Monday, January 8, 2018

Guest Post: Better Get Used to It

This is the third of what I hope will not be the last from my friend Katie Christian. Enjoy!
 .......................................

In my role as the head of our home, I feel it is my responsibility to keep things from becoming stagnant. As I see it, since he is not allowed to say no, and must follow my lead then I have nobody but myself to blame if our dominant/submissive relationship becomes stale. My remedy for this is that I push his and my boundaries by trying new things, even if I have reservations about them ever becoming a permanent part of our understanding.
 
I rarely inform him ahead of time unless I think the anticipation of the event would add something to it for him or me. I do allow him to express his thoughts or concerns to me respectfully, but after listening I usually let him know that I have heard his concerns, but we are moving forward with it anyhow. Sometimes, I just try it without warning.
 
So, there is a growing list of things we have tried. Some I have chosen to continue to practice. Some he found so distasteful I only use them as a threat. Some I have enjoyed or seen the benefit of that it has now become a part of our lifestyle.  

Each experiment results in one of the following:

If we will likely never do it again I will tell him it was a one-off.
If it is something I would enjoy on a limited basis I tell him it is now another tool in my toolbox.

If I really liked it and plan to “visit it” again soon, I usually say “better get used to it”.
 
For some time, he had been asking for me to introduce spanking into our time together, something that quite honestly provided little interest to me. I have no desire to humiliate or injure my husband.
But you know, we all change. I can’t tell you what it was, but it seemed that the idea of my husband making himself so vulnerable to me began to hold some appeal. I found myself thinking about it often.  As I gave it more thought I determined it would not be in my best interest to connect this with transgression on his part because if he enjoyed the experience than it could motivate him to do wrong just to induce the punishment. Does that make sense?
 
When I finally decided to give it a try I grabbed a cup of coffee and asked him to meet me in the dining room. I had him kneel on the floor in front of me, so I could look into his eyes as I communicated my thoughts.  I never expected the feeling of power, or the rush I would feel having my husband kneel before me as I calmly talked about giving his bare bottom a thrashing. I talked in a very matter of fact way, choosing carefully each word pausing often to measure the response in his eyes.

I extended the conversation with numerous sips of coffee allowing my words to sink in. It was strangely beautiful to be talking so calmly to my husband about spanking him. Was I getting excited? I know he was.

He honestly seemed embarrassed as he squirmed to adjust to his erection growing in his cage.
I am sure he hoped that the event would quickly follow, but I felt this is one of those times that the anticipation of it held a certain value. I simply told him when I am in the right mood I would let him know.
 
I was surprised that I found my anticipation growing. At least it would be fun to say that I had done it once.
 
I decided the day would be a Friday in case he needed a day or two to adjust to a sore bottom before going back to work. Friday morning I sent him a text letting him know that as soon as he got home from work and before he started with supper, I was going to warm his bottom. He had all day to think about it.
 
When he walked through the door that evening the expression on his face was priceless. I said nothing, I just walked up to him and began to kiss him passionately for several minutes. Then like a wife leading her husband into the bedroom to make love, I took his hand and led him into the bedroom to spank him.  When we entered the bedroom I simply told him to take off his belt and hand it to me, let his pants drop to the floor, and bend over my side of the bed. When his face hit the bed it was on the spot that cradled my bottom when I slept. I just think that was rather poignant.
 
I was caught off guard by the feelings going through me. I found my heart racing and my face flushed. I sincerely had no idea why I felt this way. I am not sure if it was because it went against my principles, because I felt embarrassed for this grown man being so exposed and vulnerable or if it was something else. But I was determined to go through with what I promised. The poor dear was probably wondering what is she doing back there for so long?
 
The first swing of the belt was, well embarrassing. I barely hit him. The way he jumped it was obvious he expected it to be harder. We both laughed.

The next was a little harder. I had to make adjustments so I could get a better angle and get a better swing, but I soon got into a rhythm.  I hadn’t planned how many times I would hit him, I just figured I would keep going until I wanted to stop. But I found myself wanting to keep going!
Though he was only squirming a little, it felt proper to reach up and hold him to the bed as I belted him.

During the entire process, I never spoke a word. I was intrigued at the marks the belt started to make, the sounds he was starting to make, the spectacle of this big strong man allowing me to beat him just because I wanted to, and the feelings I was starting to have. I started to enjoy this, I mean really ENJOY it. It excited me. I honestly don’t know how many times I hit him but it had to be near 100. I stopped, not because I was done, but because I wanted to start something else. I told him to stay where he was as I unwrapped the belt from my hand and slid my yoga pants down before sitting in the chair across the room. As I breathe heavily and stared at my handy work my fingers found their way . . .
 
15 minutes later I told him he could get up and start dinner. "Oh, and by the way. You better get used to it."

25 comments:

  1. Katie
    What a wonderful and erotic post. I hope your husband has no regrets. I really had some discomfort as I was reading because I wear chastity device and I probably don’t have to explain further. My wife has given me some painful swats but we never got into long sessions, but who knows. She has punished me in different ways. I had to wear panties, stockings and a dress for a whole weekend because I was answering my wife nasty over and over and I was in a bad mood.. That essentially confined me to our home for the weekend and I did not go to lunch with her and friends that was planned for that Saturday. She even told me I could still go, but how could i? Now she told me if I’m bad she’s going to write something in lipstick on the top of my head to that effect and I will keep it for as long as she commands. To be frank, since I’m being kept chaste more and more being reminded about that when I am bad can be both punishment and pleasure. So nice to hear from you.
    fl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words about my post. I really want to thank I'm Hers for allowing me to intrude into his space. He is such a gem.

      Delete
  2. Katie,

    As usual, a great post. My wife straps me as well. None of that OTK or open hand stuff for her. It's a leather strap. A side note for you....as times goes forward and you're enjoying your handi-work more and more, you might want to add a cane. Nothing like 10 with the strap, then 10 with the cane, back to the strap, back to the cane. The cane leaves wonderful welts for your viewing pleasure. I have had my welts showing for as long as 3 days or as little as 3-4 hours. She'll check on them and ask me if i learned my lesson as she smiles. I hate the cane! LOL

    My wife enjoys watching me try to sit afterwards. Of course, that's when she wants to sit and talk about how I can be a better sub to her.

    Please don't stop posting. You have a big following!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous,
      “Did you learn your lesson?” Is exactly what my wife said the Saturday she returned from lunch with our friends and I did not go. It wasn’t a physical beating but it was an effective punishment. I remember I sat home as she went to lunch, dressed in a woman’s clothing (my wife said I could have changed if any family members visited, otherwise I was to stay that way). I felt sorry but was actually happy that my wife had showed me who was in charge. fl

      Delete
    2. Anonymous,
      “Did you learn your lesson?” Is exactly what my wife said the Saturday she returned from lunch with our friends and I did not go. It wasn’t a physical beating but it was an effective punishment. I remember I sat home as she went to lunch, dressed in a woman’s clothing (my wife said I could have changed if any family members visited, otherwise I was to stay that way). I felt sorry but was actually happy that my wife had showed me who was in charge. fl

      Delete
    3. So sorry. My above post was duplicated. Probably my error somewhere. fl

      Delete
    4. Thank you for your kind words. As I am still rather new at this spanking thing, I had never considered a cane. My fear is that it would hurt too much or cause permanent damage. But to be honest, the thought of being able to see the results of my handiwork days later is . . . well it is something :)

      Delete
  3. Dear Katie and IH Talk about lighting the wick! With some differences we have been there and are still there. I still don’t understand why a strong fit man like me doesn’t dare move or retaliate when my wife does that to me. The aroused state goes once the pain turns to trying to just get through it Yet I lay there totally exposed and vulnerable and my wife is absolute. She has only just started to find it exciting and the pain and damage has increased but it really works and it’s intimacy is beyond my words really. It would be wrong to label it a sex game. It’s so so much deeper. WLM nz S&D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can sincerely connect with what you are saying. My husband could toss me around like a rag doll. He is fit and strong and nearly twice my size, yet just my softly spoken directions are followed with rarely any questioning. When I told him to remove his pants and lay across the bed it struck me as so heady to see him do that. Simply because I said. I am sure initially he was excited, but I have to think that excitement wore off after the first few hard swats. And yet he stayed there. He wiggled and moaned but stayed in place. I really had no need to hold him to the bed but it felt soooo empowering to put my hand on the back of his neck and use that point of contact as leverage to keep swinging the belt. We have done it only one time since but I find the thought of it invading my mind often. I think next time I want to provide him a good number of welts before propping myself up and laying back as he pleasures me. I feel so naughty just talking about it.

      Delete
  4. Dear Katie -
    My husband shared your story with me. I don't often respond to blogs my husband shares, but your story is similar to my own that I should share my experience.

    My husband also talked a bit about me spanking him for his offenses. Like you spanking my adult husband was something that I was not interested in. I was afraid of injuring him, and of course what kind of wife spanks her husband ? (a lot I have found out later!)

    Anyway, I finally gave into him but told him when I do spank him it will be for his behavior issues and that I intended to make the spanking an unpleasurable experience for him. It was only a few days later that he began talking back to me and being sarcastic. After I had my fill I told him that he would be punished the next day (I wanted to be sure to let my anger of the moment dissipate before administering corporal punishment.

    The next day when he came home from work I told him to strip and go wait for me in his corner. I kept him there for about 20 minutes before I arrived (with the paddle he had purchased for me months before). I had him lay across the bed and we chatted for a few minutes about his behavior. He was apologetic, but I could tell he was excited).

    After our talk I began my work. As with you, my first swats with the paddle where pretty lame and he chuckled a bit. I took his chuckling as a challenge -- told him he wouldn't be laughing soon. It didn't take me long to find my target and range - one stroke after another that became stronger with each swat. He began to squirm, and it didn't take long for his chuckling to stop and he began to moan and even call out for me to stop. I think I ended at about 50 spanks. I tossed the paddle on the bed and told him he was to put it away. By then he was pretty near tears and apologizing over and over for his behavior. Without any direction from me he went to his knees to continue apologizing for his poor behavior and attitude the night before. If he had found any erotic excitement in what I had just done, it was gone.-- at least for him......

    I found that as I spanked my husband I was the one who began to get excited. It was enjoyable to have such power over this man. I think I could have done another 50 swats on his behind, but I worried that I liked it too much and might become too enthusiastic in my work.

    Anyway, after he had dropped to his knees in front of me, I sent him back to his corner. I took over the bed and pleasured myself with my vibrator. It was quite erotic for me to think about what I had just done, view his red behind, and see him meekly facing the corner without permission to participate in what I was doing. When I was through I released him from his corner and we cuddled for a while (I didnt permit him to have any sexual pleasure).

    This occurred right before Christmas, and I must tell you that my husband was extremely well behaved throughout the holidays. I am definitely planning on using the paddle again when his behavior warrants. He may not enjoy it as much as he thought, but I certainly do. And, as my husband often tells me, it is my pleasure that matters.

    Thank you for allowing me to share my story. Reading that another woman has experienced much the same is very affirming.
    Best wishes (and I will be reading your future posts).
    Diane

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Diane, thank you so much for sharing your story. I had never before even struck my husband so there was much internal resistance I needed to overcome. Unlike you I did not link the spanking to any certain behavior as I was concerned that may encourage him to re-enact that behavior just to get a spanking. (though for the life of me I cannot imagine how he could have enjoyed that).
      He gets spanked because I want to spank him. I really am a simple girl.

      Delete
    2. Katie
      Being submissive your husband obviously can feel enjoyment because you are demonstrating your authority through punishment. My wife is not a cruel person by any means and has in the past told me she wondered how I enjoyed being locked in chastity or being held accountable to her inquiries much of the time about my activities or plans. She knows I enjoy it all.
      fl

      Delete
  5. Thanks for a post that offers a glimpse into some erotic play in a still conservative marriage. We have talked about spanking as a tool for erotic play and as a corrective discipline tool. How do you keep the two separate? Or don't you need to?

    On another note, how do you help a wife who has reluctantly began functioning in a semi-Female lead marriage, but has not thoughts or clue about making it erotically passionate. I was raised where sex wasn't talked about or displayed in any way. When I married, my husband tried to add a little excitement but I always hesitated to anything new or different and if it seemed to be kinky closed my mind to it. I simply have no foundations for any imagination and simply cannot think of anything to do to spice up things. Spanking was certainly one element that I find even hard to think about let alone doing because of it being my husband - I just don't think I could- even if he needed it. Perhaps a blog dealing with some helps for really reserved and conservative wives who want to grow and add some spice but are afraid to scan the internet because of the really far out things there, and is frustrated. I really want to be exciting for him but don't know how.
    Struggling

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with the above poster. Are there any sites for wives that is like a support group for FLR? My wife would definitely be interested in that.

      Delete
    2. Your comment brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your present pain. I am always hesitant to talk about personal issues here but you are showing as anonymous so nobody but you will know who you are even though everyone can read my reply.

      Sweetie, you can't do this for him, you must do this for you. This is not about you pleasing your husband, this is about him pleasing you. That is his role. He is to pursue, you are to be pursued. The only orgasms that matter are yours!
      We humans, both male and female were made by the hands of a loving God and we were beautifully and wonderfully made.
      He designed us with purpose and with every function of our body having a reason.
      God has designed a woman with the unique ability to have multiple orgasms during a single occurrence of intimacy. Her orgasms are felt deeper and last longer than a man's orgasm. If she is in tune with her body her first orgasm is not the end of anything but is the beginning of several more that are available to her if she relaxes and allows it to happen. When a woman experiences an orgasm it draws her closer to her husband yet it plays absolutely no role in reproduction.
      In practical terms what does this look like? Allow him to pursue you until you finally give in.
      What you are giving into is allowing him to pleasure you. You are giving him your body, your heart, your permission to pleasure you. He is giving you that pleasure. If your pleasure does not require that you fondle him, provide oral sex, or see to it that he has an orgasm, then don't do those things. When he learns that your pleasure is the aim he will no longer miss them.

      Allow him, teach him, and embrace him pleasuring you.

      When you are satisfied draw him to you and hold him. Send the signal through your body language and your words that this session of intimacy is now over. Reaffirming words like "that was awesome", " you do that so well", "you make me so happy to be your wife" send the message of completion. At first he will struggle with this like you struggle with allowing him to do for you outside of the bedroom. Stay the course. He will begin to learn that intimacy with you does not necessarily mean an orgasm for him and that he needs to find his pleasure in your pleasure. Trust me on this, God has built that capability in your husband and you are helping him find it. He will find his fulfillment in providing you pleasure, free from all the post orgasm blues he has experienced in the past.

      You closed by saying you really want to be exciting for him. You ARE more excitement than he can handle. You two have been wasting that excitement on his orgasms instead of yours. Please keep in touch.

      Delete
  6. I’m Hers
    Vivian Locked’s comment got me thinking that in many ways your blog is sort of a support group, or performs a similar function. You always have interesting topics and give contributors a voice; with an option to be anonymous as well. Some people are reluctant, or are possibly not allowed, to identify themselves further (the latter pertains to me, and possibly others). It is a place to submit opinions, respond to your posts and other posts, and serves as a forum for many who may not have another person, other than his/her partner, share ideas with. You have attracted contributors who also keep things in good taste, as do you. So thanks.
    fl

    ReplyDelete
  7. the male must be get used to be punished. it improves his attitude

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wonderful. I love that you have it planned and look for new things to do. The best was you taking 15 minutes to pleasure yourself with your husband just laying there with a sore bottom. It shows the true enjoyment.
    This is what I search for. I offer things to my wife to engage her and please her in the hopes that something clicks. I would go far outside my bounds to see her enjoyment.
    Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HerWish, that 15 minutes was my favorite part as well and will be the impetus for more warm bottoms for him. Thank you!

      Delete
  9. Katie - do you have a blog of your own? Sorry if I'm ignorant and not seeing something glaringly obvious, but would love to read more from you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous,
      I did have a blog for a spell and I deeply miss sharing on it. Unfortunately it became such a chore to keep it going in the direction I hoped. People would leave such negative comments sometimes, or vulgar comments, or worse, threats. I was hoping to provide a place for sincere loving couples, especially wives, can come and gain knowledge and find support for this lifestyle. A huge part of me wants to try again.

      Delete
    2. It's so frustrating to hear that. We're about 4-5 months into our 'formalized' wife-led-marriage and it is SO hard to find good, honest sincere blogs and people out there to help us down this path. It seems that everything is either 'how to get your wife to agree to this' or 'super extreme porn fodder' that isn't helpful in the least.
      We are just broaching the subject of punishment and we both have agreed that it is something that we will need to incorporate into our dynamic to make this successful, and your post really helped us both gain an interesting perspective as we dip our toes into this. This was a long-winded post essentially saying that we would certainly enjoy reading more from you and engaging in these types of discussions (both her and I). Would be great to hear more about your ideas of a 'place' and what you have envisioned!

      Delete
  10. For me IH really supports me as a submissive husband but my Mistress wife often looks for support from another dominant wife. Kathy is wonderful but you have helped my Mistress in a different way. Thanks and thanks again. S&D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My wife never looked for support from other dominant wives but may have found it. A close friend of my wife’s had admitted that she missed her late husband very much and pretty much spelled out that he was a submissive over one long lunch. The lady became a very close friend to my wife over the last few years. My wife was a bit shocked and the woman hoped my wife did not find it weird. When my wife said she didn’t the woman told her more. Then my wife felt more confident and told her friend that she is the head of our marriage and that I had asked her a few years ago to lead. My wife told me she hoped I didn’t mind, although she did not reveal intimate details about chastity devices or what happens in our bedroom. I guess I’ve joined the group of outed submissive husbands, at least in a limited way. The woman is seeing another man but he is not submissive as far as my wife knows.. fl

      Delete