You describe yourself as a Christian in his mid fifties. I am also. My question is how do you see these thoughts and feelings about being submissive to our wives from a biblical standpoint ? The Bible tells us to love our wives as Christ loves the church and certainly that means our love for her should be sacrificial in nature. It should also be life-giving, freeing her up to live her life to her full God-given potential and to fully bloom in all ways. Certainly male submission plays a key role in this. To be willing to lay our lives down, to lay all perceived rights down, for her sake to fully devote ourselves to advancing her interests and do all we can to help her get what she desires most out of life should be the goal. I think the tricky part is when serving her leads us to erotic thoughts and feelings that in fact give us pleasure. At that point are we serving her or ourselves? And is the pleasure we feel pure or of a selfish nature . I am struggling to sort this all out in my own mind and would like to know your thoughts.
I enjoy comments like this, if for nothing else, because it makes me think. You may disagree with my response and I welcome your thoughts but I'm going to share mine.
I believe the purpose of the Bible is to give us some insight into who God is. I believe it's story begins with perfection (Genesis 1 & 2) and ends in the final chapter of Revelation even more perfectly. Between those two bookends are examples of life filled with pain and hurt and disappointment and a thousand other woes. Interspersed are glimpses of what was and what is to come. I believe the primary purpose of the Bible is to help us understand the profound impact sin had in separating you and I from God. I believe it explains why there needed to be a 'Christmas' and an 'Easter'. We were doomed without Jesus' entry into our fallen world.
I do not believe the purpose of the Bible is to tell us all about sex.
But when God made man and woman, he made them perfectly. He was pleased with his work in Genesis. In creating both male and female he gave us the gift of sex and I believe he intended us to enjoy sex. There is nothing dirty, nothing sinful, nothing wrong with sex within the confines of marriage.
Within a marriage relationship, I believe God loves us having erotic thoughts about our partner. Solomon wrote a love poem known as the Song of Solomon. It's a poem and although I don't get into all of the symbolism of poetry in genera there is a pretty clear message in this one: He is hot about her and she is just as hot about him. I mean, Solomon isn't talking about her personality. He's honed in on her physical attributes. He describes her hair, her face, her form, her breasts. The man is horny!
The question by the person who wrote the comment above wondered if it's OK to feel horny, to have erotic thoughts. My answer: absolutely!!! When I tell Katie how beautiful she is, I'm not doing so because I'm checking out her knee caps. Not a chance. It's her more erotic features that typically attract the attention of my eye, and my desire. Want to know what they are? Read the 4th chapter of the Song of Solomon (see end of post). Katie's lips (because I love kissing them); her face (because I love touching it and admiring her smile and beautiful eyes); her body (because it is completely feminine her figure is still fabulous, even at her age; her breasts (because.... well just because :) ). When I tell Katie she's beautiful I'm thinking physical and sexual!
After reading this post to Katie for approval she brought up the topic of erotic thoughts as a Christian. "If it's wrong for sex and thinking about sex to be wrong, then why did God make women with the ability to have multiple orgasms? Why did he make sex pleasureable?" Great questions and I believe the answer as at least some to do with how God intended sex to be - enjoyable.
I could diverge here, but won't in thinking about why women were equipped to handle multiple orgasms but men only one (without having at least some down time).
Where I think things go wrong is that same 'admiration' is extended with erotic, lustful intent to women who you have no right to. Porn addiction is a prime example of that same admiration for a woman's physical body, gone wrong. That woman should be off limits. Drawing one's mind to that hot babe with the quadruple D, medically enhanced breasts and lipo-suctioned butt isn't what makes my wife happy. Instead it will earn me a punishment and an admonishment.
One of the benefits to living as my wife's submissive has been the change in my psyche. My attention is to be devoted to one person primarily: her. She wants me to admire her body. She wants me to love her body. She wants me to long to be near her. She wants my eye to admire the curve of her cheek and the line of her jaw. She wants me to compliment her on her outfit and tell her how hot I think her perfume smells. She wants me to lust after her. She has no desire for me to have those same feelings with women I see at work, or who live next door.
Because she's taken the time to put a cage on my cock. Because she's mandated I deny myself until she's ready for me to release; because she's told me I'll obey her; because I vowed to serve her above all others, she knows without doubt that I am her treasure. She loves being called mistress because it reveals my submission and the 'goddess' level of reverence to which I hold her in my minds-eye. She desires my lust. It makes her feel secure.
And all of it is healthy in maintaining marital intimacy and keeping our minds centered on one another. That kind of love is special indeed. That kind of love is cultivated by a continual 'Song of Solomon' horniness for one another and I think God is pleased with that level of marital fidelity.
Love to hear your thoughts
An edited (shortened) version of the Song of Solomon, Chapter 4 N