Saturday, October 13, 2018

Need and Security

Prior to beginning our wife led marriage, and prior to me even knowing such a thing existed, I would have told you a primary role of the male partner is to provide security for the woman in his life. It's what I was taught. It's what my father expected of himself as Mom's husband. It's the example I saw on TV as a boy growing up in the 60's. Boys were to grow up, get a job, get married and be responsible. They were to be the providers and caretakers of their family.

When I accepted the role of the submissive spouse and agreed to Katie's terms of submission, I became a non-entity in many respects. Although I know without question Katie loves me, I also know she expects me to trust her when it comes to financial decisions, relational decisions, and ones regarding my use of time when not at work. Although we discuss how I (we) will spend our time, I have no say when it comes to our finances. She does it all and I trust she is saving and spending earned money wisely.

Since becoming her sub, I believe my need for her as a source of security as also grown. Submission is all about dependency. It's about the man letting go. It's about him learning to trust and learning to obey. It's about the man stepping back. It's about him admiring his wife as she steps to the fore. It's about respecting and honoring her while she leads, decides and directs. It's about the man taking care of his wife but doing so from a position of dependency and obligation rather than doing so out of choice.

It's my contention that when a man submits, he experiences an increasing need for his spouse. I am certain I have become more needy. I have seen the change. Because I look to Katie for leadership, and because I am required to ask permission before doing most everything, my need (my dependency) has naturally grown. I now look to my wife as a primary source of personal security. I express that need by my increased affection. I express it by being physically close. I would much rather sit by her side, or at her feet than be apart. I want to hold her hand, lay my leg against her while in bed, have her lay on me at night, touch her while we drive, etc. I have a need to touch. I have a need to serve. I enjoy serving. I enjoy watching her smile when I do something for her. I have a need for her to verbally approve my efforts. I love when she affirms my service. I love simply being in her presence. I wouldn't go so far as to say I am her house boy, but in many ways I am - and in many ways I want to be that man in her life.

This need, this dependency, is a direct outcome of me letting go. Her control of money, her keeping me in chastity, her deciding when and how we make love, her telling me what chores I must complete, along with me generally caring for her well-being, has impacted how I view her. She is not only my wife, she is the head of our home. She is not only my love, she is the prominent authority figure in my life. I like to think of her as my mistress-wife (my boss-wife, if you don't like the term mistress). Regardless of terminology, she's the one in charge. I'm the one who looks to her for direction.

One of the unforeseen beauties of a female led relationship, is the mutual benefit it provides both. Generally speaking, a girl wants to be loved, she wants to feel safe, she wants to feel secure and she wants her husband to be her protector. My dad was that person for mom. Even though I am Katie's submissive and am required to lean on her for so much, she feels quite protected and secure. How ironic. How cool!

You would think the independence a woman in charge of a female led relationship feels would free her from the constraints of her husband. In some ways she probably does feel free. She is free to decide, free to do what she wants with her time, and free to spend as she pleases. But the irony of it all, at least in our marriage, is that Katie wants to be with me even more than before. Yes she is free to do and live and decide as she wishes, but she is still the same girl inside. She is still that girl who wants to be loved and protected, just as my mom wishes to feel loved and protected by dad.

If you were to ask Katie what she loves most about a FLR she will tell you, "I love that he takes care of me". How unsexy and unkinky is that? :) What she will tell you if you press her for clarity is, she loves to see and feel my affection. She loves me working on her behalf. She loves and admires my devotion. It's that affection aspect that I would term my 'neediness' and 'dependency'. In essence, she loves being in an intense love-relationship and not in a so-so marriage. Her independence doesn't result in her stepping away but rather toward me. She doesn't readily think, 'finally, I can do what I want' but rather, 'I love making decisions that will be best for us'. Her independence along with my dependence, bonds us. It's a two-way bond. It's not one where I am forced to be needy while she seeks freedom and independence apart from me. Not at all.

I don't know if Katie would completely agree, but since she has become the head of our home, she has been forced to become stronger. Because she is the decision maker, she has had to trust her gut more. Not only has she been pressed into leadership, she's also had to deal with me and my issues. She's had to confront me when I've disobeyed and instrucd me when she'd probably rather not. I believe that as roles change,so does our personality and our viewpoint on varying circumstances and situations. How I view something has her submissive might be quite different than how she views it as the governing mistress. I believe Katie has changed. She has become stronger, more confident, more decisive, she has the added role of being my security blanket as well.

I am certain she loves both. I'm certain she loves knowing I have a need to be with, and rely on, her. I'm also quite certain she loves the devotion my submission as promoted. I'm around more. I ask permission more. I affirm more. I depend more. All of this dependency has forced me to remain emotionally close and her feel safe. It's allowed her to be content, knowing my heart only yearns for hers. It's enabled us both to depend on one another in ways we never imagined.

I’m Hers

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Disagreeing the Right Way

I was listening to a psychologist talk to a middle age couple. The topic of arguing and handling disagreements arose. The psychologist made the following statement:

The goal to a disagreement is not to win. Rather, the goal of a disagreement is to let your partner understand how you feel and then be willing to leave it with them. What you don’t want to do is to win. Although winning feels good (and it is a natural desire), if you win then they end up feeling like a looser. Who wishes for them to feel this way. The goal is not victory. The goal is to be heard.

I’ve been thinking about these words for the past week or so. It’s an interesting and powerful thought. I've considered it from the mindset of a traditional marriage and one that is female led.

The difficulty with the above, is not presenting how you feel, although as a submissive, I find doing even that to be sometimes difficult. The difficulty is letting go. It is opening one's heart, expressing a desire and then leaving it with her. It's not knowing if that desire will ever really be considered. And if it is, it may never be granted. For me, the most difficult aspect of my submission to Katie is this. It's telling her what I'd like, what I'm feeling, what I'm worried about and then letting go. It's the vulnerability of being powerless.

I have had a continual internal battle of wanting things but not getting them. Those wants is what prompted the writer of the email in the last post to write. She could see I was heading back down the same rabbit-hole I’ve entered a hundred times before. It is one in which the only thing I will find is disappointment because I didn’t get what I hoped.

I just took a break from this post. Katie had been sitting nearby watching TV. We just had a brief talk. Once again, I shared my desire to submit. I shared how I would love to be broken as ‘her’ submissive. What I mean when I say 'broken' is to be at that point mentally where I truly live to serve; where my service no longer is a me-focus but a her-focus. Each morning I tell her as a part of my pledge, “I want to live my life in service to you” and yet there are so many times (too many times) when my emotions contradict that very statement. It's been so difficult to remove the 'me' from my submission.

Here’s a recent example. Just yesterday we left town on a day-trip. While driving, I mentioned how I missed saying my pledge. Katie was driving. She responded by telling me I could say it now. Hearing this caused me to feel exceptionally close and I wanted to express those feelings. I leaned her way. I stroked her shoulder and touched a little too close to her breasts for Katie's comfort.

“I don’t want you touching me there. People (in cars) might see you.”

Immediately I pulled away. Immediately I felt this ‘ugh’ feeling. Immediately I didn’t feel like pledging my submission. In many ways, I immediately made her remark all about me. My response was selfish and not one in which I put her first. To her credit she insisted I say my pledge which I did – but did so with a little less heartfelt desire than I should.

Tonight I reminded her of this 30 second blip in our life. Katie mentioned how she could feel me retreat emotionally.

“I don’t want to pull away," I said. "I want to live up to the words I tell you everyday. How can I get past this? What needs to happen for me to get beyond making some things about me and not you?”

We resolved the issue of our pledge. What I've yet to resolve is my selfish attitude. I took the advice of the good doctor. I expressed how I felt. I expressed my desire to be different. I expressed my need for her help, support or correction. And now I let go. I didn't insist we arrive at a solution. I left it all in her capable hands. I’m hoping she heard me. I hope she will speak to me more as we work through a problem we both realize exists and isn’t healthy to our relationship.

Living in a WLM is unique in many ways. In the realm of spousal conflict it's quite unique. The dominant maintains all of the power while the submissive has none. With most things, it is the woman who decides - or it is the woman who grants the husband the power to decide on her behalf when she cares not. In all cases, it is the dominant partner who retains all of the power. When we have an issue, Katie has every right to tell me, "Don't do this again" or "Add this to your list to do every Tuesday." I cannot, nor do I wish, to have that same freedom. It's the life we have both chosen. 

To dovetail female led disagreements with the example I presented, all I can do is express thoughts and feelings. I can hope she will consider but I cannot make her do anything. Had the situation been reversed, the way we'd go about handling it would have been quite different. Katie could have insisted I do things certain ways and I would have obeyed. My expectations when conflicts arise are quite different than my neighbor husband who lives in an egalitarian relationship. The neighbor spouses each hold power (or at least they believe they do :) whereas I've given all of mine to my wife.  Katie holds it all.

But isn't that how it should be in a WLM? When the husband has an issue, shouldn't he present it to his wife? Shouldn't he share how he feels? Shouldn't she listen and consider? And shouldn't she weigh the pros and cons of what he just said before deciding? And shouldn't the submissive wait patiently for her to do all of this, knowing she may rethink thoughts but then again, decide change is not what is best?  It's the great paradox between the sexes when living in a wife led marriage.

And so, I ask you: do you argue to win? Do you argue or disagree differently because you live within the framework of a female led relationship? If so, has this been helpful or burdensome? Good or bad? Love to hear your thoughts.

I'm Hers

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Writing on a lighter topic: Doing my age

A few years ago I got the idea of ‘doing my age’ in push-ups had having as my goal of reaching that number by the end of the year. I thought about the idea for a few weeks but tossed it aside. It seemed impossibly hard. The following year I had similar thoughts but quickly decided I didn’t want to try. After all, I have never been able to do that many push-ups – not even close to that many. Instead, I decided to sit back in a comfortable chair, break out a bag of potato chips and watch a ball game. Ah, the easy life. How sweet it was.

This year came and again I thought about taking on this same task. Of course, the number required went up by three since that first silly idea moment three years go. Since then my strength has continually deteriorated. And so, I did nothing – that is until June. I have no idea why, but one morning I got down on my hands and toes and grunted out 15 push-ups. They were hard. Too hard. I was disgusted at how weak I had become. It was game on. But I’m not a youngster anymore. I’m getting old and although I love challenges, I needed to be careful. I needed to allow time for my body to adapt to the new stressor. I also knew I had time – a little more than six months to add another 45 (or there about) push-ups to the initial 15.

And so I started by doing a set of 15 every day that first week. No more, no less. On the second week I added a second set. I intended to make this as easy as possible so I took at least 10 minutes between the first and second set. Often I rested much longer. I took my time. For example I would do a set at 10 that morning and wait until 2 in the afternoon to do the second. But I built up to three sets within a few weeks.

Every now and again I’d test my limits. Once I could do 20, I’d move the required reps up. Eventually I went from 15 to 20 to 25 and eventually to sets of 30.

With each progression it felt like I was at my limit (and I was) but as I kept at it, my body responded. Because I had no expectations, I didn’t stress when I failed. Some days I rested and allow my arms to recover. On other days I pushed a little harder. On some, when I felt kind of blah, I might do a set at my target number and then a few sets of five or ten repetitions less. It didn’t bother me not performing at my best every day. What I never lost focus was I kept at it.

What helped me to be consistent was my chore list. I put “exercise” on that list. Katie never asked much about it. At most, she’d ask if I exercised today. But every evening I had to either mark off my daily list as having done what I was set to do or not. There was no punishment when I failed but I would tell Katie if I felt a need to take a day off.

In September I was able to do sets of 35 and then just last week I texted Katie: “I just did 3 sets of 40! I feel so good!!!”

So yes, I am still a long way from my goal but I have 3 months to get there. In the back of my mind I’d like to get to 45 by November and sets of 50 by December, I think if I can get ‘there’ I might be able to grunt out the final repetitions to reach a goal that seemed so impossible just three months ago.

Recently I added pull ups to my routine…. Just a set or two each day. It was an easy addition since there is a bar at work that doubles well as a pull up bar – and no, it’s not a copper hot water pipe :)

So what’s my point ? I tell you this because I believe men thrive when setting goals. With that said, it can be difficult to set a goal on January 1 and expect to follow through until the end of the year. That’s a long time. However, starting in October and only having to go at something consistently for 90 days doesn’t sound nearly as daunting.

Here’s my suggestion: Pick something you would like to try. It may be walking your age in minutes. It may be walking your age in laps. It may be climbing your age in stairs. or devoting your age in minutes every day to your wife. It may be doing your age with any form of exercise. It may be limiting your TV time to no more than your age or losing your age in ounces. Whatever comes to mind, or whatever comes to your wife’s mind that she deems a good idea, give it a go. You may (in time) find you actually enjoy it.

As for me, I did 2 sets of push-ups this morning and now some seven hours later, I have one set still to do. I just mowed the lawn so I think I’ll wait a while longer before attempting one last set.

Enjoy your week.

I’m Hers

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Violating Protocol

One of the wisest individuals I’ve had the opportunity to know once told me, “absolute consistency is a sign of a small mind”. He went on to explain: “if you refuse to change and adapt when necessary you will find yourself not always making the best choice. Sometimes you can’t do the same thing every time.”

And so I am violating protocol. I’m going to post this without allowing Katie to first read what I have to say. But in my defense, I have my reasons and I believe she would approve. So hear goes.

Last week I posted on the topic of a dominant wife’s need to fully take her husband in order for her to fully enjoy all he is able to give. I stand by my words. I believe that if a woman fully accepts her responsibility to dominate she (and he) will experience intimacy at a level unparalleled when compared to only giving lip-service to living in a wife led marriage. Many of you commented stating your agreement with my premise. Others suggested I not press on but instead drop the issue. Personally, I don’t want to drop the issue. I want to press on. I want her to come to the point where she has the confidence to do what she wants – and even, do what she wants to me – because she has the right to do so.

After writing, I received an email from a dominant woman. She sided with those of you who believed I should walk carefully. In part she said the following: “I am not at all suggesting that you be satisfied with the status quo, but you do need to exercise caution. In spite of all the benefits your Katie is reaping from this relationship, it is toxic to her if she feels that she is always falling short in your eyes. Few things will cause a woman to retreat from something as the ever-present reminder of failure. You will gain more ground if you can exercise patience, and for every one "suggestion" provide her with 10 compliments. Make her feel good about you doing more for her. Treat her like royalty without expecting her to treat you like a slave.”

Maybe it was the tone of this woman’s letter. Maybe it was my state of mind at the time I read her note. For whatever reason, her words touched my heart and in them I saw the flaw of me wanting (and pushing her for more) when instead I need to focus on giving. I need to let go. I must let go. I need to affirm. I need to pursue. I need to initiate. I need to love. I need to value. I need to be forever grateful for her accepting my submission and assuming leadership of our home.

And so I have decided to embrace all the gifts this woman I love currently gives me. Since that decision, it’s been a joy to kneel and pledge my love and submission each morning. Performing chores has become less burdensome. I don’t expect a ‘great job’ after completing one or many. I simply do them because I know that is what she wants from me. I do them because that is what a submissive husband does. He is not her equal. I am not her equal. I live to serve and that is what I must do.

I don’t want Katie to know the motivation for me acting more positive. All I want her to see is a different me. I want her to enjoy a husband who does all she asks and more without question. I want her to not be burdened with being the dominant partner. I don’t want her to have to deal with a husband who appears less than pleased but not know why. I want her to reflect on my efforts when I am away and feel good about all I do and feel good about my obedience and know she has has a husband she can’t help but please.

I am going to affirm, affirm, affirm. I want her to feel my unbridled love. Of course, my hope is she will want to someday be comfortable enough to more fully assert her dominance and take from me a little more. For now, I will be content to submit and submit only – and remain content doing so.

Love to hear your thoughts.

I’m Hers

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Getting All Requires Demanding All

I think most of the mild to moderate dominant women in the world want enough of their husbands in order to feel their love, their attention, and their appreciation but I don’t believe they take the time to ponder how their husbands' mind work and how they can make that mind work to their benefit. They fail to realize that if they only assumed a more controlling/dominant/demanding posture, they would ironically meet so many of their husbands' submissive needs. By being that woman, they would draw out his love, allow him to be more affectionate, and gain his attention and heart in ways that might surprise her. In other words, by being more demanding she can get exactly what she wants. She’d get the love and attention and devotion she craves. But to get her needs met, she’ll need to act in a way that is outside of her comfort zone. She'll have to actually become the dominant wife she believes in her heart she is (but really isn't).

Does that make sense? Does it make sense that by being more of who she really says she is, but who she doesn't want to self-associate (e.g., the demanding wife), she will get to experience more of that 'good him' and eventually see less of that 'just ok’ side of him. She'll be able to relish in his doting love (that is hidden inside) and see less of that quiet, closed, aloof man that fails to open his heart the way she wishes. She'll have a husband who wishes to express his love, wishes to spend time with her, wishes to open up about his day and wishes to go above and beyond in his efforts to please.

But to experience that, she'll have to exert some effort. The question is: How much effort? Personally I don't think it takes much. Yes, it will probably require a little more for a few months but then most likely just a little. She'll need to reframe his worldview on who is most important. She'll have to make sure he understands if he doesn't step up his game, there will be a price to pay. She'll have to exert more control She'll have to pay attention to what he is and isn't doing and respond appropriately. She'll have to have the strength to tell him, "because you didn't do this, I'm taking this privilege away from you for a few days," and let him deal with the consequences of his inattentiveness.

I know If I were that woman, I think I'd think long and hard about the possibility of getting even more good out of the man I love most.

What women like Katie and other mild-dominants fail to recognize is that if they would only address their submissive-husband more firmly they would gain so much more. But in order to reap the benefits there needs to be a change in mindset. (The mindset would need to be or along the lines of actually embracing the fact that, he belongs to me; that, I deserve this; that, this is what he wants, that, how dare he think he can do less when I know he has the ability to do more; that, I can't believe he would give me less than his very best, and finally, that, I'm going to have to punish him so this doesn't happen again). You see, by creating distinct and real boundaries that he can see (like deadlines, chore lists, charts, time limits, etc.) and by having the guts to render a consequence when he chooses to disobey or not complete what you expect you not only teach him to not repeat the behavior, you SPEAK his love language in ways nothing else can. It's an ironic twist that strictness can be an expression of love but I know firsthand it absolutely is.

Earlier today I was reading through some notes I had formerly jotted down on this topic. Katie happened to be in the room and asked me what I was doing. I told her I was thinking about a post and then read her what I had written down. It was this: "if she doesn’t ever really take me she won’t ever really have me."

Her comment, which I assume was in defense of her belief that she really does own all of me was, "well I told you what things I want you to do today", She said this (with the belief that) if she merely told me what I was to do it would be enough. Inwardly I shook my head. That is our issue right there. How many times have we discussed it’s not JUST about her telling me what to do. It’s making sure that what she tells to do gets done and gets done on her time schedule. It's not about telling me to do these 10 things but rather telling me she wants these things done and me knowing that if I don't get her list complete there will be consequences rendered.). That's what ownership looks like.  As it is, if I don't get this and this done today, it's no big deal. And it's not that I typically ignore her but rather know that if I don't get to it, it's OK with her.  If she owned me. If she had the fortitude to render consequences, I think I would at least plead my case if I couldn't get something finished.

"Katie, can I work on this tomorrow. It's taking me longer than expected." Knowing she expects something and realizing I can't meet that expectation would force me to come to her (that's submission). It would cause me to ask for time (that's dependent submission). She would then have to deal with my plea (that's putting her into a position of power). She would have the option of granting me more time (about which I would be grateful). She would have the option to say no, get this done now (that's expressing dominance). She has the power to bargain: "OK, but I want this done by tomorrow evening as well" (that's expressing dominance and reminding me who owns who. 

And if I chose not to complete the task she can render a consequence to negatively reinforce poor behavior.
All that sounds like a lot of work on her part but it really requires very little effort. Less we forget, the work required is not what is important. What is important is the desired change. What isn’t as important is whatever inconvenience she (or me) experience while addressing said infraction. It's not about any one single incident but about enhancing our D/s relationship. Dealing with a small brush-fire is never really about the here and now, it's about the overall relationship. It establishes and reinforces roles. It creates a pattern that both soon acknowledge and accept. It reminds both parties of who they are, and in the case of the submissive, it ironically (and this is important) allows her to express 'dominant' love to him.  And ladies, if you don't get that you should talk with your husband and better understand how he responds to your tough love. It's that important - at least I believe it is.

As for me personally, it’s not that I want to disobey. I don’t. But I am sometimes lazy and I am sometimes forgetful, and I am sometimes selfish and I do put my needs ahead of hers at times. And all of that sometimes gets in the way of me serving her. All are expressions of my independence rather than expressions of expected dependence. I find a lack of oversight (on her part) to be frustrating and that frustration reveals itself by me NOT wanting to go over and above. And every time I behave this manner, there is no consequence - and that lack of consequence is a reinforcer. It's a reinforcer that verifies it is OK to behave this way. It is OK to put me before she. It encourages me to act this way again. And it is this behavior that stifles the love, attention, devotion and even husbandly worship she most cherishes.

For example, the other day we were about to leave the house. Katie is a stickler for leaving on a set time: 11 AM, 12:45 PM, etc. In this instance she wanted to leave by noon and she let me know, "We're leaving in 12 minutes," she told me at 11:48. And, as if on cue, she left the house at 11:59 AM and got into her car. I was about to follow but noticed there were dishes in the sink that need to be rinsed and put in the dishwasher. I knew she was out there but rather than leaving the dishes and hurrying out to open the car door for her as I knew I should, I decided to clean the dishes. It took a few minutes of work and I remember thinking," it won't matter that I keep her waiting". And so I did what I wanted (rather than what she wanted and did so without consequence). Now Katie didn't know of my poor attitude but she was aware I didn't drop everything to leave when she exited the house. She knew I wasn't there to open her car door. She knew I was inside doing who knows what while she impatiently waited for me to appear. There were quite a few indicators that I didn't measure up to her standard. I put my desires above hers. And what was the lesson learned? Because there was absolutely no consequence, I learned that it was OK to put my needs before hers again.

Because she doesn’t render a consequence for me being late; because she is OK with me not organizing her vitamins for the upcoming week when she wants; because I'm not held accountable whenever I don't vacuum the floor on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday as she told me to do, I am permitted to live my life as her semi-submissive and semi-selfish husband.  And to be honest I don't like being a semi-submissive. I want to be hers. I want to know I am hers. I want to feel her ownership. I hate being a honey-do guy who simply does chores to do chores. Submission isn't about chores. It's about knowing I'm owned. It's about being kept on the straight and narrow. It's about obeying her with the little things in order for her to know I will obey when it really matters. It's about her being willing to change my mindset from a 'me-first' thinking pattern to a 'her-first' way of looking at life. It's about her living as the queen in our home and expecting queen-like service.

Sadly, I am a husband that is kind-of a submissive but fully so. It's not the best place for a submissive to be. Hanging out in limbo-land does not fill my heart with feelings of love from my dominant wife. But I can't make myself owned. Until she decides to make owning me a higher priority than what it currently is, she will never get my very best - at least not consistently. She knows what my best looks like. She's seen it and felt it. She's also seen the so-so, moody side of me which isn't so desirable. She's had plenty of time to figure out the if/than response when exerting firm leadership and how positively I respond to it. She knows I have a need to be owned, controlled as well as a need to feel her dominance. She knows how much love I have to give. She knows there is this side of me that wants to worship, wants to kneel before her, wants to kiss her feet, wants to dote all over her and let her know without question, just how much I love her.

Because I know she loves the owned me, I don't understand why she won't really take all of me and do what it takes to make that happen - which is to step up her game and render consequences.

To do so, would mean not only saying thank you for something I've done well, but 'punishing' when I don't. Is trying this way of leading such a scary thought? Is experimenting with rendering consequences so fearful that it petrifies her to say "you’re not watching a football game this weekend because you didn’t do this and this and this like I told you". I mean is standing up to me and putting me in my place so bad? Is it so bad for her to say to me, "you’re staying locked tonight and tomorrow night because you didn’t get out of bed when I told you to get up and go make my coffee." I mean we’re not talking about me spending three months in prison. We’re talking about her training me like she said she would. We're talking about her reminding me I am to live in service to her. We're talking about her making it quite clear whenever I crossed a line I wasn't to cross that it will not be tolerated. We're talking about her addressing a specific behavior to limit its recurrence in the hope that by doing so, it will be less likely to happen again. We're talking about her expressing dominant-love in a way I crave. It's about me understanding that my list of chores isn't just a honey-do list, but rather, an expression of my submissive service to the woman I look up to with each and every chore I complete. It's about her demanding obedience and not tolerating semi-compliance.

I keep waiting for her to become this woman. I keep waiting for her to reinforce day after day we are not equals. I keep waiting for her to come to understand that by being demanding, it will push me to do better. It will cause me to love and respect her all the more. 

I'll say this once again: If she isn't willing to truly take all of me as her own, she won't ever really own all of me.
Can I be any clearer? Can others identify? Love to hear your thoughts. Love to have Katie change how she handles me when I don't do all she requires.

I'm Hers

Sunday, September 9, 2018

We are so different

Thanks to those who took the time to share your thoughts. They really were helpful. After reading from so many, I now feel a bit guilty for being so selfish by feeling as if I needed ya’lls validation. Rather than looking at the few comments that are written I need to remember there are many who come regularly to read and take what I say with them to consider or share with their spouse. That thought, more than any is what so many of you revealed. But please understand, your thoughts do help me to come up with general topics of discussion that result in posts unlike the one below (which is more along the line of an experiential post). One more thing, I added a google version of like buttons at the end of posts. If you want me to change them, all I need is your suggestions. Again, thanks to all!  Now onto the post……

If there is one area in our relationship in which I’ve truly submitted it is our sexual aspect. There isn’t, nor has there been for years me ‘talking her into sex’ or pushing my desire on her. She doesn’t mind my affection and I’m sure she knows my underlying wishes when I am a bit more ‘attentive’ to her body. Yet, we both know that unless she wants to it ain't going to happen and I have no say in changing her mind.

But today was a Saturday. Our morning was open. No responsibilities. No company. No pressing items to take care of. That opened the door to the possibility (not that a pressing, crazy day to come would change my mind as how to start it). And so when we woke I made a few advances. None of that gave me any indication they were working but she finally rolled my way and started touching me. Ahh, I had a chance. This behavior almost always with her telling me she wants to. I laid there and let her enjoy me.

“What are you thinking?” I asked eventually. I’m one of those kind of guys and she is one of those kind of women. I’m the ‘I’d love to get inside your head type’ and she’s the ‘I really don’t feel like telling you what’s going on inside mine’ type. Opposites really do attract. Nevertheless, I wanted to know what she was thinking. Surely she was feeling close to her husband. As she touched me she was thinking about how good I felt and loved what it was that was inside her grip. I mean, it was me and I do have an ego :) I waited a few seconds for her to tell me.

“I was wondering if I needed to text my daughter or if she was going to text me about what we are going to do later today.”

Inwardly I groaned. I mean, can we be any less romantic? Can she crush my male ego any harder? Can she dwell on something any more remote from her actions than that? Am I that inadequate as a man down there that it fascinates so little?

OK, two can play this game I considered as life retreated from a certain part of me. 

“So were you imagining yourself stroking her arm or something?” Katie loves soft touches on her arm so I thought making that analogy made for a nice jab considering what she was doing.

She started giggling and I soon followed. Cuddling in a little closer she resumed her touch and eventually we shared some time together a bit more intimately.

Once things came to an end she got up feeling satisfied and me left wanting. It’s how it ends every time except for when she’s feeling especially generous which isn’t very often. I expected her to tell me to ‘lock up and go down and make my coffee’ while she went into the bathroom. She left me without telling me anything but from the bathroom she called back, “We need to mow the lawn.”

Ugh! Who wants to mow the lawn on a hot southern Saturday morning? But the lawn got done and she ended up texting her daughter.

I don’t know about you but as a guy, I think so differently than her, especially when it comes to sex. There is nothing more important, nothing I’d rather be engaged in and nothing that touches me so deeply. I dread the day when things down there stop working and I’ve had that discussion with her. Her response was more along the lines of ‘oh well’ I’ll still love you. My response was sheer devastation at hearing such a nonplus statement.

Likewise, when I touch her, nothing else matters. Even thoughts of the NFL, March Madness, or who’s going to pitch in the upcoming World Series game vanishes from my thoughts. It’s all about her. It’s all about loving what I’m touching. It’s all about looking at her beauty. It’s all about wanting more. It’s never about me texting about some trivial question as it was for her.

Even though I’m getting older I still do not understand the mind of a female. They are truly mysterious (wonderfully mysterious) creatures. And as the Muppets once sang: Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them. There’s something irresisti-bullish about’em.”

Enjoy your week

I’m Hers

And if you want to smile : Watch this short vid:

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Considering calling it quits

I've been thinking about this for quite some time but in the spirit of transparency I felt a need to share why.  I've included a cut and paste from a page of the blog. This page allows me to see dates blogs were posted, how many views (reads) it received and the number of comments.  It's the comments section I'd like you to consider. As you can see they are all in the lower-single digits with about half of those comments coming from me responding to those who wrote.

For me, comments serve as the fuel to continue. They give me ideas. They connect me with you in small ways (and for those who have commented often, thank you).  One can only talk to themselves for so long without feeling as if their content is of little or no value to others.  I don't write much along the line of kinky sex and I'm sure there are those who come seeking such titillating material. Rather I tend to write more about our daily life and on general topics of FLR/WLM.

So, with that said, I am wondering if this blog as lived it's life.  I'm open to suggestions as to how to make it more pertinent to those who have an interest in it and am willing to listen.  As one who use to hand out evaluations to students at the end of a semester, the reviews that served absolutely no purpose in making a future class better were the ones that stated, "your the greatest, I'd change absolutely nothing in this class, bla, bla bla".  The ones that helped most were the ones that pointed out areas where I could improve or what was especially helpful for them.  Would love to hear from you.

Thanks for considering.

I'm Hers

Thursday, August 30, 2018

The Easy and the Hard

When I came to Katie so long ago, hoping and praying she'd want to completely change the way we related as a dating couple by taking charge of me, I did so because I saw a need for me to submit. I needed to have my freedoms held in check. I knew marrying a woman willing (and enjoying) controlling me would be a good thing. I could see the value of a relationship in which one led and the other followed.  Most appealing was the sexual control aspect of it all. (Isn't that what all submissive guys crave?)  I knew letting go and trusting was what I needed. I understood my past enough to know I had issues with a controlling nature and I didn't want to go there again. Fortunately she graciously accepted. We began working on what it meant to lead and submit. Generally it's been a wonderful journey. However, upon looking back there have been both positive and negatives to serving as her submissive. Most experiences have been positive and there have been many more 'I love being hers' feelings than the 'why did I ever ask her for this' ones.

Not only has her accepting the role as head of home been good for me, it's been a fantastic undertaking for Katie. Her confidence has grown. Her self esteem has blossomed. She now does less and expects more. She leaves unwanted tasks for me to complete and often makes social and financial decisions without feeling obligated to consult with me. She views me with the highest regard and I believe much has to do with my deference and efforts to serve.  Overall, It's been a win-win lifestyle for us both.

And yet, not all has been peaches and cream for me. I decided to write on this topic more because of the negative memories than the positives.  When things are going well, everyone is happy but when something is less than pleasant or when things go wrong, there is an opportunity to learn.  The other day we had someone ask Katie a favor. She made a decision and decided to do handle their request a certain way. I disagreed and politely and privately expressed my disagreement. When the person arrived Katie was not immediately present. I took things into hand and began taking care of it in my way. Katie arrived within a minute or two, gave me a stern look and let it be known she wasn't pleased. We ended up doing it her way. Inwardly I had to swallow my pride. I had to stop what I was doing while in the presence of our friend. I felt embarrassed. It was difficult to have to change direction mid-task. It was uncomfortable for me to tell our friend, "my wife wants to handle it a different way, we need to stop."

Another time she and I discussed our differing feelings on a topic quite important to me. I wished for her to consider and change to my way of thinking. Although she understands why it is so important to me, she has yet to change her way position.  This topic has come up numerous times. Each time it's always me who is making a similar request, asking for her to reconsider, and each time she responds with the same consistent message.  

It's during the times like the ones I've described when a man realizes what the word submission truly means.  When you truly submit, you relinquish power. You give up the power to decide. You assume a dependent role that, although it can sometimes be gloriously rewarding when it comes to feeling her firm hand or watchful eye, it can sometimes be painfully frustrating when there is disagreement.  

When the latter situations present, I often find myself thinking: 'you belong to her', 'trust her', 'let go and submit', 'this is good for me', and other similar thoughts. Having been hers for so long, I know if I push too hard I will undermine her leadership. I know if I don't obey but decide to challenge her authority, her dominance means nothing. There are times when I must simply let go. Yet, letting go can be so difficult when it comes to disagreements that force me to confront my 'will' and wrestle with the fact that I have no power to force change. 

I've said it before and will continue to do so: Submission is not for the weak of heart. Submission can be difficult. Because Katie holds all of the cards, situations will inevitably arise when wills collide. I grew up as a 'nonsubmissive' where I had the right to express (and get) my will satisfied. Since submitting I no longer have that option. Now I have to internally wrestle with with the fact that I have to embrace her wishes when mine differ. I have to remember what I wanted (and asked for) so long ago: "Katie, would you please assume the head of our relationship? I want to submit to your authority." 

Katie doesn't play domme. She doesn't view me as playing sub. Rather she believes deep down that I belong to her. She takes seriously my morning confession when I state: "I belong to you.....". For her, my submission is serious business. It's so serious I sometimes wonder if the word slave might be a more appropriate reflection of how she sees me. After all, I did acknowledge her as the head of our home when we married. I agreed to obey when we married. I am bound by the most sacred of vows.

I write, not to complain and I hope I haven't, but rather to express what those who live as I do feel when our leader insists on things being done in a way that differs from our preference.  I'm sure you can identify. I'd love to hear how you handle situations when, after expressing your thoughts, she decides to move in a different direction about which you disagree.

I'm Her

Thursday, August 23, 2018

A need to be close

I thought about titling this post 'and men have needs too'. As I sit here on a weekend morning I wonder if the impetus for this post comes because I finally got to spend a few full days with Katie. Having to spend 11-12 hours apart during each week day I find myself missing time with her all the more as the week progresses. I work because I must, and although I very much enjoy what I do, i have no desire to work more than required. Rather, I view time at home with much more anticipation than I do a Monday morning. Monday’s signify another five days apart, another five days of spotty conversation, another five days of not really having enough time to do much together and another five days of seeing her only for a bit in the morning and then again in the evening when her energy level has already begun to wane.

Maybe it's why I look forward to the latest daily expectation she's added to my list: "Ask me if I want a massage".  It's a chance for me to recharge my connection with Katie just as it is an opportunity for her to relax and enjoy my attention. We both have a need for physical touch (don't we all?) and although I'm the one doing the touching, she's the beneficiary of my efforts.  Last evening when she eventually told me thank you, I knew she had had enough but I could have kept at it for another hour. I love massaging her that much.

There is something invigorating, intimate, relational, and inspiring when we are close. And that closeness need not necessarily mean sexually.  I sometimes joke that my brain is primarily one gigantic 'sex lobe' with minor accessory lobes that function tangentially to allow me to do what I must.  When I'm close, that sex lobe is awakened. When we are sexually intimate its put into hyperdrive.  Yet, even while embracing or holding her hand while out for a walk, her touch arouses me and drawls me emotionally close to her.

I don't know about you but I love my wife's body and because I do, I enjoy looking at it, admiring it, (telling her I admire it) and touching it. Her body fills a need that nothing else can. I have this need to be physically close to it. 

Earlier I knelt before her and rested my head on her lap.

"I use to be afraid to do this but now I just don't care,” I told her.

"Why were you afraid?"

“Because I thought you’d think it was dumb.” And I did and because I did, I didn't act on my desire. There were so many times when I'd get this desire to do so. It was a feeling of wanting to acknowledge her as the head of our home and as a woman I love serving and I'd want to acknowledge that by dropping to my knees to stare up into those pretty blue eyes and thank her for being such a wonderful wife.

Since I began kneeling some months ago as part of my promise to verbally recommit my submission, kneeling has become easier. Maybe it was why I felt comfortable going to her this morning and resting my head on her thighs. I wanted to be close. I felt a need to express my endearment to my dominant wife.

I find myself kneeling more or wanting to sit on the floor and lean back against the chair she is seated and watch TV with her. It's a comfortable position for me and one I have been acting on more. I hope she enjoys it as much as I.

While lying in bed last evening I confessed how much I enjoy kneeling and looking UP at her. I find that position (me beneath and her above) exceptionally intimate. It speaks volumes to me when I do it. It's a position which reflects who we are and what we are - a dominant/submissive couple and a couple who remain deeply in love. It's also an intimate position. There is always physical contact when I kneel. It doesn't matter if she's sitting or standing and that brief interlude amidst a busy day often serves as a reminder throughout the day of the special lady she is to me. (I can only hope it reminds her of the man who has promised to serve during the time I’m away)

Coincidentally, we were driving home after having a late lunch together. It was several hours after first writing the above few paragraphs. Katie was in the drivers' seat of course with me by her side. I began massaging her thigh.

"I love your touches," she said. "They make me feel close to you."

I smiled when hearing why. "Can I read you the draft of my post I'm working on?"

I did and when I finished she stated the obvious - that we are pretty much alike. We both have intimacy needs that we wish to satisfy. I'm sure you and yours do as well. Don't let this week pass without expressing them often.

Enjoy your week.

I'm Hers

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Special Lady

I stood after spending 15 or 20 minutes kneeling before my wife. It was morning. It was the weekend. She had come into our living room wearing only a short top, panties and her robe. I had just cooked her a hot breakfast and cleaned up. Initially I came to kneel to say my pledge. Usually when she is dressed like this, I'll slip my hands inside her robe and cup her bottom with both hands and placing a kiss or two over the treasure hidden beneath her panties. I love being there and I know she loves me looking up from that position.

Today however, I didn't immediately say my pledge. Instead I complimented her on the special lady she is. My wife not only loves me as her husband but also for the submissive man I am. It's one thing for a woman to love the man they've married and yet another to love a submissive husband. I let Katie know how special and courageous she has been over the years in accepting my kinks, quirks and needs as a submissive guy, and taking control of me and our relationship as my dominant wife.

"What woman wouldn't want a husband who wishes a wife to feel free to do what she wants and does all the things you do to take care of me?" It's the response I always hear and I know her answer ahead of time because this is how she feels. Katie expects me to obey and she definitely wants me to serve in ways that allow me to express my love and devotion. She grinned and added, "And of course the massages you have been giving me lately are an added bonus. I'm living the life of leisure." I instantly got hard when I heard that! I love her feeling so entitled.

I didn't verbalize this thought but what submissive man wouldn't want his wife to feel this way and expect his wife to tell him exactly what she wants done? I for one love being that guy for Katie.

"But besides me taking care of you," I added. "It's more than that. You have done so much more to bring us closer together."

She asked what I meant and I proceeded to remind of the things I've appreciated. Like how she keeps me chaste, and how we make love - meaning we do so with her enjoyment in mind. I reminded her of how she's allowed me to kneel and acknowledge her as my leader and the one to whom I am accountable, for accepting the responsibility of supervising me, for controlling our finances so professionally and efficiently, and for doing so much more.

As an aside I brought up an instance in which I recently presented a small gift to one of her kids. When I gave it I said something to the effect of, "I asked your mom if it was OK for me to get this for you and she said I could....."

"I caught that," Katie noted with a smile. I commented how normal it now is for me to ask permission. "There is nothing wrong with me asking you if it's OK to do this or purchase that. It doesn’t even feel abnormal anymore. It's who I am and who you are. I've lived knowing you are the head and I'm the follower for so long all of this is now part of us.” She agreed and truth be told, she's right. This is who we are.

Talking with me while I knelt made for a wonderfully intimate time. As we conversed she often stroked my cheeks and by doing so I could feel the love she felt for me. I finally pledged and when I stood afterward I groaned in discomfort. My knees don't handle that position as well as when I was young.

"I'd like one of those garden pads for Christmas so I can kneel here more comfortably."

"We could keep it under the chair," she responded cheerfully.

I wonder if I'll be getting one, come December. I wonder if she'll want me to kneel before her more often whenever we talk like this. It really did make for a special time together this morning.

After Katie went up to dress, this song came to mind. How appropriate!

To those of you who are also submissive guys, I hope you make an intentional effort to express your gratitude to your wife for the special woman she is to you. There is no greater gift than knowing she is appreciated and I'm sure she would treasure your heartfelt words expressing just how much you do.

I'm Hers

Thursday, August 9, 2018

The gift of time together

Life for Katie and I has been wonderful lately. She's yet to punish me :( but then again, it's not like I've been trying to earn a chance at her wrath. This is a busy time of year for me, meaning I have to work some really late nights and some weekends, all of which puts me into a bind with regard to getting my 'list' of chores done while still spending time with her.

Katie's preference is for me to spend my ‘home time with her. I’ve come to realize she places time with me above me getting everything done. As long as I'm feeding her, keeping the home respectfully clean and getting most of what I'd call the necessary jobs done, she seems OK with that. I did mention to her the other day that I am having trouble pulling myself away from her to get the other things on my list completed and wish for her to help me with that.

We'll see how things proceed in that regard as time marches on. In this post I want to talk about how time is spent. We all hear about the need for spending quality time with others and I'm sure that regardless of how that is expressed, the essence of the advice is for two people to be able to set aside ‘life’ and make the choice be alone with someone.

Since the day when Katie set up my chore list, nothing on it has changed, except for the addition of one task: giving her nightly massages. Serving as her masseuse is not something new but it is something we haven't done much in the past few years. Often she'll lean forward while we are watching TV and tell me to massage her neck or shoulder or scratch her back and she will often extend an arm in my direction when I’m seated next to her. It's my cue to massage her arm and hand - something she absolutely loves.

However, for the past couple of weeks she's been wanting 30-45 minute nightly massages. I have added, "ask to massage" to my chore list. It's the last task of my day and although it's something she wants me to ask if I can do, mostly she's been telling me, “let's go to bed, I want my massage". And so, I do. She'll strip down into her birthday suit in the darkness of the bedroom and I'll begin. Oil is applied and while she lays prone, I massage and talk. It's been a welcome chore - not that the others aren't.

The good of massaging has been many but the most significant has been the quiet closeness we are able to spend together. Her being naked adds incentive for me to do this, but in addition to the visual benefit, is the communication one (I almost phrased that 'oral benefit' but I didn't want to mislead you, the reader). We talk. We talk about the day. We talk about us. We talk about the kids. We talk about the grandkids. We remain silent. We relax in the comfort of one another - both naked, but completely comfortable and both deeply in love. There is no sex before or after (dang!) and when she finally tells me 'thank you'. She slips back into her nightie, we cuddle and fall asleep.

How much nicer it is to spend time doing this than watching the news for the umpteenth time, or glued to some TV program because it’s what we do. I know it can be hard to break old routines but by breaking our usual one, we have freed up precious time to be with the one we cherish most.

For us, spending time together with me massaging her ranks right up there with kneeling before her and looking into her eyes to tell her just how much I love and wish to serve. A pledge in the morning, massaging in the evening and hopefully a little nookie-nookie somewhere in between makes for one nice day. The chores come easier, the attitude remains positive and, I believe the mutual respect and love we have for one another, improves.

How do you free up time to spend together? I'm sure it's different for one another and may not be limited to just one event or task. I'd love to get your feedback.

I'm Hers

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Ups and Downs …. and Ups

The other day a very good friend wrote asking how Katie was doing. She and Katie had been apparently writing every now and again and it was her belief that things were on the up and up with us and our WLM. I responded with a short note letting her know things had pretty much fallen apart in the last month and were back to where they were in the spring when we had our troubles. I told this friend I’d probably bring ‘us’ up with Katie but really didn’t want to. It had been my hope that Katie would lead our discussions when it came to talking about our dominant/submissive relationship. But I needed to get some feelings and thoughts out in the open and learn what she was thinking and feeling about us.

So, on a Sunday evening we sat out back and watched the birds and enjoyed the flowers. I broached the subject. We had one of those really good talks. Katie agreed she had let things slide and needed to get things back on track with me. Once again I asked if she’d step out in faith and simply take me and take us on a path she wanted us to pursue. And so she did. That evening she displayed a different demeanor. She became more in control. She gave orders. She told me what she wanted me to do and what she wanted to change. She didn’t tolerate me lolly-dolling around after telling me to do something. I loved the renewed her.

The following day we sat out back as the sun set and again talked. Again, it was another good one. And the following day we talked some more but this time she said something that set me off. It wasn’t anything big. Rather it was something said that I took personally and after I had hit a boiling point with regard to her assuming control rather than passing it off onto me. And of course, I reacted by feeling hurt and shutting down. I simply couldn’t shake the hurt and so I psychologically crawled into my shell for the evening. That night I couldn’t asleep and my guess is she couldn’t either for the same reason – marital stress. I ended up getting up at midnight and going into my shop and working for an hour on an ongoing house project. It was a first for me - working there in the nude :). Thank goodness there's no windows in that room.

When I returned to bed, I didn’t want snuggle her but I wanted to hold her more than anything all the same. Eventually I let my wall down and spooned behind. Come morning she curled up to me. Her cuddling led to her touching and fondling and focusing on that part of me that is sensitive to becoming excited. After getting me in the state she wanted she put it between her legs and her hip motions began. A minute or so later she mounted me and took me like she hadn’t in a long long time. Usually our lovemaking times are softer but this was different. This was all about her getting what she wanted and she definitely accomplished that purpose. All that was missing was her telling me, ‘you belong to me!’ That would have been the icing on the cake but the morning began in a way that was exactly what I needed. I needed to be dominated. What she did brought me back under her wing.

An hour or so later we lay on the ground huffing and puffing after doing some core exercises together. She rolled my way and pulled me in aggressively and started making out. I wasn’t feeling those soft 'I love you kisses'. This was much more. I felt her passion and once more, her actions touched me deep inside.

Around the dinner hour Katie received a text from one of her girlfriends asking if she wanted to go out. “I’m out with my hubby but he can drop me off at our usual place." And so I did, leaving her with her two friends while I headed home to work on that house project some more. Some while later I received a text. “Clean the dining room. Clean the living room. Make the house presentable. Janice and Jane are coming over.”

My project suddenly became an after thought while I vacuumed, dusted and did what she wanted. Her initial text was followed by a few more with more instructions.

After her friends left and we stood alone in the living room. I saw that look and heard her sigh‘that lustful sigh’. Katie pulled me close and started grinding on my cage. I could tell she was getting worked up. Another few sighs followed and I wondered if she was going to finish right then or there, tell me to go upstairs or maybe save that sexual energy for bedtime. She didn't finish and time will tell if more will be expected of me later. It’s not bedtime at the time of this writing.

So…… where am I going with this post? Who in the world knows. Last week I wrote about wanting to be taken completely. I went a few weeks feeling anything but belonging to her. So many of the changes she instituted she abandoned and I had no idea why. But everything changed after our weekend talk. The cage went back on. The pledge was restarted as a morning expectation – and as an aside, today while I was upstairs making the bed and straightening the bedroom she came to me and told me to kneel and recite it. She didn't wait for me to find her seated in her chair. Today was a 'kneel ant tell me your pledge' morning. It’s things like that which gives me hope she might really take me completely. All that’s missing is the consistency of taking me on a daily basis. - and of course - feeling entitled to discipline me - that's the final hurdle.

We spent time in a not-so-good place for almost a month but have moved to a better place. My hope is we can stay there. My hope is she will step up once and for all. My hope is she will learn to take and expect and use and express herself as the dominant women she is in so many ways. God, I love it when she expresses such confidence!

I’m Hers

Sunday, July 15, 2018


In recent months I’ve begun kneeling and saying a pledge to my wife. In that pledge, I say many things. I say them with sincerity and honesty. I do so because I thought through what I wanted to say when I wrote those words down last spring. For me, my pledge of submission has meaning - lots of meaning - lots of heartfelt meaning.

I sat outside in the summer heat after doing my daily routine of push-ups and thought about those words. I realized that of all the things I pledge, it's me who makes the choice as to whether or not those statements hold true or not - but there is one exception. There is one statement I make about which I have no control.

I pledge to submit, obey, serve and view her as the head of our home. I make the promise to support and validate her decisions. I tell her how much I love, honor, respect, adore and express my level of devotion. I pledge to live each day knowing my role is to serve and offer myself to her.  But the one thing I cannot do is belong. I can’t belong to her and yet I tell her, “I belong to you.”

It’s interesting to think about that statement. I can want to belong but I can’t make that happen. I may love the English World Cup soccer team (I don’t but it makes a good example) but that doesn’t make me belong.  I may read about them every day. I may blog about them to the world. I may even know some of the players but even then, it doesn’t mean I belong. In order to belong, I need to be wanted and put on their payroll and have the honor of wearing their uniform. Being on the team is the only way for me to 'belong'.

The same holds true with regard to me belonging to Katie. In order to belong, I need to be wanted. I need to be needed. She needs to want me and want my service and obedience. She needs to want me to work on her behalf in whatever way she wishes. Katie has to want to be the one in charge and make sure I serve her to the level she expects. But in the process of belonging, I need to be coached and trained and lead and instructed and disciplined and taught, in the same way, I would and I’ve been drafted to be on the English national soccer team until I understood what it is she expects. In a way, it takes that kind of effort on her part on her part for me to become someone who understands her inside and out and who will value me as an extension of her.

I’ve spoken at nauseum about my frustration of not getting all I need from Katie. That frustration led to me getting angry and throwing up my arms and telling her I’m done.  Out of that, we talked, and once more bonded. And that happened fairly quickly because we are a couple who remains deeply in love and forever committed. But beyond knowing her unquestioning love, I want to be hers. Submissively belonging is a different animal. It just is. I can’t explain it. I don’t fully understand it but I know deep inside I have a visceral need to know and feel that I’m hers. I need to feel her possessiveness and know she wants every part of me. And for whatever reason, it's more than knowing I am loved. It’s that desire to know that she WANTS me as her sub - it’s that hope she will want to dominate and push me to love and serve and go above and beyond.

But I can’t make her take me. That’s completely up to her. I may hope she does. I may hope to one day be dominated. I may want her to control every part of me and seek to understand my deepest thoughts but only she can make that happen. And at the heart of my frustration, this past spring was the powerless feeling because she wouldn’t..

A few weeks ago Lady Gray commented on a post. In that post she kind of dared Katie to not reward me for completing expected chores but rather change those expectations to me doing them all 'or else'. She suggested Katie render consequences - not physical ones - but rather ones in which she removed privileges.

I came to the conclusion that the reason I’m not disciplined or corrected or made to do something I did halfway, the right way, is because I don’t think I truly belong to her. I think Katie believes I do and in most aspects of our lives, I would agree. She controls our finances and what money I have access to. She determines when and how we have sex. She determines my releases and whether or not I’m locked. She decides how we will spend our day and where we will go and what we will do. She has no problem speaking her mind about most things. She tells me when she wants to eat and fully expects me to meet that need.

But belonging completely to another means nothing (within reason) is off limits. For example, Katie Christian told her husband in so many words that if he masturbated while unlocked he’d regret his actions (see part 2 of ‘The Cruise post).  When John from Femdom 101 needs to be quieted Kathy snaps her fingers and he immediately drops to his knees and remains there until he is released. Diane, has told her husband his former easy-chair no longer belongs to him and he is not to ever use it. I’m pretty certain there are consequences to be had should he disobey. Hannah from A Dominant Woman has no issues about rendering consequences or removing a privilege when her husband Elliot screws up. The interesting thing about each of these couples and each of these examples is that the men in these women’s lives love both knowing their wife has this kind of power and enjoy (with a bit of fear mixed in) that she might assert that power at any time.  

In each situation, these women were willing to take that extra step. I believe it’s in love that they do. They realize there is a bigger goal than the 'wrong' needing addressed. They know that their husband needs to be reminded of who is in charge. They know in some odd way the consequence rendered meets a submissive need about which she cannot fully comprehend - yet knows it does - even if the consequence won’t be pleasant. They know the act of punishing will pull them closer as a couple rather than further apart.

If I completely belonged to Katie she wouldn’t stand for some of my antics. She wouldn’t tolerate me not doing something when told. She wouldn’t stand for my absentmindedness or lack of attentiveness after telling me to remember, do, or consider something.  She wouldn’t allow me to get away with not doing things she’s previously told me to do. And if I really belonged she’d feel a sense of entitlement to correct. She’d feel that way because she’d consider me as hers. She’d want to teach me and expect me to act in ways that please her. She'd want this because she'd want to use me to free her from unwanted chores or responsibilities that she'd rather not do.  She wouldn't worry about hurting my feelings when demanding more. She’d feel free to add additional duties without guilt for the very reason that I’m completely hers. And if she saw me respond negatively to a demand or comment she'd feel free to openly talk and flush out my feelings to learn the truth rather than settle for an “I’m fine” answer that tells her nothing. She would reassure me that my submission requires my obedience and that obedience pleases her immensely. She would address situations as they arose to keep undesired actions and attitudes at bay and remind me my life is to first and foremost be one of devoted service to her.

She’d do that because she’d know deep inside that I belong to her and nothing less than my best is acceptable. And if I completely belonged she’d feel my love in ways yet unknown and I too would feel her love in ways I really can’t describe.

I miss not quite belonging to her in that most intimate way. Yet I can taste how close we are to taking that next step. I can only hope she decides she will and in so doing, take me completely.

I’m Hers

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Guest Post: Our Cruise Part 2

Below is part two of my friend Katie's cruise with her husband. Enjoy

After our unexpectedly arousing start things on our cruise settled into a more common routine for us. This was our first time on the Independence of the Seas and as I said earlier, it is now our favorite ship. It was big enough to offer a lot of choices on things to do but small enough to not feel overwhelmed.  We thoroughly enjoyed the adults only solarium where I was able to fully lose myself in relaxation. I had an attentive husband who would graciously fetch me something to drink or nibble on, apply lotion, or any number of needs that I had. Couple that with having no need to provide him a chore list, inspect his work or meet out discipline, I was in relaxation heaven.

Being as I had already decided he would not be getting any release during this vacation my mind was also free from any pressure to attend to that.

With hubby properly caged I am sure that provided him plenty of incentive to keep him from surveying all the eye candy surrounding us.  It is hard to relax when you know as soon as you close your eyes your husband’s eyes will begin to wander. He did fidget on several occasions trying to make adjustments “down there” but I saw that as understandable considering the environment we were in.
We enjoyed our stop at Cozumel, Mexico above the rest. If you go you must check out Chankanaab Park. It is postcard beautiful and the perfect place to snorkel. But, we encountered a problem with the mix of salt water, sand and a tightly fitted chastity cage. My poor hubby had a case of chafing by the time we made it back to the ship. because even though I had the key to his cage with me, there was no way I was going to let him go into the showers without his cage on. Back onboard the ship I was able to supervise his showering and decided to leave him uncaged for the rest of the night after applied lotion to his affected area. I like when his long-caged manhood responds so immediately and fiercely to my hands just getting near it.

I told him he could spend the night without the cage on but if I did not see the same response from his male member in the morning I will know what he had done in the quiet of the night. Since his 50t
th birthday is in his rearview mirror if he played at night he is too old to recoup in time for his morning inspection. I reminded him he DID NOT want to go there. I was so very very proud of him when I asked him to get out of bed and get me a good cup of coffee that his manhood started to harden almost immediately when I just touched it. We both laughed as I raced against time to get him caged before, you know, it became impossible. 😊

On the second to the last night of our cruise, we had a late dinner and then spent some time walking the different decks to enjoy the calm and beauty to being at sea. The sound of music from the Boleros lounge drew us into its Latin-themed confines. A six-piece band was playing, and we soon found ourselves joining the few other couples on the small dance floor. The music soon slowed, and we enjoyed slow dancing. I especially enjoyed it when I laid myself into my husband big beefy chest and felt his strong arms around me. I just love being in that safe, warm embrace.

What caught me off guard was as he pulled me in tight,  was I could feel his cage through my dress and it was pressing on me, you know, “down there”. We continued to sway, and grind and I felt like if we got everything just right, well you know.

It may have been my own insecurity because I am a rather private girl, and we were in such a public place, I just couldn’t quite get there. When the song stopped, and I lifted my face to look into my husband’s eyes he quickly saw “where” I was and asked if I wanted to go back to the room. I didn’t directly answer him, but he picked up on my rapid breathing and flushed face and took the lead.
Back in our room, I felt no need to remove our clothes. It just felt kind of raunchy to pick up where we left off and I danced with him in our room to music only I could hear. That was nice but still wouldn’t get me to my destination if you know what I mean so I had him lay on the bed still fully clothed and I crawled on top of him. In this position I could get things just right and the waves of pleasure that soon ensued left me more breathless than I remember being in a long time.  After the original tsunami, I laid collapsed across my hubby’s chest and felt spasms every 30 seconds or so for several minutes.
As we headed home I thanked my husband for the incredible sacrifices he makes to empower me with the opportunity to be one very happy wife. How many men are man enough to lay aside their desires for the betterment of their wife? To take on the responsibility of doing most of the domestic chores so she can lead a life of leisure. To allow their manhood to be locked to loosen his wife’s femininity. To unshackle their wife from the responsibility of seeing to him having an orgasm so she can lose herself in her own orgasm. I don’t have the answer to those questions, but I know one man who is. I couldn’t love and respect him more than I do.