Sunday, September 23, 2018

Violating Protocol

One of the wisest individuals I’ve had the opportunity to know once told me, “absolute consistency is a sign of a small mind”. He went on to explain: “if you refuse to change and adapt when necessary you will find yourself not always making the best choice. Sometimes you can’t do the same thing every time.”

And so I am violating protocol. I’m going to post this without allowing Katie to first read what I have to say. But in my defense, I have my reasons and I believe she would approve. So hear goes.

Last week I posted on the topic of a dominant wife’s need to fully take her husband in order for her to fully enjoy all he is able to give. I stand by my words. I believe that if a woman fully accepts her responsibility to dominate she (and he) will experience intimacy at a level unparalleled when compared to only giving lip-service to living in a wife led marriage. Many of you commented stating your agreement with my premise. Others suggested I not press on but instead drop the issue. Personally, I don’t want to drop the issue. I want to press on. I want her to come to the point where she has the confidence to do what she wants – and even, do what she wants to me – because she has the right to do so.

After writing, I received an email from a dominant woman. She sided with those of you who believed I should walk carefully. In part she said the following: “I am not at all suggesting that you be satisfied with the status quo, but you do need to exercise caution. In spite of all the benefits your Katie is reaping from this relationship, it is toxic to her if she feels that she is always falling short in your eyes. Few things will cause a woman to retreat from something as the ever-present reminder of failure. You will gain more ground if you can exercise patience, and for every one "suggestion" provide her with 10 compliments. Make her feel good about you doing more for her. Treat her like royalty without expecting her to treat you like a slave.”

Maybe it was the tone of this woman’s letter. Maybe it was my state of mind at the time I read her note. For whatever reason, her words touched my heart and in them I saw the flaw of me wanting (and pushing her for more) when instead I need to focus on giving. I need to let go. I must let go. I need to affirm. I need to pursue. I need to initiate. I need to love. I need to value. I need to be forever grateful for her accepting my submission and assuming leadership of our home.

And so I have decided to embrace all the gifts this woman I love currently gives me. Since that decision, it’s been a joy to kneel and pledge my love and submission each morning. Performing chores has become less burdensome. I don’t expect a ‘great job’ after completing one or many. I simply do them because I know that is what she wants from me. I do them because that is what a submissive husband does. He is not her equal. I am not her equal. I live to serve and that is what I must do.

I don’t want Katie to know the motivation for me acting more positive. All I want her to see is a different me. I want her to enjoy a husband who does all she asks and more without question. I want her to not be burdened with being the dominant partner. I don’t want her to have to deal with a husband who appears less than pleased but not know why. I want her to reflect on my efforts when I am away and feel good about all I do and feel good about my obedience and know she has has a husband she can’t help but please.

I am going to affirm, affirm, affirm. I want her to feel my unbridled love. Of course, my hope is she will want to someday be comfortable enough to more fully assert her dominance and take from me a little more. For now, I will be content to submit and submit only – and remain content doing so.

Love to hear your thoughts.

I’m Hers

14 comments:

  1. Thank you! I'm there too! I keep telling myself that I want our intimacy to be all about her and then I get frustrated because my expectations aren't being met.....pretty fickle of me!

    Thanks for an honest blog, and yes, I believe that Katie will appreciate and approve of it. Thanks also for the open honesty of your struggle because it helps me deal with the similar struggles. The counsel you got was good and it was good for me to hear too. Keep on posting and thanks for helping me make our marriage relationship better too
    K & S

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    1. K & S, I don't necessarily agree you are being fickle. You have feelings and wants and hopes and they can't be completely ignored. As others have said in the previous post, what you and I and 1,000's of others are engaged in is a FLRelationship. It must go both ways.

      The point that struck home most to me from the woman that wrote was the need to approach my wife from a perspective of reinforcing the positive rather than harping on the negative.

      It's not that I want her to ignore my hopes and wants but rather that I will postpone gently asking her to do so for the time being. My hope is that by pouring on the affection (and it has been nice doing so the past few days) that she will become more sensitive to my needs (or what I believe I need :)

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    2. K&S I can so relate. I'm Hers, I am struggling with the advise you were given. I don't see the problem as I am not doing enough but that she is not expecting more. Are you suggesting it may be my attitude?

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    3. Anonymous, I don't know what the issue is with your wife not being more dominant. Mine is not overly dominant either. I have written many 'confrontive' posts that she has read/reviewed and approved and I'm sure they have not cast her in the best of light to those who read this blog. The email I received recommended I choose a positive (rather than a negative one) and support, affirm, compliment and support my wife rather than nag and criticize. And so that is my choice to see how that way of living works. I will ask about certain needs/ wants I have but will wait a good month before doing so. I wish you the best. You know your spouse better than anyone. Use wisdom as you approach about what it is you feel you absolutely need.

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  2. Sounds like wise advice you received. I have seen a local business slogan that reads "Service and Attitude, the rest just happens." I like to remind my husband of that sometimes.

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    1. Ahh, a woman reader..... I love it!!! :) I'm hoping the rest will just happen. I'm assuming you have experienced that from the service and attitude your man has lavished on you.

      I'm waiting with baited breath for it to take place in my life.

      Thanks for sharing.

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  3. Thank you so much for sharing. I to was touched deeply by the advice you were given. I shared it with my wife who has been struggling for some time in her new role. She literally broke down crying when she read what you were told. My wife said "If I felt your doing for me was because you wanted to do for me and it made you happy to do for me. Then I am all to willing to work your fingers to the bone to do for me. It's just that I have always felt like this was all something I was doing, and failing at, for you." I sincerely asked her to forgive me. The next day I started doing and thanking her for the privilege. This has made quite a difference. I used to hear from her "you have done enough", now I often hear, when you are done with that I want this done. I will be out shopping. If my work does not measure up to her expectations she has playfully said, I guess I don't mean that much to you or this would have been done correctly. I usually fix it in record time! Thanks for a great blog

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    1. I loved reading your comment. How beautiful a WLM can be when two people finally communicate and can see what both 'sides' need. I wish you and her the best. May you work hard and be joyful in your efforts and may she feel your love for her through the work you do. What a cool comment!!!!

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  4. I am sharing this with my husband. Thank you so much!

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    1. You are most welcome! Please come back and become an active contributor to this blog. Others need to hear from women like yourself - as do I. Thanks for stopping by

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  5. That’s always what I try to do. Slowly I see changes coming in how my wife is reacting and treating me. Baby steps!!

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    1. Michael B...... I must be stupid..... been at this for what..... 6, 7 years and still stuck trying to get it right :) Hope that the 30th time is the charm for me. thanks for sharing!

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  6. I really like the advice you were given. I think if you follow it, (if we follow it) we will see some of the results that we would like. But for me it comes back always to motivation. What is driving me to serve her? Is it so I can truly please her or is it so I can get what I think would please me. You and I both profess to be Christians. The scriptures say that there is no love greater than this: that a man lay down his life for his neighbor. To me this means that if we really want to serve and love Him as well as love and serve our wives, we must be willing to give in to her even if it means sacrificing our perceived needs and desires. We can thankful for what she gives us and choose to be content and joyful in giving all we can to make her happy as her servant. God can help us to do that and we become more like Him as we do.

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  7. Thanks for sharing. Of course you are correct. We should be giving without expecting. To be honest, the advice given mentioned to give and do so heartily. She also noted that by doing so, it may open her ears to be more receptive to what I would love for her to include in our relationship.

    The scripture you shared is one I've often considered and it takes submission to an entirely new level - to slavery.

    Thanks again and do stop by soon.

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