s interest level in our WLM. Knowing she is an observant mistress and not one who passively lives apart from my service makes all the difference in the world. Another change she instituted has been requiring me to construct a one-page list of chores and attitudes she wants me to complete and abide by. We worked through that list together and I spent some time organizing it into a format that she approved.  At the end of each day I fill in each blank next to an associated chore/attitude with a Y (yes), N (no), or  NA (not applicable). Katie reviews my submission, asks me questions as needed and assigns me a grade: 1 (I failed to complete at least one chore acceptably, 2 (I completed all chores as specified) 3 (I completed at least one chore by going above and beyond - or by doing chores not on the list.  A score of 3 will get me a reward just before we fall asleep and I have loved her 'reward' system :) 

I returned home yesterday and spotted Katie in the yard and thought to myself what an incredible woman I'm married to. I mean, how many women would put up with a husband who has these off and on mood swings that revolve around how dominant she is? How many women are comfortable enough to insist their husband live in chastity and restrict my orgasms to once every 4 to 6 weeks? How many women are comfortable insisting sex be primarily about me pleasing her rather than about my self gratification? How many women have the guts to deviate from living within a traditional marriage framework and take on the role as head of household with in a wife led marriage? Katie has been all of that to me and more. And I am forever grateful.

 I don’t say these things to boast although I realize I am but rather to encourage other women to step out in faith to make an OK marriage better or a good marriage fantastic. Women might be surprised at just how good it feels to be the one in control even though getting there may seem like a scary path to take. As noted in a previous post I now kneel before my wife each morning and pledge my submission and thank her for being the wonderful person to me she is. Kneeling was one of those ask Katie never feel comfortable with but now she would have it no other way. Ladies, I think will find comfort in this kind of change when your husband's love is at the root of its motivation.

I'm Hers

PS. After reviewing this post Katie said, "I thought you were going to talk about where you pledged today".  And so I will. After that half hour talk about us, our WLM and where were as a couple, we found ourselves sitting on a bench out back. From that bench at least five other homes can see us should they happen to go out on their back porches or into their back yard.  I don't know why but at the end of that conversation, I knelt, right there and not caring about who might see me or what they might think. I pledged my love to my wife and apparently that pledge meant enough for her to bring it up and have me add it to this post.  I love it!!!!

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Why do we do this?

I am a bit of an adventurous at heart. But now that I'm older, and weaker, and have more aches and pains that adventurous side has taken on a bit more of a virtual quality. I think more about being adventurous than actually subjecting myself to the risks of being so. 

I happened to come across this video recently. It's titled "why". It has nothing to do with dominance and submission - but then again it has everything to do with it.  It's a short 10 minute, captivating clip of several guys doing things I'd never in my nine-lives ever dream of even trying.  They are nuts, but I admire what they do. 

I ask that you watch this and as you do, ask yourself that same question: Why?  Why do you submit? Why do you lead? Why in the world do you involve yourself in a lifestyle that is so different than the norm (meaning how most live)?  I think there are definite parallels to those in this movie and you who live as either dominant or submissive.  Enjoy and think.

I'm Hers